Fernaceman

Incredibly simple, yet alcoholics are able to complicate the hell out of it. At least I did.

Boleo

I had a similar experience. The last 10 years I drank, I took vitamins and supplements to ward of the effects of alcohol. End result - it "enabled" me to drink more and longer than I would have naturally. I hit bottom later than I would have but it was also deeper that it would have been without any masking.

dox

I like your name, inlalaland. I used to live there too.

You said it yourself: "i know it's slowly kill'n me, but i think it may take a health scare to stop"

Are you waiting for alcohol to be quickly killing you, or are you waiting for official confirmation from the medical profession, such as poor liver function results from a blood test?

There are people dying, right now, from wet brain or liver failure. There are countless ways that alcohol can kill you . I wonder how many of our fellow alcoholics, at death's door, said that they were waiting for a health scare before they did something about their alcoholism. Quite a fair few, i suspect. When they got that anticipated health scare, Alcoholism had such a hold on them that they could not quit -- even with the best help available. Some, like stroke and accident victims, never got a warning.

Alcoholism does not play by any rules. So, your waiting game is a dangerous one. Implicit in your statement is the assumption that, later on. you will be able to quit. That is a highly risky assumption.

Your attitude may cause you to succumb to a killer illness.

Your denial may, one day, lead to your early demise.

If that ain't a health scare, i guess you'll have to wait for your doctor's verdict. But, please, be honest with yourself and your physician.

~dox

penny74

You might be 5 minute too late.
That would be irony..

inlalaland

am i wrong feeling some self righteous comments from some? or what is it "tough love"

i'm not ignorant, i know what i'm do'n to myself or not. that's why i post under "alcoholism" & not "new to recovery". i know i need to find the point of new to recovery...

and honestly i think a lot about my demise...if i have cancer i don't want to know til it's at the end - would be the same w/ liver disease...i've thought of how - if diagnosed w/ such, i will end it.

i know that probably makes some of you think then why am i here...touche

Dee74

I'm genuinely not sure what you find self righteous, inlalaland, but if you found my posts so, it certainly wasn't intentional.

I'd love for people not to have to go through nearly dying like I did - I think most people are here to try and avoid that.

I share my experience to that end....but ultimately whatever you do, or don't do with your life is your call.

D

inlalaland

no dee74, not you - but maybe the last 2... :/

Dee74

I read them a different way, but lets not get lost in finger pointing.

If you see a post you think breaks the rules report it to a mod immediately and let us review the problem and take the appropriate actions.

The ignore function is excellent too:

D

inlalaland

i'm just tired & know there is so much underlying stuff i think has led me to this...so don't judge

neway55

I read the easy way to quite drinking and it did help me.
Finish the book it will make sense in the end.
Your intuition about your health is telling you that you need to stop. Listen to it.

DoubleBarrel

Inlalaland, I think a lot of things said here can be read as self righteous, but the truth is that mostly its truth spoken by people who have been there done that and are walking the talk.

I find I'm much more thick skinned now that I'm sober, but when I was still drinking, some comments from people, even articles about addiction i read, would sting, because deep down, I knew there was truth in it, truth that I wasnt totally facing.

We're here for you.

dox

When I speak to you, inlalaland, i feel as if i am speaking to myself, the self that was me, 9 years ago. Thank you for listening.

Self righteous?
No, I identify with you. I know where you are coming from.

Judgemental?
If I judge you then I judge myself. I no longer need to do that. Today I am free. You can be free, as well.

You seem to have a level of self-knowledge.
You say: "i know what i'm do'n to myself or not" OK.
You say: ". . . w/ liver disease...i've thought of how - if diagnosed w/ such, i will end it. . . ." OK.

OK.

You seem to know that you are slowly killing yourself. Then when the time comes you will make a decision to either stop drinking or commit suicide? You are, in fact, at this moment, attempting to commit slow suicide. This is not self righteous. This is hind sight looking back at my self. So, I could be wrong. Could you be?

Many of us felt exactly as you do now. We do not feel the same way today. We are free.

We only hope that you try to look honestly at the choices you are making. Many of us needed loads of help in doing just that; help from others who have suffered as we were suffering. Now, we are attempting to help you.

This is definitely not self righteousness. This comes from empathy. A depth of empathy that comes from our own experiences.

You do know alot. Whether you know it or not, you have a choice today.

Choose life.

~dox

inlalaland

this board is the only support i have @ the moment. i have isolated for years...i tried to join a group, make some friends - it was a fail, for a couple (personal) reasons - in the end the group folded. it's me, myself & i...sad but true, i have no friends & no close family. i reached out to my sisters for some kind of moral support, but never been close enough to them (big age difference, sure i was an accident) they blew it off (they may very well have their own issues w/ alcohol) i have a husband but issues w/ that & jealousy when i tried to get out & do something - don't want to have to share such stuff w/ him again...just a loner & alcohol makes it feel better.

DoubleBarrel

Do you think the relationship with your husband might improve if you were sober?
I felt very lonely married, and when I cleaned up, I rediscovered why I fell in love with my wife. She did a lot too. Turns out neither of us was happy with the status quo.

inlalaland

no, i feel things he has done to me has contributed to my drinking. there was a point i said i wanted out & was ready to go. he said i'll try to do this w/o getting pissed as he flung a chair. i reached out to sisters & they were all about go to the dr. get meds. that didn't help...so i have drunk even more since that point. guess i gave up.

inlalaland

in my lalaland someone would offer rehab (mental help to deal w/ past sh*t) then sober living & never come back to where i am...i can just dream on

i guess i should be strong enough to do it all on my own...i'm not - i think i live w/ an enabler

dox

You don't have to do it on your own. There are a number of groups that would love to help you. AA helped me. But, there are other ways to go. Many are suggested in this forum.

I didn't have the money or insurance to go away to rehab. That situation shouldn't stop anyone who is serious about getting sober. There is help being offered out there for the taking. You just have to look for it. Often, one phone call is enough to start your journey of recovery.

inlalaland, it is my humble opinion that reading books and participating in this forum is not enough help for you. I couldn't have achieved sobriety by reading. I needed face to face contact with other alcoholics -- alcoholics who had found a solution to thier problem(s).

I hope you give sobriety a chance by honestly seeking help out there. It's not as difficult as it may seem to you now, in your isolation.

Please ask yourself: What is the next step I need to take in order to change my life for the better? Then take that step. You will be amazed if you keep taking that next step. I know I was . . .
and i still am.

~dox

DoubleBarrel

I had many similar issues. I even moved out. My marriage today is better than ever. You never know.