Birdy78

Hello I am new here, I found this site by searching for some sort of sleep aid since I am seriously contemplating to quit drinking and smoking. And now a bit about me:

I am 34, married to my best friend and mother to a 10 year old special needs child. I am also an alcoholic, a chain smoker and a pot smoker. My husband is also a pot smoker but not really as much as an alcoholic as me.
I drink sometimes 2 bottles of wine but for sure an entire bottle a day. I've been drinking and smoking since I was 16. I had a very successful career, I made a lot of money but thanks to the recession that ended.

I could probably sit here and type for hours, detailing all my problems, from having a special needs child, to loosing all my material things to all of my addictions I've overcome and still have, but I won't.

I'll leave you with what I want my life to be:

1. I want to stop drinking
2. Stop smoking
3. Gain control of my life <--- thats the hardest part for me. I feel like I have no control over anything and desperately want control.

I can't do AA because I find they bring religion and god into it and I'm an Atheist. So basically I'm terrified of what being sober will bring me. I'll have to face all my problems, I'll have to fake a smile when all I feel when I'm sober is dread and sadness.

Birdy78

Oh I also went to see my doctor about this and he basically laughed at me and said wine is not a problem and gave me Prozac and told me to take Benadryl.

I need a new DR. lol

2granddaughters

Sounds like you may want to revisit your inflexible decision to be an atheist. It's just a belief ......

I was an on-the-fence agnostic and had a heck of a time in AA in the beginning.

I saw that my contemporaries were growing and recovering and I was still mired in fear and doubt.

I decided to open the door a crack to see what the others had found in a Higher Power (NOT religion) and the positive change has been dramatic.

Your choice .... choose wisely.

All the best.

Bob R

Fandy

yes, you need a new doctor who will not belittle their patients when they ask for help.

welcome to SR. look around and read all the different concepts and help for quitting. someone with a lot more expereince will be around to talk to you soon.

GypsyHeart

hi birdy

i've been to AA in the past. i think it's a good program but when AA was my option, i just turned around and drank - it just wasn't for me. for some ppl though AA is their absolute solution. if you have tried it and it wasn't for you, then try something else. i think you will find there are many options if you surf around this forum. and also i don't think you have to just choose one option. do the proverbial "take what you can use and leave the rest" (i know famous from AA) but seriously you can do that. make up your own program - just do what works for you and that's the only thing that matters. and as stated previously you can still go to AA and choose something/someone else as your Higher Power and work it that way.
i do believe in God but i respect another persons views on this subject as long as they respect mine. so i do respect your belief. don't give up on finding your way ~ best wishes to you.

tammy711

I can only base this on the little you shared, but it sounds like you're addicted to control (common). Work on that and the others will take work, but won't be as hard. Good luck.

Do you believe in any type of higher power or divine intelligence; I mean something more powerful than being human?

Cheers!

Tammy

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Birdy

You have nothing to fear getting sober. If you think you will be miserable sober just think how you will feel if you carry on drinking. It is amazing how much your self respect and sense of control will grow from the act of just getting sober, and anything else you achieve on top of that will be a bonus.

If AA is not for you have you checked out the alternatives... SMART, AVRT, Allen Carr's easyway books on drinking/smoking... or all three.

Regarding the sleep aids... I know everyone is different but I have never slept better than I do now, and I was always one to use the 'I have to drink so I can sleep' excuse. Sober sleep truly is ace. That only happened after the first few weeks of restless nights though.

Btw, your doctor sounds like mine! I hope you find a better one. Good luck x

jmp50watt

Birdy,


Im a newbie here as well with about 30 days off the liquor. I like you was quite affraid of being sober thinking all of the fun would be gone out of my life. Drinking was my best friend for sure until it was no fun anymore. I always found a reason to drink and to make drink available to me. Funny thing is, after I stopped drinking I stopped feeling tired, sick, broke and shameful. At least with me, the biggest lift is how RELAXING sobriety is. I dont worry about having enough rum for the night/weekend, driving drunk and all the other things that go along with the lifestyle. The smiles I have now are real and I hope you have the same experience as me. Stick around, lots of good people here!

Shane

awuh1

Just after I stopped drinking I explained to someone my atheist/agnostic viewpoint. He asked me if I thought there was anything was more powerful than me. I said "sure, gravity, the laws of nature in general, a piano hanging over my head". His response was, “well that’s a start”.

It was. It was the start of a spiritual rather than a religious journey. Now, if I’m correct, you are already feeling like I am attempting to change your views. If you think this, then you could not be farther from the truth. I say this because spirituality is a different thing from religious thought and belief. It's an important distinction. If you can be open to this idea then perhaps AA will be more palatable for you. I personally know many very spiritual people in AA who are not at all religious.

Here is a link to a story you might find helpful -----> The Dilemma of No Faith, By Bill W..

ru12

There are lots of ways to stop drinking. You don't have go to AA. Try SMART, Rational Recovery, Life Ring, Save Our Selves . . . But what you must do, and only you can do this is to stop putting ethanol containing beverages to your lips and swallowing. You fully have control of your hands. Only you can make you drink.

