dawnrunner

I'd guess, from everything you have said, she fully knows that alcohol is an issue for you. The scenarios you describe, beers offered, mutual wordless decision to order pop instead etc. all lead me to think that an explicit and honest conversation about alcohol is not going to contain a shocking revelation to her.

Deserto

I agree with Dawnrunner. The looking at the menu "just to see what they have" suggests to me that she knows you don't drink, and not because you never have.

THEOjibway

well a bit off topic but we had our first serious conversation. I was getting a bit worried that things were unraveling between us now. I was afraid because she started to not text me as much anymore and we rarely speak on the phone so I brought it up with her and told her how sad I had been for a bit now and that I would like it if we started talking to each other on the phone so we can keep in touch, that texting can only do so much and she agreed. Though I did make her cry because she thought I was really mad at her but I wasn't. So My brother took me out to a movie today and we saw BattleShip which was an awesome movie. And I get out of the theater and check my messages and she texted me. Shes angry at herself for not keeping in touch often anymore and that I have nothing to fear of losing her, that I'm still important to her. I texted her back telling her that she doesn't need to beat herself over it, that I should have suggested this earlier. She was happy to hear that I reassured her that I"M NOT angry with her or upset anymore, that I was so down after our talk that I cried myself. I hate being negative and to be hoenst? I havent cried since the day I finally poured down those 3 alcoholic beverages down the sink 9 months ago. I have been up in the air too long and I know not crying isn't the best thing to do. Sometimes we need to let it out. I just hated to hear her cry and I was breaking up in my voice because I didn't want her to cry. But we are going to talk to each other tonight after her shift. On the phone I mean. She means so much to me and I can't tell her enough of that. I almost did tell her my past problems but thought better, I'd prefer to do it in person. But we are looking forward to our celebration next saturday on the 26th seeing it'll be 6 months of dating and nothing is stopping us that day lol. we both booked off that day to go to Toronto for the day and I can't wait to really show how much I do love her still.

THEOjibway

SO I made up with her tonight after our talk. We talked cheerfully and discussed our exciting plan to see each other Saturday the 26th for our 6th month anniversary. She means the world to me I told her by mouth tonight. I told her how important she is to me as well and she giggled and sounded way better then she did this morning of course. I told her she was beautiful and she was happy to hear my worries have dropped and we both agreed we should be talking more then texting. Thank god for this program. I wouldn't be here right now if I were still out there drinking. It makes me feel so lucky I was able to finally crawl out of that deep, dark hole when I kept drinking my face off. No matter how many times I tried to quit on my own last summer, I just couldn't. You, my higher power, girlfriend and family mean alot to me. And thanks to my program and finally "getting it" my parents are happily in California at this very moment enjoying themselves instead of worrying about me drinking. I am soooo happy right now that they actually get to enjoy their vacation for the first time in 2 years.... kept drinking every time they left and get caught. phew.... amen.... amen...

THEOjibway

wow. I also just got a text from her, she was going over next door with her father to see their neighbors (they are all close) for dinner and hanging out and I just got a text " Good thing i called before I left. just got home now! Had a bit too much wine :P hee hee :P " wow. if this was last year I woulda been soooo jealous that she drank but not. Actually doesn't bother me, shes a very occasional drinker. She has next to no alcohol so shes not addicted. I just chuckled and wished her a goodnight since she was going to bed now lol shes no night hawk like me. at least she trying to text me now lol.
thank god for the program again!

eh1988

No worries man, when you quit, you quit. It in no way means your significant other has to quit as well. My fiance still drinks wine on occasion, I have no problem with it. I've never had a problem with people drinking around me, my addictions are my own problem, nobody should try to change other peoples patterns.

