Help ! sober house neat freak is driving me nuts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: california
Posts: 4
Help ! sober house neat freak is driving me nuts
The house manager won't help because I guess he finds this type useful ?
This is my 3rd sober place , I noticed every group has one guy that is a little obsessive compulsive about things being clean but its going to far in this place.
The place is never clean enough in this dudes mind, its giving me anxiety and I cant live with being worried about living up to the expectations of a pathalogical neat freak.
I cant do the impossible.
I don't want to get in a fight or be insulting, but its realy getting to me.
Any advice on how to deal with a sober house obsessive compulsive neat freak?
I cant be the first to deal with this problem, I need HELP ! Thanks.
This is my 3rd sober place , I noticed every group has one guy that is a little obsessive compulsive about things being clean but its going to far in this place.
The place is never clean enough in this dudes mind, its giving me anxiety and I cant live with being worried about living up to the expectations of a pathalogical neat freak.
I cant do the impossible.
I don't want to get in a fight or be insulting, but its realy getting to me.
Any advice on how to deal with a sober house obsessive compulsive neat freak?
I cant be the first to deal with this problem, I need HELP ! Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH KEEPING THINGS CLEAN!! THINGS ARE NEVER SUPPOSED TO OUT OF PLACE!!!! GOOD LORD MAN!! WTF!!!
haha....sorry....had to...i used to be that guy.
just try to respect his OCD. the dude has an intense anxiety over things being clean. just do the best you can. he really can't help it and it's incredibly embarrassing to be so uptight all the time. usually the OCD gets better with time. if you really wanna help him, relate to him and try to understand he's not trying to be an a-hole on purpose.
i used to tell people who had a hard time relating...leaving dirty dishes out is like leaving duke filled TP on the bathroom floor. or dirty clothes on the floor is like finding a used condom next to your pillow that's not yours. it can be that bad. try to cut the guy a break.
: 
haha....sorry....had to...i used to be that guy.
just try to respect his OCD. the dude has an intense anxiety over things being clean. just do the best you can. he really can't help it and it's incredibly embarrassing to be so uptight all the time. usually the OCD gets better with time. if you really wanna help him, relate to him and try to understand he's not trying to be an a-hole on purpose.
i used to tell people who had a hard time relating...leaving dirty dishes out is like leaving duke filled TP on the bathroom floor. or dirty clothes on the floor is like finding a used condom next to your pillow that's not yours. it can be that bad. try to cut the guy a break.
: Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: united states
Posts: 127
he's probably trying to deal with his thing the best way he knows how. are there any group sessions there? you could maybe bring it up there in a healthy manner by using "I Statements" to communicate with him. google it if you're not familiar. it's a highly effective communication tool.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: LA, California
Posts: 372
I'm not in a sober house but I have to say I am absolutely used to living with a neat freak. My Fiance is a MAJOR neat freak, to the point where I finally had to bring it up and make her knock it off. She is used to keeping everything clean but she takes it to the next level, I remember when she first moved in she would literally clean after I cleaned. For instance, one time I cleaned the bathroom with all the necessary cleaners (bleach, toilet cleaner and windex for my mirror) well she came in not more than an hour later and did everything I did all over again. I finally told her she needs to stop because that's not healthy, she could spend HOURS cleaning 1 small bathroom that was already clean. She has definitely toned it down a lot, she still doesn't like any clothes on the floor or dirty dishes in the sink though lol. It's kind of ironic, I made her stop cleaning so much, she made me stop drinking.
That being said, if it's really freaking you out maybe you should talk to the guy. I know it would realy annoy me as well, especially already being in an uncomfortable place. I hope you're doing good with your sobriety, remember, too much cleaning isn't worth drinking over!
That being said, if it's really freaking you out maybe you should talk to the guy. I know it would realy annoy me as well, especially already being in an uncomfortable place. I hope you're doing good with your sobriety, remember, too much cleaning isn't worth drinking over!
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
No matter WHERE you go in this world and/or in your life, 2 things are gonna be true:
There is ALWAYS going to be someone who drives you nuts
- and -
YOU can't change THEIR behaviour - but you CAN change YOUR reaction to it.
