Just walked down to the liqour store.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ft Worth
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Hi Fenway. I didn't accept that I was powerless either. I drank for over 30 years. I clung to the idea that I could have a few now and then - but that never happened. I didn't drink just to get pleasantly relaxed - I drank to get numb.
I was sober for 3 years once. I felt so confident that I had everything under control. I thought all I needed was willpower to keep myself from going off the deep end again. One night, I allowed myself to have 'a glass' of wine. The glass turned into 7 glasses that night. The next day I didn't feel too bad, so I had more that night. Long story short - I got sucked right back into my old ways - and it was 7 years before I pulled myself together again. Thanks to SR - I made it back.
I'm proud of you for coming here to tell how you're feeling. That's what we're here for. I hope it helps to know you're not alone.
I was sober for 3 years once. I felt so confident that I had everything under control. I thought all I needed was willpower to keep myself from going off the deep end again. One night, I allowed myself to have 'a glass' of wine. The glass turned into 7 glasses that night. The next day I didn't feel too bad, so I had more that night. Long story short - I got sucked right back into my old ways - and it was 7 years before I pulled myself together again. Thanks to SR - I made it back.
I'm proud of you for coming here to tell how you're feeling. That's what we're here for. I hope it helps to know you're not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Okay well I f---ed up. I'm buzzed and I feel horrible
I don't even like the friggin effect it's had. I just feel fuzzy and stupid and guilty and like a failure. Like really I gave up almost 60 days for THIS?! I drank about half a bottle of wine, haven't poured the rest down the drain yet but I should.
I guess tomorrow is Day 1 again. I feel like such a failure. Like I let down everyone, people here, a couple close friends when they find out and a few people I've gotten close to in AA. I'm so ashamed of myself.
I'm a little buzzed right now and I STILL know it so wasn't worth it. I thought it would make me feel good but it REALLY hasn't. I thought I missed this feeling but now that I'm buzzed I'm just like WTF this isn't even FUN anymore.
I guess tomorrow is a new day. I feel so stupid. I went out to go get a chocolate bar at the store near my apartment, which just so happens to be next the the packie. I guess I was tempting fate IDK. But I got down there though screw chocolate and grabbed a bottle of wine. Even tho I knew you were all right, it's like something just came over me, like I couldn't even fight it.
I really regret it. I'm going to feel even worse in the morning I'm sure. It's just not worth it. Drinking tonight just reminded me of all the stupid sh** I did when I was drinking before.
I still feel like a failure. I am better then this. I don't want to keep starting over. WHY did I walk into that store. Why did I drink the wine? I mean there is no reason.
I mean I feel like I let other people down but more then anything I let myself down. I know I'm better then this. I'm stronger than this. I am NOT the girl alcohol makes me become. I don't want to be that anymore. I feel SO stupid for thinking drinking would make me feel anything but guilty and stupid.
Alcohol doesn't bring you happiness it just brings you pain. And it makes you do stupid stuff and say stupid stuff.
I guess maybe it's good I'm starting to realize I don't even LIKE this feeling of being buzzed/drunk anymore. I don't want to lower my inhibitions, I don't want to feel out of control.
Like I'm all set. It's just not fun anymore. The smart, sensible side of me didn't even want to drink, but for just a second the addict part was stronger and I gave in. I sat starting at the bottle for 15 minutes just pouring it down the drain. And I almost did.
But in the end I didn't. How many times do I need to learn this lesson. But drinking really does feel different now. Maybe this relapse is God's way of showing me that. Who know.
All I know is if my future self is reading this post she needs to remember that drinking isn't worth it. It doesn't feel good.
I feel stupid especially reading all the posts here. This isn't what I wanted. It's not. I just thought....I don't know what I thought. I like the addiction get the best of me and here's where I'm at.
I'm seriously just done. I just poured the rest of the wine down the drain. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm not in control of myself, of my actions, of my emotions. I built the feeling of being buzzed up to this wonderful thing but it really just isn't.
