Bragging in AA... Feeling burned out
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
sinker123....
When dealing with resentments I find useing our BB...page 552
gives me a way to overcome them
To keep my pink recovery cloud sailing high...I find a newcomer
interested and share with them...
.
Prayers for your serenity going out.
When dealing with resentments I find useing our BB...page 552
gives me a way to overcome them
To keep my pink recovery cloud sailing high...I find a newcomer
interested and share with them...
.Prayers for your serenity going out.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
People who puff themselves up, in an attempt to make themselves look good, generally do so because they don’t think so much of themselves to begin with. They are generally afraid of what people will think if they let others know who they really are. I think that’s why there is so much emphasis on honesty and humility in the program. It has to do with dealing with the truth. Some people have trouble being honest, even with themselves. They are indeed unfortunate.
They don’t need to experience harshness. Most of them have already experienced quite a bit of that (despite what they often say). A few kind and well-placed words can sometimes go far to help them, which is in the end, what they need.
They don’t need to experience harshness. Most of them have already experienced quite a bit of that (despite what they often say). A few kind and well-placed words can sometimes go far to help them, which is in the end, what they need.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
If someone upsets me, makes me angry, who has been harmed? Me.
Who has harmed me? Again, the answer is me.
Acceptance, compassion, humility. I don't know much about AA, but I'm seeing a lot of good, general-purpose advice here.
Who has harmed me? Again, the answer is me.
Acceptance, compassion, humility. I don't know much about AA, but I'm seeing a lot of good, general-purpose advice here.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by sinker123 
I wish I could ignore it... I know it's not what my higher power wants me thinking but I still have much to work on.... I would love to be the kind of person who could let it roll off my back... Someday hopefully
You'll get there.
Keep on truckin' Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by sinker123
I wish I could ignore it... I know it's not what my higher power wants me thinking but I still have much to work on.... I would love to be the kind of person who could let it roll off my back... Someday hopefully
it takes T.I.M.E.
Memberado
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Hi!
This almost rivals the English speaking AA meetings in Paris.
Some people actually go there to find contacts. Easy to get close to singers and big designers (who I shall not name).
I was always super poor, barely making ends meet, when I lived in Paris. At one meeting a girl with multiple passports went on and on about her depressing life that she lead in the entire floor that her dad rented for her in the most ritzy area of Paris. She was sad because her dad's name was all over the city thanks to the charitable projects he was funding. "I don't want people to know I come from money!", she sobbed. She had also recently fallen out with her mother, who had recently married a gazillionaire. The mother now lives on a private island to where you have to have your own helicopter to gain access.
She had just crashed her Porsche and daddy bought a new BMW instantly, which was also a cause for sadness...
I too started to look for other meetings. It sort of makes me angry that people who obviously have no financial restrictions or no need to work don't go to inpatient rehab. I on the other hand don't have the option. Even seeing a shrink was too expensive for me. Sometimes I wonder if these people are making parts of these stories up.
This almost rivals the English speaking AA meetings in Paris.
Some people actually go there to find contacts. Easy to get close to singers and big designers (who I shall not name).
I was always super poor, barely making ends meet, when I lived in Paris. At one meeting a girl with multiple passports went on and on about her depressing life that she lead in the entire floor that her dad rented for her in the most ritzy area of Paris. She was sad because her dad's name was all over the city thanks to the charitable projects he was funding. "I don't want people to know I come from money!", she sobbed. She had also recently fallen out with her mother, who had recently married a gazillionaire. The mother now lives on a private island to where you have to have your own helicopter to gain access.
She had just crashed her Porsche and daddy bought a new BMW instantly, which was also a cause for sadness...
I too started to look for other meetings. It sort of makes me angry that people who obviously have no financial restrictions or no need to work don't go to inpatient rehab. I on the other hand don't have the option. Even seeing a shrink was too expensive for me. Sometimes I wonder if these people are making parts of these stories up.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by sinker123
I wish I could ignore it... I know it's not what my higher power wants me thinking but I still have much to work on.... I would love to be the kind of person who could let it roll off my back... Someday hopefully
Originally Posted by DesperadoBlond
It sort of makes me angry that people who obviously have no financial restrictions or no need to work don't go to inpatient rehab. I on the other hand don't have the option. Even seeing a shrink was too expensive for me. Sometimes I wonder if these people are making parts of these stories up.