Think of it as an oppourtunity to learn how to cope.
Blue
There is ALWAYS going to be someone who drives you nuts
- and -
YOU can't change THEIR behaviour - but you CAN change YOUR reaction to it.
Think of it as an oppourtunity to learn how to cope.
Blue
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Never been to a sober house but I am a neat freak. My wife is a mess. Constant source of friction. She is not comfortable without clutter and Im not unless things are neat. Im trying to get better about it. Ashamed to say Ive actually gotten drunk in the past over it. Dont let that happen to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Originally Posted by soberthistime 
This is my 3rd sober place , I noticed every group has one guy that is a little obsessive compulsive about things being clean but its going to far in this place.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Sponsor didn't suggest focusing on you and acceptance and tolerance and maybe looking at what you can do to help another suffering alcoholic, instead of just one of those sayings? Maybe seeing things with a different perspective? A mini 4th step? When someone bothers me, I have to look at me....sounds like mr ocd cleaning dude needs some friends to get the focus off the cleaning....my ex used to clean, but usually when he felt like something inside of him needed to change; instead, he focused on the outside appearances of himself and the home (if it looks clean, I'm okay with me kind of deal), but I'm no therapist.
How's life going now? Are you dealing with this guy ok?
How's life going now? Are you dealing with this guy ok?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 144
Just wanted to add that someone cannot find an inner peace if the outside is a mess. Maybe it's a product of my upbringing, where everything had to be immaculate in order for the house to function.
When I say "someone" I mean me. I've had to work around people with this without imposing. Have had no problem being called out on it. But hey, you won't get lead poisoning.
When I say "someone" I mean me. I've had to work around people with this without imposing. Have had no problem being called out on it. But hey, you won't get lead poisoning.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Ok I couldnt resist. What would concern me about the situation is that is your third "sober house" and your main concern is that some guy keeps the house too clean. If the dude wants to clean, read a book and let him do the dishes. Just sayin...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Back in 1990 when I was in rehab via
a family intervention where I stayed 28
days, I was considered the house mom
because i wasnt allowed to go to outside
meetings for 2 weeks. So while the others
were out at their meetings, id have popcorn
waiting for them when they returned.
I felt needed and thought appreciated.
WRONG.
When it was time for lunch, i was in my
room resting and didnt get the word to
gather. I was sooooo pizzed because here
I went out of my way to be kind to others,
help them, listen to them and no one called
me for lunch. Sheesh.....
I copped a HUGE resentment.
A lesson learned was no one will look out
for me but me. No one will care what I do
but me. No one will keep me sober but me.
Every man or women for themselves is what
I got out of that insident. And to accept others
just as they are and I cant change them no
matter what.
21 yrs later and im still on my awesome recovery
journey passing on my own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what it was like before, during and
after alcohol.
I take care of me with a program of recovery
consisting of steps and principles to incoperate
in my everyday life and pass on that knowledge
of hope to those still struggling with addiction.
In doing so, it keeps me sober one more day.
It can for you too.
a family intervention where I stayed 28
days, I was considered the house mom
because i wasnt allowed to go to outside
meetings for 2 weeks. So while the others
were out at their meetings, id have popcorn
waiting for them when they returned.
I felt needed and thought appreciated.
WRONG.
When it was time for lunch, i was in my
room resting and didnt get the word to
gather. I was sooooo pizzed because here
I went out of my way to be kind to others,
help them, listen to them and no one called
me for lunch. Sheesh.....
I copped a HUGE resentment.
A lesson learned was no one will look out
for me but me. No one will care what I do
but me. No one will keep me sober but me.
Every man or women for themselves is what
I got out of that insident. And to accept others
just as they are and I cant change them no
matter what.
21 yrs later and im still on my awesome recovery
journey passing on my own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what it was like before, during and
after alcohol.
I take care of me with a program of recovery
consisting of steps and principles to incoperate
in my everyday life and pass on that knowledge
of hope to those still struggling with addiction.
In doing so, it keeps me sober one more day.
It can for you too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