I don't even like the friggin effect it's had. I just feel fuzzy and stupid and guilty and like a failure. Like really I gave up almost 60 days for THIS?! I drank about half a bottle of wine, haven't poured the rest down the drain yet but I should.
I guess tomorrow is Day 1 again. I feel like such a failure. Like I let down everyone, people here, a couple close friends when they find out and a few people I've gotten close to in AA. I'm so ashamed of myself.
I'm a little buzzed right now and I STILL know it so wasn't worth it. I thought it would make me feel good but it REALLY hasn't. I thought I missed this feeling but now that I'm buzzed I'm just like WTF this isn't even FUN anymore.
I guess tomorrow is a new day. I feel so stupid. I went out to go get a chocolate bar at the store near my apartment, which just so happens to be next the the packie. I guess I was tempting fate IDK. But I got down there though screw chocolate and grabbed a bottle of wine. Even tho I knew you were all right, it's like something just came over me, like I couldn't even fight it.
I really regret it. I'm going to feel even worse in the morning I'm sure. It's just not worth it. Drinking tonight just reminded me of all the stupid sh** I did when I was drinking before.
I still feel like a failure. I am better then this. I don't want to keep starting over. WHY did I walk into that store. Why did I drink the wine? I mean there is no reason.
I mean I feel like I let other people down but more then anything I let myself down. I know I'm better then this. I'm stronger than this. I am NOT the girl alcohol makes me become. I don't want to be that anymore. I feel SO stupid for thinking drinking would make me feel anything but guilty and stupid.
Alcohol doesn't bring you happiness it just brings you pain. And it makes you do stupid stuff and say stupid stuff.
I guess maybe it's good I'm starting to realize I don't even LIKE this feeling of being buzzed/drunk anymore. I don't want to lower my inhibitions, I don't want to feel out of control.
Like I'm all set. It's just not fun anymore. The smart, sensible side of me didn't even want to drink, but for just a second the addict part was stronger and I gave in. I sat starting at the bottle for 15 minutes just pouring it down the drain. And I almost did.
But in the end I didn't. How many times do I need to learn this lesson. But drinking really does feel different now. Maybe this relapse is God's way of showing me that. Who know.
All I know is if my future self is reading this post she needs to remember that drinking isn't worth it. It doesn't feel good.
I feel stupid especially reading all the posts here. This isn't what I wanted. It's not. I just thought....I don't know what I thought. I like the addiction get the best of me and here's where I'm at.
I'm seriously just done. I just poured the rest of the wine down the drain. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm not in control of myself, of my actions, of my emotions. I built the feeling of being buzzed up to this wonderful thing but it really just isn't.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
You told yourself that everyone relapses. Not only is this not true, you were already making plans to get that bottle you just drank. You are sick of not drinking 'just for today', and can't see yourself being sober 'next week or next year'.
I don't care what 'program of recovery' you work, you are going to keep convincing yourself that you are going to drink until you decide you won't. There is no magic or ****** or miracle waiting that will rescue you. The decision is going to pinch a little bit, but that is not the point. The decision is yours to make and yours to keep.
I don't care what 'program of recovery' you work, you are going to keep convincing yourself that you are going to drink until you decide you won't. There is no magic or ****** or miracle waiting that will rescue you. The decision is going to pinch a little bit, but that is not the point. The decision is yours to make and yours to keep.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by freshstart57
You told yourself that everyone relapses. Not only is this not true, you were already making plans to get that bottle you just drank. You are sick of not drinking 'just for today', and can't see yourself being sober 'next week or next year'.
I don't care what 'program of recovery' you work, you are going to keep convincing yourself that you are going to drink until you decide you won't. There is no magic or ****** or miracle waiting that will rescue you. The decision is going to pinch a little bit, but that is not the point. The decision is yours to make and yours to keep.
