Heavy Drinker? Opinions please.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Minnetonka, Mn
Posts: 62
I'm a lot like you. I never lost anything, I have an awesome job, awesome kids, and awesome wife, awesome house etc.. I do, however, have a drinking problem. I simply could not quit without help. I went to AA as well for a while, and convinced myself I was way better off than these people. I stopped going, and a few months later, I was arguing with myself as I walked into the liquor store. I had no control over it. That was my rock bottom. I'm happily back in AA now and I plan on working the program the right way this time.. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 94
SSIL75 -- it started with maybe a beer and a martini...and Sunday was beers at a birthday party and 3 martinis later. I have always been a binge drinker -- my tolerance is just going way up.
BOOL -- I know I didn't give enough information. No harm to me about your comment, those moderation thoughts are what I have been trying to do for years and its just not working, apparently.
Everyone thank you so much for sharing.
mirage, your story sounds very familiar. I'm just sick and freaking tired of worrying about it, obsessing over it and planning my life around it. It sucks.
No drink for me last night, thank God. I'm okay for a few days but weekends have always been when I've gone all out.
Again, thanks everyone SO much.
BOOL -- I know I didn't give enough information. No harm to me about your comment, those moderation thoughts are what I have been trying to do for years and its just not working, apparently.
Everyone thank you so much for sharing.
mirage, your story sounds very familiar. I'm just sick and freaking tired of worrying about it, obsessing over it and planning my life around it. It sucks.
No drink for me last night, thank God. I'm okay for a few days but weekends have always been when I've gone all out.
Again, thanks everyone SO much.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
Welcome!
I think you've found the right forum.
My drinking was like yours for a long time. Until suddenly, it wasn't.
When I was drinking like you I knew that one day I would have to quit because, hell, old people can't drink like this forever. But I kept putting it off.
Eventually I became old (it happens) and my body's ability to process alcohol and it's ability to recover from my nightly excurisons into teeage wasteland became dimished. I was fortunate, nothing really bad happened to me, no dui's, no divorce, no job loss, I've regained my health, etc. But all of that stuff will eventually happen if I drink again.
I think you've found the right forum.
My drinking was like yours for a long time. Until suddenly, it wasn't.
When I was drinking like you I knew that one day I would have to quit because, hell, old people can't drink like this forever. But I kept putting it off.
Eventually I became old (it happens) and my body's ability to process alcohol and it's ability to recover from my nightly excurisons into teeage wasteland became dimished. I was fortunate, nothing really bad happened to me, no dui's, no divorce, no job loss, I've regained my health, etc. But all of that stuff will eventually happen if I drink again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 14
Yeah... I've never entered a cocaine forum, or gambling forum, or a "cutter" forum. The reason is I don't do any of those things. By simply coming here I think that is all the answer you need.
The truth is life is hard. The job, the house, the relationship, the kids... all are things we sacrafice what we WANT to do, to do the things we NEED to do. And after a long day of taking care of everyone else, we feel we're owed the peace and quiet, and comfort of that much anticipated buzz.
The question is, is the buzz really helping us? Does it really relax us or does it create anxiousness that it later quiets. I feel like I'm in your same circumstance. Booze has been so bad to me so many times but I feel like its always there for me. No other substance has taken up more of my time, energy, thought, money, etc.... like booze.
I wish you the best. I think you already know the answer to what you need to do.
The truth is life is hard. The job, the house, the relationship, the kids... all are things we sacrafice what we WANT to do, to do the things we NEED to do. And after a long day of taking care of everyone else, we feel we're owed the peace and quiet, and comfort of that much anticipated buzz.
The question is, is the buzz really helping us? Does it really relax us or does it create anxiousness that it later quiets. I feel like I'm in your same circumstance. Booze has been so bad to me so many times but I feel like its always there for me. No other substance has taken up more of my time, energy, thought, money, etc.... like booze.
I wish you the best. I think you already know the answer to what you need to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 94
Zebra -- I'll be 40 this year. Other than the alcohol, I eat well and work out. I have actually had a full blood panel work up, secretly so I could check liver toxin levels. I'm okay, but how sad is it that someone wants to check those things? That's not someone who drinks like a social drinker.
JPGolfer -- you are hitting home for sure.
I'm actually very nervous about going to a meeting here. I live in a suburb and am afraid I will be judged. I know its silly, but when I was in AA I lived in a bigger town and knew no one.
