Drunk in front of your children
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 78
Drunk in front of your children
Hi everyone, I have two beautiful kids, 7 and 9 that have seen me drunk a few times, however last night I was falling down drunk in front of them. My husband made some excuse about my lack of balance, but I feel so so terrible.
I'd love to hear from other parents about damage control in this situation. I have resolved to stop drinking, day 1 today, but I'm not sure if I should speak to them about it or hope the passage of time will dim their memory...
Thanks for your time
I'd love to hear from other parents about damage control in this situation. I have resolved to stop drinking, day 1 today, but I'm not sure if I should speak to them about it or hope the passage of time will dim their memory...
Thanks for your time
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 38
It's happened now so don't dwell on it. Use it as a springboard into sobriety. You will be a better parent for it and your kids will love you all the more.
And if you feel the temptation to drink again just remember how bad you felt and how much your kids need you sober. You have taken the first step, and that in itself is an amazing achievment.
And if you feel the temptation to drink again just remember how bad you felt and how much your kids need you sober. You have taken the first step, and that in itself is an amazing achievment.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
IMO your actions will speak most meaningfully right now. One day you can use words to see how you might make amends for your behavior when drinking, but I would give it time enough to make sure this need only be done once.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
They are old enough to work out what is going on, and old enough to know when they are being conned (but go along with the storey anyhow). One on the great things about getting sober is I now have more respect from my kids and we have a better connection.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 260
My eldest is seven so of course I'd been in drunk in front of him hundreds of times, mostly in a 'fun Bob' sort of way. However, the one time that he noticed and made the connection between my behaviour and the drink, and actually said, 'Daddy's drunk,' was pretty awful for all concerned and is what brought me here.
It was never 'dealt with' quite as cleanly as it might have been, but I did promise him it would never happen again, and I intend to keep the promise. I don't think he realises that I've given up drinking, as such, and the other day we were discussing the idea of the 'carrot on a stick' and he said that my carrot would be beer, which made me die a bit inside, but like I say, I think it's the promise that's important. Yes, he'll have that one time, but it is only one time, and it finally -- after 20 Godawful years of being led by the bottle -- gave me the kick up the backside I needed. So maybe in a way it's a good thing.
Good on you for your resolve, donenow.
It was never 'dealt with' quite as cleanly as it might have been, but I did promise him it would never happen again, and I intend to keep the promise. I don't think he realises that I've given up drinking, as such, and the other day we were discussing the idea of the 'carrot on a stick' and he said that my carrot would be beer, which made me die a bit inside, but like I say, I think it's the promise that's important. Yes, he'll have that one time, but it is only one time, and it finally -- after 20 Godawful years of being led by the bottle -- gave me the kick up the backside I needed. So maybe in a way it's a good thing.
Good on you for your resolve, donenow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
Hello Donenow,
Alcoholic mother here. My kids were much older than yours when I decided to finally be a grown up. The conversations I had with them about my drinking as young adults were much different than ones I would have had with them as youngsters. My relationship with them now that I'm sober is beautiful. But my biggest shame is that they had to see me in detox first..... Don't let that happen to you.
Alcoholic mother here. My kids were much older than yours when I decided to finally be a grown up. The conversations I had with them about my drinking as young adults were much different than ones I would have had with them as youngsters. My relationship with them now that I'm sober is beautiful. But my biggest shame is that they had to see me in detox first..... Don't let that happen to you.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
My kids are 10 and 13. They have seen me drunk a lot this past year. A month ago I was sneaking into the dinning room to drink out of a vodka bottle. At least I thought I was sneaking. My 13 yo told me I had had enough. My 10 yo started doing the "follow my finger" like the cops do, to me last summer. He thought it was funny. I did not.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 392
Another Alcoholic Mom of a 9 year old. I don't talk about what I did when I was drunk with my child. I use the energy that I was putting into being a drunk into being a good mom.
You can do it Donenow!!!!!
You can do it Donenow!!!!!
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
The day I gave up drink, and talked to my 14yo about it, was the most adult conversation I have ever had in my life. She knew everything, but was prepared to give me a chance to clean up.
I intended that day, and I intend every day to keep that promise
I intended that day, and I intend every day to keep that promise
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
They know and understand more than you think about your drinking. I have a 9 and 11 year old and they both notice the difference, now that I do not drink.
My oldest a few years back saw me fall off a bicycle while drunk and it scared her very much. It left an impression upon her, later she asked me "why do you drink if it makes you fall off a bike" I did not have a good answer.
Recently we were on spring break in Cancun at an All-Inclusive resort where there was plenty of drinking being done my 18 year old kids, doing body shot etc.. One got really drunk and and passed out in the Women room. She found him in there when she went to the restroom and was scared to say the least, he was throwing up. She came out in tears. I asked the hostess to call security which they did and had him removed, his parents complained that someone called security and wanted to know who did, the hostess would not tell them I spoke up and told them that I did and I am more than willing to discuss with them why I did and why I would do again. Sometimes it is good to be 6'5" and 230 pounds because they did not inquire any further to my actions.
