Sober Summer Barbecues...Fun or Not?
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Sober Summer Barbecues...Fun or Not?
So I just left a Memorial Day Weekend barbecue. I was the only person there who was not drinking an alcoholic beverage. This I am very proud of but I could not help feeling slightly annoyed at this as well. The thought crossed my mind that I wanted to be a normal drinker, but then I reminded myself that I just cant!
So to see other people having beers and margaritas and only having 1 or 2, kind of annoyed me! But I went prepared with a book to read whilst they all talked about beer and wine and whatnot, lol. I read about half of my book and then my boyfriend brought me home. (he only had 1 beer the entire day, God bless his non-alcoholic, soul, LOL!)
I used to do most of my drinking in the summer months at parties and barbecues, what I want to do now is try to have fun at these events sober. It is kind of hard I guess because I am still new to sobriety. So I suppose as long as I keep reminding myself why I cannot drink maybe eventually the thought won't even cross my mind and I can be one of the people in the group laughing at whatever conversation it is everyone is having without feeling left out and without taking a drink.
*shrug*
So to see other people having beers and margaritas and only having 1 or 2, kind of annoyed me! But I went prepared with a book to read whilst they all talked about beer and wine and whatnot, lol. I read about half of my book and then my boyfriend brought me home. (he only had 1 beer the entire day, God bless his non-alcoholic, soul, LOL!)
I used to do most of my drinking in the summer months at parties and barbecues, what I want to do now is try to have fun at these events sober. It is kind of hard I guess because I am still new to sobriety. So I suppose as long as I keep reminding myself why I cannot drink maybe eventually the thought won't even cross my mind and I can be one of the people in the group laughing at whatever conversation it is everyone is having without feeling left out and without taking a drink.
*shrug*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I just got back from a cook out with the family. Had a great time! No booze....just lots of good food, desserts, games and warm feelings. This is my 2nd sober Memorial Day weekend. It does get easier.....that's a promise 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 450
Wow.... I personally wouldn't have brought a book to sit alone and read at a bbq...but then again I don't at all know your situation's setting. Events like these also make me nervous as hell - in fact, just had a big grillout/drinkathon thing last night for a relative's birthday. Just joining in on the yard games and conversation makes the time fly by!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
FlyerFan - I understand. My first sober summer I had many uncomfortable moments - but everything changed as I got used to living my life in a different way. You'll get there. Proud of you for going and not touching the stuff.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Flyer Fan you did good, these type of things will feel foreign but will get better with time, I'm sure of it......Look at me talking like I'm a sober pro (almost 5 months)..lol..see ya in class girlie 
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Seems like this is a rough weekend for a lot of people who've recently quit drinking. I never isolated my drinking to events so it's not a huge thing for me, but I know that this can place the newly sober folks in an uncomfortable situation simply being around so much alcohol and drinking. I'm going to a bbq at my parents' house, they are recovered alcoholics. My husband will maybe have half a beer, my 88 year old grandpa probably wont finish one either. We'll have great food, maybe play some games, and stay entertained by my ham of a 2 year old getting into everything. I saw a 'cartoon' the other day about this weekend that I think is appropriate for this particular BBQing event:
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I hang at the sober BBQ's. Hanging out with 10, 30 or 50 sober people is absolutely something I look forward to.
If I am at a "regular" event, it doesn't matter who is drinking or not, I still have fun, just not as much as at a sober event cause someone is always interrupting a chat to "get another one." No consistency, then they don't remember what they said the next time we talk.
If I am at a "regular" event, it doesn't matter who is drinking or not, I still have fun, just not as much as at a sober event cause someone is always interrupting a chat to "get another one." No consistency, then they don't remember what they said the next time we talk.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
To me, the fun I have at a social gathering--any social gathering--has more to do with who is there and the conversation than what anyone is drinking or not drinking.
I wouldn't be able to enjoy the conversation of a drunk person, of course, but I certainly wouldn't be sitting there wishing I could BE that person!
I wouldn't be able to enjoy the conversation of a drunk person, of course, but I certainly wouldn't be sitting there wishing I could BE that person!
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
I didn't take the book just to sit alone and not be social. I sat at the table with everyone else, I just didn't partake in the conversation they were having because it all revolved around booze. Jokes about each other being alcoholics when there happens to be a real live one at the table. LOL. I did find this amusing. They all know about me of course because they're family, but they don't treat me any differently, which I like. Also they just carry on with their drinking as they normally would, they don't dim it down or hide it from me, which I also support.
It was just a little bit like feeling left out of the fun. Because I do remember having fun and drinking socially at one time in my life, but I cannot do that anymore.
I will keep forcing myself to go to these events throughout the summer, because I do not want to deprive my boyfriend of his ability to be a normal drinker and have fun, and also because these functions are the only time we get to see our families, whom we both miss.
So, perhaps as I attend more and more events like this, I'll develop a way to dismiss the drinking thoughts altogether and just blend in soberly...lol.
It was just a little bit like feeling left out of the fun. Because I do remember having fun and drinking socially at one time in my life, but I cannot do that anymore.