JPGolfer -- you are hitting home for sure.
I'm actually very nervous about going to a meeting here. I live in a suburb and am afraid I will be judged. I know its silly, but when I was in AA I lived in a bigger town and knew no one.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Who's going to judge you? The people in the meetings won't. People NOT in meetings won't know you're going. You don't wear a scarlet AA on your chest, you know 
No one needs to know outside those who need to like your husband.
No one needs to know outside those who need to like your husband.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
I'm just like you. And I have questioned whether or not I was alcoholic or just a "heavy drinker" for so long. In the end I've decided the label doesn't really matter, and I'm grateful for all the trouble I haven't gotten into "yet". The fact of the matter is that I don't drink normally. I have hit an emotional and spiritual bottom, and that's enough for me. I didn't want to continue living my life that way.
I'm not sure if my husband is an alcoholic or a heavy drinker either, but that is his deal. I can only take care of me. He thinks I don't have a problem but it must be really difficult for him to lose his drinking buddy. Everything changes. And that's hard. But it is better, most days. I feel like I've come out of the darkness and into the light. And my kids end up with a more emotionally present mom. In AA anyway, all that's required is "a desire to stop drinking". You seem to have that! Embrace it and see where it takes you. You have nothing to lose!
I'm not sure if my husband is an alcoholic or a heavy drinker either, but that is his deal. I can only take care of me. He thinks I don't have a problem but it must be really difficult for him to lose his drinking buddy. Everything changes. And that's hard. But it is better, most days. I feel like I've come out of the darkness and into the light. And my kids end up with a more emotionally present mom. In AA anyway, all that's required is "a desire to stop drinking". You seem to have that! Embrace it and see where it takes you. You have nothing to lose!
In my Own Little World
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 368
You know, I was worried about going to AA for a while too and seeing someone I knew, being judged, what will they think of me, ME, being an *whisper* alcoholic and all.
Guess what?
They are at the meeting with you.
They're also an alcoholic, sharing that journey, in an anonymous setting, another alcoholic, shoulder to shoulder with you working towards one common goal: peace, happiness, joy, a free feeling, serenity in sobreity.
Don't look at it like you're getting "busted" there. Look at it like you now have one more piece of the puzzle in place to help you along.
I saw a co-worker at a meeting recently (and I live in a huge metro area, 1 million + people). We glanced at each other, acknowledged each other with a nod, that was all. Our working relationship? None the different.
Just remember what I said. They are at that meeting WITH you.
Guess what?
They are at the meeting with you.
They're also an alcoholic, sharing that journey, in an anonymous setting, another alcoholic, shoulder to shoulder with you working towards one common goal: peace, happiness, joy, a free feeling, serenity in sobreity.
Don't look at it like you're getting "busted" there. Look at it like you now have one more piece of the puzzle in place to help you along.
I saw a co-worker at a meeting recently (and I live in a huge metro area, 1 million + people). We glanced at each other, acknowledged each other with a nod, that was all. Our working relationship? None the different.
Just remember what I said. They are at that meeting WITH you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by beherenow 
I do have a desire to quit drinking, but I'm not sure if I am alcoholic...any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story:
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
You are not alone! I was resistant to AA at first go around a year ago, but I think I just wasn't fully committed to stop. I am in a different place now & I want my kids to grow up with a sober mom. No one deserves to have to live with an alcoholic...we effect everything we touch & damage it without even realizing it.
I am 32 now & am looking forward to the sober journey ahead...one day at a time
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
@beherenow
When I said my drinking caught up to me when I got older, let me define older. For me, it was in my mid 40's, not much older than you.
Now I'm past the 50 mark and doing well, I'm afraid to think of what my life might be like if I was still drinking.
When I said my drinking caught up to me when I got older, let me define older. For me, it was in my mid 40's, not much older than you.
Now I'm past the 50 mark and doing well, I'm afraid to think of what my life might be like if I was still drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 35
I'm much like many of the posters in this thread.
Mid 40's. Good job. Loving wife. No financial trouble. No DUI or legal problems.
I didn't hit what others would call a rock bottom, however I knew that I had a real drinking problem.
One day last summer, my wife and I were suppose to go do somewhere we had planned and looked forward to.
I was drunk.
I lied to her about being drunk.
She saw through the lie.
Her eyes welled up and she said she wasn't going.
I felt like I had been shot through the middle of my heart.
