007

So last week I blacked out. I had been to concert and had a few beer with a friend. We went our separate ways after the concert and he went home. I however went off out to some local pubs and bars and chatted to strangers. I ended up chatting to some guy about how we wanted to pick up some girls and so we decided to go to a club together to do just that.

So I remember going into a shop to get some more booze before we entered the club, ( I always want to drink enough and can't get enough, and want to do it cheaply)

So anyway, after this I have no recollection and wake up in the hallway of an apartment building. I have no idea how I got there. I have run the doorbells asking for the guy I was with and nobody knows. I lost my phone.

I feel really scared about what might have happened. I guess I may never get an answer, but i'm scared as to what I might have done.

Can anyone relate?

Hevyn

Welcome 007. It's great to have you here.

I'm sure someone will have a similar experience. For me, I never woke up in a strange place - but definitely woke up not knowing what day it was, or what time of day. When I drank I went into another world - one where anything could happen. I wasn't in control in those hours of oblivion & it was becoming life-threatening. (Dui's, etc.) So - I can relate in a way....and I'm glad you're here to take control of your life. We all understand how you feel.

Ghostlight

Oh yeah, I can relate. The more I drank, the more frequent the blackouts became. This went on for years.
It's scary as heck to not remember what you've done, where you've been ect.
I could tell you the stories about them, but I don't see the point.

The important thing is, if you're having blackouts your drinking too much. Please, save yourself years of misery and stop now.
Alcoholism is progressive so stopping now will greatly prevent any more nights like that or worse.

Best to you.

007

God I hate this. I really hate this. I hate blackouts. I hate everything about it.

Trust me, as soon as I get through this run, this period of anxiety, the worrying that I will get a call about what i've done. I will NEVER drink again.

Never.

I just need someone to hug right now, kind of someone to comfort me. Shnit, I need someone to tell me it will be ok.

I feel like a piece of low right now.

Real crap.

escapist

That is scary. I am glad you are alright otherwise. I had blackouts. A lot. Once found a bottle of vodka in my purse and absolutley no recollection of driving to store and buying it.

Hevyn

Can't do the hug - we're good, but not that good . I can tell you it will be ok, though 007.

I drank for over 30 years, and in the end I was completely dependent on it. My life was threatened by my drinking habits. I came crawling in here, totally beaten, and with the help of SR I've been stopped for almost 5 yrs. I couldn't trust myself to touch it anymore. Bad things always happened. It's such a relief to have it out of my life. Once this bad feeling is over, you'll be able to put blackouts in your past. A healthy and sane life is waiting.

Dee74

I think most of us can relate 007.

Chances are nothing too terrible happened. If there's nothing that leads you to suspect otherwise I think thats the position you have to go with or you'll drive yourself mad.

When you're putting yourself in dangerous situations like that, though, I think it's time to think about your drinking.

Once you start having blackouts they won't go away...the worst thing you can do is get used to them, believe me.

What are your intentions now towards your drinking?
are you going to stop?

D

courage2

Take care 007 and remember tomorrow how bad you feel today.

I didn't have blackouts for many years of drinking -- just drank steadily every day, and experienced a long slow dimness. Would know that I'd been to dinner, but not remember anything anyone said, etc. Then when I first started trying to quit, I suddenly started having real blackouts. Even if you don't end up somewhere strange and scary, it's frightening to know the "you" that thinks was not the one running the trains when you were drinking. "It" was talking to people, sending messages, walking around doing stuff, while "you" were out of control.

I'm sorry you're suffering now, but hope this experience motivates you. Psychic hugs!

007

You bet i'm going to stop.

Ive tried to stop before, I had great success in cutting down. But if I don't stop completely then I leave myself open to getting drunk again.

I don't want that.

Drinking has been terrible in my life. It never pans out well, it is ALWAYS embarrassing, ALWAYS expensive and NEVER worth it.

I will stop. Forever. I will be a total non-drinker.

Screw anyone who has a problem with it. Even me. If I have a problem with not drinking then I can just lump it. I will remember everyday that drinking is not an option.

choublak

This "enough" you speak of, is never really enough.

RevivingOphelia

I found this to be true as well. Does anyone know why this seems to be the case?

paul99

What are you planning to do to keep that promise of not drinking again?

