sugarbear1

I view those people like those who come here looking to "moderate" their drinking. If I could moderate, I would and I wouldn't need support doing it. If I could stop and not look back, I would and I wouldn't need support.

I can't do this alone. I do have in person support and online support. It works for me!

Best wishes on your sober journey!

Charon

I wish you luck. IMO and experience, extremely few alcoholics simply stop, walk away, and never look back, with no support. If it were that easy the success rate would be vastly higher. In other words, if it sounds too good to be true, it most probably is - or - as my Mom used to say "Wish in one hand and pee in the other and see which fills up first."

Still I wish you the best and hope you are one of the truely fortunate. As for me, I'll keep taking my Antabuse and muddle on soberly.

Sasha4

I count days as I am proud of myself and what I have achieved.

For me, I never thought I could do one day, never mind 174 days.

I don't share my days with anyone but SR family.

I also post to try and help others. It truly pains me to see someone else suffering.

I think though, I will always be drawn to addiction and recovery, just because of my own experiences.

I can't help but buy a magazine if it has a story about addiction in it. I am drawn to programmes on TV if they are about addiction. Maybe it's due to a case of 'there but for the grace of God go I' .......I don't know.

However, there are a group of people I will not talk to about it and my experience as I just think it is none of their business and they are small minded and would never understand.

I think I also go through periods when I am more active in recovery.
Sometimes I just want to lock mysel away and read SR. It's a bit like my own secret world.

Other times, I want to read a newspaper and do shopping on line.

Maybe it's just the normal up's and down's of life. They happen in recovery too.

I certainly don't want to ever forget though.

Some of the stories and advice has been unbelievably helpful. I feel it is a privelage that I might go to a meeting or read on here about someone being homeless through drink and they have shared about that to warn others of their plight and drinking in general. Where it can lead and how low it can get.

Gosh, I am sure I owe my life to some of those people.

Dalek

I fit your desired profile, which would fall under the category of self-recovery, but I'm not inclined to tell anyone 'my story'. Fortunately for you, I can recommend a book that has many such stories, and which will probably give you a better picture of what recovery can look like than I could.

The book does included stories from people who used methods from AA, SMART, Rational Recovery, SOS, and some others, but it offers a good cross-section of recovery options. It might be useful for people who want to get an idea of the different approaches people take.

Sober for Good — New Solutions for Drinking Problems — Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded By Anne M. Fletcher

The only organization that encourages and teaches how to do this would be Rational Recovery. They teach a method of self-recovery known as AVRT, which can be learned from reading the Rational Recovery book.

The RR stance is that you should hang around only if necessary, and only long enough to learn AVRT, and then get lost. They disbanded their meetings long ago, and actively encourage attrition from their own forum.

If this is indeed what you want, and you aren't just 'venting', then AVRT may suit you. Or, you could always just quit. Most people do just that.

freshstart57

I am always afraid to extend my simple limited experience to the general population, so I do my research and read from everything I can possibly find. Google alcoholic success recovery rate and see what you learn.

zjw

i quit for a year before I signed up here. I only signed up here to tell my story hopeing it might help someone else. People here conned me into giving AA a whirl. I go to the meetings I enjoy it as far as following the program? Nope I dont have a sponsor dont have much interest either. The steps? sure I read them over a year ago when i quit. They made sense did i write stuff down etc..? no not really. Thinking back did i work them? yeah probably indirectly I suppose. To me they just seem like a common sense code of ethics really many of which I already applied in my life before and after quiting. A few I guess I had to /work on/. But i dont formally do much of it. I dont rely on AA never did. i dont Rely on Sober Recovery either. I rely on ME and only ME. Because only I am going to keep my sobriety at the end of the day.

Why do i go to AA? I like helping others. I like seeing where i came from and where I am headed all around the same table. I notice theres a lot of genuine folks there that just have a genuine desire to help each other strangers even. I walk away feeling better. It doesnt realy keep me from drinking per say but I guess it helps matters.

I like popping in here for many of the same reasons.

The CarolD's of the world I admire for a few reasons. Theres some old timers at AA decades of sobriety. I got to thinking WHY? I mean seriously WHY do they go to the aa meetings still after all these years. How many times do they hear another alcoholic spill out the same sob story and reasons they drink etc.. and how many times to they dish out the same advice time and time again. Happily too. I wonder if i could do that? or if at some point I'd want to strangle some of us alcoholics for not getting it yet.

