heathersweeds

It amazes me how we as humans can adapt to almost anything! I just got home from my 48hr IDRC program Mon, tues, and weds. The week before my little vacation to DUI island I had horrible anxiety and an emotional relapse! HUGE pity party, thought I was the exception to the rule(I am an alcoholic after all)

Turns out I had a big learning experience! The rules and the way they talked to all of us were rediculous, the absolute least of comfort, expensive,and not to mention humiliating but........through all this I learned the power of surrender!! Man this is big for me! The other girls acted out and tried to manipulate. I kept my mouth shut (even if I didn't agree) and followed the rules. Met 2 beautiful women in the program one was my roommate. I am grateful today for EVERYTHING! A good cup of coffe, my bed, my blessings!!
I feel such a freedom today that I surrendered. That I am powerless to what the state of New Jersey wants me to do to pay my dues. I am going to be ok because my Higher Power has me!

stillsleeping

Wow! SOunds like alckie boot camp! Glad you came out of it feelin so positive

Justfor1

I can relate to DUI punishment. I have had 3 DUI's and just recently started the steps to get my license back. I have a lot of resentment towards the Secratary Of State and state of IL. The only thing I regret is I got caught drinking and driving. The fact is society does not like or tolerate drunk driving. I feel better though knowing I'm not a horrible person. I paid the severe consequences of the DUI's and it's time to move on.

BackToSquareOne

I think these tickets are a hugh source of revenue for the cities and states. Never had a DUI ticket so I don't know what they are like. Several weeks ago I got one for a stop sign (not comming to a complete stop). The base cost of the ticket was 15.00, then there were 4 additional things tacked on. One was a local surcharge for the EMT's, one was a charge for the Judges computer system, one for local police communication system and finally magistrate fees. The 15.00 ticket grew to 158.00 with all the extra charges.

heathersweeds

I hear you guys! Really! It seems unfair and almost like we have commited murder. But in reality, I could have. I could have hurt my own son. Typing this out in black and white brings tears to my eyes.
This is what I mean, when I say I surrendered to all the fines and jumping through the state of New Jersey's hoops. I began to really see my part in this.
It doesn't matter how unfair the punishment is and I am powerless over it. I chose to take my little son in a car and drive intoxicated. So, New Jersey has their rules to this choice I made. Of course I b*tched and moaned in the begining!! How could they do this to me, I thought lol! I'm telling you right now, for me, It's so much easier to save all that energy fighting the system and just accept and do the punishment.
Don't get me wrong, I've had some horrid days relapsing emotionally.But I think thats my old thinking trying to sneak it's way back in. But, I really am slowly moving forward in my recovery (I think lol)

NYCDoglvr

I got sober on my hands and knees and surrender was the heart of it: I give up! I don't know what to do! I can't control my intake. I can't stop drinking on my own ... please help me.

neferkamichael

Hey pozzum, I'm powerless over what the state of CO is going to do to me to, but finally I'm gonna get the money part of it out of the way shortly. Have a good day.

Justfor1

Heather, but the fact is that you didn't hurt your son or anyone else driving drunk. "Punishing" a group of people (drunks) who are already extremely hard on themselves doesn't solve the problem. The number of multiple DUI offenders is staggering. I know people with 6 or 7 DUI's. One still drives drunk (obviously with no license). The laws are targeted to be extremely hard on first or second time offenders but does nothing to the man/women driving drunk with no license. Our criminal justice system can not handle incarcerating drunk drivers. Judges have to make the tough decision of deciding who will get the prison term, the robber/rapist or some drunk on the road. Sorry about this "rant' but I am so fed up with the DUI system.

BP44

Listen to Tom I. if you think the justice system is unfair to those who like myself have driven drunk. His story is quite powerful.

DayTrader

Heather....that's AWESOME!!!

I assume your IDRC program is similar to one here in Mich I was sent to for a Friday-Sunday stay. (It was in a hotel, we were bed-checked during the night, and it was run by some folks who work/run a treatment center here in Michigan). I was mad about going and even more mad that I had to pay for it (think it was about $400).

