Justfor1

I had a heck of a day because of cravings. I had to see about a job in my old neighborhood & was forced to drive past one of my favorite bars. The type that opens at 7am & serves you drunk as long as you have money. I was driving & thought I would show the guys in there my new car. I was going to have "a few" but then realized I would not be able to drive because of the alcohol machine. So I headed home & had to divert from the expressway because of a bad accident & ended up in an old drug neighborhood of mine on the West side of Chicago. Very tempted to buy a bag of dope but did not. I was getting physically sick but excited from just the thought of getting high. Pretty scary day but am grateful I made it & will be going to a meeting tonite.

Pock89

That's great that you didn't pick up! Just think of all of the guilt, and disappointment you would have had to go through if you did cave into your urge. Good for you! Keep it up!

Justfor1

I recently had a minor slip so the cravings are back. But it's still easier for me to be sober than drinking. Hope that made sense.

Boleo

Triggers are for guns and horses. I could always point to some trigger when I was drinking. Today they are all still there but I see them for what they are - excuses.

The reason I like to say "I have recovered" is because I have gotten alcohol out of my life and out of my mind. There are no triggers, temptations or delusions there to make it even necessary for me to choose to drink or not drink.

Not drinking has nothing to do with why I am sober today.

Justfor1

I'm not sure Boleo, the bar door was open & I thought it was calling my name. I hear some folks get triggered by actually attending AA meetings but I don't understand that??

Sudz No More

Great job JF1. Glad you stayed the course, let's keep going.

Gottalife

"After a time he (the alcoholic) cannot differentiate the true from the false. His alcoholic life seems the only normal one."

Does " I drank because I went to an AA meeting" have the ring of truth about it? or does it sound like the product of a delusional mind? Would that statement have any more credibility than "I drank because I can't leap tall builings in a single bound"?
Once recovered I saw that I drank because I am an alcoholic and that's what we do. Triggers were just excuses and I could rationalise everything about my life into an excuse for drinking if I needed to.

Justfor1

I understand what you guys are saying but I still believe certain things can trigger the memory of a fun drinking experience. For example, I remembered the night of playing the jukebox & socializing with the neighborhood drunks. Generally, having a good time. However, I suppose I forget the night I got into a fist fight at the bar & had to go to the hospital. Or the night they found me passed out in the alley behind the bar with my wallet missing. It's amazing our our minds function.

desertsong

My mind is REALLY good at helping me remember the "fun" times with alcohol while totally blotting out the bad ones. That's because it still wants to drink. At least I recognize that now. I have a trigger that I pass by several times a day ... the convenience/liquor store across the highway from our house. I stopped there every day ... sometimes several times a day ... to buy my booze. I still go in there to get sodas/snacks for the kids because it's convenient, but the "old" me still wants to ask for those airline bottles of Jack Daniels when I get up to the counter. There was something comforting about doing that ... it was part of my daily routine that was familiar and reliable. But now when I go in there and just buy stuff for the kids, I have a wonderful feeling in my heart when I walk out the door WITHOUT the booze. It's liberating.

SteppingItUp

Loved Boleo's post and completely agree, that is my experience too. And thank goodness! I have been freed from the desire to drink/use, and for an alcoholic/addict like me that is a miracle.

Justfor1, following your story my to the point question is where are you with the steps?

If you're willing to go to any lengths for freedom from the mental obsession, they are what I know works when all else fails.

Check out the 10th step promises on pages 84-85 in the Big Book.

Some of the gifts that were beyond anything I thought I could have hoped for when I got sober/clean:

I wish all of that and so much more for you. What wouldn't you be willing to do for gifts like those?

Sending enormous hugs and best wishes on your journey.


* BB quotes 1st ed.

Justfor1

Steppingitup, what step do you happen to be on? Do you have a sponser?

Nepsis1

I had that a couple of times.

I would try not to think about alcohol or alcoholism (or recovery even) for months and just try to forget about it.
Then eventually when the cravings got too bad I would go to AA and all the talk about alcohol would be so confronting that I'd want to run away and get drunk... I guess it had to do with my denial.

Elisabeth888

I am glad you didn't drink or use!

We CAN do this. I have enough white chips to make a belt or something. Today is day 36.

Soberween

I always tell people that it is easier to STAY sober than to GET sober. So yes, your quote makes sense to me.

pinkdog

That's why I told myself no alcohol no matter what. I know stress and problems will come along. I took away the alcohol. It's just not part of the equation. That is what works for me. If I start to have those thoughts, I just nip it in the bud. No. And go into a mode of ok, so what will I do then? Usually something to stay busy for awhile. Clean, grocery shop, cook, anything to be productive. Then it passes. As someone else said there are no triggers. There is no alcohol. An upsetting situation may trigger me into some sort of action. Not into alcohol.That is not an option. It's a good thing for me.

OklaBH

Love it! Thank you!

tomsteve

i didnt have triggers when i 1st got into recovery. i had the craving, compulsion, and mental obsession to drink still with me.


glad to see ya had the fear of what would happen if ya got high/drunk.
scared the crap outta me when my car would want to turn into bars on the way to meeitngs
early on in recovery. it got better though.

Justfor1

I have enough white surrender chips to play poker. Having a relapse is never good but I'm glad I'm not back to the everyday 24/7 drinking that it can lead to. Then I become completely useless & don't do anything but guzzle cheap booze. It becomes a horrible routine.

Boleo

That's what I was talking about. I feel like I "have been placed in a position of neutrality". I don't think about drinking or not drinking. The problem "does not exist".

Gottalife

I'm willing to guess that this member has had a spiritual awakening as the result of taking all 12 steps. That's the only way I know to experience those promises.

and Boleo said:

"That's what I was talking about. I feel like I "have been placed in a position of neutrality". I don't think about drinking or not drinking. The problem "does not exist".

This is my experience too.