I don't care what 'program of recovery' you work, you are going to keep convincing yourself that you are going to drink until you decide you won't. There is no magic or ****** or miracle waiting that will rescue you. The decision is going to pinch a little bit, but that is not the point. The decision is yours to make and yours to keep.
I need to start learning to hold myself accountable for things.
And I do hold myself accountable for this. I decided to drink. I justified my decison by saying "Everyone relapses"
I had the pi$$ poor attitude of "Well everyone relapses so why shouldn't I" I have two friends in AA who are YOUNGER than I am, one has been sober 3 years and the other has been sober for almost an entire year.
There is no such thing as too young.
If I want to throw my entire life away I can continue to cave into these desires.
If I want to be BETTER , stronger, live up to my potential I can do what it takes to stay sober.
I have to realize that I am incapable of drinking like a normal person. I cannot control it. It controls me. And it will RUIN me if I allow it too.
I don't want that. I can stop now or I can stop 5, year, 10 years, 20 years down the line when I've lost or missed out on so much for choosing the bottle over everything.
For me it's alcohol or EVERYTHING ELSE. I'm giving up EVERYTHING by continuing to drink.
I don't want to to do it anymore.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I just want to add...if any of you out there are reading this and thinking about drinking, just don't do it.
It wont me make you feel good. Or happy.
The part of you saying it will is a liar.
I am beyond angry at myself for giving up almost 60 days for this. It felt a whole hell of a lot better to be getting closer and closer to goals I never thought possible then some temporary fix does.
I am seriously so ashamed and disappointed with myself I just want to put my head through a wall.
It isn't worth it.
It wont me make you feel good. Or happy.
The part of you saying it will is a liar.
I am beyond angry at myself for giving up almost 60 days for this. It felt a whole hell of a lot better to be getting closer and closer to goals I never thought possible then some temporary fix does.
I am seriously so ashamed and disappointed with myself I just want to put my head through a wall.
It isn't worth it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
So you had your relapse, so you are done now right. Is it enough now to make you realize you can go without a drink for the rest of your life? Before I relapsed it was really hard for me to imagine never having a drink again ever. But now I can believe it. I am 42 days right now. You have seen another trigger for yourself too. Glad you poured out what you had left!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Fenway, I hope I wasn't too direct, and I am glad that you accepted what I said in the spirit in which I said it. I really do wish you well, and I truly hope that the penny drops for you soon.
You can quit, you really can. It is when you start thinking that maybe you can't that things start to go south. Know in your heart that you are done, and the worry about the future will stop because you will be relieved withthe knowledge that this is all behind you. Set the doubt in yourself aside, and carry on with what you know is right for you. You can do this, and you will do this because you gotta. That's all there is.
You can quit, you really can. It is when you start thinking that maybe you can't that things start to go south. Know in your heart that you are done, and the worry about the future will stop because you will be relieved withthe knowledge that this is all behind you. Set the doubt in yourself aside, and carry on with what you know is right for you. You can do this, and you will do this because you gotta. That's all there is.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
Fenway,
Sorry to hear about your relapse. I was just now reading the beginning of your topic before you had relapsed and then was shocked to see that you had admitted relapsing hours later. Thanks for posting all of this. It was helpful to me. I've been having those nagging thoughts lately myself. My sponsor told me one time that the relapse is an experience itself that you can share to other alcoholics later in life. You learn from it and then you move on. It sounds like you at least learned a lot from your experience tonight and that drinking will never be the same for you again if you go back out there. The alcoholic voice in our minds will always try to find a way to think otherwise, but you always have the choice to not drink and to work on a sober way of life. I wish you luck on your new attempt at recovery! Try to make it to an AA meeting tomorrow.
Sorry to hear about your relapse. I was just now reading the beginning of your topic before you had relapsed and then was shocked to see that you had admitted relapsing hours later. Thanks for posting all of this. It was helpful to me. I've been having those nagging thoughts lately myself. My sponsor told me one time that the relapse is an experience itself that you can share to other alcoholics later in life. You learn from it and then you move on. It sounds like you at least learned a lot from your experience tonight and that drinking will never be the same for you again if you go back out there. The alcoholic voice in our minds will always try to find a way to think otherwise, but you always have the choice to not drink and to work on a sober way of life. I wish you luck on your new attempt at recovery! Try to make it to an AA meeting tomorrow.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
This is what happened.