On the surface, things looked good but internally I wasn't too happy. I was glad I wasn't drinking, really glad, but I didn't feel light on my feet. All sorts of things still bugged me: dishonest co-workers who conned their clients into investments mostly to generate commissions for themselves, ppl who went to meetings and spouted off the same 1-liners no matter the topic, old-timers who talked were oh-so-quick to dish out advice on how to live in sobriety yet constantly sat at tables and bitched about all sorts of nonsense, I couldn't find the "good" AA meetings where everyone practiced "real recovery," I couldn't find a sponsor who had all the answers/was ultra wise/knew me to my core, I really disliked hypocrites, couldn't stand posers, and here's the worst part of all that...... I just knew deep down how much better than all of them I was. ......and I was grateful I was better too.
In sobriety I was, once again, separating myself. I was different. I was unique and I was special. It became all of you......and then me - like two groups, only I was the only member in MY group. Yanno what? that feel like $hit...knowing you're better than everyone else. Wanna know what's worse? Watching them get happy and watching blessings come into their lives that aren't coming into your own. Man......that infuriated me. "They" continued to flourish....and they loved to talk about gratitude......and I couldn't figure out how so many messed up doing-it-all-wrong losers were getting all the breaks.
I heard a speaker mention feeling "smugly superior".....better-than.... and just hearing it cut me to the bone. I started an inventory shortly after hearing that talk.....started my 1st column, listing who I felt smugly superior to. After about 20 names hit the paper in about a minute and a half or so I just stopped writing. I sat there for a half a minute not moving, not writing, as name after name after name after name hit my mind. The next name that went down on the paper was hard to write - but I knew it was true. It was "everyone."
When I feel better than everyone..... anytime anyone gets anything, I get jealous (resentment). Anytime anyone does something I deem bad, it irritates me (resentment). Anytime "they" don't listen to me (and since I'm smarter.....and better......they should listen to me, right?), it hurts my feelings (resentment). Anytime I don't get my due, I feel hurt (resentment). Hell.....practically everyone, all the time, everything they got, everything they did, everything I didn't have, and everything I wanted but wasn't getting......that's all that was on my mind all day. In other words, I was a living resentment-factory and I didn't even know it at the time.
EDIT: on the other hand.....I'm also highly adept at, simultaneously, believing I'm also a whole lot worse than all of you.....that nobody's quite as messed up as me......nobody has it as rough......nobody "feels" quite as deeply as I do......nobody hurts as much as me......etc. ---but that's for another post, this one is long enough already - lol
One of the instructions/directions in the 4th step suddenly jumped out at me while all these realizations were coming to my mind. The direction is to: "(get) prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle.......the world and its people really dominated us.......We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick (ie, not sicko's...but spiritually sick).......they, like ourselves, were sick too."
Did they dominate me, you-bettcha...."they" were all I thought about (unless I was thinking about me and how I should be getting what "they're" getting). I though long and hard about whether I'd ever done any of the things I was mad at others for doing. Was I ever a poser, did I ever preach at tables, did I ever use the same 1-liners I now hated, when was I a hypocrite, had I recommended trades to (mostly) generate commissions for me, etc etc? The answer was, to ALL those questions.....YES. Yup, I'd done ALL those things. Wow, all those ppl I think I'm better than.....we're the same. I was messed up when I was doing those things....they're probably just as messed up as I was. When I was scared about making enough money and did trades that didn't need to be done but I recommended them so I'd get paid.....i was being run by fear....I wasn't making choices - I was being dominated. Fear was running my life and making the decisions for me. Same deal when I was lying.....being a hypocrite......being a poser......etc etc..... Fear was all over at the time.
Seeing all that......it was nearly impossible to not forgive all those ppl. How could I not? They were being shoved around by the same funky fears and emotions that had shoved me around so many times. As this big wave of forgiveness kinda flowed through me.....it was like it washed the judgment right out with it. Heck, ppl weren't better, or worse, or this or that.......the just ARE. They're ppl......doing their best......with the tools they have right now. They, just like me, do all sorts of goofy things for any of a dozen silly reasons. They're dominated by fear just like I am sometimes.
It was a big-time spiritual awakening for me. A real life-changer. I reeeeally started to see just how much all that resentment, judgment, and superiority had been killing me. I realized how blessed I was to have not gotten loaded while all that junk was the main part of my life.
And ya wanna know what? Ya know I STILL do that same dumb $hit once and a while.....now....several years later......FULLY knowing how damaging to ME and my sobriety it is.
Kinda scary, huh? So you all see, I've been RIGHT THERE. I've done the same things and I did a lot of harm to myself (and other ppl too) in the process and I definitely put my sobriety at risk - there's a reason they wrote "resentment is the #1 offender." ....and that's the reason I jumped on your post so hard, Sinker - because I've been there/done that....and it was a seriously dangerous way to try to live sober.
