Is it possible to remain sober without meetings?..
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Ericz,
Welcone to SR!
You sound a lot like I did about meetings except you have gotten into them where I was a bit different in my approach.
You posted:
" I know the outer-workings of the 12-step program, and desire to seek further knowledge through meaningful discussions on this medium."
I can't help you much there, as I never did the steps with AA, but here, on this medium, we have a 12 step forum and they do a lot of that work over there without meetings.
I quit with everything I could find to use locally including my Docs, my family, the VA, my closest friends, counselors, and even my AW. I decided that while I loved drinking when it was voluntary, I hated it once it was mandatory. I did not discover AA and SR until about two weeks after I quit. I had a background in counseling and was an RET & Reality Therapy adherent, eclectic in practice. So I found a medical in hospital detox I qualified for with a follow on 28 day rehab. They did an excellent job of the detox as I never had any severe symptoms or anxiety. They later told me that they kept me stoned and weened me off whtever it was all within a week! No drama, boring were it not for my excitement at finally getting it safely out of my system. I was free at last and would never ever go back because of one drink. I also quit smoking as long as I was being detoxed anyway and went on patches for the next year it turned out.
That was quitting. Then they transported me to rehab in an old hotel and I had a night to settle in as it was Sunday. Monday was counseling in the mornings and afternoon, and after supper we were off to a meeting in two vans, all 16 of us and two rehab people. I asked to be excluded from meetings but was told there was no option as they had no third person to stay with me? I was a volunteer for this but it seems that they were going to treat me as if I were in custody. It was a combined NA and AA meeting. I looked around at the 100 or more people and decided that I was not going to like this at all. I hated every minute. Minute by minute it was all I could do to contain my building rage. Were we not in a very bad part of town I would have walked away.
The next day I had a meeting with the head Shrink and admin person and they told me I had no options and must attend meetings. I went back to our counseling session and after a few minutes I apologized to the very nice counselor and told him I was quitting the program as it wasn't for me. Apparently the head shrink thought she had more authority than she did and implied that I could not leave and must complete the program. I looked her and her two flunkies dead in the eye and told them that I checked myself in and was not homeless as half the other guys were, and was going to free up a bed I don't need. They assured me I would not be able to survive sober and would be drinking in no time. I told them that they could watch and see. I guess they intimidate some folks with that self righteous crap. If i weren't so determined to make my life sober, they would have provided enough for me to want to just to spite them.
I went home and had some terrible PAWs, and my doc wasn't enough. I found SR and found out what PAWs was and got some peace in knowing I would eventually heal. Had a few folks recommend I try several AA meetings and find one that fits. I did. And attended their meetings only twice a week.
Many of them were shocked and wanted me to attend meetings daily. Well they were friends and it worked for them. And since I had already done similar work to step work with others as their counselor I was not looking for any sponsor or step work. Just some non-judgmental fellows that could help me know what was normal and what was serious. Fortunately my home group was great, and allowed me to take what I could use, and leave the rest. After my PAWs mostly eased up, at about three months, I stopped going every week once a week and came by once a month, and then once a quarter, and now not at all.
I stayed here.
I have never relapsed, drank my 30 plus units a day with no legal or personal hassles. I never lost or spent all my money, own my own house and have no interest in ever drinking again, and quite frankly once I made up my mind that it was killing me, and that the shakes and having to drink scotch in my coffee and hold it with two hands was telling me something. I listened.
So I separate my sobriety into three distinct stages.
1. Deciding to quit by medical detox and never looking or going back.
2. Getting through some rough PAWs and healing enough physically for sobriety to feel normal, and for the initial emotional upheaval to settle down. Post Acute Withdrawal (PAWs) is a good name for my experience in the first six months of sobriety.
3. Giving back. I keep my experience to myself unless asked, and then I have no problem helping another to find their way out. I post here in hopes of letting others know that it will be real for them if they want to. SR has been great for me to learn about all the different ways people use to frame their sobriety.
Now note that in the first stage I used part of the VA program and rejected what I could not use to achieve my goal.
In the second stage I used part of AA and SR and rejected what I could not use to achieve my goal.
In the third stage I still take what I can use and leave the rest. This frustrates some who cannot conceive that I quit, not any of the tools I used.
My goal was sobriety, not to subscribe to any maintenance method of any stripe. I am so glad I had never tried to quit before and failed. I am not counting my daily morning illness and shakes when I swore I was going to quit tomorrow as quitting. No program or person could make me decide to quit forever.
With no shame I took what I needed to become detoxed, and to get through a very rough set of PAWs in the first couple of months. And never once was there any doubt I had succeeded. I had no conditions like as long as I am not stressed by (insert the trigger here) or based on the proximity or dependent on alcohol not being in reach. My AW has not quit and still smokes. There is a carton of smokes and a half gallon bottle of Scotch ten feet from me as I type. So? If the existence of alcohol will trigger me then I am lost anyway as it is. I went from smoking three packs a day too!
