Elisabeth888

I missed the 10 a.m. BB study this morning (which I am ALWAYS at) because I was working on a paper for school that I mistakenly thought was due a couple of days from now.

I was mostly done with this paper but needed to finish it for the deadline today. (I met it) She still gave me the "I have to put my program first" which I understand, but am I going to get a zero so I can make a meeting? NO!

This is one she as well as I consider to be important, but WTF? I go to 5-7 meetings per week.

BillyPilgrim

Quite right.
You need to keep your life in order, that includes doing your schoolwork.

AlwaysGrowing

The program for me is aimed at getting us to have a balanced life. Only you can make that call. Others don't walk our shoes. Maybe she wanted to talk to you, maybe she was having a tough day and you were there.. I have seen too may people put school before meetings TOO early, and drink again, but if you are up in the steps and down the time road some then just take it as concern.

Holly7

Yeah. Don't let what she said get to you too much. I am in school while trying to stay sober too. I hear what you are saying. Maybe got to a meeting tonight if you need it.

Elisabeth888

I am going tonight. I know she is just looking out for me. Sometimes people can go overboard though.

There are a lot of people that do not have any obligations of any kind except for AA and that includes my sponsor.

RobbyRobot

Missing a meeting while you do the next right thing in your life is not a real concern all other things being what they are in life. Recovery is a livable doable journey, and not an event.

aasharon90

My program of recovery is important to
me in order to stay sober each day and
has been for the past 21 yrs. However,
finding balance in all I do is also important.

Too much of anything isnt good as I learned
in early life and carry that lesson with me today
in my own sobriety.

Another good lesson I learned and still use is
FIRST THINGS FIRST. Which means whatever
is important at the time then I should take care
of it.

A program of recovery is a guideline to living
my life with honesty, happiness, joy and freedom.

stugotz

Some are sicker than others......

sugarbear1

The steps are the solution, not the meetings. I spoke with my sponsor about this as another home group person was absent from one meeting and was "called out" by their sponsor (who, in my opinion, was having a bad day). People are people. Your reaction, the way you handle this, that is more important than anything. Unless you've been through all 12 steps, there isn't much to do at a meeting, yet. All of this is my opinion.

TheEnd

I knew this guy who never missed a meeting, called his sponsor everyday, and had a ton of service commitments. He also struggled to pay his rent monthly, because he couldn't seem to find time to get a job. Are you freaking kidding me?

I got sober so I could live my life, not so sobriety would become my life.

You have to do what is right for you sometimes, and sometimes that means missing a meeting if you have more pressing matters.

Sapling

Two things...You don't mention the steps here...Did he do them?...And is he sober today?

Db1105

A sponsors job is to guide you through the 12 steps, not to control your life. Education was a very important part of restoring me to a human being and to put a life together for myself. Recovery is more than going to meetings, it's about restoring myself to being a regular person who just doesn't drink. That type of comment is inappropriate. I would find a different sponsor.

Zebra1275

There are a lot of people that do not have any obligations of any kind except for AA and that includes my sponsor.

My sponsor goes to several meetings a week and my sponsors, sponsor goes to 7+ meetings a week. I know both of them pretty well and I sometimes wonder if they think I'm a slacker because I only attend a couple of meetings a week (although they haven't said anything). However, I work 60 hours a week and they are both retired, it's not an apples to apples comparison.

soberlicious

Absolutely right on it! Thank you for so eloquently putting this. Just what I wanted to say, except I couldn't find a nice way to say it

eJoshua

I would tell your sponsor to get a life. Or possibly, tell your sponsor to take a hike -- unless this is just an isolated incident.

You obviously aren't putting your school in front of your recovery, you put your school in front of one meeting. No big deal.

FlyerFan

I agree with the others. Do what you think is important. I am doing the online college thing myself so i make 3-5 meetings a week and try to balance my school work with that. My sponsor understands that though.

DayTrader

This seems more like a 12-Step Support room kinda question to me but......you posted it here so I'll give my opinion here although it won't be popular.

I'm inclined to side with your sponsor. I don't see it has her controlling your life but moreso holding you to obligations you make. You're the one who dropped the ball on the assignment....not her. Had you paid attention and done your work on time, you never would have had to post this in the first place.

So......bottom line......you screwed up (not a big deal, we all do it), made a choice (choose the paper over the meeting - good choice, btw) and there was a price to pay (your sponsor held you accountable for your misstep). I don't see a problem here......other than maybe you go to too many meetings and should stick with a couple really strong ones over a bunch of mediocre ones. (then again, maybe all 5-7 are great).

I don't think it's my place to second-guess a sponsor who knows you personally and intimately when all I know is the bits of you I get to see via posts on a web message-board.

soberlicious

Still not a sponsor's "job".

RobbyRobot

I see your meaning, DayTrader. Obligations are what they are, and her sponsor was fulfilling the sponsorship obligation by calling out the sponsee. Is that your meaning? If so, I get that, although I dont agree with the obligation existing.

However, now having said that...

This thread is a great example of why I never had another sponsor after I had the drinking problem removed and began my journey as a recovered alcoholic drug addict. Sponsors are a guide through the twelve steps, and when they start to complain about not being properly followed as a failing on the part of the sponsees recovery journey, then that sponsor has lost their effectiveness and has become more a life coach and a friend then anything else.

Sponsors are best when guiding through a deeper and more effective understanding of the twelve steps. End of story. I know it is popular in AA to have friendship and more in the sponsor relationship, but nonetheless, a sponsor is not a friend, not a counsellor, not a parent, not a babysitter, etc.

If we say AA recovery is the Twelve Steps, then that describes the function of a sponsor to guide thru those twelve steps and nothing else. Friends and fellowship is of course important too, but none of that is required for an effective sponsor. Alot of friendships are simply called sponsor-sponsee realtionships when in fact they are simply friendships, imo.

If the program has done its thing and I'm free of the drinking problem, why would i still need a sponsor to guide me through yet again what I am already successfully familar with? Either my drinking problem was removed or it wasn't, you know?

DayTrader

Ok..... not to get wrapped up in semantics..... it may not be part of the job description but I, for one, see the benefit in a FRIEND calling me on my bs. Sometimes my sponsor does that.....because he's my friend. Sometimes my friends do that......because they're my friends. I'm not calling the OP's post BS either. Don't read into it that deeply. I'm just making a point that an outsider's opinion can be beneficial and in this case I am able to see value and not just "your sponsor is trying to live your life."