zjw

As I sit here on my 1 year anniversary of having quit drinking I think gee no one in my family too notice no one cares what today is. I mentioned to a friend he couldn’t even acknowledge it with a simple “way to go” or something. Its depressing but the other side is its MY personal victory not theres. I did this alone no one but me decided to quit drinking. I did it I achieved today. It is still depressing to some degree but there is a bright side.

I drank day in day out 15 beers a night or more. Day in day out hangovers. 5 or 6 months prior to quiting I started having panic attacks for no apparent reason. There was nothing I could do I tried everything short of prescription meds and I wasn’t going there. I drank for probably 15 years. Having grown up in a very abusive household as a child etc… No idea where these panic attacks where coming from I decided I guess I have no other choice but to put down the booze after reading it could have been a possible culprit.

The panic attacks stopped to this day I still get this electrical shock sensation but its not as intense. Coping with anything in life was incredibly hard and still is. The slightest problem sends me into an internal rage where I have nothing to help me cope. I used to be able to drink but I cant do that now. I realized I have 0 coping skills. And I was probably self medicating all my child hood troubles.

One thing I try to remember is if I’ve got a bad problem and would like to have a beer then I’d have 2 bad problems and 1 bad problem is enough for the moment. Drinking will just cuase me trouble. But believe me oh did I love the good times. But feeling better is nice too. Since then I quit smoking dropped 60lbs and can do ions more then I used too.

The point is after I quit it has not been and I’m not sure if it will be a walk in the clouds. I have some tough days. I wish I could not struggle to cope so much with just day to day activities. But when you’ve spent most of your life drunk and you have 0 other coping skills its really tough.

Is it better to quit yep. Is it hard yep. But just because your no longer a drinker doesn’t mean lifes problems will disappear you have to learn to deal with them without the booze. The booze just makes it worse. Recreational drinking is fun but I had to admit to myself that it was an all or nothing thing for me. I was either getting smashed or not drinking there was never any in between. Once I started I did not stop till I fell down.

My quality of life is much better its not easy I’m not sure if it ever will be but I don’t have that problem today.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

Have you considered seeing a professional counselor re your childhood
issues? That helped me deal with depression...

zjw

Yeah I consider it I'm just so doubtful theres much they could do and fearful they will wanna put me on something so I dont bother. Its horrible some days. The anger etc.. I just keep trying to get from one day to the next. I dont really want /those/ kinds of insurance claims etc. and so on so I keep refusing therapy. Not even sure how much it would help.

zjw

The depression side is interesting A lot of what I had mistaken for anxiety was depression I believe. Now I'm better able to seperate the too what is depression what is anxiety and why am I feeling either. Its difficult.

LoftyIdeals

Congrats on a year! I read recently that depression and anxiety are closely related. I hope they are relieved entirely for you!

zjw

Some of you I see are doing AA. I never did it. I figured AA wouldnt like haven me. I could see myself raging mad that i couldnt have a drink and no one there wanting to be around me. But I do see a lot of people like it. Is it helpful for some of the underlying issues that make us drinkers? or do they suggest other therapy for that? being so introverted I never did it also because pouring my problems out to strangers well didnt appeal to me at least not in that setting.

Hevyn

zjw - Congratulations on your one year! We know how hard it is, and understand like no one else can. Very glad to see you here - this is a great place to talk things over.

Dee74

Welcome aboard zjw

Congratulations on your year

I think you're right - we have to remember that for most people not drinking isn't really an achievement...it's kinda like me congratulating my diabetic friend for taking his insulin today...so - it's nice to have a place where people 'get' us.

It took me a long time to work through my problems too once I got sober - but being sober gave me a great level playing field to work off

Counselling helped me too - psychologists, as opposed to psychiatrists, do not dispense medication (at least where I live) if that's a concern for you.

