Heavy Drinker? Opinions please.
Heavy Drinker? Opinions please.
I do have a desire to quit drinking, but I'm not sure if I am alcoholic...any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story:
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
I live in a great little suburb, run my own marketing firm, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home Everything is "normal" on the outside. My kids are always taken care of, I get up and make them breakfast in the morning...but after they go to bed at night. I drink.
My life is not unmanageable. but I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
I spent 9 months in AA many years ago. I left because I didn't feel like I was like everyone else (ok everyone chuckle now!).I didn't hit a 'bottom'. I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc.
I know it isn't normal. My problem is that my husband says I don't have a problem, I'm a heavy drinker. He drinks but I notice a difference. He can stop anytime without obsessing over it.
So, here's my question. Are any of you like me? Anyone out here not drinking "normally" but haven't hit the bottom?
Some will say you "haven't hit the bottom" until you're six feet under. Others will say, everybody's bottom is different.
You want my list of accomplishments while I was a "heavy drinker" and a full blown alkie? And, on top of my accomplishments "I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc".
You're first phrase of this post was: "I do have a desire to quit drinking"
I say, forget what I think, your husband thinks, or anyone else thinks. YOU "have a desire to quit drinking", so quit drinking. For me, it's been one of my GREATEST accomplishments.
You want my list of accomplishments while I was a "heavy drinker" and a full blown alkie? And, on top of my accomplishments "I haven't gotten a DUI, not paid my bills, in trouble with work, etc".
You're first phrase of this post was: "I do have a desire to quit drinking"
I say, forget what I think, your husband thinks, or anyone else thinks. YOU "have a desire to quit drinking", so quit drinking. For me, it's been one of my GREATEST accomplishments.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
You do not have to go to the bottom of the ocean to know that is is a dark and sandy place.
You wouldn't be posting here if you did not think you had a problem. As you mentioned you have lost control of your drinking, having a drinking problem and hitting rock bottom are not mutually exclusive.
I too thought like you that there was nothing "wrong" with the way I was living had the kids, business, wife and all that, never missed a payment or was unfaithful etc.. I am a much better husband, Father and Business owner since I have stopped drinking.
Best of luck and welcome.
You wouldn't be posting here if you did not think you had a problem. As you mentioned you have lost control of your drinking, having a drinking problem and hitting rock bottom are not mutually exclusive.
I too thought like you that there was nothing "wrong" with the way I was living had the kids, business, wife and all that, never missed a payment or was unfaithful etc.. I am a much better husband, Father and Business owner since I have stopped drinking.
Best of luck and welcome.
I'm a bit like you and, yes, I'm an alcoholic. When I drink, I cannot control my drinking, and I cannot control what I do or say while drinking, which causes problems in my life. My life has become unmanageable.
I tended to drink in the evenings, when I'd get home from work, and I'd drink all night long. I don't have kids, so didn't have to wait until they'd go to bed, but that's a detail. The patterns seem to be similar. I didn't quite hit rock bottom, but I could see where I was headed, and that was enough for me.
There are many who feel that alcoholism is a progressive disease. You and I may not have the problems that others have had in the rooms of AA only because we were lucky enough to recognize our problem earlier than others did. What I have learned in AA is to look for the similarities instead of the differences, and when I do that, I see that I have much in common with many of the people there.
Only you can say, of course, whether you are an alcoholic. But if you cannot control your drinking, that's a big red flag. If I were you, I'd go to more meetings, and listen for the common themes and what you can identify with. The other stuff about hitting bottom and so forth may be different for everyone, but you will likely see yourself in the stories of others in other ways.
I tended to drink in the evenings, when I'd get home from work, and I'd drink all night long. I don't have kids, so didn't have to wait until they'd go to bed, but that's a detail. The patterns seem to be similar. I didn't quite hit rock bottom, but I could see where I was headed, and that was enough for me.
There are many who feel that alcoholism is a progressive disease. You and I may not have the problems that others have had in the rooms of AA only because we were lucky enough to recognize our problem earlier than others did. What I have learned in AA is to look for the similarities instead of the differences, and when I do that, I see that I have much in common with many of the people there.
Only you can say, of course, whether you are an alcoholic. But if you cannot control your drinking, that's a big red flag. If I were you, I'd go to more meetings, and listen for the common themes and what you can identify with. The other stuff about hitting bottom and so forth may be different for everyone, but you will likely see yourself in the stories of others in other ways.
Welcome to SR!
An Emotional Bottom is what is needed, not the glamorized television and movie version of "I lost it all."
Have you read about AVRT? It's online. You can practice it yourself, at home, and it works!
You can do this!
An Emotional Bottom is what is needed, not the glamorized television and movie version of "I lost it all."
Have you read about AVRT? It's online. You can practice it yourself, at home, and it works!
You can do this!
