Colton

I have this weird complex about counting days.


I feel like if I get too many days under my belt, then, I will build up my self-esteem based on the number of days I have. The number of days will become like a badge of honor that I would hang a bunch of my self-confidence on, yet at the same time would be afraid of losing.

In a sense, it would become like this thing that I wouldn't want to carry around with me. I know a lot of people have a hard time getting past day 7 or day 8 or day 30...probably for that very reason.


Basically, part of the reason I still drink is because I am afraid of racking up too many sober days and then failing.

Any advice?

Terminally Unique

Stop counting days.

DayTrader

I was with ya up to the point I quoted above. I never have liked counting days. Even when I was a little kid, counting days up to Christmas just built up anxiety in me. Somewhere along the way, I learned to just NOT count days and almost focus on the day at hand and just let the big event come to me. When I got sober, everyone counted days......but I didn't. It just doesn't do anything for me. Even my first year sober wasn't that big of a deal to me. I think I looked at it as just doing what I was supposed to be doing so no big celebration was necessary. Lately though, I do look forward to yearly anniversaries.

Being afraid of failing as a reason you keep drinking..... I can get with that only very slightly but really, it sounds like a rationalization to avoid the work of getting sober. If you're just gonna fail down the road because of getting cocky about sober time then why get sober at all, right? Might as well just drink now.....right? Hogwash. It's just bowing to your addiction based upon an assumption on how you'll feel in a place you haven't been yet.

When you become part of the solution....and you're putting your heart and soul into your sobriety.....you CHANGE. MANY old thoughts and beliefs DO get cast aside. If you're already leery of a "celebration" that's just something you'll need to watch for and since you're ALREADY talking about it....I doubt it could be something that would sneak up and surprise you.

Dig your heels in, take a stand, and get into recovery..... you'll be amazed what a difference it makes. The ppl I've known in AA who get sponsors, get into the business of working the program, and make the changes necessary to live and enjoy a sober life don't fall off the wagon because of a sober-time celebration. If anything, they get drunk again because they quit doing the things and taking the actions what were working in the first place. Again....take it seriously and make it a priority and that can't happen to you.

Dee74

Count days or don't count days - I think the real problem is something else Colton

I remember I was terrified of failling too - but that made me try harder. I was determined not to fail. I wanted to leave drinking behind - for good.

You can do it too - if you're prepared to do the work

There's really no mystery to it...it may not be easy but it is simple.
Redouble your efforts - try things you haven't tried - get more support.

When you feel like drinking, get help.

You'll get out of your recovery what you put into it - what have you been putting into it so far Colton?

D

langkah

You really need to find a better excuse.

Matterhorn

Counting days is like you are striving for the finish line...just like running a 10k. Eventually, you will finish the race. This is a lifestyle change for life...whether you are 7 days, 6 months, or 5 years, there is no finish line...I tell myself that lifestyle of drinking is over and I have started a new book in my life and not a race.

ray62

I'm the opposite, I am borderline obsessed with counting days...lol. But it's still early in the game for me.

Although I constantly remind myself that life is a journey, not a destination.

Woke up to Day 14 this morning.

Justfor1

I agree with TU. Stop counting days. I do much better & seem to be more content with my sobriety. I honestly don't even know the exact day of my sobriety. I relapsed so many times over the years that I think I'm better not knowing.

flutter

I talked about this with my counselor, pretty early on. I didn't WANT to count days anymore. He just said, so don't. "Always remember the day/date of your last drink, counting days only reminds us of how far away we are from our last drink, but does nothing to address how close the next one could be. That is the work of true recovery". I loved that, and stopped counting days.

soberlicious

Yea, don't count days if it's causing you a problem.
I do like to acknowledge yearly anniversaries, but it's more a "this is the day I began to change my life" than how long since I drank. I left behind booze that day, but I also left behind crippling fear, indecision, anxiety, despair, and a death wish. It's really less about "time I haven't drank" and more about "time I've spent truly living".
Plus I just like to celebrate stuff period...but that's just me talkin.

camedown

That's a great line. I always tell myself that I have truly recovered on the day I die sober. Till then, I am in recovery.

Colton

Okay, counting days=stupid.

It doesn't matter where you've been...it only matters where you are and where you are going.

wheresthefun

For you, Colton counting days may be "stupid", but not for everyone. Personally, I don't count days, but I also wouldn't say it is "stupid" if someone else does and finds it to be beneficial to them.

Colton

Okay, poor choice of words....


maybe counting days is helpful for some, hurtful for some and neutral for others. I guess if it works, do it...if it doesn't do something else.

I guess it's one of those debated topics in sobriety, like; AVRT vs 12 step or whether or not non-alcoholic beer is okay.

NYCDoglvr

The real reason you drink is that you're an alcoholic. Try to stop projecting and reel your mind back into today: it's only today you don't drink. In early sobriety I had lots of odd beliefs but these clear up after a while. Remember, we make a decision to drink or not drink today.

FlyerFan

You drink because you're an alcoholic, counting days will not change that. You will drink again whether you count days or not because you are an alcoholic. Your brain will tell your body it can drink again, no matter what. The hard part is fighting off those evil little voices in your head.

Keep trucking along and don't give in to any of those "i can drink now" thoughts.

whiskeyman

that was my main issue too.
the pressure counting the days was too much
the anguish and disappointment to only make it to four days.

once i stopped counting and relaxed the whole thing got aalot easier

Boleo

I used to count days and then celebrate by getting drunk when I met my goal. I know it sounds stupid but that's the way my addiction worked.

"Not-drinking" never seemed to treat my alcohol-ISM, just my alcohol-ISSUES. Sure abstinence was better than feeling hungover or experiencing DT's. However, long-term abstinence was like doing straight-time in a low security prison. It made me feel restless, irritable and discontented 24X7.

What did treat my alcohol-ISM was finding the "peace of mind/joy/sense of purpose" that I was looking for in a substance. That is why I now say:

"Not-drinking" has nothing to do with why I am sober today. If that disturbs you - it should. Abstinence is second-class recovery.

freshstart57

When I was drinking, I was imprisoned by alcohol. I remember the date when I got out of jail, but I don't count the days since I was released. Putting a count on the length of my sentence might be interesting though, but that doesn't matter much to me now either.

hereigo

I used to have a problem with daily drinking. Now, I do not. I just don't drink, so I no longer have a problem with alcohol. My choice is either to abstain, or to drink. I choose to abstain. It is a personal decision. To say that "abstinence is second-class recovery" seems quite ignorant, to me.

But I am interested in learning. What exactly is it that cured you? If NOT using is not a cure, then could you please help me understand your method? I am new to sobriety, so I am always interested in learning. I want this for my life. I do not quite understand your approach. Many thanks