The point is some people linger around AA for decades or groups like this thy dont rely on it. They want to be there they want to help. It is there pleasure to help. I'm sure they've heard all our stories a 1000 times. But they still sit there with a smile willing to help.

zjw

just to add. The decades of expiericen some of these folks has enables them to help us newbies way better. They've probably heard our story before or one like it and know what to say that might get through to us.
You can't use aa as a crutch to stay sober any more then you can use anything else as an excuse to drink. You have to crawl before you can walk etc.. I think the further down the road you get the more you'll find you dont need to rely on anything for your sobriety.

liv1ce

I hope you are still listening donenow. It sounded above as if you were signing off of your own thread. I have known a few in my life who have quit on their own who by their own stories were/are obvious alcoholics. They simply got tired of it and quit and stayed sober. I did that as well. It was time - seen in a number of ways - for me to quit and I did. I stayed sober and completely free of any organization and philosophy for 10 years. I never even thought about it for the most part except to aid someone who was struggling or his/her loved one. Then I found prescription drugs and was gone for 3 years. It took nothing but a pill and what felt like a nice reminder of what getting high - my favorite thing - felt like and I was simply gone.

You seem to want to get away from any labeling - being an alcoholic and all - or other association with it but there is one thing that never really changes and that is the fact that you are an alcoholic and the beast never really sleeps.

sugarbear1

if you aren't working the steps with a sponsor, how are you helping a newcomer in the rooms of AA?

davaidavai

That's part of it, ZJW. They do enjoy helping. But you don't really understand that experience until you understand how to help someone. And it's deceptively hard: perhaps as hard as figuring out how to take the initial steps out of a depressed state. I'm seeing that now. It's not like the kind of ego endulging helping, someone who thinks he knows the answer bestows on someone he thinks doesn't know the answer. It's like entering into a dialogue, living by example, having the integrity and strength to practice each moment. I'm just a beginner, but I can see how this is a lifelong commitment, an intensily rewarding experience. I think that's why people keep coming back. And some of those sob stories are veritable gospels.

liv1ce

Who are you addressing with your last comment sugarbear1?

MetalChick

To be honest, I found that first post insulting, and a put down. Like I am some online recovery room looser. I am probably very sensitive, but that stung. Good luck finding all those recovering addicts that never needed help and just "quit and got on with it."

Sorry to count the days and grapple over my addiction. Sorry I don't have enough "recovery time" under my belt for you. Jeeze!!! I am pissed. I better shut up about that now. I am getting worked up.

I am so glad for SR because being a recovering addict is "me" and this forum is invaluable. Thank God too for all the people that do stay even after they are years in the clear because it helps others so much. Thanks for not just using this room and moving on, but for giving back. And TY to the new people as well, because they help and say wise things without even knowing it. I never would have even come out of denial when I did without SR.

freshstart57

MetalChick, there are a few around here still that have done exactly that, and I am one of them. Most of them don't post since they got sober, they are too busy! I guess I am here for the company, I think I can help out or something.

Dee74

Lets all chillaxe and calm down guys

It seems to me the OP was speaking very personally and not casting aspersions on anyone else at all

Some people want to be done with recovery - consign it to the dustbin of history and never think about it again.

Others find they need to keep an idea of recovery in their life forevermore.

I've seen success stories from both camps.

me? I'm grateful to the people who do stick around here, not because they need to, but because they want to.

It's part of what makes SR great

D

MetalChick

M, kay I'll be good

Thank you Dee

zjw

"if you aren't working the steps with a sponsor, how are you helping a newcomer in the rooms of AA?"

I'm assuming that was in reference to me. Everyone works the program differently and everyone gets different take aways from a meeting etc.. I imagine. I read the big book etc.. I might even change my mind and get a sponsor one day but for now i'm content with how things are. I'll admit our comment stings a bit comments like that make me wonder if I'm not welcome at an aa meeting because I"m well different or something. Its ok tho I can understand where your coming from with a statement like that and wont let it get me.

donenow

Thanks Dee (ever the voice of reason). My OP was a bit of a vent and a bit of a quest for more and less (i.e. more tools, which mean I need to work less!). Looking for posters to say 'I'm cured, I never even THINK about drinking or not drinking and hey what's alcohol anyway'. And thanks so much for the positive voices out there, much needed and appreciated.

