Heavy Drinker? Opinions please.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I really think this idea of "hitting bottom" has done a lot of harm. I know it confused me when I was "functioning" away but drinking myself stupid every night. Hitting bottom is neither clear nor required.
Some people don't resolve to stop drinking or drugging until they have lost everything: family, job, friends, sanity, freedom, innocence. For some people it takes having driven drunk and killed someone else's child. There but for the grace of God or dumb luck, could have gone I.
Some people don't resolve to stop ever, and they die their lonely early deaths. Some people kill themselves with alcohol or drugs more slowly and carefully: these are the ones whose friends and loved ones say "But you don't have a drinking problem!" Yet inch by inch, their lives are stolen away as is their joy, their love...
F. Scott Fitzgerald's biography by Bruccoli details a slow downward alcoholic spiral to his death at age 44. I just finished reading it and I can highly recommend it. It is a brutally frank story of alcohol destroying a personality, an artist, a family, a life. Inch by inch at first, then foot by foot, then yard by yard as the deterioration speeded up. The sadness of his neglect of his daughter as things progressed is something I would have loved to deplore from a safe moral high ground, but I had to admit I had done some of that damage to my sons.
Stopping sooner rather than later will save you some waking nightmares.
Best wishes to you for health, sanity, joy and love.
Some people don't resolve to stop drinking or drugging until they have lost everything: family, job, friends, sanity, freedom, innocence. For some people it takes having driven drunk and killed someone else's child. There but for the grace of God or dumb luck, could have gone I.
Some people don't resolve to stop ever, and they die their lonely early deaths. Some people kill themselves with alcohol or drugs more slowly and carefully: these are the ones whose friends and loved ones say "But you don't have a drinking problem!" Yet inch by inch, their lives are stolen away as is their joy, their love...
F. Scott Fitzgerald's biography by Bruccoli details a slow downward alcoholic spiral to his death at age 44. I just finished reading it and I can highly recommend it. It is a brutally frank story of alcohol destroying a personality, an artist, a family, a life. Inch by inch at first, then foot by foot, then yard by yard as the deterioration speeded up. The sadness of his neglect of his daughter as things progressed is something I would have loved to deplore from a safe moral high ground, but I had to admit I had done some of that damage to my sons.
Stopping sooner rather than later will save you some waking nightmares.
Best wishes to you for health, sanity, joy and love.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
I was just like you and I am an Alcoholic. The way you are thinking in such an obsessed way tells all you need to know. You may not need AA if it doesn't suit you. If you decide to stop you probably can with just a change in your routine.
If this doesn't work then you really have your answer. Come here as long you think you need to talk about it. It helps to not feel alone about it.
If this doesn't work then you really have your answer. Come here as long you think you need to talk about it. It helps to not feel alone about it.
In my Own Little World
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 368
I'm too tired today to read through the posts (sorry - not being lazy, just truly tired) but only have one thing to say:
Your bottom is what you make it, not what you think it should be.
Good luck to you. And I did see (as I quickly skimmed) as Vinyl said, if you're coming to a place like this, you already know the answer deep down.
I wish you the best. It is not an easy road up, but man is it an enlightening one.
Your bottom is what you make it, not what you think it should be.
Good luck to you. And I did see (as I quickly skimmed) as Vinyl said, if you're coming to a place like this, you already know the answer deep down.
I wish you the best. It is not an easy road up, but man is it an enlightening one.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by dawnrunner 
I really think this idea of "hitting bottom" has done a lot of harm.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
"I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc."
Add the word "yet" to all of those things. That's what was told to me by my AA sponsor when I told her I wasn't "that bad" of a drunk.
I have a great marriage, beautiful home, two awesome kids, good friends, work that I love ... it's only by the grace of God that I still have any of them, given my alcoholism. What I lost, however, was my ability to give 100% of myself to the marriage, the home, the kids, the friends, and the work. I could get my kids off to school in the morning, but not without a couple of shots of whiskey first ... can't pack lunches or cook breakfast with shaking hands and arms. Once they were at school, it was a shot or two every hour to keep the shakes away. Then sober up long enough to drag myself to the grocery store, pick up the kids and cook dinner ... then back to the bottle until I blacked out and then passed out. Wake up the next morning ... rinse and repeat.