Even when I am near a smoker or a drinker, I tell them to go ahead. After smoking heavy for more than 40 years the last thing I am worried about is second hand smoke. And no coughing or allergies claimed or real are needed. I don't smoke just like I don't drink.
Folks are amazed, and some think I am either strong or not real. On the contrary. I am so weak that I could not even hold a cup of coffee without getting a couple of shots in me and could not quit on my own.
Once it was out of my system I was like a person stranded on a desert island who has been rescued. No one could talk me into or tempt me into going back. It is that determined. I have done my time in alcoholic hell, paid my dues. All by my own hand. And when I realized it was killing me I still could not stop without medical help.
The medical folks did not cause me to quit. I quit by my own hand and took what they had that I needed, and left the rest. They were just support that I sought out.
That is all I have to offer. Support from my corner, and hope some of it is what you can use, and that you leave the rest. Don't worry, like a smile, "the rest" never goes to waste.
I can't give you sobriety, you have to be bold, and take it!
Welcone to SR!
You sound a lot like I did about meetings except you have gotten into them where I was a bit different in my approach.
You posted:
" I know the outer-workings of the 12-step program, and desire to seek further knowledge through meaningful discussions on this medium."
I can't help you much there, as I never did the steps with AA, but here, on this medium, we have a 12 step forum and they do a lot of that work over there without meetings.
I quit with everything I could find to use locally including my Docs, my family, the VA, my closest friends, counselors, and even my AW. I decided that while I loved drinking when it was voluntary, I hated it once it was mandatory. I did not discover AA and SR until about two weeks after I quit. I had a background in counseling and was an RET & Reality Therapy adherent, eclectic in practice. So I found a medical in hospital detox I qualified for with a follow on 28 day rehab. They did an excellent job of the detox as I never had any severe symptoms or anxiety. They later told me that they kept me stoned and weened me off whtever it was all within a week! No drama, boring were it not for my excitement at finally getting it safely out of my system. I was free at last and would never ever go back because of one drink. I also quit smoking as long as I was being detoxed anyway and went on patches for the next year it turned out.
That was quitting. Then they transported me to rehab in an old hotel and I had a night to settle in as it was Sunday. Monday was counseling in the mornings and afternoon, and after supper we were off to a meeting in two vans, all 16 of us and two rehab people. I asked to be excluded from meetings but was told there was no option as they had no third person to stay with me? I was a volunteer for this but it seems that they were going to treat me as if I were in custody. It was a combined NA and AA meeting. I looked around at the 100 or more people and decided that I was not going to like this at all. I hated every minute. Minute by minute it was all I could do to contain my building rage. Were we not in a very bad part of town I would have walked away.
The next day I had a meeting with the head Shrink and admin person and they told me I had no options and must attend meetings. I went back to our counseling session and after a few minutes I apologized to the very nice counselor and told him I was quitting the program as it wasn't for me. Apparently the head shrink thought she had more authority than she did and implied that I could not leave and must complete the program. I looked her and her two flunkies dead in the eye and told them that I checked myself in and was not homeless as half the other guys were, and was going to free up a bed I don't need. They assured me I would not be able to survive sober and would be drinking in no time. I told them that they could watch and see. I guess they intimidate some folks with that self righteous crap. If i weren't so determined to make my life sober, they would have provided enough for me to want to just to spite them.
I went home and had some terrible PAWs, and my doc wasn't enough. I found SR and found out what PAWs was and got some peace in knowing I would eventually heal. Had a few folks recommend I try several AA meetings and find one that fits. I did. And attended their meetings only twice a week.
Many of them were shocked and wanted me to attend meetings daily. Well they were friends and it worked for them. And since I had already done similar work to step work with others as their counselor I was not looking for any sponsor or step work. Just some non-judgmental fellows that could help me know what was normal and what was serious. Fortunately my home group was great, and allowed me to take what I could use, and leave the rest. After my PAWs mostly eased up, at about three months, I stopped going every week once a week and came by once a month, and then once a quarter, and now not at all.
I stayed here.
I have never relapsed, drank my 30 plus units a day with no legal or personal hassles. I never lost or spent all my money, own my own house and have no interest in ever drinking again, and quite frankly once I made up my mind that it was killing me, and that the shakes and having to drink scotch in my coffee and hold it with two hands was telling me something. I listened.
So I separate my sobriety into three distinct stages.
1. Deciding to quit by medical detox and never looking or going back.
2. Getting through some rough PAWs and healing enough physically for sobriety to feel normal, and for the initial emotional upheaval to settle down. Post Acute Withdrawal (PAWs) is a good name for my experience in the first six months of sobriety.
3. Giving back. I keep my experience to myself unless asked, and then I have no problem helping another to find their way out. I post here in hopes of letting others know that it will be real for them if they want to. SR has been great for me to learn about all the different ways people use to frame their sobriety.