I know you'll find a lot of support here - I look forward to seeing you around

D

zjw

yeah one big problem i've had to contend with is the FLOOOD of issues to tend to mentally / emotionally. I suppose i just drank these things away for years. Now I have to cope with day to day things and all of that as well. Having a clearer mind helps. But I'm also realizing things where not exactly how I percieved them to be in my life. I had blurred vision before now i'm seeing things more clearly and my thought process has sped up. So i'm sort of flooded with emotions / thoughts. I suppose I've noticed people pulled the wool over my eyes to some degree or i tolerated certain things perhaps I should not have or didnt notice before but now I do.
its a lot to take in at once.

steelmagnolia

Congrats and kudos to you sugar! It's not JUST a year sober...it's three hundred and sixty five days of being really good to yourself. Good love, mags

NewHouse2012

Congrats to you! I recognize what a huge accomplishment this is and how much hard work you put into this. You are great, keep moving forward and only look back when it helps. Awesome job.

sugarbear1

Congratulations on 1 year!!

AA steps might help you, but you won't know unless you go and ask for a sponsor to help you through the steps!!

Hugs,

steelmagnolia

Correction.....three hundred and sixty six days....we had a leap year!

ttbp

DoinThis

Awesome zjw! Congratulations! Only others like yourself (us) would get how big an accomplishment a year is. I hope I can claim a year this time! And more! I'm considering AA to work on myself too. I've been a few times and kinda liked it and think I could get a lot from it, I just gotta get my butt there. From reading what peeps say on here I definately think it would help u also. Talking is such a relief and unburdens us from our troubles so I def think it would help u (us). People there get ya, so off course you'll fit right in, help u feel not so alone. All the best

instant

Great post . I admire your courage to face life as it is.

KatMitch

Congratulations to you. I can only imagine how a year would feel. You should feel proud.

Sasha4

Wow you are amazing. You really did do it on your own if you had no AA, no therapy or counselling.
Give yourself a massive smack on the back from me!

Do you mean AA would NOT want you?
Why would you think that?
If you can, try and read some of the big book. I read it and lots of the content was really meaningful and helped me understand why I was like I was and acted why I did. I'm not overly religious or have done the steps, but it has really helped.
I also find that when I go to meetings, I meet so many people who have similar struggles.
Some are angry.some cry, some laugh at how they are. I think it shows me that whoever you are, once drinking is a problem, it's hard giving it up and everyone has different struggles.
Allan Carr books on drinking also helped me.

I hope you continue to do really well.

xx

zjw

Yeah I read alan carrs quit smoking book twice quit a few times as a result (not smoking currently) but his principles aided me in kicking drinking habit. It was nothing more then common sense but common sense i needed to hear.

Yeah the more i read here the more i realise how lucky i am to be able to beat it without support. I didnt realize that. I'm not sure how i pulled it off alone other then a lot of prayer?

I'm weary about AA because i got a fair amt of issues. and in my head there not drinking issues but i'm realizeing now that perhaps they are the driving force behind why i feel the burning desire to be intoxicated non stop. Those are the issues i'm thinking about going to AA about now at this point. I'm out of ears who will listen to me and i'm dealing with issues that are so old you would think i'd be past htem already. I suppose spending the last 16 years or wtvr it was drunk or high allowed me to just ignore them.

I'm weary it could be wackos but i've met some very normal people that are in AA or NA for that matter.

I finally mentioned today that i've been pondering the aa thing she says "So are you ready to admit you had a drinking problem" I replied absolutly not i'm not in AA hun .

I got to thinking about it its amazing i didnt do more damage with the level of booze intake i was sustaining. sadly as horrible as ti was for me i think it was the absolutte worst my sitation pails in comparison to some others.

Yes i started reading through the big book the more i find out about AA the more I'm thinking it might just be what i should do. If i could just get help getting from one day the next without freaking out all the time *sigh* it'd be a relief.

Sasha4

If it's any consolation, my issues are about 15 years old too.

I drank because I knew things were not right and now I have to somehow live with that.
I think most people at AA drink due to other issues, such as lack of confidence, anger, being bullied, grief etc etc.