When I couldn't even do that much anymore, that was my bottom. I couldn't even get off my couch. Off to detox I went and I've been sober ever since.
As we often say here, you don't have to ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump. You already know where it will end up and it won't be good. I think it's awesome you want to do something about it NOW rather than later. Coming here is a great start and I hope you will also look into some face to face support and a program too. AA saved my life but there are other methods like AVRT and SMART. Just do something!
Hugs to you and I'm so glad you're here! Welcome!
Add the word "yet" to all of those things. That's what was told to me by my AA sponsor when I told her I wasn't "that bad" of a drunk.
I have a great marriage, beautiful home, two awesome kids, good friends, work that I love ... it's only by the grace of God that I still have any of them, given my alcoholism. What I lost, however, was my ability to give 100% of myself to the marriage, the home, the kids, the friends, and the work. I could get my kids off to school in the morning, but not without a couple of shots of whiskey first ... can't pack lunches or cook breakfast with shaking hands and arms. Once they were at school, it was a shot or two every hour to keep the shakes away. Then sober up long enough to drag myself to the grocery store, pick up the kids and cook dinner ... then back to the bottle until I blacked out and then passed out. Wake up the next morning ... rinse and repeat.
When I couldn't even do that much anymore, that was my bottom. I couldn't even get off my couch. Off to detox I went and I've been sober ever since.
As we often say here, you don't have to ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump. You already know where it will end up and it won't be good. I think it's awesome you want to do something about it NOW rather than later. Coming here is a great start and I hope you will also look into some face to face support and a program too. AA saved my life but there are other methods like AVRT and SMART. Just do something!
Hugs to you and I'm so glad you're here! Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by beherenow
I do have a desire to quit drinking, but I'm not sure if I am alcoholic...any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story:
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
to the family" curious "
A social drinker does not like the effects of alcohol.
What do you think an alcoholic drinker does?
Finding out that I was an alcoholic was the best thing that could have happened.
People generally fear the word alcoholic only because they lack education in this area.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 8
I'm kind of in the same boat as you... Having not hit a disastrous 'bottom' and thus occasionally still deluding myself to think I can keep this up if I choose to. I have decided that it's not normal or healthy to consume the better part of a large bottle of wine each night. I'm turning 24 this month and I've been consistently drinking ever night for nearly two years. I know I can still function but I don't believe I'm in denial anymore about how bad it is. Just because everything still appears to be in place, does not mean it will continue to be if you (and I ) continue down this road. I guess I'm happy in some sense that I have become as aware and concerned about it this early on (compared to some). It's hard to nip it in the bud before it gets way, way out of hand, but I believe it's well worth it. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by beherenow
I do have a desire to quit drinking, but I'm not sure if I am alcoholic...any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story:
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
This doesn't need to be the case for everyone, though. Do you think you'd be able to limit your alcohol intake to weekends only? Or a day or two per week? Can you moderate. Can you stop drinking before you get plastered. If so, then this means you're currently the one in charge, not the alcohol. So why not try that out instead of having to abstain completely. If you're successful with that over a proven period of time then you're likely okay. Hold off during the week and go from there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 31
Millions of people cannot moderate, millions of people can. Why is it assumed everyone who comes on the forums cannot moderate?
Someone's advice could be to quit drinking entirely, and someone else's advice could be to moderate. Why is one piece of advice valid but the other not.
Someone's advice could be to quit drinking entirely, and someone else's advice could be to moderate. Why is one piece of advice valid but the other not.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by Bool
Millions of people cannot moderate, millions of people can. Why is it assumed everyone who comes on the forums cannot moderate?
Someone's advice could be to quit drinking entirely, and someone else's advice could be to moderate. Why is one piece of advice valid but the other not.