Now note that in the first stage I used part of the VA program and rejected what I could not use to achieve my goal.
In the second stage I used part of AA and SR and rejected what I could not use to achieve my goal.
In the third stage I still take what I can use and leave the rest. This frustrates some who cannot conceive that I quit, not any of the tools I used.
My goal was sobriety, not to subscribe to any maintenance method of any stripe. I am so glad I had never tried to quit before and failed. I am not counting my daily morning illness and shakes when I swore I was going to quit tomorrow as quitting. No program or person could make me decide to quit forever.
With no shame I took what I needed to become detoxed, and to get through a very rough set of PAWs in the first couple of months. And never once was there any doubt I had succeeded. I had no conditions like as long as I am not stressed by (insert the trigger here) or based on the proximity or dependent on alcohol not being in reach. My AW has not quit and still smokes. There is a carton of smokes and a half gallon bottle of Scotch ten feet from me as I type. So? If the existence of alcohol will trigger me then I am lost anyway as it is. I went from smoking three packs a day too!
Even when I am near a smoker or a drinker, I tell them to go ahead. After smoking heavy for more than 40 years the last thing I am worried about is second hand smoke. And no coughing or allergies claimed or real are needed. I don't smoke just like I don't drink.
Folks are amazed, and some think I am either strong or not real. On the contrary. I am so weak that I could not even hold a cup of coffee without getting a couple of shots in me and could not quit on my own.
Once it was out of my system I was like a person stranded on a desert island who has been rescued. No one could talk me into or tempt me into going back. It is that determined. I have done my time in alcoholic hell, paid my dues. All by my own hand. And when I realized it was killing me I still could not stop without medical help.
The medical folks did not cause me to quit. I quit by my own hand and took what they had that I needed, and left the rest. They were just support that I sought out.
That is all I have to offer. Support from my corner, and hope some of it is what you can use, and that you leave the rest. Don't worry, like a smile, "the rest" never goes to waste.
I can't give you sobriety, you have to be bold, and take it!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
There are a great many wonderful reasons to attend AA meetings and some of them have been listed here. Are AA and AA meetings necessary for sobriety? From my experience, they most certainly are not necessary. After 10 months of sobriety with no AA, I am not in a pink cloud, nor am I in denial, as I was told by many well meaning but misinformed people. I am free from alcohol, and this freedom is not dependent on meetings or anything else.
But, you posted this from your point of view. Will AA help you? That is your question to answer. Your sobriety will require your most certain definite commitment to never drink again. It is up to you to find the tools that which will make that possible. Keep looking until you find the way that clicks for you.
But, you posted this from your point of view. Will AA help you? That is your question to answer. Your sobriety will require your most certain definite commitment to never drink again. It is up to you to find the tools that which will make that possible. Keep looking until you find the way that clicks for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Richmond,Va.
Posts: 183
When Hitler was a young soldier his squad found a cask of brandy and drank it dry.He was deathly hungover the next day and never took another drink for the rest of his life.
He is an example of what happens to an alcoholic who doesn't drink and doesn't go to meetings.
{True Story}
He is an example of what happens to an alcoholic who doesn't drink and doesn't go to meetings.
{True Story}
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
It absolutely, positively possible to remain sober without meetings. Most of my recovered friends no longer go to meetings (30+ years sober with an average of 25 years without meetings).....and before the question arises, yes, it is absolutely possible to 'give back' and perform 12th Step work without doing so in AA meetings.
...and regarding all those AAer's who say things like, "...when people return after a relapse they always say they stopped going to meetings..." Well, of course this is what they see; they don't see those folks who stopped going to meetings and didn't relapse because, well, those folks aren't in the meetings for the AAer's to see.............something to think about.....hmmmm
(o:
NoelleR
...and regarding all those AAer's who say things like, "...when people return after a relapse they always say they stopped going to meetings..." Well, of course this is what they see; they don't see those folks who stopped going to meetings and didn't relapse because, well, those folks aren't in the meetings for the AAer's to see.............something to think about.....hmmmm
(o:
NoelleR
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by NoelleR 
It absolutely, positively possible to remain sober without meetings. Most of my recovered friends no longer go to meetings (30+ years sober with an average of 25 years without meetings).....and before the question arises, yes, it is absolutely possible to 'give back' and perform 12th Step work without doing so in AA meetings.
...and regarding all those AAer's who say things like, "...when people return after a relapse they always say they stopped going to meetings..." Well, of course this is what they see; they don't see those folks who stopped going to meetings and didn't relapse because, well, those folks aren't in the meetings for the AAer's to see.............something to think about.....hmmmm
...and regarding all those AAer's who say things like, "...when people return after a relapse they always say they stopped going to meetings..." Well, of course this is what they see; they don't see those folks who stopped going to meetings and didn't relapse because, well, those folks aren't in the meetings for the AAer's to see.............something to think about.....hmmmm
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