Sleepy Time tea and heavy exercise made it so I could sleep. It took about a week before I could sleep soundly after I quit.

As for AA not being religious, I would advise you to read the book and make your own decision.

Sally1009

Hello Birdy, regarding religion, AA does not promote it, though you may find the occasional fundamentalist.
Like you, I am also an atheist, but I take my Higher Power as the strength from the people in meetings.
So it might be worth trying an AA meeting. I'd be very surprised if anyone forced God on you - that's not what it is about. I certainly couldn't stay in AA if people were trying to convert me. I do get a lot of strength from it, and talking and listening to other alcoholics.

onlythetruth

Birdy, It makes me so sad when people write in and say this, because it makes me realize that there's still a pervasive misconception floating around out there that recovery is one size fits all. THIS IS NOT TRUE. If you spend a little time on this forum you'll see that while there are lots of folks who use AA, there are just as many who don't. Some of us use secular recovery programs such as SMART, LifeRing, SOS or Women for Sobriety; some of us use the AVRT approach; some of us use SR alone; some of us use a combination of things. It's all okay. It's like exercise: there's no "right" exercise program for everyone; the "right" program for you is the one you'll use.

Of course, this can be scary, too, because it means that not liking AA can't serve as an excuse.

bjames

First off, I'm glad you're changing doctors!
Secondly, I'm not religious, and I feel quite comfortable in AA. There are a few atheists in my home group, and they don't ever seem to feel pressured, judged, etc. Give it a shot. If you don't like it, try a different meeting. Good luck!

tomsteve

here it is in a nutshell:
no matter what method of recovery you use, sobriety will bring you what alcohol promised.

you dont have to face all of your problems if you dont want to, but if you dont face em, they wont go away and i highly doubt youd be able to gain control of your life without facing yer problems.

Zencat

Welcome to SR Birdy.

Staying alcohol free is big life change that can feel overwhelming and frighting for many people. What helped me early on in recovery was to learn about all the different ways there are to be recovered from alcoholism. AA is one way, other recovery programs like; Women for Sobriety, SOS, LifeRing, SMART, CBT, Urge Surfing, DBT and AVRT can also help a person heal from an out of control life.

I'm an atheist AA member that through a little investigation have found many other atheist/agnostic AA members. Learning how other atheist work the 12 steps has helped me greatly.

Its worth a few moments of your time to check through the folling links

Jimmy B, forth original AA member who argued to include "as you understand Him" into the 12-steps was an atheist that went to his grave with 3 decades of sobriety in AA. He wrote:

I understand that G*d and Good are the same thing. Meditation and striving to reach my HP (Higher Potential) are the back bone of my step work. With those beliefs I am able to work the steps as written.

Revision of beliefs is wise practice, take Bill W for example.

A very enlightened statement from the co-founder of AA and the 12-steps.






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Sasha4

My advice - having been in your shoes with multiple things I wanted to give up?

Do it one at a time successfully rather all and fail.
It's too hard to pack them all in. To me, from experience, it is a recipe for disaster.

I gave up smoking (before my drinking did not need addressing as much), then the sleeping tablets and now booze.
In all it has taken five years.
Five years since I had a cigarette.
Four years since the sleeping tablets.
Now 234 days since a drink - after a few false starts.

I could not have done it all at the same time. It would have been too much to commit to. To many different screaming addicted brain receptors shouting for nicotine, benzo's and booze.

That would be my advice.
Whatever you choose I wish you very well xx

RobC420

I once felt the same as you. I saw the word god in the steps, rejected AA, and refused to return because I was atheist and did not believe in religion. Unfortunately, my drinking and smoking pot got worse and worse and I had nowhere else to go so I returned to AA. When I did, I found that AA is not a religious program at all. The god idea in AA is far more broad than I assumed. I began to give recovery in AA a chance and it has completely changed my life.

It is not common, but I know someone in particular at my home group who is atheist, but found the solution to his problem in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I am forever greatful that I returned to AA and found that the god idea was not nearly as intimidating as I assumed

Dee74

Welcome Birdy

I think it's terrifying for most of us - but you'll find a lot of support here

I'm glad you're seeing a different Dr too...

and like others have said - there is no one way to recovery - it's your recovery and your journey....find the way that works for you and that you feel comfortable with

Welcome aboard
D

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...

Eddiebuckle

Birdy, I know the feeling - when I went to rehab that is exactly how I expected to spend the rest of my days: wanting to drink yet knowing that doing so would amount to suicide. Absolute misery and dread, which seemed an awefully high price to pay just to stay alive.

What I discovered over time is that I simply didn't know that I didn't know what sobriety was, because I had never truly experienced it during my adult life. Through AA (and without god with a capital G) I have come to live a life I didn't believe existed.

These are what AA calls the ninth step promises:

* We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
* We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
* We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
* No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
* That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
* We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
* Self-seeking will slip away.
* Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
* Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
* We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
* We will suddenly realize that (something or someone) is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Pretty far-fetched, right? This stuff actually happened to me, and I honestly thought it was BS when I first read it.

Sobriety is not soemthing to fear - what you fear is the unknown. Give it a try, the worst that can happen is you decide it is not for you.