I went to the corner store to get chocolate. I intentionally didn't bring my ID so I couldn't get alcohol.
Then I got there, got my chocolate and thought "Well maybe I should just try to buy a bottle, if they don't card me I'll drink, if they do I won't be able to"
Well for like the first time ever they didn't card me. Hell maybe they recognized me from my many trips there 6 weeks ago/last year. So really it was a stupid justification.
I think part of the trigger today was that my friend was talking about her birthday celebration coming up and she basically assuming I wouldn't want to go since they're all going out drink. I told her I would go and made light of it by saying I could just laugh at their drunkness and make sure they didn't hook up with anyone ugly.
But the truth was I was thinking what fun is it to be the sober one amongst a bunch of drunk people. And that just got me to thinking about how I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to be sober around drunk people. And that means I'll miss out on a lot of thing.
I have really great friends. Their lives aren't all about drinking but drinking is apart of their lives. I don't think I need to cut them out of my life because they drink. That seems stupid. It's not like it's ALL they do, it's just that celebrations for people my age often involve alcohol and I don't trust myself to be around it.
Last night it was the weirdest feeling. I mean part of me so badly didn't want to drink. I read the posts here and I KNEW how right you were. But me being the idiot I am had to get burned by the fire to know for sure.
In a way I feel like this happened for a reason. It showed me that all I get from drinking is a deep sense of shame and regret.
I got NO pleasure from it last night. NONE. At all. Whatsoever. In fact I'm actually feeling pretty damn depressed and I was getting better control of that so obviously drinking leads to those feelings.
So it's Day 1 again but it feels different this time. Relapsing was a strange experience this time around, a learning experience.
I didn't really expect to feel this ashamed, guilty and upset over it. I knew I'd be pissed at myself but not quite to this level.
It just scares me that I could go from so level headed to drinking with the snap of my fingers. I mean I really really felt better after reading your posts and I KNEW how right you were but I still had to experience it for myself?
Maybe I just needed to get a relapse out of the way. I'm going to two AA meetings today, already made plans to have someone pick me up and then going to lunch with her. And I'm going to get a sponsor and start seriously committing to this.
My problem is I haven't truly been working on my recovery and it's about time that I do.
I really do what to emphasize to those thinking about drinking that it truly isn't worth it. Maybe you have to experience it for yourself like I did. But I can tell you that while I didn't do anything stupid, while I didn't have an real consequences last night, I deeply regret drinking. I don't think I've ever regretted it more, including the many times I've done extremely stupid things drinking.
It wasn't worth it. Part of me feels like I deserve to punish myself in some way. The other part says I should just move on, today is a new day. I can't change yesterday.
I had a feeling this was coming. I need to find ways to deal with stress other than exercise for the time being since it's going to be a while until I can run again. I do write a lot but that doesn't get me out of my own head. I really need something that takes me outside myself for a little while.
I went to the corner store to get chocolate. I intentionally didn't bring my ID so I couldn't get alcohol.
Then I got there, got my chocolate and thought "Well maybe I should just try to buy a bottle, if they don't card me I'll drink, if they do I won't be able to"
Well for like the first time ever they didn't card me. Hell maybe they recognized me from my many trips there 6 weeks ago/last year. So really it was a stupid justification.
I think part of the trigger today was that my friend was talking about her birthday celebration coming up and she basically assuming I wouldn't want to go since they're all going out drink. I told her I would go and made light of it by saying I could just laugh at their drunkness and make sure they didn't hook up with anyone ugly.
But the truth was I was thinking what fun is it to be the sober one amongst a bunch of drunk people. And that just got me to thinking about how I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to be sober around drunk people. And that means I'll miss out on a lot of thing.
