wolf99

I havn't been on here in a long time. I used to have a very serious drinking problem and would drink until I blacked out most nights. I lived with my alcoholic parents, had a dui, and didn't know what to do for help. This website helped me quite a bit. Now I have a wonderful fiance that I love, a steady job, am not in the bad environment i was in, and am in school again. I am having problems with alcohol again and dont want to end up where I was before.
My fiance drinks, not a lot, but he likes to go out every now and then. I've told him about my past problems with it and for a while we decided that it should be fine if I drink as long as he is giving me the drinks and controlling how much I'm having. That didn't work. I would either convince him to give me more, or wait until he went to sleep to drink more. Now I have decided I just shouldn't drink, but last night I drank. I've broken that promise at least ten times. I feel like saying I'm not going to drink means nothing anymore because I always inevitably do. I need help and support. He doesn't think it is that big of a deal and doesn't think I have much of a problem. It hurts me almost, because I try to get the point across about how serious it is. We just had a grilling event with lots of alcohol, and I found it almost impossible not to drink, It is hard when you are surrounded by people that drink. I just want to be done with it, I can feel myself going down the wrong path again and becoming depressed and mentally ill again because of it. I don't want to lose all of the good things in my life. I am scared that will happen. I don't really know what to do, but just know I need some support to help push me to actually go through with it when I say i'm going to stop

doggonecarl

Welcome back. There is no "going back" to a little bit of drinking, which now you know.

That which doesn't support our recovery, undermines it.

Including loved ones. You call him wonderful, but he's hurting your sobriety.

Perhaps it is time step it up. Maybe surround yourself with recovered alcoholics. Non-drinkers. People who won't tell you it's okay to drink.

Else you will.

aasharon90

With the support and fellowship of a recovery
program I accepted 22 yrs ago I have remained
sober. I realized that I needed and wanted help
and support from others just like me. Those
struggling with learning how to stay sober a
day at a time.

Would you believe it if I told you that all my
family members even today still dont think
I have a drinking problem and that It is all
in my head to gain attention.

It's sad, but I cant control what they think
or say. So.....I have to take care of me and
that means doing whatever I need to take
care of me because no one else will.

Even today with yrs of sobriety down the
road, I still need to be connected with a
recovery program and support from the
fellowship of others in a recovery program.

They have lots of information, tools and
knowledge to learn about addiction and
how it affects all those who are involved,
such as children or spouses. With each member
willing to work a recovery program together,
then it helps a family stick together with caring,
support, understanding and communication.

In my family, I was the only one who entered
recovery thru a family intervention, then I began
to learn how to stay sober and go thru changes
in my life leaving family members in the dust so
to speak scratching their heads as to what happened
to the family unit we had.

So, sadly the result of that ended my 25 yr marriage,
and distancing myself from my family of orgin. Today,
im remarried almost 4 yrs. living a happier, honest,
rewarding life in recovery, accepting of all that has
happened in my life thus so far.

Take care of you because you are worth it to
living a rewarding life in recovery too.

CarolD

Welcome back....

I think you are really wise to not drink ...it's just not something
that will enhance your future ..
You already have overcome many difficult situations.

Do you have a plan in mind on how best to move forward?

Jimuk

Be strong for you, there is no such thing as a quick beer or the odd glass of vino. Don't set yourself back in time, look to the future. :-)

If he truely loves you he will understand.

2granddaughters

wolf, please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". Se if you identify.

AA got me sober and is keeping me sober on a daily basis. Might work for you as well.

All the best.

Bob R

hypochondriac

Well done for realising you need help Wolf. I'm sure SR will be helpful as well as maybe AA or another recovery group too.

It's funny, I was just talking to another friend in recovery about other people just not getting it. It seems to come up all the time. I think people close to you just want everything to be okay and don't want to accept that you might have a problem. Or else people assume it's just a matter of drinking less... you know better than that, so just make sure you have a good support network in place.

For me, nothing was better than the day it clicked that I didn't have to drink anymore. Letting it go has been a very freeing event and I'm sure it will be for you too

NatalieN

wolf you are very wise to want to stop. For those of us who can't stop at one or 2, sobriety is the only way. It was hard to accept that my body doesn't have the ability to break down alcohol like it does milk, for example. Find and print a good scientific article on alcoholism, one that explains what happens to the body and brain of people like us. That should convince your fiancee. My husband drinks a couple of beers when we go out to dinner (we don't go out much) maybe once or twice a month, and after 4 months of sobriety, that is ok with me. I have asked him not to keep alcohol at home. When we have BBQ's for family, we do buy booze but ask the guests to take the left over beer or wine when they leave. You have to do what is required to protect your sobriety. I don't want to ever take it for granted again. Best of luck on your journey.

Natalie

S4UGroup

Keep up the fight!

Dee74

Welcome back Wolf

Yeah - there really is no going back - we always always end up back in the same place.
To stay stooped I had to make a lot of changes in my life - the people I associated with, the things I did, the way I thought about myself and my world...

Support can really help when it seem like you're the only person you know who's sober, or trying to be...

Are you looking into support beyond SR, Wolf?

D

wolf99

I havn't thought about going anywhere else for support. In the past I used this site a lot and it seemed to help a lot, and that is when I had the desire to numb out all emotions I possibly could. That is my plan as of now. I don't really get the same intense urges to drink anymore, now I just have this desire to be able to drink like the people around me. To control how much I drink. I don't get the same high from it anymore, but still chase it. I think since the cravings aren't nearly as bad I won't have as hard of a time stopping if I use this is support. I just need to be reminded I can't control it or drink like most people. My body just can't handle it. That is what I forget, or don't want to believe.

pipparina

If you have access to get to AA, it may help.
Will your fiancé understand if you ask him to lay low on the alcohol for now? Including not having social events that would put you around it?

I was told in the beginning to avoid people, places and things that idid while drinking, until I got some sober time under my belt. It really helped staying in that sober cacoon.

john44

I'm dealing with a (formerly) good friend now who "doesn't get it". He seems to have a Savior Complex...he thinks that by calling/texting multiple times a day, asking me if I'm drinking, reminding me of all the crap I'm going through because of alcohol, should be enough to stop drinking. He mocks AA, calling members my "drunk friends". He flips out when I tell him we don't have to discuss drinking every time we talk; I am capable of quite informed discussion on many subjects. I've told him that his approach really isn't helping at all with regard to my sobriety. I'm then subjected to a tirade about all the things he's done for me and how my gratitude for this should be enough to keep me sober. Unbelievable. How does one open someone's eyes? I've basically given up.

wolf99

If they aren't dealing with it then it is really hard for them to grasp what is happening. This is how it is with my fiance. He is realizing now how much it affects me because anytime I drink and feel hungover the next day, actually I don't even have to feel hungover, I'll just emotionally break down and start bawling. It is just something I do, it upsets me that much. I've asked him to not grill as much and just make it a guys thing so that I don't have to be involved. I told him it takes the fun away when all you can do is obsess about not drinking the whole time, and or eventually give in and then hate yourself the next day. I asked him to not go out as much too, which he has done. He did just make this homebrew he got for his birthday. It is like 60 bottles....so that is going to be around for a while. But other then that he isn't going to bring anymore alcohol here. What sucks though, is it will usually be my idea after being sober for a while to go get some. He will ask me if I really think that is a good idea, and I convince him it is fine. So when I have the urge to do that I will go here.

tomsteve

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.....

We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.....
o be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.....
For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.



read more in the Big book of alcoholics anonymous.