Matt86

so im literally stuck on what to do on my 4th step the first time around here...

ive written as much as i can, including myself, but just seem angry angry angry still.

im meeting with my sponsor tomorrow but im worried he'll be mad at me because my people, places things, just arnt that clear to me...

should i just keep writing or what?

paul99

Yup, keep writing.

It's expected that you will be angry at times. That is the point of the step - to put down on paper the resentments, fears, sex harms and harms you have / have done. just remember you aren't doing it to beat yourself up. It's a fact finding mission.

But what caught my eye about your post was your perceived reaction of your sponsor. His job is to guide, assist, mentor...not to mark your homework. If things are unclear (as they are in a 4th at times), he is there to help clarify. Not harshly judge your work.

good luck - and congrats on working on this.

sugarbear1

there's nothing for the sponsor to be mad about. it's your 4th step and if the directions your sponsor gave you weren't clear enough, then you will know you've done your best.

tomsteve

writing down a 4th step doesnt stop us from being angry.
i am sure yer sponsor will guide ya through this.

bbthumper

Are you doing a 4 column, Big Book style inventory? If so I find that a lot of the healing takes place in following the directions in the book following the third column. Starting on the bottom of page 65 with "We went back through our lives..." up through page 67 with "Referring to our list again..."
There is some real important stuff there in regards to being rid of anger.

I would hope your sponsor does not get angry with you. If he does I would suggest finding a new sponsor.

MIRecovery

The big thing that helped me was looking at what my roll in the situation was. I found that the majority of things I was angry about I had made a major contribution to the situation.

It also helped to look at my life and trust me I was not a role model for how to lead a good life. So if I had screwed up just about everything how could I be angry because others did exactly the same thing. I wanted their forgiveness so I had to do the same

2granddaughters

My first 4th Step showed me the truth as best I could see it.

I'm now attending meetings regularly to accept and work with that truth ... and slowly change.

A lady with 40 yrs sobriety told me a while ago that she learned more in the last 10 yrs than she did in the first 30.

No hurry, just do your best and try not to prejudge the outcome.

All the best Matt.

Bob R

SkylerTime

Whats the 4th step?

TSDD

The men at my group told me not to try to fix my anger, they said it was probably the glue holding me together (and probably because I was just pissed at the world that I couldn't have my **** back). I chased a day or sobriety and doing the next right thing and the anger worked itself out in its own time.

bbthumper

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Sapling

I found in the directions in the Big Book for step four there were quite a few references to prayer. Step three I made my decision...Step four I put it to work.