I havn't been on here in a long time. I used to have a very serious drinking problem and would drink until I blacked out most nights. I lived with my alcoholic parents, had a dui, and didn't know what to do for help. This website helped me quite a bit. Now I have a wonderful fiance that I love, a steady job, am not in the bad environment i was in, and am in school again. I am having problems with alcohol again and dont want to end up where I was before.
My fiance drinks, not a lot, but he likes to go out every now and then. I've told him about my past problems with it and for a while we decided that it should be fine if I drink as long as he is giving me the drinks and controlling how much I'm having. That didn't work. I would either convince him to give me more, or wait until he went to sleep to drink more. Now I have decided I just shouldn't drink, but last night I drank. I've broken that promise at least ten times. I feel like saying I'm not going to drink means nothing anymore because I always inevitably do. I need help and support. He doesn't think it is that big of a deal and doesn't think I have much of a problem. It hurts me almost, because I try to get the point across about how serious it is. We just had a grilling event with lots of alcohol, and I found it almost impossible not to drink, It is hard when you are surrounded by people that drink. I just want to be done with it, I can feel myself going down the wrong path again and becoming depressed and mentally ill again because of it. I don't want to lose all of the good things in my life. I am scared that will happen. I don't really know what to do, but just know I need some support to help push me to actually go through with it when I say i'm going to stop