Thanks everyone! I have not heard of AVRT. Looking into it now. You all are so right! This isn't about my husband's opinion of my drinking or anyone else's...its about MINE. THank you so much for the answers and the support!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i drank a lot like you did for a very long time. it can turn *unmanagable* very quickly, taking a toll on your health, energy and mental well-being. there will come a time when you won't be able to juggle everything and still look normal.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I've yet to meet an adult who proclaimed how proud and pleased
they were that their parents were drinkers.
The reason I quit was because I detested the woman I had become. No disasters .
.unless you count a saturated brain....
Welcome ....and I sure hope you will soon quit drinking....
they were that their parents were drinkers.
The reason I quit was because I detested the woman I had become. No disasters .
.unless you count a saturated brain....
Welcome ....and I sure hope you will soon quit drinking....
Welcome to SR, to answer your question I didn't hit the classic bottom, though it did start causing problems at work which is what opened my eyes a little. Then I came here and got them opened a lot lol. I drank along the same lines as retread in the evening afterwork but I don't have kids either so it was the minute I walked in the house. I am using AVRT, I like it its logical and works for me . But everyone is different so checkout whatever you think might be for you.
Glad to have you with us.
Glad to have you with us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oswego NY
Posts: 19
My drinking habits began quite like yours beherenow. I don't know about other people's experience or opinions on the subject of alcoholism, but it's my experience that you're taking quite a chance with the habits you're developing now. I did that for many years, and my drinking never became a problem until I ran into some hardships in my life, and I turned to the bottle.
The nightly evening drinking developed into something more. Now I don't know if people see alcoholism as a disease, genetics, or something someone can develop. But I'm a believer that someone can actually become an alcoholic through practice.
The nightly evening drinking developed into something more. Now I don't know if people see alcoholism as a disease, genetics, or something someone can develop. But I'm a believer that someone can actually become an alcoholic through practice.
Hi Be Here,
I have found out that the absolute bottom for alcoholism is death as it is a progressive disease. However, so grateful that the emotional, financial, social unmanageability of my life due to alcohol did the trick for me. When a person is done they seem to be done and begin to look for answers. Great news is if you have gotten to that bottom there is only one direction and that is UP UP UP..
I have found out that the absolute bottom for alcoholism is death as it is a progressive disease. However, so grateful that the emotional, financial, social unmanageability of my life due to alcohol did the trick for me. When a person is done they seem to be done and begin to look for answers. Great news is if you have gotten to that bottom there is only one direction and that is UP UP UP..
Hi beherenow
to me my bottom was the moment I decided I couldn't live my current way of life anymore - it's a decision, it need not be you climbing your way out of a smouldering ruin....
alcohol or not, this...
sounds like someone you don't want to be, and I'm glad you're here looking for ways and ideas to change that
welcome
D
to me my bottom was the moment I decided I couldn't live my current way of life anymore - it's a decision, it need not be you climbing your way out of a smouldering ruin....
alcohol or not, this...
I do wake almost every day ashamed of drinking to excess the night before. Then I do it again. I'll tell myself I won't drink until the weekend and then something happens, good or bad, and I'll drink to celebrate or drink from stress or whatever excuse I come up with for drinking.
welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I was rationalizing the cars, jobs and homes and he was emphasizing feelings and spirit.
Anyway, the simple test of whether you are an alcoholic or just a problem drinker is easy.....
A) When the alcohol is taken away from the problem drinker, the problem goes away.
B) When the alcohol is taken away from the Alcoholic, the problem just begins.
All the best.
Bob R
I don't envy you, Beherenow. I think it's super-hard to give up without some kind of major precipitating factor. On the other hand, you don't want to hang around waiting for one, and if you're feeling guilt and you're obsessing over alcohol then the chances are you've got one with your name on it. Might be days, might be years, but it's in the post.
I say get some alcohol-free days under your belt, savour how good it feels to stand under the shower without a hangover, start to feel your energy return and regain control of your evenings and your life. And keep coming here. Everybody here wants to stop boozing and that fact alone makes it a really inspiring place to visit. Well, it's working for me anyway. Good luck.
.
I say get some alcohol-free days under your belt, savour how good it feels to stand under the shower without a hangover, start to feel your energy return and regain control of your evenings and your life. And keep coming here. Everybody here wants to stop boozing and that fact alone makes it a really inspiring place to visit. Well, it's working for me anyway. Good luck.
.
My dad(well, he passed away a few months ago) and his wife are what I called 'heavy drinkers', my mom called my dad an alcoholic. I once asked my dad what he thought of his drinking and whether he was an alcoholic. He said no. He said that alcoholics are people who crave alcohol during the day, who wake up wanting to drink, etc. I told him that I felt that something like that was true but that it happens in the later stages of alcoholism. He didn't agree, LOL.
Anyway, he was always a 6-7 drink a night kind of guy. And, he never got a DUI, never had trouble with work, etc. He did lose his marriage and the respect of his kids, though. By the time I was in college he became verbally abusive to me when life got hard and my mom divorced him. I was his punching bag and our relationship had suffered terribly over the years because of his 'social drinking'.