I have really great friends. Their lives aren't all about drinking but drinking is apart of their lives. I don't think I need to cut them out of my life because they drink. That seems stupid. It's not like it's ALL they do, it's just that celebrations for people my age often involve alcohol and I don't trust myself to be around it.
Last night it was the weirdest feeling. I mean part of me so badly didn't want to drink. I read the posts here and I KNEW how right you were. But me being the idiot I am had to get burned by the fire to know for sure.
In a way I feel like this happened for a reason. It showed me that all I get from drinking is a deep sense of shame and regret.
I got NO pleasure from it last night. NONE. At all. Whatsoever. In fact I'm actually feeling pretty damn depressed and I was getting better control of that so obviously drinking leads to those feelings.
So it's Day 1 again but it feels different this time. Relapsing was a strange experience this time around, a learning experience.
I didn't really expect to feel this ashamed, guilty and upset over it. I knew I'd be pissed at myself but not quite to this level.
It just scares me that I could go from so level headed to drinking with the snap of my fingers. I mean I really really felt better after reading your posts and I KNEW how right you were but I still had to experience it for myself?
Maybe I just needed to get a relapse out of the way. I'm going to two AA meetings today, already made plans to have someone pick me up and then going to lunch with her. And I'm going to get a sponsor and start seriously committing to this.
My problem is I haven't truly been working on my recovery and it's about time that I do.
I really do what to emphasize to those thinking about drinking that it truly isn't worth it. Maybe you have to experience it for yourself like I did. But I can tell you that while I didn't do anything stupid, while I didn't have an real consequences last night, I deeply regret drinking. I don't think I've ever regretted it more, including the many times I've done extremely stupid things drinking.
It wasn't worth it. Part of me feels like I deserve to punish myself in some way. The other part says I should just move on, today is a new day. I can't change yesterday.
I had a feeling this was coming. I need to find ways to deal with stress other than exercise for the time being since it's going to be a while until I can run again. I do write a lot but that doesn't get me out of my own head. I really need something that takes me outside myself for a little while.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 79
I felt like this when I last relapsed (I had 2 months up). Wanted to have a few drinks and watch the footy and RELAX...
I bought a bottle of VODKA (Just a few drinks lol), drank that while trying to hide it from my family, felt guilty, anxious, shameful and all the rest. I didn't even get a buzz at all, I then Isolated myself for a week and went on a bender by myself and could not stop!! I ended up calling the ambulance lol. I got myself straight back into AA after that, did 90 meetings in 90 days got a sponsor and a home group.
Since then it's been almost four months, I would love to have a drink but I just have to remember that week of my relapse it was hell and thank god I pulled myself out of it after only a week!
Your right it's just not worth it.
Goodluck.
I bought a bottle of VODKA (Just a few drinks lol), drank that while trying to hide it from my family, felt guilty, anxious, shameful and all the rest. I didn't even get a buzz at all, I then Isolated myself for a week and went on a bender by myself and could not stop!! I ended up calling the ambulance lol. I got myself straight back into AA after that, did 90 meetings in 90 days got a sponsor and a home group.
Since then it's been almost four months, I would love to have a drink but I just have to remember that week of my relapse it was hell and thank god I pulled myself out of it after only a week!
Your right it's just not worth it.
Goodluck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi Fenway.
I am going to call complete BS on your story.
Before you go to your meeting today, let me tell you they will all call BS too.
YOU WENT TO BUY DRINK.
RELAPSE IS NOT PART OF RECOVERY.
NOW, (ok I will stop shouting) get off the pity-pot and start recovery.
xxx
Anne
I am going to call complete BS on your story.
Before you go to your meeting today, let me tell you they will all call BS too.
YOU WENT TO BUY DRINK.
RELAPSE IS NOT PART OF RECOVERY.