For the next few days my daughter would ask why I quit drinking and if drinking is so bad why is it legal? I told her that drinking is not a problem for everyone who drinks and I drank for many years without issue, but some where I had lost control of my how much I would drink and make excuses for my drinking that it was time to take a break. Once I stopped my life was more enjoyable and I was happier I never started again. She gave me a big hug and said she likes my better not drinking and said she will never drink.
My son who is now 9 is well aware that I have stopped drinking and proud of the fact. A while back we were celebrating my in-laws 50th anniversary and they were passing around champagne and sparkling cider for the kids for a toast he made sure that I had the "kids Champagne" and said to me "you have been doing so well I don't want you have a drink by mistake. " I hugged that little guy so tight and thanked him.
I have spoken to both of them about why I stopped and what they are going to be faced with in the near future. Stressing that you will encounter pressure to drink and that some will tease you if you do not. But to be true to yourself and make your own decisions. It is a slippery slope and we will have many more conversations about it.
Best of luck Donenow it is the best present you can give your self and in turn your children.
My oldest a few years back saw me fall off a bicycle while drunk and it scared her very much. It left an impression upon her, later she asked me "why do you drink if it makes you fall off a bike" I did not have a good answer.
Recently we were on spring break in Cancun at an All-Inclusive resort where there was plenty of drinking being done my 18 year old kids, doing body shot etc.. One got really drunk and and passed out in the Women room. She found him in there when she went to the restroom and was scared to say the least, he was throwing up. She came out in tears. I asked the hostess to call security which they did and had him removed, his parents complained that someone called security and wanted to know who did, the hostess would not tell them I spoke up and told them that I did and I am more than willing to discuss with them why I did and why I would do again. Sometimes it is good to be 6'5" and 230 pounds because they did not inquire any further to my actions.
For the next few days my daughter would ask why I quit drinking and if drinking is so bad why is it legal? I told her that drinking is not a problem for everyone who drinks and I drank for many years without issue, but some where I had lost control of my how much I would drink and make excuses for my drinking that it was time to take a break. Once I stopped my life was more enjoyable and I was happier I never started again. She gave me a big hug and said she likes my better not drinking and said she will never drink.
My son who is now 9 is well aware that I have stopped drinking and proud of the fact. A while back we were celebrating my in-laws 50th anniversary and they were passing around champagne and sparkling cider for the kids for a toast he made sure that I had the "kids Champagne" and said to me "you have been doing so well I don't want you have a drink by mistake. " I hugged that little guy so tight and thanked him.
I have spoken to both of them about why I stopped and what they are going to be faced with in the near future. Stressing that you will encounter pressure to drink and that some will tease you if you do not. But to be true to yourself and make your own decisions. It is a slippery slope and we will have many more conversations about it.
Best of luck Donenow it is the best present you can give your self and in turn your children.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
donenow....Welcome to our recovery community....
Do you have a plam in mind on how to accomplish your sobriety?
Please keep posting...many of us are winning over alcohol...and so can you
Do you have a plam in mind on how to accomplish your sobriety?
Please keep posting...many of us are winning over alcohol...and so can you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
I agree with the others... move forward.
I've been lucky enough never to see my parents drunk (they seem to be the only ones in my family that DON'T have a problem...) But my aunt is an alcoholic and I'm really close to her daughter (my cousin.) Trust me: All your kids want is the best for you. They will be so proud of you when you are sober. They won't hold a grudge over past mistakes.
I've been lucky enough never to see my parents drunk (they seem to be the only ones in my family that DON'T have a problem...) But my aunt is an alcoholic and I'm really close to her daughter (my cousin.) Trust me: All your kids want is the best for you. They will be so proud of you when you are sober. They won't hold a grudge over past mistakes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by donenow 
I'd love to hear from other parents about damage control in this situation.
)... Quit drinking. Really. Words, especially now, probably won't be very helpful, and could, in fact, cause more damage.I am a parent of four kids. They know I don't drink anymore. I share the kids champagne at holidays...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 78
Thanks everyone. The plan was to just quit, but you know what, based on history I'm setting myself up for failure. Reading this morning, i know that if I am serious about this then it's important that I plan and work at it, speak to experts and try doing something rather than doing nothing and waiting for disaster (which is usually what I do, all great until it isn't again) I've just made an appointment for a health screen and referral for first step towards working with a therapist, this is next week though, so bit nervous about that...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Donenow, the incident which you described was exactly like an incident which made me stop drinking in 2003. My then 8yo daughter saw me falling down drunk and after I woke up the next morning I decided that was enough.
I was blessed with extreme clarity that I needed to stop immediately and the only way to "make it up" to my family was to STOP and stay stopped. I knew all the promises in the world would not speak as loudly as my actions. So I stopped and for the most part (couple of small relapses) I have stayed stopped since 2003. You can do it too. Good luck!
I was blessed with extreme clarity that I needed to stop immediately and the only way to "make it up" to my family was to STOP and stay stopped. I knew all the promises in the world would not speak as loudly as my actions. So I stopped and for the most part (couple of small relapses) I have stayed stopped since 2003. You can do it too. Good luck!
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