Petewill

funny, i don't look 44... but - i cannot stop drinking at all, i have tried for 4 years now.... this is messed up, but thinking death might be better(dont have the balls, plus have two kids) . all of the friends/acquaintances i know have the wife....... and a life... me, drunk, overtalented - not utilizing any of that..... piece of crap...wish i had the b... to go through finishing myself off...... i have wasted so much, i listen to the music i have played, the opportunities i messed up, with and without alcohol..life sucks........

Dee74

You sound a lot like I was.

I was pretty depressed.
Did you ever see a Dr. Pete?

D

Petewill

not in awhile dee........ my anti-depressants no longer work.....

Quinne

Might be worth visiting your Dr to have your medication reviewed

Petewill

at 300mg. wellbutrin .. what else?

Alex41

I agree with Dee I think the Doc's or at least a good friend is who you need to speak too. I have a friend who's father killed himself. He speaks about him with such pride most of the time but he told me as soon as that gun went to his head he hated him. You never want your children to think that of you. I'm like you, I haven't got to grips with being sober yet but I think it's worth a try and maybe things will look better on the other side. I sure hope so. Stay strong!

Dee74

I encourage you to see your Dr Pete - sometimes it takes a fresh look at the problem.

You have 2 kids - even if you had nothing else, thats not nothing, Pete
Never ever give up hope - I turned my life around 5 years ago after 15 years of trying.

If I can do...you can too.
It could be as simple as keep looking to find the right approach.

D

awuh1

Depression is a condition that tells you that nothing is going to get better. It’s a lie. There are lots of very effective treatments, from various types of psychotherapies to a host of different medications (and combinations of medications) to things as simple and effective as the right form and amount of exercise. There really is a lot that can be done. Don’t let the depression tell you all is lost.

The alcohol is going complicate treatment so it’s best to be completely honest with your treatment providers. It’s generally best to go full force against both problems at the same time. Follow the treatment recommendations exactly.

Sally1009

((((Pete))))
I can't tell you how many times I have felt like you do. I'm 56, widowed with three children and a little grandson. I wanted to end my life too. This summer I was utterly broken. Drinking around the clock.
But I re-joined AA, got on a day - programme, and had a lot of support from the good people on this site. My life has completely turned around. It can for you too. 44 is no age. See your doctor. By the way, apparently alcohol stops antidepressants working.

FBL

I was 43 years-old and had been getting drunk EVERY day for 10 straight years and had been a 2-3 times a week binger for the 20 years before that. I had suicidal thoughts almost daily, in fact, I now believe I was actually trying to drink myself to death. Then one day, after a severe panic attack and a trip to the ER, I just decided to stop. That was 3 1/2 years ago. I went from wanting to die to now enjoying myself for the first time in my adult life. The depression, paranoia, suicidal thoughts...they were ALL caused by the alcohol. Please get help, you are NOT alone, you CAN get your life back, but it's up to you to take that first step.

Dts

Pete, please see a doctor and/or talk to someone you trust.
Life is SO WORTH living!!!!!

Just over a year ago I did have the balls to finally, for the ???? time, to try and end it all.
I was very depressed and there really seemed like there was nothing left.
I'm 42 with 3 kids and a dad that counts on me to keep the farm running.
That was the absolute lowest time in my life. I had a friend that stopped by after I got out of the hospital, no stay, I lied my way out of that, and she was crying and told me no matter what I do have friends and reasons to want to live.
I had to really look past the delusion of my drinking and see there is a lot of great in life.
I went to my first AA meeting and 'opened up and said I have to stop drinking, this **** is killing me. I want to die.
There was a guy there that had gone through the same thing and helped me. I got a councelor and have worked through a lot of my issues.

Hang in there my friend, and please seek some help. It's out there if you want it and I hope you find like I did, that life is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

john44

I could have written that. Word for word.

There is hope though. As unbelievable as it may sound right now, you really can stop. And the best part is you can reach a point where the obsession and the cravings are lifted. I stopped by going to AA, working with a sponsor and doing the steps the best I can. I'm no poster child for AA, I know I could be doing more, but for some reason it is working.

Five months ago I was in your shoes. I was miserable, desparate and really wanted to die. I'd been in the hospital a few times the previous year, detoxing and came close to death a few times.

Today, it is better. I'm slowly rebuilding my life. I FEEL better. I sleep better. I can look in the mirror now and not hate the guy looking back.

It is possible, you just have to want it and ask for the help to do it.

heath480

Sorry to hear you are struggling pete.

I too have walked in your shoes.

Please seek medical advice.

Anti-depressants did not work for me when combined with Alcohol.

I stopped drinking and my life got better,when I was drinking my life got worse.

Wishing you well.

Petewill

thank you all for your support....... when I posted that I was on/in another crazy, binge.... I feel better now....trying to be somewhat normal today and maybe go to the meeting later.. thanks..

willdequit

Pete, I think it's the alcohol that's causing most of the depression. Two weeks ago I was depressed, felt similar, because I'm single and all of my friends are married and I have a son I raise. Everything in my life felt like it was not right and all my problems seemed bigger than I had energy to deal with and I have no partner in life. I even felt like taking my own life! I stopped drinking and cried a lot for several days. Today I feel way, way, way better. It was all the alcohol in my system making my mind feel terrible and down about every little thing in life and it was so poisoned I was unable to deal with problems and had no energy to work on my life. Who cares if you're single and 44! Actually, that's great! Start working out, save up money, travel, do the hobbies and things you're good at and like to do, show your kids how to live! To get past this depression, I recommend stop drinking alcohol, drink a lot of water, eat healthy foods, sleep as much as you need for the first three days of stopping alcohol, take a vitamin, start working out and keep reaching out to others to talk and learn about yourself. You'll start feeling better and better and never want to go back to drinking again.

whiskeyman

this sounds like me as well.
i wondered why my anti depressants didnt work either.
they wont work if you are drinking on top of them.
i can say that 1.5 yr sober and i am now coming off the antis as well.

Life is so worth it. My two kids are the most amazing things to watch grow.
and i missed so much of it.

Reach out as much as you can.
Tell your wife, doctor, friends that you want help and go get it.
no excuses.

whiskeyman

But i think those are sometimes aour true feelings.
everything expressed shouldnt be ignored because you think you are sober today.
reread what you posted and take action

Dee74

Pete - I'm glad you're back and sounding like yourself

none of us here can diagnose your depression though.

None of us should be trying, according to this websites rules.

None of us are qualified to judge whether it's alcohol based or not, especially on the basis of one or two posts on an internet forum.

I hope you'll see your Dr

D

2granddaughters

I go to the meetings regularly so I don't slide back to that.

All the best.

Bob R

Hevyn

I'm glad you reached out, Pete. Please don't give up on yourself. There are many here who care about you. I quit after a lifetime of drinking, too - and things aren't boring or sad the way I thought they'd be. It's such a relief to be free of it.