LosingmyMisery

Justfor1, I hope your days of high risk behaviors are behind you and you can move forward. It really goes without saying that there is a huge difference between high risk behaviors that harm ourselves and behaviors that put others, innocent victims, at risk. I realize you have struggled through the harsh consequences of you DUI conviction. I'd be willing to go out on a limb and say that likely others don't hate you personally for your choice as much as they hate the poor choice of driving drunk. I also know that some mother's who have lost a child by the senseless act of a drunk driver have forgiven the individual for the decision they made. The decision that changed lives forever. My point, even through much pain and sadness, there is still room for forgiveness and compassion.

zxcirce

yeah. i'm sorry, look justfor1. your logic is flawed. im as low-bottom, endstage sick/diseased alcoholic as everyone else, but i didnt get a dui....because i didn't drink and drive. so you can't blame your dui or any of your friends 6 or 7 dui's solely on being an alcoholic. it just doesn't work that way.

ANEWAUGUST

Justfor1..

I hope in your sobriety, you can regain your compassion for the rest of the human race that you share this humble, fragile planet with.

Maybe some compassion and forgiveness toward yourself would help regarding others.

heathersweeds

Please don't apologize JFO! This is about all of us. Believe me, I so understand your frustration with the consequences not making any sense. But when I thought this way it did nothing for me. I was spinning in circles. I just recently came to the conclusion that the way other people see alcoholism, or the people that make the laws does not matter. We can't change a thing. What matters is how I deal witth it. Sometimes I have to get humble and let people talk their cr@p. Took me a lot offalling down but now I don't feel like I have to explain who I am to anyone or argue a point. I used to pride myself on not letting anyone get away with their own judgement of me. My claws would come out lol! Today, I don't react and remember the other persons feelings. What is my part in every situation.

DayTrader

very mature, healthy, and responsible of you!

InsertNameHere

The only personal experience I can speak of on this one is that I know in the last 10 years punishments for DUI's especially repeat/extreame (a fairly loose description) offenders. My mom was a habitual drunk driver and eventually got a little jail time for it back in the 90's, by eventually I mean after her 4th or 5th one. She never told us about them so it was a little bit of a suprise when she went out to get Maccaroni and cheese for dinner and never came back, she had gotten pulled over again and arrested. None of that ever stopped her though. I remember her being drunk more often than not while driving, but it is possible that my memory is a little selective. Well anyway one good thing that came out of that is that as a kid I was scared ******** so often going home from wherever that it deffinetly killed any urge to drink and drive in me as an adult. I remember so many times I would just stare at the floor boards in the passenger seat thinking over and over "I am going to die tonight", her driving was so bad. So when drinking I always walked or took cabs or just did it at home. Trust me from a sober observer of alcoholic driving you really do suck at driving when drunk even if you are very practised at it. I have yet to loose the respect for driving that I think many people really don't think about. You are in a 2000lb vehicle going as fast as a cheetah that is a lot of momentum that can go in a bad direction with only the slightest of errors in your actions. Accidents happen to sober people all the time because they don't consider the dangers involved, or just get distracted, or sometimes just bad things happen, let alone a drunk person that can't make the rational decisions that a sober person can and can't process information as quickly.

One a side note one horror story I was told was of two cowboys comming home from a rodeo, (not a joke I was raised in small town west around these types of people and this is what they told me they did) they were drunk as skunks and also looking after the daughter of one of them a little girl who was about four years old. Well its time to leave and they get in thier truck towing a trailer and knowing that they are to drunk to drive come up with a brilliant idea (at least to them it was brilliant). The girl is sober right? So here is what they told me they did; the dad gets in the drivers seat and sits his daughter on his lap, then he tels the girl "you see that white line there?" "yes" the girl says. "and that yellow one there?" "Yes" again. "If I start getting to close to either of them you tell me okay?" "Okay". So yes they drove home (albiet slowly) drunk as hell under the supervision of a four year old thankfully they made it. Needless to say when they got home the mother of the girl was furious.

Just an example of the reasoning powers of a drunk person.

Just my thoughts anyway.

INH

katrinka

Congratulations Heather!! It seems like you really understand why driving drunk is not OK. I just don't understand why so many members of SR get angry and resentful at their DUI punishments. Driving drunk is against the law!! You could KILL somebody. Believe me, I'm not throwing stones, one of the things keeping me sober is the thought that I'll never again have to worry about that.