I've kept my eyes on this thread for a while now but wanted to wait before I said anything else. Today I figured, "well, you put the data out there.......but you didn't put the solution out there and you didn't explain how YOU got through it Mike."
So.......there ya go. I hope it helps someone out......
God bless!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: South Africa
Posts: 44
Last week we had a woman who bulldozed the sharing at our meeting. Im pretty sure she was high on prescription meds. "Sharing" for 20 minutes with incoherrent thoughts. Besides the chuckle I was having was honestly a waste of mine and other attendee's time.
As a noob I dont want to rock the boat to much and tell the great people who run the meeting what "I think is right", but I take my meetings seriously. And im not going to let someone f it up. But if she/someone else does it again im weighing up my options
A: Get up and walk out
B: if i have earphones in my jacket, put them on and listen to music on my phone
C: Ask the chairperson if the rest of us can have a chance (Im pretty shy, but I feel that strongly about it)
option D: Sit there and 'listen' is out of the question
As a noob I dont want to rock the boat to much and tell the great people who run the meeting what "I think is right", but I take my meetings seriously. And im not going to let someone f it up. But if she/someone else does it again im weighing up my options
A: Get up and walk out
B: if i have earphones in my jacket, put them on and listen to music on my phone
C: Ask the chairperson if the rest of us can have a chance (Im pretty shy, but I feel that strongly about it)
option D: Sit there and 'listen' is out of the question
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by discTosser
Last week we had a woman who bulldozed the sharing at our meeting. Im pretty sure she was high on prescription meds. "Sharing" for 20 minutes with incoherrent thoughts. Besides the chuckle I was having was honestly a waste of mine and other attendee's time.
As a noob I dont want to rock the boat to much and tell the great people who run the meeting what "I think is right", but I take my meetings seriously. And im not going to let someone f it up. But if she/someone else does it again im weighing up my options
A: Get up and walk out
B: if i have earphones in my jacket, put them on and listen to music on my phone
C: Ask the chairperson if the rest of us can have a chance (Im pretty shy, but I feel that strongly about it)
option D: Sit there and 'listen' is out of the question
As a noob I dont want to rock the boat to much and tell the great people who run the meeting what "I think is right", but I take my meetings seriously. And im not going to let someone f it up. But if she/someone else does it again im weighing up my options
A: Get up and walk out
B: if i have earphones in my jacket, put them on and listen to music on my phone
C: Ask the chairperson if the rest of us can have a chance (Im pretty shy, but I feel that strongly about it)
option D: Sit there and 'listen' is out of the question
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by DesperadoBlond
Hi!
This almost rivals the English speaking AA meetings in Paris.
Some people actually go there to find contacts. Easy to get close to singers and big designers (who I shall not name).
I was always super poor, barely making ends meet, when I lived in Paris. At one meeting a girl with multiple passports went on and on about her depressing life that she lead in the entire floor that her dad rented for her in the most ritzy area of Paris. She was sad because her dad's name was all over the city thanks to the charitable projects he was funding. "I don't want people to know I come from money!", she sobbed. She had also recently fallen out with her mother, who had recently married a gazillionaire. The mother now lives on a private island to where you have to have your own helicopter to gain access.
She had just crashed her Porsche and daddy bought a new BMW instantly, which was also a cause for sadness...
.
This almost rivals the English speaking AA meetings in Paris.
Some people actually go there to find contacts. Easy to get close to singers and big designers (who I shall not name).
I was always super poor, barely making ends meet, when I lived in Paris. At one meeting a girl with multiple passports went on and on about her depressing life that she lead in the entire floor that her dad rented for her in the most ritzy area of Paris. She was sad because her dad's name was all over the city thanks to the charitable projects he was funding. "I don't want people to know I come from money!", she sobbed. She had also recently fallen out with her mother, who had recently married a gazillionaire. The mother now lives on a private island to where you have to have your own helicopter to gain access.
She had just crashed her Porsche and daddy bought a new BMW instantly, which was also a cause for sadness...
.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by discTosser
Last week we had a woman who bulldozed the sharing at our meeting. Im pretty sure she was high on prescription meds. "Sharing" for 20 minutes with incoherrent thoughts. Besides the chuckle I was having was honestly a waste of mine and other attendee's time.
