ericz

...Or at least attending online meetings as needed, coupled with big book study, and online community activity? I had my first drink 26 years ago, and have known I was an alcoholic for the last 20 years. I have been to approximately 150 (usually forced;none in the last 5 years) combined meetings for both N.A. and A.A. Alcohol is my drug of choice: other drugs are mainly a result of a primary alcohol binge. I have been cutting down and have tried to quit at least a 5 times this year alone.

I finally, for the first time realized that I've needed support all along. Up until this time I had deep down rationalized that I could win this battle, and that victory was right around the corner. I now recognize that the value of a support network specifically for the most overwhelming obstacle most of us will ever endure.

I feel that I have been waiting for this moment for eternity, and my spirit is free. This seeming re-birth, and belief in support has me reveling in faith that this time will be different. I know how long I can go without alcohol on my own, and now that I am finishing day 4, I have about 20 days to decide how to approach my program.

One of my drinking buddies moved back to Hawaii on Monday, and my other one is gone for the next month or maybe longer depending on if he passes a warrant release check. My wife is one of my main triggers, but is also not a drinker, and avidly agrees with my sobriety: I spend a majority of my time with her and the kids. If she sets me off I will find the closest meeting at that minute and get to it!

ANYWAY...[simple alcoholic justification]

I just don't feel like being around people physically right now, and am an introvert naturally. I prefer the seemingly greater anonymity online, as to in person: I do not need anymore drinking buddies. I am always on the wagon, and for the last 6 months have simply relapsed a number of times. I know the outer-workings of the 12-step program, and desire to seek further knowledge through meaningful discussions on this medium.

Thanks for reading this: just writing it has stopped me from drinking for an hour. I am seeking ideas for various methods of maintaining sobriety outside of "the program", and appreciate any relevant advice.

Best Wishes
ericz

CarolD

We do have many members successfully sober who use a variety
of concepts/ideas and methods....as well as some like me...who use
structured programs.

I found my solution years before on line resources were available.
I've been on line since '92 and it's great to have other
resources as a supplement to my local AA committment...

However...I have no plans to stop attending live AA meetings.
Gee...I see walking talking miracles each time I go....
a priceless experience not duplicated anywhere else I'm aware of.

hope you will find solid recovery soon AA or something else..

Blessings to you and your family

bloss

I thought I could to it alone too...not possible for me...hope you find what you are looking for here on SR...all sorts of people, lots of help...take care of yourself...

indakut

Only by God's grace and mercy am I able to remain sober and not attend meetings. I have been sober since April 1, 2011 and have never attended a meeting. Being a single parent without a dependable support system makes it difficult to attend meetings. However, if I ever feel like I want to drink again, I will be going to a meeting in a HEARTBEAT!!! I enjoy being sober

mfsteve1

Online is helpful to me. I had planned to be on SR tonight and that was enough to get me past the liquor store on the way home. Friday... and the store is soooooo conveniently located on the way home... and they even have a drive-through... But I didn't want to log in to SR unless I was 100%.

I do need the real world meeting though. No way I would have made it this far without them.

TSDD

IMHO there's no substitute for an open meeting of AA, riding in the car with other sober people to and from meetings, a face to face 12'th step call, or doing a commitment at a jail, detox, or mental hospital.

Of course I'm not naive enough to think that I have the monopoly on answers for this thing and wish you all the best in your endevour. IIRC AA has a pamphlet for people who are recluses either by personality or geography for example people out at sea for 6 months at a whack, on an oil pipeline in Alaska, or the like... that may have some ideas for you.

aNewEternity

the majority of people who are able to extricate themselves from substance abuse do so without the help of treatment or meetings.

sugarbear1

What about an online sponsor? The solution is in the steps, not the meetings.

keepfinding2

It is absolutely possible. I choose not to do AA and not to drink. Your odds of staying sober are just as good with meetings as without. The best advice I can give is to do what works for you.

Joe Nerv

I've been a sober member of AA for almost 3 decades. At times I stray away from meetings. I've gone months without going. Can I stay sober without it? Absolutely. But this is what I've come to learn for myself. I feel incredibly fortunate that when I got sober I was terrified. There was no question that I couldn't live the way I was living any more. It wasn't a decision to lead a happier more productive life, it was stop, or kill myself. Because of that I entered sobriety willing to do anything and everything that was told to me. I went to a rehab, went to meetings, got counseling, got a sponser, read all the literature, worked the steps, chaired meetings, made a big book group my home group for about 5 years, went to lots of step meetings... did everything I could to pound the AA program of recovery into my brain and my actions. And it worked. I learned how to maintain sobriety, free from urges to pick up a drink.

What I'm finding now is the foundation I laid has served me well, and I can stay sober, stay productive, not hurt people, not trainwreck my life, and live a "normal" life away from alcohol, without AA. What I can't do is stay happy and content. :/ I don't know what it is about meetings, but when I'm going reguarly I feel grounded, happy, peaceful, and content. When I stop for any given peoriod I start getting that irritable, not as happy to be me as I could be feeling. The wheels spin in a backward direction, I start worrying about crap I don't need to, and life just starts losing it's excitement and joy.

Working a program and going to meetings works best for me. I don't fight it any more. Comes down to about 5 hrs. a week including travel time to keep me in a good place. I can spend a lot more than that playing video games.

ASecondLife

I know I didn't make a big stent, but I went 12 days without meetings. I plan to quit without meetings. (90% of people that quit do without meetings because of relationships with job)

If the statistic is BS please don't call me on it. I'm counting on that one lol... (Don't shoot me down :\)

Threshold

It is possible to do 12 step programs without attending face to face meetings, and there are many other programs and methods of recovery that do not involve face to face meetings as well.

