alcoquit

So this my 49th day...and I'm thinking about getting a 6 pack of cold beer. My friends say I'm not an alcoholic..may be an hypochondriac. The ER incident made me think I'm an alcoholic. But now I'm (I don't know if it's the addictive voice) thinking it's an accident and accidents happen. I'm starting to see a pattern here in this new country and thinking it's the isolation that led me to that incident.

Also I don't agree that there is "no treatment" for alcoholism and alcoholics can never learn to drink. I'm in the field of science where people are researching for cure of cancer, AIDS and saying no cure for alcoholism doesn't quite sit well with the logic. Yes one should learn to drink responsibly. It's the same as learning to drive responsibly (not too fast)..and when accidents happen people don't quit to drive do they ?

So about the isolation. Back at home I used to drink (weekly or biweekly) always with friends. People used to get drunk and friends always took care of them. Here in this new country I realize there is little social life. And when I drank irresponsibly that one time (when I was alone) in a friends(more like a strangers) wedding, it turned out bad for me. Also people back home always drink with lots of food, I mean lots of food..here there is just more alcohol and no food..even in parties. In my country, very few people go to rehab, a whole city would be in rehab if I was in rehab . Rehab is for drug addicts, alcohol is just accepted. I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic...are all addicts alcoholic ? I'm an internet, food addict...if I love something I like to consume it more. With alcohol I just have to careful right ? I'm thinking about all these things because here alone in this country I've abstained for nearly 50 days but I'm not sure I can do it everywhere. Also today I've a wedding to attend...all my drinking friends will be there ...I don't know if I should go. Also to those who say let go of your drinking friends...I don't know what they mean by drinking friends..for me it's those friend with whom you drink on a weekly basis and share things. Also letting go of these friends is not easy....is sobriety that valuable that you have to ditch all of your friends..what if all I've left is me and my sobriety..and I die alone after 10 or so years ?

Sorry this post is all over the place...it's my thinking these days..I'm very confused.

tomsteve

there is no known cure for alcoholism. we do, however have a daily reprieve contigent on the maintainence of our spiritual condition.

With alcohol I just have to careful right ?
i am an alcoholic. i lost the abitlity to control my drinking. after many yars, of trying to be careful, i cinceded i cant drink responibly.


Also to those who say let go of your drinking friends...I don't know what they mean by drinking friends..for me it's those friend with whom you drink on a weekly basis and share things. Also letting go of these friends is not easy....is sobriety that valuable that you have to ditch all of your friends..what if all I've left is me and my sobriety..and I die alone after 10 or so years ?


the drinking friends i had helped me with my problems by getting me another drink.
2 things i learned by changing wet faces: 1) they werent real friends; 2) there are many people whom i share a common bond with( recovering from alcoholism) and have become friends with. close, true frinds of those are few, but i can call any one of the phone numbers i have if im bottled up in my thinkin and get assistance to fix my thinker.
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.

Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

no i cant. i remember how i was who i was and dont want to go back.

CarolD

Long ago I quit trying to convince anyone else they are an alcoholic.

I hope you will continue to stay sober...it's certainly been the best lifestyle for me...

RobbyRobot

Refusing to drink, when wanting to drink, was never a workable solution for me. Either I would suffer thru the misery, and then drink anyways, or I would just go ahead and drink, and suffer the drunken consequences later.

Urges, thoughts, desires, for alcohol, are not a normal experience for persons who do not have a drinking problem. Those people who can drink time and again, without consequences to their daily lives, are people who do not bother themselves with alcoholic questions.

Drinkers, alcoholic or not, who must consider why they are drinking, or why they should not drink, or where and when, these drinkers need to re-think their drinking experiences, and come to an understanding of the risks involved for themselves. To ignore their plight and struggles, with alcohol, usually lands them in even greater perils. Drinking alcohol responsibly seems to be everyones responsiblity, without exception, no matter the personal history of experiences of the respective drinker. Alcohol is a true non respecter of persons, lol.

Alcohol drinking is legal, for adults, most everywhere people live worldwide, except of course somewhat illegal for select religious based societies and cultures. In the western world, drinking alcohol is an accepted and approved social pastime. This means refusing to drink has its own set of responsibilites if one is to be socially successful in refusing what millions and millions of others approve of socially. This is simple reality, and does not mean anything morally, even though drinking is often used as a means to escape certain moralities, lol.

Choosing not to drink, after already having chose to drink, only makes sense if the drinker is having alcohol related problems. These problems must at least be personable in nature and effect. These problems must have consequences which are too costly for the respective drinker to live with while drinking. A good test of what is personable in nature is to simply stop drinking and pay honest attention to one's own changes as the non-drinking days accumulate. A drinker who can not drink, and have no problems, even socially, with not drinking, is a drinker who can have a great life drinking or not drinking, it matters not either way.

Those who have a problem while drinking, and while not drinking, either or both, these drinkers have a drinking problem. Period. End of test.

So, these problem drinkers can now choose to have a drinking or non-drinking problem as their daily real-life problem. Not making a choice is to actually have choosen both choices, and so then become very confused and dissapointed, disillusioned and overwhelmed, lost and unresponsible to their own lives. There is no escape in one's being otherwise ignorant or arrogant of an actual drinking problem. Even in abject drunkeness relief is not found, has been my own experience.