At that exact moment, I knew I needed to quit else I would lose my marriage.
That was my rock bottom.
I quit and haven't come close to having a drink since.
Mid 40's. Good job. Loving wife. No financial trouble. No DUI or legal problems.
I didn't hit what others would call a rock bottom, however I knew that I had a real drinking problem.
One day last summer, my wife and I were suppose to go do somewhere we had planned and looked forward to.
I was drunk.
I lied to her about being drunk.
She saw through the lie.
Her eyes welled up and she said she wasn't going.
I felt like I had been shot through the middle of my heart.
At that exact moment, I knew I needed to quit else I would lose my marriage.
That was my rock bottom.
I quit and haven't come close to having a drink since.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Southeast Coast
Posts: 4
This forum is very encouraging to me. Be here now, I feel like I am very similar to you. I have struggled with thinking I am a Heavy Drinker for years. I have never gotten in any trouble or lost my Marriage or house or job due to drinking. At the same time, I have gotten to where I drink almost everyday Rum. I don't drink anything but Rum, and I don't drink beer. So, I said I can't be an alcoholic. I don't have hangovers. I have a high tolerance for drinking liquor over the years. I have poured out bottle after bottle of Rum over the years (with a desire to stop) only to go buy another at the liquor store. I have come to believe I have a problem because I cannot stop drinking on my own. I have gone 3 weeks without drinking and started again. I also bought a book on moderate drinking and tried that, and have not been successful. I have tried to only drink 3 days a week. I have not been able to be successful with that. So, I am (once again) trying to quit drinking. I have tried to moderate, drink only on weekends, and quit, thinking I will drink again one day normally like real "social drinkers".
I just poured out another bottle of liquor and here I go again, I am trying to quit and I know I cannot do it on my own. I don't have any person or any tragedy like I hear at AA (very sad stories and many people going to jail) of needing to quit, but something is telling me to quit in my soul!
I hope you have found your answer Beherenow. Your post has helped me, and I hope you are having success! I also have a real desire for victory over this! Thanks again.
I just poured out another bottle of liquor and here I go again, I am trying to quit and I know I cannot do it on my own. I don't have any person or any tragedy like I hear at AA (very sad stories and many people going to jail) of needing to quit, but something is telling me to quit in my soul!
I hope you have found your answer Beherenow. Your post has helped me, and I hope you are having success! I also have a real desire for victory over this! Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sparta, TN
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by beherenow
I do have a desire to quit drinking, but I'm not sure if I am alcoholic...any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story:
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
SilverFox....Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum....
Please do keep reading and posting...we have many members winning
over alcohol who are willing to offer support and share experiences with you..
Please do keep reading and posting...we have many members winning
over alcohol who are willing to offer support and share experiences with you..
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
Oh - Me! Me! My story is almost identical to yours, Beherenow.
I never hit a real bottom - I drank almost every night and got a PhD in the process. No one knew because I concealed it very carefully. As far as I know, neither my school, my work, or my social life suffered. And my husband (at the time) always argued that I didn't have a problem. And like you, I went to AA and quit because I couldn't identify with anyone there.
The key is how it makes YOU feel. No one can tell you that you are an alcoholic, you must come to that realization or make that decision.
I never hit a real bottom - I drank almost every night and got a PhD in the process. No one knew because I concealed it very carefully. As far as I know, neither my school, my work, or my social life suffered. And my husband (at the time) always argued that I didn't have a problem. And like you, I went to AA and quit because I couldn't identify with anyone there.
The key is how it makes YOU feel. No one can tell you that you are an alcoholic, you must come to that realization or make that decision.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
They Stopped in Time
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
... They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, hundreds of thousands....just like this..., have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
... They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, hundreds of thousands....just like this..., have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.”
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
welcome to SR SilverFox 
A lot of us had no tragedies, no DUIs, no police record...I didn't...but I didn't need to compare my story to anyone elses to know I was dying from the inside out...
you'll find a lot of support here
D
A lot of us had no tragedies, no DUIs, no police record...I didn't...but I didn't need to compare my story to anyone elses to know I was dying from the inside out...
you'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Mayo, Ireland
Posts: 30
Im in the same boat as u and am thinking the exact same as u, but i often felt crap in the mornings and it slowed me down at work and made everything harder, maybe we are problem drinkers not full blown alkies but if you cant control drink you probably have a problem
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