THEOjibway

thats why I said IT didn't bother me lol. it doesn't I know well she does like to have the occasional drinks. I just chuckled at it and shook my head at the memory of what I would have done if it were me vice versa. But I still yet to tell her I don't drink anymore. She seemed fine to tell me right off the bat she had a bit too much and was giddy there lol. oh well. I'm not worried at all lol.

eh1988

That's good, so have you told her yet? I'm not really on the boat of you having to tell her, as it seems like you were sober before you started dating.

THEOjibway

No I havent told her yet, she was going to come over today but her father wanted to see her brother (his son) today for the Victoria Day Weekend. I was going to tell her today while she was over but we aren't seeing each other till saturday and I don't think I really want to tell her this on our special anniversary of 6 months of dating. I may who knows, I have a feeling she may want a drink to celebrate and of course I'll decline lol. Anyways. I'm still up lol I'm off for 3 days, day number 2 today lol. Enjoying the freedom though its not new that my bro and I are on our own I did live on my own last year so its not new. Hows your life going? we're both young alcoholics... luckily for us we stopped early.

CarolD

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eh1988

That's good. Like I said, not a big deal if you don't tell her (in my opinion). You went through this before you guys were together. I told my fiance out of necessity, she lives with me 4-5 days out of the week. If I'm going to marry this girl, she has to know one of the biggest "secrets" about me. My life is going good, just working hard and keeping busy. Trying to keep all of my family and friends happy and satisfied with me lol. I agree, every morning I get down on my knees and pray to the big man upstairs, let him know that I appreciate him smacking me in the face and letting me know early in life that I had a serious problem. I'm far from out of the woods, don't know if I'll ever be, but I know I'll keep running no matter how long this forrest lasts. Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to!

THEOjibway

Exactly. I actually went for a walk down memory lane last night, I had footage from myself from last year saying I was going to quit drinking. Then I know as a fact, 4 hours later I came back on and was hammered. I was out of it, it sure showed me that the little serious talk her and I had about communicating verbally and not just by texting all the time was just that, a small deal, compared to what I had to go through this time last year. It was nothing. I cried after we spoke yesterday morning because I made her cry and I hated to hear her crying on the phone, of course we made up but I felt so bad and as I thought about it last night.... I don't know I just found myself grabbing my camcorder and watching the footage of last year and shaking my head. I watched for an hour and saw how much different I was back then, I was a wreck. My hair was all messy, I had actually gotten a bit fat during that time due to drinking all that beer (which btw I lost all that fat now lol) and I could tell I wasn't 100% wanting to quit. I wasn't there yet. Now? Now everything is great and that brought a smile to my face even with her silly text message before she went to bed, that was cute lol.

I respect your input about not telling her, well.... I've been taught not to keep something hidden from someone you love and I love her, she completes me, I've told her this before, she's the air that I breathe. That once upon a time I was depressed and messed up and now? Now I'm free and happy and enjoy having her around now a days. I'm sure you obviously understand since you mentioned you live with yours 4-5 days a week so it was necessary. Well for me, we don't see each other that many times, maybe once or twice a week (conflicting work schedules etc) but when we do find the time to see each other we're so happy. I feel I owe her something in return since she's been opening up about her parents divorce which was only a year ago. I did throw in a hint to her last night when we last spoke (before her cute "too much wine" text lol) that there is still much to learn of each other and that I too have some personal things I would like to share with her but haven't felt ready. She agreed but didn't ask what I meant by it, but I'm sure it won't be so bad. You know, once I get it out I won't have to keep posting here that I didn't do it. IDK!!! I find it very hard to have to tell her something that of course I'm not proud of from the past. But of course I'm proud to be in AA and have a good life now. I'm sure it'll turn out for the better good and this monkey on my back will finally jump off and stop putting me in the sleeperhold. uncle uncle! lol. Hey we should keep in touch, I'll reactivate my PM, had a bit of an ordeal here once before and refused to get any PM's from anyone but now I will activate it so you and I can keep in touch, as they say, us young pups gotta stick together as well! PM because this topic is sort of steering away from what i originally posted "Haven't Told Her Yet AGAIN" lol I'm Chris btw.