NOW, (ok I will stop shouting) get off the pity-pot and start recovery.
xxx
Anne
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I was 30 when I entered the life of
recovery and now, here I am in my
50's and what a journey it has been
without drinking. To know I can never
drink sucessfully again for the rest of
my life is a hard pill to swallow, and to
learn with a program of recovery to help,
I don't have to drink today. That's about
all I could handle 22 yrs ago and about
all I can still handle today.
Alcoholism from all the stories I heard over
the years is still alive and well, kicking azz
big time without worry who or what it will
take down with it. It doesnt care. It shows
no mercy as long as it destroys all in its path.
The only defense I have against that monster
is to live upon a strong recovery foundation I
have built with one step at a time taught to me
by many who have sucessfully remained sober
a day at a time for years. The tools and knowledge
of my alcoholism Ive educated myself with and
then passing it on to others who are still struggling
with addiction has granted me rewards promised to
us as stated in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
so that Ive been able to live a more happier, joyous
and freer life in recovery today.
It can be for you too.
recovery and now, here I am in my
50's and what a journey it has been
without drinking. To know I can never
drink sucessfully again for the rest of
my life is a hard pill to swallow, and to
learn with a program of recovery to help,
I don't have to drink today. That's about
all I could handle 22 yrs ago and about
all I can still handle today.
Alcoholism from all the stories I heard over
the years is still alive and well, kicking azz
big time without worry who or what it will
take down with it. It doesnt care. It shows
no mercy as long as it destroys all in its path.
The only defense I have against that monster
is to live upon a strong recovery foundation I
have built with one step at a time taught to me
by many who have sucessfully remained sober
a day at a time for years. The tools and knowledge
of my alcoholism Ive educated myself with and
then passing it on to others who are still struggling
with addiction has granted me rewards promised to
us as stated in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
so that Ive been able to live a more happier, joyous
and freer life in recovery today.
It can be for you too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Hollyanne
Hi Fenway.
I am going to call complete BS on your story.
Before you go to your meeting today, let me tell you they will all call BS too.
YOU WENT TO BUY DRINK.
RELAPSE IS NOT PART OF RECOVERY.
NOW, (ok I will stop shouting) get off the pity-pot and start recovery.
xxx
Anne
I am going to call complete BS on your story.
Before you go to your meeting today, let me tell you they will all call BS too.
YOU WENT TO BUY DRINK.
RELAPSE IS NOT PART OF RECOVERY.
NOW, (ok I will stop shouting) get off the pity-pot and start recovery.
xxx
Anne
Drinking turns me into a liar too. I lie to other people and I lie to myself.
Although perhaps I was unclear in my post, I don't think relapse is apart of recovery. Just that it was the kick in the a$$ I needed to realize I can't drink like a normal person.
I also wouldn't exactly say I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm just angry with myself but I made the decision so I don't deserve pity for that.
I'm just frustrated with myself more then anything. But I want to be able to come back and look at this thread the next time I'm thinking I could have a drink so I just wanted, to make sure I got into words just how badly I felt which may come off a pity party but it really isn't.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Fandy
You might consider that when you drink, you build up this little episode of High Drama in your head, you get to dwell on it for days, lots to occupy your time and you feed off of it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
You started this thread last night. You posted, you overcame, you teased yourself, you went back out and made bargains with yourself, you spent hours dwelling on the craving, instead of distracting yourself or calling one of your AA friends to help you get through it.
you bought the wine, drank and dwelled some more.
Andnow you can dwell on the relapse.
maybe you are looking older and will never need your ID again?
The point im making, is that thisentire scenario is going to rent space in your head for too long.
you have a life to LIVE, dont wallow.
go have some coffee and get to your Sunday routine. You want to miss a night of sleep, come and whine down inthe cafe with us.
but you might want to join the gratitde thread too. Because you are still here, not dead.
you bought the wine, drank and dwelled some more.
Andnow you can dwell on the relapse.
maybe you are looking older and will never need your ID again?