His drinking had other consequences, whether he's an 'alcoholic' or not. He put on a tremendous amount of weight. He had that red broken blood vessel nose. He developed high blood pressure and lost all his teeth by the time he was 55(he was also a heavy smoker which probably contributed to this). The alcohol interfered with his anti-spasmodic medication that he was taking over the last year due to him being paralyzed from the removal of a spinal tumor. His spams were extremely painful and out of control, but he just had to have at least one drink a night, he couldn't quit completely. In the end, it was quite sad. I pitied him and yes, I did consider him an alcoholic even though all he did was drink in the evening after work. Once he started, he didn't stop until his head hit the pillow. I'm still amazed that he never had any other consequences, other than health stuff, from the drinking. In the end, on his death bed, he confessed how the drinking contributed to his early demise(he was 62 when he died) and it made me sad that I am now married to a man who has a problem with alcohol.
Take what you like from his story. Just know that even if you are a social drinker you can still suffer from health problems that accumulate over the years from the drinking. Also, his wife was a heavy drinker. She was diagnosed 2 years ago with liver problems and had to go on interferon therapy and it was not a pleasant experience for her. She has since quit drinking.
Anyway, he was always a 6-7 drink a night kind of guy. And, he never got a DUI, never had trouble with work, etc. He did lose his marriage and the respect of his kids, though. By the time I was in college he became verbally abusive to me when life got hard and my mom divorced him. I was his punching bag and our relationship had suffered terribly over the years because of his 'social drinking'.
His drinking had other consequences, whether he's an 'alcoholic' or not. He put on a tremendous amount of weight. He had that red broken blood vessel nose. He developed high blood pressure and lost all his teeth by the time he was 55(he was also a heavy smoker which probably contributed to this). The alcohol interfered with his anti-spasmodic medication that he was taking over the last year due to him being paralyzed from the removal of a spinal tumor. His spams were extremely painful and out of control, but he just had to have at least one drink a night, he couldn't quit completely. In the end, it was quite sad. I pitied him and yes, I did consider him an alcoholic even though all he did was drink in the evening after work. Once he started, he didn't stop until his head hit the pillow. I'm still amazed that he never had any other consequences, other than health stuff, from the drinking. In the end, on his death bed, he confessed how the drinking contributed to his early demise(he was 62 when he died) and it made me sad that I am now married to a man who has a problem with alcohol.
Take what you like from his story. Just know that even if you are a social drinker you can still suffer from health problems that accumulate over the years from the drinking. Also, his wife was a heavy drinker. She was diagnosed 2 years ago with liver problems and had to go on interferon therapy and it was not a pleasant experience for her. She has since quit drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
That was my problem, I was a functioning alcoholic. And that's all you are too. But you know in your gut, just as I did that you're systematically ruining your life. Though you are functioning now I guarantee the little mistakes are adding up. The decision not to do something that you know you would have done without a hangover, or that short temper that's beginning to build, or the extra time you could have spent with your kid but instead chose something else due to you being tired or ready for a drink.
You gotta cut it off now, seriously. It's such a lie, and I only say this because I lived the same lie and delusion for years. My wife thought I was just fine because I made the family functions, got up to get to work, handle my responsibilities as a Father. But at the end of the day, I was a depressed man with a serious drinking problem no one was truly aware of but me. When you start entering forums like this to ask this question, you already know the answer.
You gotta cut it off now, seriously. It's such a lie, and I only say this because I lived the same lie and delusion for years. My wife thought I was just fine because I made the family functions, got up to get to work, handle my responsibilities as a Father. But at the end of the day, I was a depressed man with a serious drinking problem no one was truly aware of but me. When you start entering forums like this to ask this question, you already know the answer.
Hi behere! Glad you joined the family. It's good that you're looking at your drinking habits & how they're impacting your life.
I once drank the same way you are. It was all very manageable, but over time my tolerance became huge. Having 'a few' was no longer possible - I was consuming large amounts every day. Before long I was a daily drinker, & my sober hours were almost non-existent. If you aren't able to control the amounts you're drinking, I'd say it's become dangerous for you to continue.
We're glad you joined us - you're not alone with this.
I once drank the same way you are. It was all very manageable, but over time my tolerance became huge. Having 'a few' was no longer possible - I was consuming large amounts every day. Before long I was a daily drinker, & my sober hours were almost non-existent. If you aren't able to control the amounts you're drinking, I'd say it's become dangerous for you to continue.
We're glad you joined us - you're not alone with this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 235
That's what's cool about this place, you end up running into someone who gets it and has been there, and understands what lies ahead. I ran into a few too that struck a nerve with me.
I know your path and you're so lucky to be feeling something in your gut this early, I wish I had. Take advantage of that feeling and just stop. You'll absolutely hate where this ends up if you don't.
I know your path and you're so lucky to be feeling something in your gut this early, I wish I had. Take advantage of that feeling and just stop. You'll absolutely hate where this ends up if you don't.
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