SO, yes, it is possible, but many people do find the face to face meetings a great asset.

I find SR to be an excellent addition to my recovery program. face to face meetings are not an option for me now.

miamifella

I think it is possible to stay clean and sober without meetings. HOWEVER, you say that you are avoiding meetings because you do not want the contact with people. Avoidance is not a good basis for recovery. Recovery is uncomfortable, so if you are already avoiding, that does not bode well.

What will you do for recovery? You have to do something. Visiting a website is not enough. People who recovery with or without meetings usually have an active plan. What will yours be?

Sunny27

Of course it is possible. Since when has there only been ever one way of doing something?

I struggle with people saying AA is the only way. That is ridiculous. Plenty of people go to AA and fail. It is not fool-proof.

My last drink was January 1 this year. I quit because I decided myself I want a better life for myself and to do that I had to be sober. No more trying to moderate. It was time for me to accept the stark reality that I never drank like normal people.

I have not slipped and I do not intend to. I can see already the big changes in my life and I know what a drink will lead to for me. I do not need a meeting of hearing other people's stories to keep me on track. I drank for 20 years and know precisely what place drinking takes me.

Whatever works for people, works, but for me, I believe my best way of staying sober is not giving this up to a higher power. I believe I am my higher power and it is my choice and mine alone to stay on track or sink back into my old destructive ways.

tomsteve

in the early days of AA, there were many popele that got sober without meetings. they had to write letters to other alcoholics who had been down the same road. they got the big book, did wwhat it said and got sober. then they started meetings in their area. that is what led to the blessing of f2f meetings being available everywhere in the world.
3 things i have heard from many people coming back from a premeditated drunk
1) i stopped going to meetings
2) i stopped talking to my sponsor and othrs in recovery
3) i stopped praying

through experience, removing one of these 3 elements has led me towards a drink.
i am also an intorvert. it was terrible when i got into recovery. i coulnt even handle going grocery shopping. i still get a lil uncomfortable at meetings with a lot of people. it can be very draining. but i do what i have to do to carry the message of hope that was freely given to me.

it is possible to get sober without f2f meetings because there is more to getting sober than going to meetings and not drinking. if its working for you, keep doin it. if it aint, change.

FBL

I'm nearly 3 years sober with no "program" and I've never been to a meeting. I share this because it's my experience. I'm a big believer in using whatever method works to get and keep you sober, happy and grounded. I have nothing against AA or any of the other various methods out there to help people. In fact, if it wasn't for AA my dad probably wouldn't be here to celebrate Father's Day tomorrow. I've had some very well-meaning people here tell me that it's impossible to "recover" without a program. I'm living proof that it can be done.

laurie6781

Of course it is possible to stay sober without meetings. There are also so many
programs out there these days (not like when I got sober and AA was the only
game in town, lol).

Please check out our Secular forum:

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

for different methods of acquiring recovery.

And yes, of course, SR helps many folks to maintain their sobriety. That is
why it is still here and keeps growing every year.

So, Welcome to recovery!

Love and hugs,

SteppingItUp

Plenty of people drink, and most of them are not alcoholics. Likewise, plenty of people use drugs, and not all of them are addicts.

If someone can just choose not to drink, then they are not alcoholic and therefore wouldn't need AA in the first place.

SteppingItUp

Alcoholism tends to start as soon as we put the drink down. Just not drinking does not treat alcoholism.

Sure, there is a percentage of alcoholics that are able to stay sober for varying periods of time without a program of recovery. I hope joy, freedom and success to each and every one of them.

However, my face to face experience shows that most alcoholics who don't sufficiently treat their alcoholism have the illness come out sideways and wind up with substitute drugs/meds/behaviors and eventual relapse. Many of them are pretty grumpy people. There is a lot struggle with the mental obsession still unarrested. That's just not the kind of recovery I want, no matter how long I'm sober.

The internet provides some great opportunities to expand our recovery communities, and there are a lot of positives that way. However, I find it important to remember that it can also provide a lot of shelter for the illness to hide and so should be used with care.

Some of the alcoholics and addicts I know from the rooms are some of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege to know. When we get well, I've come to believe that the bigger the sinner the bigger the saint is often true.

The only thing I've really got to share is my own experience, and I tried nearly everything I could think of before finding 12 step fellowships, which have turned out to be the greatest gift I never would have expected.

With that said, knowing how much else failed me, I find it curious when I see others suggesting programs to newcomers that they don't work themselves. Why would I tell you to work a program that I wouldn't bet my own life on?

Just the same, there is no monopoly on the solution, and I encourage anyone to follow their own conscience. if you think you have a better way, head at it with everything you've got.

Just my 2 cents, take it or leave it.

Much love and encouragement on your journey.

LoftyIdeals

Great question, ericz. My response is YES, you can quit without meetings. You might benefit from Allen Carr's book, Easyway to stop drinking.

I quit drinking because I couldn't shake depression without it. Miserable family life, miserable life, blah, blah, blah. I wanted meetings to help me change my cirmcumstances, and talk through my problems with a live, understanding person(s). I had tried AA years ago, so I first went to SMART, but then, in a flash, returned to AA, as it also addresses my spiritual needs and development.

For me, drinking was a problem, but it was a filter and mask to the underlying problems I had developed. I love life without it. I now hit 2-3 mtgs/wk, and that's enough for me. I also read and post as much as possible. I think we each have our balances. Good luck finding yours!