bbthumper

I am becoming increasingly disturbed at many meetings. My heart breaks for the newcomer who comes into the rooms and does not hear the message of AA. Instead the floor is opened to anyone's "sobriety threatening issues." The entire hour is dedicated to one person's external problems and no one mentions God, recovery, the steps or even alcoholism. What good is that to the new guy coming in just wanting to know what is wrong with him and having no understanding of acloholism or the spiritual malady. We should be giving the newcomer hope! We need to lay aside our "sobriety threatening issues" for an hour and talk about how to get well and the power of GOD. I bring the solution to the meeting. I bring my problems to my sponsor or to my fellows before or after the meeting. Me talking about my terrible day does nothing to give a newcomer hope. Does anyone else feel sympathy for these newcomers?

freshstart57

Yes.

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum...

I do hope you will stay around and meet members who are
winning over alcohol. Some do various methods and concepts
some like me are AA'ers.
I see you have also found our
Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum...
.that too is a good place for AA members

Since you mentioned AA meetings....I'll give it a go...

Who makes up these meetings that you find disturbing?
You do and I do....it's our personal responsibility to
carry the BB message and then let God handle the result.

Have you read "Working With Others" around this situation?
Done a 4th?
When you chair..or share....do you share from the BB?


You could also if this is happening in your home group...ask
for a GC and bring it to the attention of those who
attend. Sometimes we do get lax and forget and often
a GC can clear the air and the group improves..

Another option....start your own meeting...ask members who also
consider AA is not being what they need ..to join you.

Leaving AA is not something I will ever do...nor do I stand
silently by when I have a problem..

I'm glad you shared this with us.

Live2Run25

Not trying to be smart, but I thought AA wasn't specifically about GOD? This is one reason why I do not go. I am not religious and it's post like this that scare me away from going. I want to hear about other people, and their experiences, not what religion they believe in..

CarolD

Live2Run25....

Please do find something that allows you to live sober and well.

AA members can choose to find their own conception of God.
Some members use Good orderly Direction ...
some use the group.......ass in Group of drunks..

It's not about a church God or it can be. No one will asked you to
join or go to any particular church...or practice any specific religion.

Just a bit of clarification from me....I don't care who goes to AA
or who does not. AA is not nor has it ever run a membership drive.

I do care about helping other alcoholics ..

awuh1

I have never been to a meeting where the “entire hour is dedicated to one person's external problems”. IMO, it’s important to steer meeting to focus on Alcoholism, even more so when there is a new person in the room. Bring it up at a group conscience so that a method, which the group can live with, is devised to keep the focus where it needs to be.

My experience has been that nearly very time it’s pointed out that a new person is in a room, the focus generally turns to step one and how this was helpful.

Mark75

We should share the message, not the mess......

Dee74

I don't know that much about AA but I know you'll find a lot of recovery here BBT.
Welcome

D

yeahgr8

Well in the last few years there have been several occasions that i have thought like that and have not bothered going to a meeting for a few months at a time...

I see that as really pointless behaviour because of what CarolD has said really, if i'm not there and not sharing then the newcomer is left with the people that you are referring to, don't get me wrong i couldn't care less if someone comes to AA for a couple of decades and the only thing they do is stop drinking and are as nuts as the first day they walked in, i really do not care in the slightest...i also don't care how many people come into AA and then leave to continue drinking or drugging...why don't i care? Because i spent a considerable amount of time trying to make sure that everyone understoood what i had been given and imposing my will on everyone that i spoke to about how to get sober, what to do to get sober and what sobriety really meant...it was and is just a total waste of energy and time...

So what can i do? Well i can get to meetings and be there if someone reaches out to me, i can bee a living example that the program does work, i can live my life and be there if anyone reaches out to me outside AA (this has happened more times than in btw!!) and that's about it...the worst thing i can do for myself and others is to get caught up in all the AA BS, arguing the toss about the steps, when they should be worked, how they should be worked, arguing over what sobriety is etc...

Just try and live a sober life, be a good example in and out of the rooms, care about the still suffering alcoholic in and out of the rooms and just be there if someone reaches out otherwise you will drive yourself crazy and that is absolutely pointless:-)

ru12

If you know that someone is a newcomer and you think that the meeting isn't giving him the AA message, then what is stopping you from approaching him after and giving it to him?