As a noob I dont want to rock the boat to much and tell the great people who run the meeting what "I think is right", but I take my meetings seriously. And im not going to let someone f it up. But if she/someone else does it again im weighing up my options
A: Get up and walk out
B: if i have earphones in my jacket, put them on and listen to music on my phone
C: Ask the chairperson if the rest of us can have a chance (Im pretty shy, but I feel that strongly about it)
option D: Sit there and 'listen' is out of the question
As a noob I dont want to rock the boat to much and tell the great people who run the meeting what "I think is right", but I take my meetings seriously. And im not going to let someone f it up. But if she/someone else does it again im weighing up my options
A: Get up and walk out
B: if i have earphones in my jacket, put them on and listen to music on my phone
C: Ask the chairperson if the rest of us can have a chance (Im pretty shy, but I feel that strongly about it)
option D: Sit there and 'listen' is out of the question
If I'm not leading the table, then I know how the table is being run is none of my business. My job then is to listen as intently as possible, especially to the ppl I think are wack-o's, for a possible in to go speak to them later - for something that I might be able to help them with.
ha......don't get me wrong......often my first knee-jerk reaction is to get upset. Page 19 and 20 have some rather strong advice for me in these situations though:
Most of us sense that real tolerance
of other people’s shortcomings and viewpoints and a
respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us
more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem
drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others
and how we may help meet their needs.
For a long time I went to meetings expecting to GET something, to be taught something, I wanted something good to happen to make it worth my while for going. Eventually that changed - it changed to going to meetings to give.....to look for someone to help.....to do what I believe my God's will for me to do is - and it seem like it was God's will for me to be acting like I used to. I had to cross the line from being a taker into being a giver.....and it took some diligent work.
Don't get me wrong....I knew I still needed to learn a whole lot when I was new but I also realized it was selfish (and maybe a little lazy) of me to expect it to come at the meetings I chose to go to. What I started doing was downloading open talks and listening to those whenever I had time. That way I could "get a meeting in," usually heard some awesome stuff, AND I could do it whenever I wanted. It took some extra work on my part but I was able to find what I wanted.....I just had to look in some other places and put some extra effort into it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Nice post there Mike, and right on topic. Thanx. It helped me.
I heard this once boiled down to:
An egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
When I heard that, oh boy, I said... THAT'S IT!!!!! THAT'S ME!!!... LOL... An egomaniac with an inferiority complex.... WOW!!
We have a new guy coming to our home group who was listening to our shares and was genuinely surprised that there were other people who felt just like he did about alcohol and all that... I was thinking, buddy, you have NOOOOOO idea how NOT unique you are, we've only scratched the surface here tonight... and that will be one of the miracles of the program you receive, when you "see" that ...
It's all good, you know. I don't know if this feeling is limited to alcoholics, or not as common among alcoholics as I am thinking... but it is really nice to read from others.... that I am not alone.
When I feel no better than, or worse than, others, I can just... be.
Originally Posted by DayTrader
When I feel better than everyone..... anytime anyone gets anything, I get jealous (resentment). Anytime anyone does something I deem bad, it irritates me (resentment). Anytime "they" don't listen to me (and since I'm smarter.....and better......they should listen to me, right?), it hurts my feelings (resentment). Anytime I don't get my due, I feel hurt (resentment). Hell.....practically everyone, all the time, everything they got, everything they did, everything I didn't have, and everything I wanted but wasn't getting......that's all that was on my mind all day. In other words, I was a living resentment-factory and I didn't even know it at the time.
EDIT: on the other hand.....I'm also highly adept at, simultaneously, believing I'm also a whole lot worse than all of you.....that nobody's quite as messed up as me......nobody has it as rough......nobody "feels" quite as deeply as I do......nobody hurts as much as me......etc. ---but that's for another post, this one is long enough already - lol
EDIT: on the other hand.....I'm also highly adept at, simultaneously, believing I'm also a whole lot worse than all of you.....that nobody's quite as messed up as me......nobody has it as rough......nobody "feels" quite as deeply as I do......nobody hurts as much as me......etc. ---but that's for another post, this one is long enough already - lol
An egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
When I heard that, oh boy, I said... THAT'S IT!!!!! THAT'S ME!!!... LOL... An egomaniac with an inferiority complex.... WOW!!
We have a new guy coming to our home group who was listening to our shares and was genuinely surprised that there were other people who felt just like he did about alcohol and all that... I was thinking, buddy, you have NOOOOOO idea how NOT unique you are, we've only scratched the surface here tonight... and that will be one of the miracles of the program you receive, when you "see" that ...
It's all good, you know. I don't know if this feeling is limited to alcoholics, or not as common among alcoholics as I am thinking... but it is really nice to read from others.... that I am not alone.
When I feel no better than, or worse than, others, I can just... be.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Mark75
.......about alcohol and all that... I was thinking, buddy, you have NOOOOOO idea how NOT unique you are, we've only scratched the surface here tonight...
