I think I have a problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 35
I think I have a problem
Hi. I had an account here years ago when I left my A XH. I never dreamed I would be posting about myself. How'd that happen?
I don't know if it's anger issues or an issue with alcohol or both. I lost my job this weekend. My dream job that I had worked for and wanted my whole life. Fueled by Patron, Bud Light and Absolut I went completely unhinged on my boss. In her house. No reason for it, she's a great woman and up until this weekend she had been a very good friend. I lost my best friend of seventeen years about a year ago for the exact same reason. I've lost count of the number of relationships I have destroyed in the last couple of years due to my outbursts when I'm drunk.
I wake up in the morning terrified of what I may have said or done the night before. I am blacking out. I am mortified by my own behavior. Most of the time I am a funny, sarcastic, happy go lucky kind of person. I don't flip out every time I drink but when I do, I make sure I do it right.
I don't drink every day but more often then not when I do I get very drunk. I face-planted walking home from a bar a couple of weeks back. I have a very public, high profile (had, I should say) job that requires me to be in bars and night clubs a good part of the time. I apologized to the boss. She said she needs time to think. I can't believe she would even consider keeping me for a minute.
I went over to an xbf's the day after it happened. He has seen me go off on binges and tangents and I was really looking for some guidance. I brought up AA to him and he responded that in the city we live in it would be a bad idea. He said the guys he knows that go to the meetings here just do it to pick up women. I cringed a little at that, I am in no shape to be picked up on right now.
I don't know that I can call myself an alcoholic yet. Part of me is saying the drinking is just a symptom of a bigger problem. I do know that my drinking and getting angry has hurt people that I love. So I know I can't drink. I also know there is about half a bottle of vodka in my freezer left over from last night. I don't want to drink today but I am afraid once the horror of the last few days wears off I will again.
I don't know if it's anger issues or an issue with alcohol or both. I lost my job this weekend. My dream job that I had worked for and wanted my whole life. Fueled by Patron, Bud Light and Absolut I went completely unhinged on my boss. In her house. No reason for it, she's a great woman and up until this weekend she had been a very good friend. I lost my best friend of seventeen years about a year ago for the exact same reason. I've lost count of the number of relationships I have destroyed in the last couple of years due to my outbursts when I'm drunk.
I wake up in the morning terrified of what I may have said or done the night before. I am blacking out. I am mortified by my own behavior. Most of the time I am a funny, sarcastic, happy go lucky kind of person. I don't flip out every time I drink but when I do, I make sure I do it right.
I don't drink every day but more often then not when I do I get very drunk. I face-planted walking home from a bar a couple of weeks back. I have a very public, high profile (had, I should say) job that requires me to be in bars and night clubs a good part of the time. I apologized to the boss. She said she needs time to think. I can't believe she would even consider keeping me for a minute.
I went over to an xbf's the day after it happened. He has seen me go off on binges and tangents and I was really looking for some guidance. I brought up AA to him and he responded that in the city we live in it would be a bad idea. He said the guys he knows that go to the meetings here just do it to pick up women. I cringed a little at that, I am in no shape to be picked up on right now.
I don't know that I can call myself an alcoholic yet. Part of me is saying the drinking is just a symptom of a bigger problem. I do know that my drinking and getting angry has hurt people that I love. So I know I can't drink. I also know there is about half a bottle of vodka in my freezer left over from last night. I don't want to drink today but I am afraid once the horror of the last few days wears off I will again.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Gotta. I did the same thing - developed my own drinking problem after my marriage broke up due to my AH's inability to see what he was doing to us. You'd think we'd know better, being forwarned - but it doesn't work that way. We always think we'll be in control.
I'm glad you came back to talk about this. As they say, it isn't how often you drink, but what happens when you do. I never thought I'd be anything but a social drinker, yet I ended up dependent on it to get through the day. It's good that you're aware of the dangerous road you're traveling. Keep posting - we want to help.
I'm glad you came back to talk about this. As they say, it isn't how often you drink, but what happens when you do. I never thought I'd be anything but a social drinker, yet I ended up dependent on it to get through the day. It's good that you're aware of the dangerous road you're traveling. Keep posting - we want to help.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
. Part of me is saying the drinking is just a symptom of a bigger problem
exactly what AA tells us. unless a psychic change is experienced, we are doomed. alcoholics have 3 choices: locked up, covered up, or sobered up.
i suggest ya throw out what yer x said and since hes an x, leave it that way and dont talk to him. his words aint helpin ya.
yes, there are sickos that go to AA( male and female)and do that, but they dont stay long. WE dont allow it. stay away from the men. dont give em yer # and dont take any. stick with the women. let em know yer new and want help. then pull the cotton from yer ears and stick it in yer mouth and listen.