Justfor1

Kat, I suppose I am resentful because the States punishment is an example of how much society hates me. My sponser and therapist tells me I need to let go of the past but how can I do that when I'm suffering the consequences from DUI's that happened in 1995, 2000 and 2001??? If the States punishment system worked, why did I not stop driving drunk after the 1995 conviction? Did I really "learn my lesson"?? If drunk driving is as dangerous as people say why not revoke someones driving license for life after the first one? Why not install the alcohol machine in my car on ALL new cars to prevent drunk driving? Oh wait I know why. So the state can make $$$ off of drunks.

BackToSquareOne

NC, it took a lot of courage to post that. Maybe someone will read those 2 paragraphs and think about what you wrote.

Hope all is going well and you're able to find peace with that situation.

InsertNameHere

I about went off on an extreme tirade over laws and the reasons for them as well as the fact that we have to many of them, but caught myself. Didn’t want to change the direction of the thread or start an argument that has nothing to do with recovery.

But thanks for the thread it planted some thoughts in my head hearing everyone’s opinion on DUI's right or wrong, and their punishments right or wrong.

INH

DayTrader

Just.......

By the time one's old enough to drive the ASSUMPTION is that they're old enough to act like an adult and be responsible. The state/county/courts do NOT have the responsibility to fix you...or to fix the other alcoholic drunk drivers out there like me. That's OUR responsibility. Their job is to enforce the laws and doll out punishment for the offenders (among other things, of course).

That you and I were too stupid, arrogant, bull-headed and in denial to seek help and get ourselves sorted out is OUR fault, not those who punished you for breaking laws you already knew not to break.

So what if they're making money off of idiots like you and me and the other habitual drunk drivers? We were the ones sighing up to give them our money....they didn't force either of us to do what we did.

heathersweeds

Thanks Katrinka! I have a huge problem with entitlement. Because I've raised two children by myself, worked hard as a waitress all my life, yada yada. When I put alcohol in my body, a monster of character defects come pouring out! I am just learning right now how to be a decent member of society. With a sponcor and AA. I am seeing how sick my thinking is and how I can reprogram. I felt exactly like justforone! I had to try something different because the way I thought was not working and would end up getting me drunk.

Justfor1

Having stated my opinion, it doesn't mean I plan on ever getting another DUI. Of course, as an alcoholic I cannot be 100% certain. If I pick up a drink all bets are off. I admit I did not care about public safety when I drove drunk. How could I care about anyone else when I didn't even care about my self?? One thing I found surprising through this whole thing is that my SR-22 mandatory insurance is extremely cheap. It might be because I only have liability but it's a myth that insurance rates go sky high after a DUI. Of course, every state is different & each has their own way to get revenge on the drunk driver. Thanks everyone for reading my politically incorrect opinion on the DUI issue.

heathersweeds

I am so glad you are sober today Justforone! And in no way did I think you plan on another dui! I too hated myself so much I didn't even think about anyone else! I hated myself so much I was all I thought about!!!

wheresthefun

You say your last DUI was in 2001, that was 11 years ago - society is forgiving.

InsertNameHere

I had to get SR-22 insurance back in 2000 (non DUI related) it was ridiculious! But also I was pretty young then and insurance for a 19 year old male is already pretty high. I don't even know what my insurance would be now as I don't currently own a car. The last few years I have not owned a car more often than have and when I have they were always el-cheap'o's so my insurance was pretty low. one of these days I might actually get something nice but I kinda doubt it.

INH

Scolova

An ex-friend got a DUI because he was just plain mental and crashed into a few things and ended up in a ditch. He possibly could've handled driving drunk that night, but not while his brain was stewing as it often was. He would always get involved with married women then get out-of-his-mind drunk and pissed off when they would go home to their husbands... the crazy fool would get out and drive around stalking them, drunk and mentally out of it. After his DUI he tried many (MANY) times to talk me into agreeing that there was nothing wrong with what he did, which made me completely speechless. He was ordered by the court to see a shrink and attend meetings, he did nothing but belittle both of them...
YES, I have driven buzzed, drunk, high and tired and I know\knew that was terrible, but my mind was always on the road and not some feud going on in my head... He had that extra malady (beyond the drink) which made him even more of a time bomb on the road or not. I sure hope he has quit the drink, but people like him do make a case for serious mental evaluations before being allowed to drive a car.

Anyway, as others have said; I am so grateful to not worry about DUIs for me anymore, but still worry about the others out there.

CarolD

Please let's do get back to shareing on how we are making progress on our personal recovery.

The way to not get involved with legal punishments is to become
law abideing citizens so simple as you grow into recovery...IMO

Forward we go.side by side