I will keep forcing myself to go to these events throughout the summer, because I do not want to deprive my boyfriend of his ability to be a normal drinker and have fun, and also because these functions are the only time we get to see our families, whom we both miss.
So, perhaps as I attend more and more events like this, I'll develop a way to dismiss the drinking thoughts altogether and just blend in soberly...lol.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Over these many years now, I have found BBQ with friends and/or
family to be an absolute BLAST!!!!!!!!! And they are sober ones, or
at least most are non drinkers at the ones I go to.
I was very lucky in that respect. I got out of the hospital after dying
at 5 days sober, and went straight to a Recovery Home for Alcoholic
Women. The house mother believed in 'balance' in one's life and thus
there had to be 'fun' included, not all work and AA, lol
At 4 weeks, all 15 women and the House Mother and Asst House
Mother went to a BBQ in one of LA's public parks where there happened
to be a whole bunch of other AAers having a BBQ that day, yep it was
the 4th of July. It was my first experience at a picnic/bbq sober and
it was lots and lots of fun. Yes in other areas of the park were other
groups of folks having BBQs and drinking and getting louder and more obnoxious as the day wore on.
I guess we were getting louder also, as some of the AAer's were band
folks and we had 'live' music all day and into the evening, lol
Anyway, we had BBQs at the house, at Zuma Beach, etc so I had a
very good introduction to 'sober' BBQs in my first 90 days.
Since then I have always enjoyed myself. Living here in the South
West within a 'warmer' climate we have a much longer BBQ season,
lol and between family, friends, and myself, there seems to be a
BBQ party almost every other weekend, and they are fun. We set
up Horseshoes, Badminton, there is usually chess and checkers going
on, if there is a pool, water volley ball, if enough kids, they'll get a
soccer game going.
We adults will talk about everything under the sun, from politics to
the next full moon and other nonsense and some serious. It is really
just a great time.
You too, will come to not only enjoy them, but realize how much you
missed all those years of drinking.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
family to be an absolute BLAST!!!!!!!!! And they are sober ones, or
at least most are non drinkers at the ones I go to.
I was very lucky in that respect. I got out of the hospital after dying
at 5 days sober, and went straight to a Recovery Home for Alcoholic
Women. The house mother believed in 'balance' in one's life and thus
there had to be 'fun' included, not all work and AA, lol
At 4 weeks, all 15 women and the House Mother and Asst House
Mother went to a BBQ in one of LA's public parks where there happened
to be a whole bunch of other AAers having a BBQ that day, yep it was
the 4th of July. It was my first experience at a picnic/bbq sober and
it was lots and lots of fun. Yes in other areas of the park were other
groups of folks having BBQs and drinking and getting louder and more obnoxious as the day wore on.
I guess we were getting louder also, as some of the AAer's were band
folks and we had 'live' music all day and into the evening, lol
Anyway, we had BBQs at the house, at Zuma Beach, etc so I had a
very good introduction to 'sober' BBQs in my first 90 days.
Since then I have always enjoyed myself. Living here in the South
West within a 'warmer' climate we have a much longer BBQ season,
lol and between family, friends, and myself, there seems to be a
BBQ party almost every other weekend, and they are fun. We set
up Horseshoes, Badminton, there is usually chess and checkers going
on, if there is a pool, water volley ball, if enough kids, they'll get a
soccer game going.
We adults will talk about everything under the sun, from politics to
the next full moon and other nonsense and some serious. It is really
just a great time.
You too, will come to not only enjoy them, but realize how much you
missed all those years of drinking.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
I totally feel you. However, At least you have a boyfriend who cares for you and hangs out with you and you are invited to a bbq. I have been stuck in this house all weekend with nobody to hardly talk to. The few people that I do know and can talk to are gone for the day at bbq's and stuff and they are mostly long distance. I basically feel abandoned. I know that it is hard because I am also new to sobriety too. At this point I doubt if I could even be around drinkers. I read your story and you seem pretty lucky the way that I see it anyhow. I am not used to not having anyone to date or to do anything with. I would be happy if someone would just call me. Lots of luck to you. Keep up the good work. Sounds like you do have good support from your boyfriend. Where do you look for a good boyfriend at anyhow? LOL... I have not met any men since I have been sober because I am not used to dating the good and sober way. It is lonely.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
It takes some getting used to, but it can be fun if you realize that it's a different kind of fun. You might want to stay away from BBQs that focus manly on drinking until you feel more secure.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
In the beginning EVERYTHING seemed weird because I was sober. That's why the first year is so important -- you go through every season sober, all the holidays. After 20 years I still want a beer when the season changes. But it passes. In early sobriety I had to attend a business function where lots of booze would be served. So I took a sober friend and left early. Also kept a glass in my hand with sparkling water.
Congrats! It gets easier.
Congrats! It gets easier.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Flyer - What you said in your last paragraph - that's what happened with me. I no longer feel like I'm missing out. You'll feel much more comfortable as you go along. Proud of you for sticking with it - you're doing great.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Flyer - What you said in your last paragraph - that's what happened with me. I no longer feel like I'm missing out. You'll feel much more comfortable as you go along. Proud of you for sticking with it - you're doing great.
Thanks everyone for reassuring me!
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