go to more than 1 meeting and i suggest ya hit as many as you can. get a sponsor and a Big Book. if ya cant afford one, steal it before ya get honest.
prayers yer way and i will guarantee it will work if ya work it!!!
exactly what AA tells us. unless a psychic change is experienced, we are doomed. alcoholics have 3 choices: locked up, covered up, or sobered up.
i suggest ya throw out what yer x said and since hes an x, leave it that way and dont talk to him. his words aint helpin ya.
yes, there are sickos that go to AA( male and female)and do that, but they dont stay long. WE dont allow it. stay away from the men. dont give em yer # and dont take any. stick with the women. let em know yer new and want help. then pull the cotton from yer ears and stick it in yer mouth and listen.
go to more than 1 meeting and i suggest ya hit as many as you can. get a sponsor and a Big Book. if ya cant afford one, steal it before ya get honest.
prayers yer way and i will guarantee it will work if ya work it!!!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Your bf is full of ... Not saying that there aren't 13th steppers out there, but they can only pick you up if you let them. If you want a suggestion to help with this, my 1st sponsor told me that for the 1st 2 years of sobriety I was to have absolutely no relationships, so that I could concentrate on getting me better. If you go in with this decision made then you can just tell all the predators to back off. That being said, I don't believe I've ever been to any meeting that wasn't clearly marked as being womens or mens where there wasn't a mix of both. Make some connections with some of the ladies in the program that can help you.
As I've pointed out in several places on SR - you don't have to be an alcoholic to go to AA. The ONLY requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking.
As I've pointed out in several places on SR - you don't have to be an alcoholic to go to AA. The ONLY requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
. get a sponsor and a Big Book. if ya cant afford one, steal it before ya get honest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 35
I've been to meetings in the past with my x ah, in another state and I read the Big Book cover to cover. My xh's group was great but being honest I read the Book only for how it pertained to my marriage, not because my drinking was causing me or anyone else a problem at the time.
As far as the xbf, yes he is indeed an x for a reason and has a lot to do with my anger issues. That being said and the knowledge that this is no where close to what I want to bring to a relationship, I am not overly worried about being "picked up". I am more afraid of going to that first meeting. I know I need help I just don't know if I am ready to walk in that door. Yet.
As far as the xbf, yes he is indeed an x for a reason and has a lot to do with my anger issues. That being said and the knowledge that this is no where close to what I want to bring to a relationship, I am not overly worried about being "picked up". I am more afraid of going to that first meeting. I know I need help I just don't know if I am ready to walk in that door. Yet.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Womens Stag meetings. Try those. Go early and introduce yourself. If you can have a girlfriend go to mixed meetings, that would be good too. protect yourself. Focus on the message and not the people.
good luck, my new friend! You don't have to live that way!
Love from Lenina
good luck, my new friend! You don't have to live that way!
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality, i got me some courage and put one foot in front of the other...right into a meeting. kept goin back did what the Big Book says,havent had a drink since, got sober, and life has taken on new meaning.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 35
I am going this week. I know myself well enough that if I don't I will drink again and it's just not worth it. If there is a chance I will flip out on someone for no apparent reason it's just not worth it. Right now, I am hanging on here and reading and learning. Seems I am not the only one afraid to walk through that door the first time.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I am glad you have decided to go to a meeting this week. At that time
you can get your own copy of the Big Book. It is always good to have
a 'hard copy' as you will find yourself highlighting different passages a
lot, lol
In the meantime, you can start reading it on line:
Big Book On Line
And as said above, if you do get uncomfortable in the 'mixed' meetings,
there are Women's meetings. See if they have a 'meeting schedule' on
their 'literature' table or rack. It is always good to have a 'meeting
schedule.
Good to see you have come back!!!!!!
Welcome to recovery.
Love and hugs,
you can get your own copy of the Big Book. It is always good to have
a 'hard copy' as you will find yourself highlighting different passages a
lot, lol
In the meantime, you can start reading it on line:
Big Book On Line
And as said above, if you do get uncomfortable in the 'mixed' meetings,
there are Women's meetings. See if they have a 'meeting schedule' on
their 'literature' table or rack. It is always good to have a 'meeting
schedule.
Good to see you have come back!!!!!!
Welcome to recovery.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 35
I have a couple of questions. One being, which meeting do I pick? A Big Book, a discussion? There are quite a few varieties and I am not sure where to start. My second question is regarding the Big Book. Is there a difference between the editions other than the foreword? I see many people's signatures say their quotes are from the first edition.