I had a lot of the "never agains" too...having woken up or come to from a blackout (oh yeah, had lots of those!) I vowed never to drink again, etc. You could have hooked up a lie detector to me and I would have passed with flying colors. But as soon as I got to feeling just a wee bit better, the obsession would hit again.

007

This time I will identify as a non-drinker. I will tell people I have given up. No half measures. I will tell my brother to stop me if he sees me thinking about drinking or having a drink.

I will tell people it has become a problem for me if they ask and that I have no desire to drink ever again.

I am also going to try and find some kind of alcohol recovery group. I am not a fan of AA though, I went to a meeting the other day, didnt find it helpful and frankly after what I have read about it, I don't think it's for me.

I will spend a lot of time here trying to get tips from people on how to stay sober too.

AnotherPaul

Hey, 007. Very glad you've decided to start making some changes.

I definitely think you need some sort of "real life" support group, whether it's AA, or a secular recovery group, or a counselor. It helps immensely.

Also, I would advise you to try a different AA group before you give up on AA altogether. There seems to be a lot of variance in the quality of AA meetings from place to place. I've been to 5 different groups: 2 I still attend regularly and 3 I never went back to. I'd try at least 1 or 2 more if I were you. I also had many doubts about AA and I'm still not 100% in love with the program, but you can build a big support network of people who've been where you are right now and come out of it in better shape than they'd ever been, and that helps a lot, even if you're not the prototypical "AA" yourself.

Best of luck to you.

instant

You are alive - so that is a plus

Sobriety is a better way

chuckp

I am dating a alcoholic that is fresh into recovery, 2 months sober. She has gone through in patient rehab and has been seeing a addictions counselor. We have lived together for about 2 years and know has told me that I should stay somewhere else. We still visit everyday but as we talk she tells me that they have said that im an enabler and would love to see her fail just so I would feel needed again, I've lost my job and looking for work so they tell her im obsessing over her that's why I don't get a job, and im no good for her since I've been with her while she has had this problem. But keep in mind I didn't know her back when she had became an alcoholic. Hmmm. So why the hell would it be me since I did not get her to become this way. I've had few sessions with this addictions counselor and she tells me she's just using me. I mean wtf really.I've been supporting her more than these quacks this is really fustrating. Do these people even go to school. I thought these people were supposed to be some what of a support group to help her. I feel as they r destroying what we have. It was so good till she started this ordeal. I want nothing but for her to better her self since she is such a sweet girl when sober. Im willing to take this rollercoaster ride but these quacks are making it so difficult. That's what I feel like. I have been going to b al anon meetings and have attended a few aa and na meetings. Which has helped me seeing that they have had the same probs as her. The counselor has to ld me the only reason that im going to both is so I can't figure out the addiction so I can controll it. Wtf I have dank to. Damn it seems to me that these people are confused them selves and also may need counseling themselves. I hear stories in these meeting on both sides and can relate to them both. I mean how can they tell me how I feel and think after one session. Has anyone delt with this kind of chaos. Plz any suggestions

2granddaughters

I believe it's just a part of the progression of alcoholism. What is the alternative ?

All the best.

Bob R

chuckp

There is no alternative. Im just cofused. It makes me feel like im in a soap opera. I feel as im hitting road block after road block.

TheEnd

Blackouts started becoming the norm for me.

I have woken up in my bed all covered in dirt, many cellphones missing, woke up in psych wards, in hospitals after a DUI and totaled my car.....the list is endless..LOL... I haven't had a blackout since I stopped drinking.

PMAallday

I can relate to the blackouts. I can't count how many times I've woken up and just instantly turned my cell off because I didn't want to face what I may or may not have done. I drank so much one time when I was 20 that I blacked out while driving (horrible, I know) and all I remembered was running out of gas. I woke up and didn't know where my ford explorer or my cell phone was and my jeans were caked in mud up to my knees. No recollection of walking home. I reported my ford as stolen. Three days later the cops found it in the middle of the Indian reservation 13 miles from my house. It probably sounds funny but I still get that anxiety when I think about it. What I have learned in the last part of this year is I don't have to worry about ever blacking out, driving drunk and killing someone, hurting all the people close to me, and everything else that came with my drinking.