TurboRaptor

Hi guys, so basically my background is I've been drinking heavily and doing a variety of drugs 4-5 times a week for the past 8 years since I was 16. At first I told myself that I didn't have a problem because it wasn't every night, however on a recent kick to try and sort myself out I realised I couldn't get there unless I cut it out. I did my last hard drug about 5 months ago, don't remember the day but thats not important, and since then had been suffering from anxiety which culminated in a massive panic attack at work. So I decided I needed to cut it all out, so I haven't had a drink or joint now for 12 days.

ANYWAY, the point of this is I've been experiencing things which I'm not used to and I'm interested to see if anyone else has felt the same way, as it would help me feel less anxious about it!

The first few days sucked, I didn't feel good at all, but that was fine, its easy to deal with feeling awful, the problem I have now is I think I'm starting to feel good again and its causing lots of anxiety! It feels as if someone has switched my vision from normal to HD and everything is a lot more vivid. I feel incredibly overstimulated when I go out and I have to work through it to stay calm.

The other thing is with the drop in blood pressure and not feeling my heart pound all the time it scares me that I can't hear it and I panic that its not working, reaching for my wrists all the time to check I still have a pulse.

Plus the general feeling of feeling lighter and less weighed down, it just feels like theres so much going on its hard to focus.

The urge to go get smashed and dope myself back up to stop feeling things is the hardest thing to overcome but I'm determined to struggle through this.

So yeah apologies for the ramble, but did anyone else feel anything similar whilst sobering up?

UpperbucksAAguy

My first 60 days were horrible. I didn't sleep. I itched all over. Then I met a guy in AA, who introduced me to a sponsor. I am free today

scrambled2012

12 days; great job Turbo~~~

chances are the worst is passed, but everybody is different and it takes time for the body to recover. Stay on the road you have choosen and things *will* get better.

see you on the boards~~~~

NYCDoglvr

I cried daily for my first 90 days. I was a wreck, barely functioning. Should have gone to detox and a rehab but walked into AA instead. It felt like 24 hours/day PMS in a full moon.
But it passes! We feel better, more comfortable in our own skin.

CarolD

Welcome...
Glad you are here and beginning a clean and sober future..

Anxiety and or panic attacks are not part of my medical history...
if I had them I would be having an honest talk with my doctor.

In early sobriety...I do remember everything seemed extra loud and bright.
I figured it was different as I was no longer in a haze.

By the end of 2 months in AA recovery..I was back in balance .
mentally and physically. Each sober day I noticed a bit of improvement

Hope you will find the joy and peace that I have ...

AA4life

Yes, I felt a lot like you describe. I was in an elevated state like that for quite a while. But, it does get better with time. First three days were terrible. After that I was really on edge at work and at home for about 7 to 10 days. Then, until I hit 4 weeks, the nerves still really bothered me but not so bad. By 8 weeks of not drinking I felt really good. I also started taking prozac the day I quit drinking. This takes about 8 weeks to kick in but it really helps to eliminated anxiety. And, it isn't habit forming.

TurboRaptor

Thanks for a kind words everyone! 16 days now, today is feeling like one of the good days.

Thats always encouraging to hear someone else who goes through similar, makes me feel better about it! Work is probably the hardest part at the moment, I feel so angry all the time, it feels like a battle just to not lose my head at everyone!

I did have a chat with the doctor about anxiety but I decided against any medication unless it's totally necessary given my history with drug abuse, even though it might not be habit forming I do love taking pills and I'm not sure I could take them and stay strong enough to not take any others.

miko67

I'm on two and half weeks, im feelin really highly strung too. HD technicolour lol. Yeah someones put the light on I can relate. I'm taking it easy still though don't wanna dress myself out though im feeling stronger again today. Not at my best that will take time. I'm sure it came to me last time when I didn't even notice. Only noticed I felt so good is when I started drinking again to realise I was in the best shape I had ever been in. Drink and drugs pulled me back into hell again and the time goes quick when your down there.
I think we are just adjusting to our new way of life. No more chemicals to help us wash away feeling. Or hide our insecurities. We must be brave and relentless this first few weeks, and im with everyone who says it does get better!
Good luck.

instant

Hang in there. It gets better. Our brains need a time to adjust and it can,t be rushed. Be firm but kind to yourself.

sugarbear1

Have you begun a program of recovery?