It was one of those life-changing events for me though. It was in that "class" that it finally dawned on me that I 1. had a drinking PROBLEM 2. that I was almost certainly alcoholic 3. that I better do something about it or it would get worse 4. that AA does work....and that it might even work for me. I too "surrendered" to a lot more of my reality than I probably ever had.......and it was a WONDERFUL experience as far as my path to sobriety was concerned.

heathersweeds

Justforone-

I totally understand your point of view. For myself looking at it from that angle is overwhelming and doesn't solve anything. I tried to in the begining look at the justice system to make sence, but it doesn't and its not my responsibility to make sure it does. My point is once I let go of the resentment to the punishment, I felt like a ton of weight was lifted, and amazingly enough I could go on with my recovery. I stayed stuck for awhile in that bondage of self. Please forgive my spelling errors.

DayTrader

JustFor1.....IMO.... you're full of it, you're lying to yourself, and you're working on your next first drink (again).

p64 - Resentment is the “number one’’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.

I started to comment on that post but I deleted it and won't do it publically (nor will I derail this thread further). If you're interested, shoot me a pm or maybe we can start another thread. If you're not interested and think I'm full of $hit, that's ok too.

Justfor1

After my last DUI conviction I was forced to attend a MADD impact panel and listen to their stories. I do not remember much of it but I do remember driving drunk a few nights later after attending the panel. I guess it didn't have an "impact" on me. I was a very sick person. They say that you can't scare a real alcoholic to sobriety. I realize that I need to let my resentment towards the state for my "punishment" go. Hopefully, one day I will.

DayTrader

What makes you think the victims impact panel was all about you? Haaa.....

Might it not help the healing process for VICTIMS of dui fatalities? Might it possibly be about helping the victims first and maybe you second?

It's not always all about you Just......

and you're right......sometimes we alkies are pretty ignorant about our alcoholism and refuse to change.......then complain about the results of not changing. good thing there's a second step, huh?

Justfor1

Heather, I apologize if I dominated this thread. I'm very passionate about it. I often wonder how many MADD mothers actually follow up a DUI case from arrest all the way to license reinstatement? I don't have sympathy for people who hate me yet don't even know me. They should mandate a MADD member to an open AA meeting or perhaps a busy restaurant/bar on a Sat. night to see how over served people get. Believe me, there is still a stigma towards alcoholism. Tell a co-worker you arrested for drunk driving & watch the rumors spread. Heather, hopefully, you can understand at least a little bit of what I posted because the DUI consequences just don't make sense to me.

ReadyAndAble

Do you ever wonder how many MADD mothers have to bury their children because someone would rather buy himself one more round than pay for a taxi ride home?

Maybe they should mandate offenders attend one of the funerals.

Justfor1

Sadly, I don't think mandating me to one of the funerals would change my opinion. I don't play the "what if I hurt someone" game. Out of all the things I've lost to addiction the greatest is my compassion for other people. When I was growing up I really cared about people, environmental issues, animal rights ect... Addiction has left me a very cold individual.

LosingmyMisery

Addiction has left me a very compassionate individual. That is what recovery is about. It helps us to let go and to heal from our pain, anger and suffering. I am so grateful I never harmed anyone while drunk driving. I can not imagine having to bury a loved because they were killed by a drunk driver, more importantly if the drunk driver was me. The thought of it takes my breath away. I played the what if game many times. A night of drinking and not remembering driving home would haunt me. I'm very ashamed by my actions. All I can do about it is count my blessings and make sure it never happens again.

NobleCause

May you never have to sit across a table from people whose limbs you've taken and lives you've ruined via DUI. I have. It's pretty disturbing.

That said, having been there, I also understand the feeling of being demonized for a DUI, and know nothing good comes of feeling persecuted. The bottom line is that drinking and driving is unquestionably a needlessly high risk, reckless behavior. You are lucky and foolish if you survive it unscathed, you are unlucky and foolish if you don't.

Justfor1

Just because I do not agree with the DUI laws and MADD doesn't mean I will drive drunk again. I actually stopped driving and moved to a big city for public transportation. Of course, the DUI's were not even close to my bottom as I continued to drink/drug for many years. Doing things even more "high risk" than drunk driving.