Someone's advice could be to quit drinking entirely, and someone else's advice could be to moderate. Why is one piece of advice valid but the other not.
Did you even read her post?
And yes, millions of people can in fact moderate, but those people do not seek out sobriety forums looking for help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 31
I get that. But the original poster hasn't claimed to have attempted either moderation or abstinence yet. Only that he/she has decided to take a look at the situation and ask for advice. So, some can advise to attempt abstinence, and some can advise to attempt moderation. It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing for everyone who comes in. They should be asked first what their intentions are before being told to abstain completely. Some can moderate.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
if I'd been able to moderate I would have done it Bool - I expect you would have too... and neither of us would never have needed to log on to SR....and yet here we are....
Lets focus on constructively helping the original poster thanks.
D
Lets focus on constructively helping the original poster thanks.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by Bool
I get that. But the original poster hasn't claimed to have attempted either moderation or abstinence yet.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by beherenow
I do have a desire to quit drinking, but I'm not sure if I am alcoholic...any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story:
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
Check this out...
Scroll down and read the "unmanageability exercise".
A.A. Way of Life - Working Step 1"
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Wow your story is so much like mine! I went to work (mostly), functioned (barely) and drank to the point where I could just maintain that, but if I didn't have to work the next day, all bets were off.
I too had no idea if I was an alcoholic or not when I found myself in AA. All I knew was that I was a daily drinker and I really wanted to stop. After a few months I came to recognise myself as the kind of drinker the Big Book describes as an alcoholic.
I too have had a couple of go's in AA. The first time I really felt like I didn't belong, but I think pretty much everyone feels like that. It's normal alcoholic thinking. Over time I met people who I felt more of a connection with and have become friends with some and strong acquaintances with others. It took a long time to see the similarities rather than the differences. After 4 years being in and out of AA, at every meeting I go to I see someone I know who smiles and is happy to see me. It's nice :-) Nicer than sitting home sucking down wine and crying about my crappy life.
Had I hit the bottome when I came into AA? Not sure. I was suicidal, depressed and barely functioning, but I think I pretty much managed to cover it up and function in my investment banking job and otherwise just hide from the world.
I too had no idea if I was an alcoholic or not when I found myself in AA. All I knew was that I was a daily drinker and I really wanted to stop. After a few months I came to recognise myself as the kind of drinker the Big Book describes as an alcoholic.
I too have had a couple of go's in AA. The first time I really felt like I didn't belong, but I think pretty much everyone feels like that. It's normal alcoholic thinking. Over time I met people who I felt more of a connection with and have become friends with some and strong acquaintances with others. It took a long time to see the similarities rather than the differences. After 4 years being in and out of AA, at every meeting I go to I see someone I know who smiles and is happy to see me. It's nice :-) Nicer than sitting home sucking down wine and crying about my crappy life.
Had I hit the bottome when I came into AA? Not sure. I was suicidal, depressed and barely functioning, but I think I pretty much managed to cover it up and function in my investment banking job and otherwise just hide from the world.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by beherenow
He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
There were two big lies I told myself when I was still drinking. One was, "When it gets bad enough, then I'll stop," and the other was, "It's not that bad yet."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Hi beherenow, welcome to SR! Your deal sounds a lot how I was when I found this site. I drank after I got the kids in bed, around 9:00 and would drink about 8 beers or so..till I was drunk. I thought it was "me" time. The house was quiet, I'd have a fire, watch the tv shows I liked. The dh would go up to bed early cuz he got up early for work. I've been an at home mom, so it was way easier to get away with this. It ended up where I just got really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really was..ALL the time. Always tired, stomach hurt every day, and I got sad. Sad cuz I just kept doing it over and over. I hated it, but I didn't want to quit totally either. Then I decided that's what I needed to do. It's been 8 months. You can do it. Read a lot here..you'll learn a TON. And lean on us for support, it's what we're for. You'll realize how much better you'll feel and you can be proud of yourself. Sobriety is wonderful, truly. Good luck!!!
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