The point im making, is that thisentire scenario is going to rent space in your head for too long.
you have a life to LIVE, dont wallow.
go have some coffee and get to your Sunday routine. You want to miss a night of sleep, come and whine down inthe cafe with us.
but you might want to join the gratitde thread too. Because you are still here, not dead.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Ah I see you're correct.
That's a HUGE issue for me. I dwell on EVERYTHING. I'm always in my head trying to figure out the "reasoning" I can never let things go. I create problems out of things that aren't there.
I think I look extremely young perhaps younger then I used to since I've lost weight recently (IE I have no boobs ha) but you make a good point.
I'm just going to move on from it. Today is a new day.
That's a HUGE issue for me. I dwell on EVERYTHING. I'm always in my head trying to figure out the "reasoning" I can never let things go. I create problems out of things that aren't there.
I think I look extremely young perhaps younger then I used to since I've lost weight recently (IE I have no boobs ha) but you make a good point.
I'm just going to move on from it. Today is a new day.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I just want to say, I have no problem with you being upset and talking about it.
But stop with the, "I went to buy a chocolate bar".
That is the BS part.
And you know what I did the last few minutes?
Because of you,
I went back and read my post about the "RELAPSE" I had on the 20th of October 2010!
So there! I chose to drink. It was the first thread I started here.
It was the beginning for me. I finished my mini-binge the next day and my sober date is 10/22/10.
I shared at a meeting. I knew what to do. I had plenty of numbers and people to call. I even met a member in the store and chatted with him. I certainly didn't tell him why I was there.
Bottom line, I wanted to drink and I did.
Haven't drank since.
But stop with the, "I went to buy a chocolate bar".
That is the BS part.
And you know what I did the last few minutes?
Because of you,
I went back and read my post about the "RELAPSE" I had on the 20th of October 2010!
So there! I chose to drink. It was the first thread I started here.
It was the beginning for me. I finished my mini-binge the next day and my sober date is 10/22/10.
I shared at a meeting. I knew what to do. I had plenty of numbers and people to call. I even met a member in the store and chatted with him. I certainly didn't tell him why I was there.
Bottom line, I wanted to drink and I did.
Haven't drank since.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Lying about my drinking or desire to drink has become so second nature it doesn't even feel like lying anymore. Thanks for the tough love/calling me out on my BS. I need to get better about taking responsibility for my actions.
On a lighter note, as much as I wish I could have kept my original sober date, 11/11/12 is a pretty cool sober date. So it's like mini motivation to keep it my sober date.
I need to start using my numbers more. I just don't want to bother people. Although they all emphasized that it would be perfectly fine to call them. In the end I chose to drink instead of shoot someone a text just to talk or go grab a coffee.
But it is what it is. I'm going to try and stop dwelling on it. I'm buried in a sea of work after missing a month of classes. I have plenty of things to keep me occupied. A 64 paged article has been staring at me from my desk for 2 days.
Also I don't smoke that often. Just when I'm really stressed out. But the pack I currently have has lasted me like several weeks. It screws up my running so I try and stay away from it as much as possible.
Well I can tell you I am MOST DEFINITELY not drinking today. I'll just keep taking is 24 hours at a time.
On a lighter note, as much as I wish I could have kept my original sober date, 11/11/12 is a pretty cool sober date. So it's like mini motivation to keep it my sober date.
I need to start using my numbers more. I just don't want to bother people. Although they all emphasized that it would be perfectly fine to call them. In the end I chose to drink instead of shoot someone a text just to talk or go grab a coffee.
But it is what it is. I'm going to try and stop dwelling on it. I'm buried in a sea of work after missing a month of classes. I have plenty of things to keep me occupied. A 64 paged article has been staring at me from my desk for 2 days.
Also I don't smoke that often. Just when I'm really stressed out. But the pack I currently have has lasted me like several weeks. It screws up my running so I try and stay away from it as much as possible.
Well I can tell you I am MOST DEFINITELY not drinking today. I'll just keep taking is 24 hours at a time.
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