!!! x 1,000
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Don't most meetings have people who speak after the meeting to those who shared in the wrong way or who revealed that they were not working the program in the right way? Isn't this the greeter's job?
Personally I hated when those people ran after me as I left a meeting. But I guess it is necessary at times.
Personally I hated when those people ran after me as I left a meeting. But I guess it is necessary at times.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
My sponsor posted the following in another venue this morning. I have not read every post in this thread but this seems quite fitting...especially to me.
SOMETIMES I RUN SHORT ON LOVE & TOLERANCE OF OTHERS... HOW ABOUT YOU?
"You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform." BB pg 95
Sometimes I get irritated over the way AA or my Home Group are doing things. This always eventually leads to me being irritated about the crap I hear being said sometimes in meetings by people who obviously have never read the Big Book, sponsored or went on a 12 Step call. It usually makes me want to go on a crusade to save AA from all those misguided people who aren't doing AA right. In moods like this I have a tendency of being over zealous and come across as a bleeding deacon and thankfully at these times my sponsor will remind me that extreme agitation shuts us off from the sunlight of the Spirit, and the
n we die, often without getting drunk, but we die on the inside.
Then I realize that for me, the real work in AA is in ones personal recovery program, providing a living example of AA, and in their home group. Be true to the teachings of the program, as set down in our Book, pass this no to the newcomers, and all will be well.
Bill W wrote that we will be here so long as God may need us.
Big Book quotes: 1st Edition, Alcoholics Anonymous
SOMETIMES I RUN SHORT ON LOVE & TOLERANCE OF OTHERS... HOW ABOUT YOU?
"You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform." BB pg 95
Sometimes I get irritated over the way AA or my Home Group are doing things. This always eventually leads to me being irritated about the crap I hear being said sometimes in meetings by people who obviously have never read the Big Book, sponsored or went on a 12 Step call. It usually makes me want to go on a crusade to save AA from all those misguided people who aren't doing AA right. In moods like this I have a tendency of being over zealous and come across as a bleeding deacon and thankfully at these times my sponsor will remind me that extreme agitation shuts us off from the sunlight of the Spirit, and the
n we die, often without getting drunk, but we die on the inside.
Then I realize that for me, the real work in AA is in ones personal recovery program, providing a living example of AA, and in their home group. Be true to the teachings of the program, as set down in our Book, pass this no to the newcomers, and all will be well.
Bill W wrote that we will be here so long as God may need us.
Big Book quotes: 1st Edition, Alcoholics Anonymous
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Yesterday's and today's "Twenty-Four Hours a Day" readings were right on point as well:
Sept 5
A.A. Thought For The Day
One of the mottoes of A.A. is "First Things First." This means that
we should always keep in mind that alcohol is our number-one
problem. We must never let any other problem, whether of family,
business, friends, or anything else, take precedence in our minds over our
alcoholic problem. As we go along in A.A., we learn to recognize the
things that may upset us emotionally. When we find ourselves getting
upset over something, we must realize that it's a luxury we alcoholics
can't afford. Anything that makes us forget our number-one problem
is dangerous to us. Am I keeping sobriety in first place in my mind?
Sept 6
A.A. Thought For The Day
Another of the mottoes of AA is "Live
and Let Live." This, of course, means
tolerance of people who think differently
than we do, whether they are in AA or
outside of AA. We cannot afford the lux-
ury of being intolerant or critical of other
people. We do not try to impose our wills
on those who differ from us. We are not
"holier than thou." We do not have all the
answers. We ar not better than other good
people. We live the best way we can and
we allow others to do likewise. Am I will-
ing to live and let live?
Sept 5
A.A. Thought For The Day
One of the mottoes of A.A. is "First Things First." This means that
we should always keep in mind that alcohol is our number-one
problem. We must never let any other problem, whether of family,
business, friends, or anything else, take precedence in our minds over our
alcoholic problem. As we go along in A.A., we learn to recognize the
things that may upset us emotionally. When we find ourselves getting
upset over something, we must realize that it's a luxury we alcoholics
can't afford. Anything that makes us forget our number-one problem
is dangerous to us. Am I keeping sobriety in first place in my mind?
Sept 6
A.A. Thought For The Day
Another of the mottoes of AA is "Live
and Let Live." This, of course, means
tolerance of people who think differently
than we do, whether they are in AA or
outside of AA. We cannot afford the lux-
ury of being intolerant or critical of other
people. We do not try to impose our wills
on those who differ from us. We are not
"holier than thou." We do not have all the
answers. We ar not better than other good
people. We live the best way we can and
we allow others to do likewise. Am I will-
ing to live and let live?
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