Being honest with ourselves is the only reliable path out of our respective drinking problems with alcohol, has been my many years of experience with drunkeness and sobriety. It all starts and ends with ourselves. We really do hold the keys to the locks of our own lives. I don't believe we are the sole authors of our own realities, I do believe there exists One in all power, who is greater then any of us can ever possibly become, yet, we all have free choice as to choose this, that, or the other thing, an so, we do have a personal say and responsibility to choose our own status in our own lives, no matter the existence or not of a Supreme Whatever, we still get to choose what is what for us either way, as long as we also agree to the consequences of our respective choices.

In any case, I hope you continue with your sans alcohol journey, alcoquit. Only you can ultimately decide what is what for yourself. I can tell you though, that being sober, and suffering because of that sobriety, these experiences do not have to be the way of it. I am sober decades now from my last drunk, and believe me, I'm not in the least suffering because of my choice to live a life sans alcohol.

2granddaughters

Also I don't agree that there is "no treatment" for alcoholism
I found AA to be an excellent treatment for my alcoholism.


I don't agree alcoholics can never learn to drink.
I tried every conceivable way and failed. You may be far smarter than I am though .....


Wishing you the best.

Bob R

hypochondriac

Don't ask your friends if you're an alcoholic...they won't/don't know.

'It's been 20 days and I want to have a drink very badly. This anxiety is killing me, I'm not able to work properly all I want to do is have a drink.'

^^ This, was in a previous post of yours. Is this still the case? I don't think it's surprising you want a beer at 49 days. I'm at 90 days and I want a beer too. But I worry a lot (alot!!) about what would happen after I had that one beer. If you worry too then maybe it's best not to. If you think you are fine then you could always try the moderation experiment, but I don't recommend it. I think there is plenty of evidence on here that people who think they might be an alcoholic, probably are.

And there is a treatment for alcoholism...abstinence. I think there is scientific evidence that once you've crossed the barrier with drinking it's not possible to drink normally again. I don't know, I'm not a scientist. But again, lots of evidence on here that once you go back to drinking it doesn't take you long to get to where you left it. My mum even figured this out and she hasn't ever thought she was an alcoholic or obsessed about it, just an observation she made.

And I am no way dropping my friends, and they're all drinkers. But even my biggest drinking buddy tried not to drink in front of me. That's love I don't mind being around alcohol too much now but I do try to limit it. If a friend tried to get me to drink or gave me a hard time about it though I would seriously have to reconsider how nice that person actually is. It's yet to come up though.

I don't know your drinking history alcoquit, but I found that I tended to isolate myself so that I could drink. I reckon that my life will be much more sociable now I'm not drinking, and I'm probably much less likely to die alone

I really hope you didn't get those beers cos 50 days is a great achievement! xxx

alcoquit

I rarely drank alone in my home country. When I came here in western world, I started to drink alone (weekly or biweekly) because I had little social circle. I built a circle based on drinking. What landed me here was an ER incident and black out when I had too many shots of alcohol + redbull at a wedding. My body couldn't keep up as I was mostly on raw orange diet trying to lose weight. It's been 50 days of sobriety but that's been a very long and lonely time. I've hardly talked to anyone and feel like pulling my hair out of my head.
Has anyone thought that loneliness and boredom can drive towards alcoholism ? When my mind is always busy and I'm with friends, I feel like I'm not that alcoholic anymore. I used to drink moderately as well. I don't know what happened. I'm hoping to get busy, relocate, meet my old friends and then try moderate drinking..at this point I just know it...at 100 days or 120 days it's going to happen ..may be even sooner.

Dee74

As long as you think the answer to your problems lies even in part in drinking, you're going to face an uphill battle alcoquit.

You can rationalise it all you like - and God knows I did it too - but your drinking landed you in the ER - to me, that suggests a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol.

I understand you're lonely, you don't like feeling different, you want to feel at ease socially etc etc...but I think there are other better ways to learn those skills.

Yes it will take longer...but I think it would be the wisest choice here to take that longer route.

D

SomethingBetter

Dee is right, instant gratification vs life on its terms, Ive spent days on end typing code, Ive done it drunk, Ive done everything drunk, now though I am learning life, It takes a lot longer but the results are a lot better.

Things I used to think I did better drunk I now do better than ever, including finding quality freinds, It just dont happen over night, but what worthwhile does?


Have you re-read your old posts?

alcoquit

Yes I have. And I have to confess I knew when I wrote them that someday I will feel like this. This always happens. As time goes on and start forgetting the scars of the rock-bottom I try to move on. Guess I have to change my philosophy of life. I always moved on from whatever bad happened (not always related to alcohol), and in this case I find that I cannot move on. In order to be sober, I have to keep on reminding myself of that rock-bottom that I hit. And to do that for the rest of my life, I am wondering what kind of life will I be living. I already have very low self-esteem. I rarely talk to strangers and have zero quality to make friends. I can learn to make friends, no problem. But I wonder if I will be living happily when everyday I keep reminding myself of the rock-bottom I've hit.....

UpperbucksAAguy

I have found that by following what is laid out in the Big Book of alcoholics anonymous I do not need to constantly reflect on my past in order to stay sober. I crossed a line in my drinking days that changed me. I also crossed a line in my recovery- I used to have to not drink, now I get to live sober