There is only one meeting in this area that is women only and I do not intend to wait until next week for it. It's like ripping off the bandaid, something I have to do and the sooner the better. In truth, I don't believe the xbf wants me to quit drinking. As long as I am drinking there is always a chance that I will do something completely stupid and irrational, thereby giving him an opportunity to "save" me. His opinions hold weight but I know that like drinking it is a crutch and I have to let it go.
There is only one meeting in this area that is women only and I do not intend to wait until next week for it. It's like ripping off the bandaid, something I have to do and the sooner the better. In truth, I don't believe the xbf wants me to quit drinking. As long as I am drinking there is always a chance that I will do something completely stupid and irrational, thereby giving him an opportunity to "save" me. His opinions hold weight but I know that like drinking it is a crutch and I have to let it go.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I never look at what we are studying. I look at the time and make sure it isnt men only LOL. Yesterday was step study today was big book. I think Wednesdays is "How Bill Sees It" ....guess I will be suprised
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 273
How bad do you want it to get before you stop?
If you don't want to call yourself an alcoholic don't. Call yourself someone who doesn't want to harm themselves with alcohol anymore, if it will save you from having blackouts, lost jobs and injuries, it's still worth it.
If you don't want to call yourself an alcoholic don't. Call yourself someone who doesn't want to harm themselves with alcohol anymore, if it will save you from having blackouts, lost jobs and injuries, it's still worth it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back to SR...
To protect my early fragile sobreity..I did leave my job as it was in the
hospitality industry and I no longer wanted to be around the whole ambieance.
Perhaps your next career move will be more beneficial ..mine sure was..
Wishing you all the good a life without alcohol can bring..
To protect my early fragile sobreity..I did leave my job as it was in the
hospitality industry and I no longer wanted to be around the whole ambieance.
Perhaps your next career move will be more beneficial ..mine sure was..
Wishing you all the good a life without alcohol can bring..
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
The reason that we say First Edition on SR...is simply to honor
copy right issues.
very few changes have been made mostly in the Stories section.
The type of meeting is not the important thing at this point.
If possible....try them all out...go more than once and see
which ones you connect with...
Good to know you will explore AA...it's an awesome adventure.
copy right issues.
very few changes have been made mostly in the Stories section.
The type of meeting is not the important thing at this point.
If possible....try them all out...go more than once and see
which ones you connect with...
Good to know you will explore AA...it's an awesome adventure.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 35
Thanks, I appreciate the all of your answers.
Raindance, I have been reading on this forum a good part of the afternoon and I have learned so much. One of the things I have learned by reading from others is that I am or was, in denial. I may not drink every day and sometimes I will only have a single drink and be done. So I guess I am starting to see that it is not the quantity, nor does it have anything to do with not having the shakes or some of the other physical side affects. I do have a drinking problem and I know I have to stop and I have to stop now.
I haven't drank today and I actually ate something, although now my stomach hurts like hell! I am going to be stocking up on sominex because I have used alcohol to "help" me sleep and I don't want to allow myself to have any excuses. This is too important to me. I am one of those people who firmly believe that if I want something bad enough I will find a way to get it. I want this. Badly.
Carol, I am actually an entertainment columnist, I cover club openings, bands etc. I rarely drink at these events and when I do it is in moderation. It is in my private life that I have become I hot mess. I am meeting with my employer on Friday and I have to have a game plan that I can stick to. Meetings, counseling, whatever I have to do to get me to where I need to be, I'm there.
Raindance, I have been reading on this forum a good part of the afternoon and I have learned so much. One of the things I have learned by reading from others is that I am or was, in denial. I may not drink every day and sometimes I will only have a single drink and be done. So I guess I am starting to see that it is not the quantity, nor does it have anything to do with not having the shakes or some of the other physical side affects. I do have a drinking problem and I know I have to stop and I have to stop now.
I haven't drank today and I actually ate something, although now my stomach hurts like hell! I am going to be stocking up on sominex because I have used alcohol to "help" me sleep and I don't want to allow myself to have any excuses. This is too important to me. I am one of those people who firmly believe that if I want something bad enough I will find a way to get it. I want this. Badly.
Carol, I am actually an entertainment columnist, I cover club openings, bands etc. I rarely drink at these events and when I do it is in moderation. It is in my private life that I have become I hot mess. I am meeting with my employer on Friday and I have to have a game plan that I can stick to. Meetings, counseling, whatever I have to do to get me to where I need to be, I'm there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 273
I couldn't agree more. I went to a treatment centre, and my story was not nearly as bad as some. But, I am 35 with children, how much worse did I really want it to get before I got my shyte together?
My grandfather stopped when he was my age, my dad is still working on it, my aunt ... and so on. I'm glad i've got my life back now.
My grandfather stopped when he was my age, my dad is still working on it, my aunt ... and so on. I'm glad i've got my life back now.
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