Why am I wired this way?
Abnormally normal
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Why am I wired this way?
I just need to know how to forgive those that have hurt me? I have been where I have cried my eyes out, drank my mind out, then finally gave in and let my heart hurt and let my soul feel. Thought I was done with it all. Then just one reminder, and it all comes back and I'm in pieces all over again. Full of hurt, pain, disappointment and anger. And I'm back to where its all I can feel. It consumes me.
Why is it so hard for me to forgive, when its what I want to do (for myself!) so badly!
I just want to let it all go, but don't know how.
Why am I wired this way? Why can't I just be normal an handle things like an adult?
Why does every emotion I feel take over my whole being and I get in some kind of tunnel vision like a kid throwing a tantrum? What the h*ll?
I'm f*cken tired of this pity sh*t! But I don't know how to kick my own a$$ to get out of it. What is it in me that feels ok to wollow in this pity and use it as an excuse? Beyond the addiction? What is it that makes me weak?
Some people go through worse, yet are able to pick themselves up and defeat their circumstances. Is it a character defect? A neuroligical defect?
And if I'm just lazy, how do i get out of it?
Why are there addicts??
And why am I one?
Word vomit to its fullest, I guess.
Thanks for letting me vent...
Why is it so hard for me to forgive, when its what I want to do (for myself!) so badly!
I just want to let it all go, but don't know how.
Why am I wired this way? Why can't I just be normal an handle things like an adult?
Why does every emotion I feel take over my whole being and I get in some kind of tunnel vision like a kid throwing a tantrum? What the h*ll?
I'm f*cken tired of this pity sh*t! But I don't know how to kick my own a$$ to get out of it. What is it in me that feels ok to wollow in this pity and use it as an excuse? Beyond the addiction? What is it that makes me weak?
Some people go through worse, yet are able to pick themselves up and defeat their circumstances. Is it a character defect? A neuroligical defect?
And if I'm just lazy, how do i get out of it?
Why are there addicts??
And why am I one?
Word vomit to its fullest, I guess.
Thanks for letting me vent...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
For me Forgiveness doesn't mean I forget, Fab...it just means I let go.
The Shack by W. Paul Young was a very useful book for me.
As for why are any of us addicts and alcoholics? I don't know.
I wrestled with that for many years...it didn't get me any soberer tho.
Accepting my problem, and doing something about it, got me sober and kept me that way.
A lot of the flaws I beat myself up over sorted themselves out with some continued sobriety - I found it's pretty hard not to grow and finally embrace adulthood when you face your problems and deal with them.
It's all about facing the fear and finding the courage to make that 'no turning back' leap we all have to make, Fab.
D
The Shack by W. Paul Young was a very useful book for me.
As for why are any of us addicts and alcoholics? I don't know.
I wrestled with that for many years...it didn't get me any soberer tho.
Accepting my problem, and doing something about it, got me sober and kept me that way.
A lot of the flaws I beat myself up over sorted themselves out with some continued sobriety - I found it's pretty hard not to grow and finally embrace adulthood when you face your problems and deal with them.
It's all about facing the fear and finding the courage to make that 'no turning back' leap we all have to make, Fab.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
I have found EMDR very useful for healing past trauma and getting past the pain. EMDR International Association
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
This is from page 62 of the Big Book...I just posted it on another thread....See if it rings a bell for you.
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Simply fab, your post hit home with me tonight, as I have been dealing with exactly the same issue. I brought it up at AA and after the meeting an old timer told me to pray for the person that hurt me. I'm like, what!? And he said, yes, ask God to give them all the things you want for yourself, EVEN IF you don't mean it. Ok fine, I said, wondering how that could possible work. But I'm going to try it when I go to bed tonight. I'll let you know how it works. I trust AA.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It's from this story Sobersunshine....One of my favorites.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_t...earlyall14.pdf
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_t...earlyall14.pdf
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I forgive people for myself, not for their benefit. Its the only way i can move forward.carrying around anger is like a big rock around my neck.
no quotes or meetings, but many discussions with therapist over the years. You cant let others control your life.
no quotes or meetings, but many discussions with therapist over the years. You cant let others control your life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
We addicts are very thin skinned and must learn the knack of not overreacting. I've done it with the 12 Steps, recommend AA or another program of recovery. In AA's Big Book Bill Wilson says "drinking is but a symptom" of this disease.
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