Just a thought, not meaning to be snippy at all. I've been to a few AA meetings and some were definitely more to my liking than others. But I was always glad to have gone and spent some time with sober people with a common problem.

tomsteve

when i was diagnosed with cancer 13 months into recovery, yer darn tootin i brought up what i was goin on in my melon, and that was suggested by my sponsor with 33 years of recovery at the time. i got the solution every time.
now, there are times that broken lawn mowers and flat tire talks get goin, but theres a few different solutions.
i can look at it and say," this is a sick person. how can i be helpful to them? God save me from getting angry( i think thats what the BB tells us to do).

i can ask tyhe group if they feel the talk has anything to do with recovery and/or if it is straying from the topic.

i can bring it up at a group conscience meeting.

its very simple if i live in the solution instead of the problem. whenever i get upset at how a meeting is going, i do what the BB says and look at myself. its usually quite selfish, self centered, and a wee bit of an ego for me to think i know how a meeting should go. so i stop playing God. it dont work.

tomsteve

AA isnt religious. thats for people afraid of hell. AA is spiritual. thats for people who have been in hell.
i have been to quite a few meetings over the last 7 years and have yet to hear a religion mentioned.
the main purpose of the program is for us to find a power greater than ourselves that can help us with all of our problems.

jennikate

I have also never been in a meeting which was dominated by one person. Usually the leader announces a time limit prior to discussion. As for the "not enough god"...I think it's a balancing act. I use the group of drunks approach for my higher power. So far,it's working for me. I feel that open-mindedness is a cornerstone of AA. After all, it says a god of my understanding. I'm guessing that is different for everyone. As long as noone imposes their beliefs onto me, I'm good with that.

KnowHope

I completely agree.

Thank you for this post.

Mo S

I felt the same as you one day. I went to an oldtimer with the issue. She said "what do you remember from your first few meetings?". I said I remembered the warm welcome but not much more (and counting the floor tiles because I was so anxious lol). She said "EXACTLY!"

Gottalife

Thanks for your post BBT. I agree completely and by the same token I am responsible for what happens next. Unlike many these days I don't believe it is my job to just be around in case someone reaches out to me for help. My job is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

Not so many years ago I said, in a meeting, "I am not a Big book scholar". Probably the most ignorant thing I have ever said.

Now realise I was wrong, that the BB is the manual of instruction, the only publication in existence with the instructions on how to take the steps. It tells me nothing will so much insure imunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It also says a price must be paid, the destruction of my self centredness (helping others can be inconvenient).

The obsession has long been removed from me, and this was not dependent on any external circumstance other than God's grace. The problem no longer exists and I am completely free to do whatever I like in this world. Life is wonderful but not always a bed of roses. Everyone has problems, including me and I solve them with appropriate help from outside AA. I go to AA for my sobriety, to help others get sober, not to find out how to fix a lawnmower.

Right now a dear friend is faced with suffering a terminal illness. He works in my business, his future is uncertain, he may have one or two years or we could lose him in weeks. I have been through this before when I lost my wife. These are life issues, and, because God has removed the obsession, I am able to deal with them without even the thought of a drink. While I sometimes share on this as an example of the power of the program, I don't burden the meeting with the issue. I have God and professionals like grief counsellors and the amazing palliative care nurses to turn to, and of course one or two close AA friends.

When I go to AA I take care of my sobriety and spiritual condition by helping others and forgetting self. In the last few weeks God has found me two newcomers to work with, they couldn't have come along at a better time.

God bless,
Mike.

bbthumper

Thank you all for the response to this. I apologize if I came across as being negative. I love AA. It saved my life. Thats why I am so disturbed knowing that too many people are not getting the AA message. I have a core group of guys that are straight out of the book and we do what we can to reach out and carry the message in our groups. We go to meetings because that is where the newcomer is. If we dont work with others, our program suffers and eventually we will drink. We understand that we need to sponsor people. The scary thing is that we are often outnumbered by folks who feel as though AA is some type of group therapy. Some meetings are infiltrated with outside issues. It can give the impression sometimes that alcoholism is created by external circumstances instead of explaning the internal spiritual malady which is the true problem. We are promised that we will straighten out physically and mentally once the spiritual malady is overcome, yet the spiritual malady is seldom discussed in many meetings. We all have problems some big some small, but I was taught an AA meeting is for AA. All my other problems are to be discussed outside of the meeting. After all, if sitting around and discussing my problems with other alcoholics was enough to keep me sober, I would have sobered up long before I did!

God bless y'all!

~BBThumper

SamanthaIam

I've been to meetings where the "shares" were all drinking stories, and it started to seem like a competition of who could tell the funniest or weirdest drinking story. People would laugh and laugh at the crazy things drinkers "used to" do. I didn't think it was funny at all, and it just made me feel discouraged.

I never went back to that particular meeting after a few times there. I still sometimes go to a speaker meeting, but I'm not in the AA program per se. I've met some great people who are supportive, but for the most part I'm doing this with SR, some of the concepts of AVRT, and some outside reading. And AA or not, God is with me on this journey.

All of this is to say, you will know what to do that will work for you, and seem "right" and consistent with your values.

RevivingOphelia

Right?!

I feel exactly the same way.

RevivingOphelia

That may be so for you and your group; however, if you read the OP, she is concerned that God is not mentioned enough at meetings as well how the "power of GOD" and the notion of "spiritual maladies" are given short shrift.

I find this attitude rather condescending, borderline offensive and unwelcoming to many who are searching for an inclusive recovery program.