Honestly, this isn't linear for me (maybe I thought it would be), but I have up and downs and today (and yesterday) it just seems like working hard at something that last week was easy. Anyway, thanks for reading sorry for inadvertently offending didn't mean to at all.

edited to add, that I now realise that I probably was offending everyone! Believe me I need and love SR just like everyone else (just hoping one day i won't! Won't NEED it I mean, will always love it! jeesh convoluted much)

MemphisBlues

When I attempted to get sober a decade ago, I thought it was just about stopping -- stopping the booze, stopping the pills stopping the pot. And i couldn't. I mean, I could chalk up a month or so, and the angst and desperation and depression coupled with the diagnosis of chronic major depression, panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder made me unique. Besides, if I had to take antidepressants and benzos just to get through the day, why not add some booze and pot to smooth out the rough edges?

Two years ago, I finally got to a point where I just had to stop, throw out the booze, quit taking the mountain of tranquilizers a doctor said I needed just as the diabetic needs insulin, quit rolling the joints. The actual experience of detoxing from that chemical stew was, well, let's just leave it as interesting (I almost died). You see, alcohol and pot weren't my problem; the cure for my alcoholism and addictions were, well, alcohol and drugs. They treated the anxiety and the depression, the general angst of being me.

Take those away, and what are you left with? For me, it was depression and panic and anxiety. So I had to address those issues, take a long, hard look at why I was me, slice through a few decades (40 years, actually), of dampened emotions and actions with chemicals, decades of mistakes and misdeeds, i had to dig inside to try to arrive at some peace. Two years later, I'm still working at it.

That's why I call it recovery, and I need to seek the feedback and experience of others who were once alcoholics and addicts to find hope that I can address the rot inside me that led me to alcohol and drugs for relief.

It's not easy. You see, I am recovered from alcohol and drug dependence, but the ongoing aspect of trying to gain peace, to correct a life of selfish thinking, to place others before myself, to leans how to cope with the depression and anxiety and angst that mushroomed into a nuclear cloud after taking away the alcohol and drugs, well, I call that recovery. It's an ongoing process. So I am here. And I am involved in the recovery community, going to rehabs in remote locations in a Third World country, telling of my experience, my recovery, my life without alcohol and drugs, and what it takes to keep me from going back to them as I travel this road to self awareness that has one goal -- serenity.

Alcohol and drugs create a physical and mental dependence. For many, they just feel good. For me, they were a necessary salve, not just social lubricant, but medicine to quell the beast within me.

Many, in fact, I suspect it's the majority of people, can and do recovery from the physical dependence aspect of their addiction and move on. Many use a variety a programs to achieve that state. I think I am one of them. But to address the need for that salve to ease the pain of every molecule in my body that screamed for numbness to achieve what was for me nirvana (complete apathy), I got a lot of internal rearranging to do. Some call that a spiritual experience.

So to address the original question, I think I am at a state where I could just move on with life without the alcohol and drugs, leave SR, leave my program where I hang with other recovered alcoholics and addicts, stop trying to help others virtually jailed for the same problems I have, but I just wouldn't be happy. Would I drink again? Nope, I don't think so. You see, I made a big plan, a grand promise, to simply not do that again, and I almost think I can achieve that state for the rest of my trek on the planet just by rationalizing my thoughts when a quirky little mind fart like, "Hey, a beer or two would feel pretty good right now, or a joint would ease the angst whelming inside of me." I can beat that sucker down, and win. But to continue the personal growth and evolving nature of why and what I want to be, I embrace the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Dalek

I'm afraid I can't oblige you there, donenow. Even if I didn't ever think about alcohol at all, I would never actually tell you this, for the simple reason that I view the very desire for such thoughts to go away as your addiction talking. What I can and will say is that it is possible to be done with recovery, to 'consign it to the dustbin', as Dee put it. OTOH, I'm not "done with it" in the sense that thoughts of alcohol do not come to mind. I suspect that may remain forever, and I have come to terms with that.

I will also say that contrary to the many naysayers, most people do just quit and move on -- this is fact, not fiction -- and that I believe anyone is capable of doing this. I myself may not have figured out how to do it without some additional information, but AVRT is based on the experiences of the self-recovered population. As such, I will always honor the self-recovered, and I will never, under any circumstances, say that 'nobody can do it alone'.

Anyway, you did not offend me with your post at all, and I hope you find your way, whatever that may be.

sugarbear1

zjw, of course you are always welcome at an AA meeting! The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. There are no AA police.