TurboRaptor

To be honest no.

I'm deliberately opting against avoiding my friends and drinking establishments because in my head I feel like if I can still be in that environment and keep myself sober then I can stay sober anywhere I like. I know that doesn't work for a lot of people but it seems to be working for me so far.

Also been making a list of the things in my life I need to sort out and set in order and working to accomplish those, having goals to work towards is a massive incentive to keep on track for sure. Also I was honest with my friends and family so they are totally behind me staying sober which is a massive help for me.

The doctor did offer support for the drink and drugs and I decided against for know, but if it begins to get too difficult then I'm not going to consider myself too big a man to ask for help.

sissy07

I like your attitude. Best wishes.

NYCDoglvr

I don't know of any change bigger than going from an active alcoholic to a sober one. Our feelings come up in spades but the anesthesia is gone. I cried every day for months. This is part of withdrawal and getting comfortable in our new skin. The good news is it gets better. It gets easier. Are you in a program? I couldn't have gotten sober on my own, the support of other alcoholics in AA saved my life.

Congratulations on 12 Days! For all of us one day sober is a treasure.

Chrisy

I am so proud of you. It does get better everyday. Your goals sound really good. Welcome to S/R

Love and Blessings
chrisy

TurboRaptor

Again thanks for all the kind words guys, it sure is nice to have a place to go where when you say you aren't having a drink their first question isnt "why in the world would you do that?"

21 days tomorrow, longest I've been without a drink for 8 years at least. Feeling good about that.

Now I'm going to go celebrate with my guitar and a virgin G&T

zjw

For starters congrats!!. Sounds like your situation is very simlier to mine the panic etc.. 90 days in i had a doc tell me i very well could still be suffering from withdrawels. I didnt believe him but very possible. I'm a year in and i still have anxiety and yes things are so scary vivid they almost dont seem real if that makes sense.

What worked for me to calm down a bit was valerian root and 5htp (to up the serotonin) but read about serotonin syndrome before you go tryen it so your educated. I felt like there was electricity runing through my veins incredible tension and intense feelings all the time. I still get an electrical shock feeling now and then too. Apple cider vineger a couple table spoons with water or wtvr 3 times a day got my panic attacks in check pretty quick for me it was a godsend.

I will say things have greatly improved but i am still longing for the day when i'll feel normal. and i'm a year in. Lucky for me I know if i turn back to the drinking it will not get better like it has been but will go downhill fast again. and I dunno about you but those panic attacks have got to be the scariest things i've ever had to go through. No thanks i'm done with that.

zjw

One thing I forgot read up on the health of your stomach and think about a good probiotic that can go a long way for your mental health as well. all these steps take you closer to being healed. Even things I tried that did not work helped becuase i felt i was moving in a direction away from the booze.

TurboRaptor

Yeah my stomach is taking some time so readjust I think, but I'm making sure I'm eating my fruit and veg and cutting down fat etc, switching more from red meat to fish also. Man after not drinking and eating better the little bit of fat I was carrying has fallen off.

I hear you on the things that don't work too, at least with that you're trying to help yourself and thats one of the most important things.


The biggest thing from all of this for me is I realised when I tried to sort out my drinking and drugs before I told myself I wanted to quit, but deep down I didn't really want to quit.

I guess it's not until you tell yourself you want out of the situation and actually mean it with all your heart that you can actually sort yourself out!

zjw

The biggie with the probiotic is getting your stomach bacteria in order. Stomach bacteria plays a huge role in your overall health. One thing thats created by it is serotonin from the the tryptophan you get in say eggs or turkey. But not very much is created its like 10% of the tryptophan you eat gets turned into serotonin its a bacterial process that does this. We lack it for a lot of reasons booze obviously, antibiotics kill it off, pesticides on the veggies and so on. We get it back by eating fermented foods yogurt, raw sour kraut, raw milk even, fermented veggies. Or you can take the pill with it. The yogurt catch from what i read was a flavored yogurt with the sugar while it has the good bacteria you want it doesnt have a ton and the sugar creates a breeding ground for the bad bacteria which can go against you. that being said thats why sometimes when you eating the right thing your still not getting what your body needs.

I feel a lot better then i did. the lbs came off for me as well and still are. But I am not about to tell you my life is some cake walk now. Its still a difficult journey each day it gets a little bit better.