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recovery question

Old 02-24-2012, 01:26 PM
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recovery question

hi

ive been sober a week now and id like to say its been awesome but its been quite the opposite. each day i get more and more thirsty to go out, to drink, to have fun. im miserable at meetings and am just going nuts about this whole thing.

is it possible to embrace AA fully if the party isnt over for you? ive had lots of problems but i still have tons of fun and laughs when i go out. i may spend the rest of the weekend depressed and in bed, shaking, feeling like im dying. but its worth it to me somehow..

i dunno, i have a meeting in 4 and a half hours and all i can think about is heading to the bar, gettin some coke and going nuts...

ahhhhhh
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:36 PM
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I think you just answered your own question. AA is not going to work for you if "the party isn't over." In fact, any path you choose to get sober is not going to work if you aren't fully committed to it. If going out and drinking, then lying in bed feeling horrible is still "worth it" to you, then that's what you'll do, I'm sorry to say.
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:48 PM
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its fine, thats what i was thinking anyway...its not matter of will power anymore for me. i feel like I HAVE to go out or im gonna go nuts...but i feel so dumb considering ive been going to meetings all week.
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:00 PM
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Isn't there something else you enjoy that you can do instead? You don't HAVE to go out but if you do, that's a conscious choice you're making. I know it's tough - the weekends always are - but you did go to meetings all week and that's a really good start. You can keep it up if you so choose. I hope you do.
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:10 PM
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... i feel like I HAVE to go out or im gonna go nuts...
If "not-drinking" drives you nuts? That is the ISM of alcohol-ISM.

"Not-drinking" does not treat alcohol-ISM. Finding "Peace of mind/Joy/Sense of purpose" without a substance is what treats alcohol-ISM.
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
If "not-drinking" drives you nuts? That is the ISM of alcohol-ISM.

"Not-drinking" does not treat alcohol-ISM. Finding "Peace of mind/Joy/Sense of purpose" without a substance is what treats alcohol-ISM.
Dead on..

"Not drinking" is almost worse than drinking - I dunno, it's pretty close.

Recovery, on the other hand.......finding that peace of mind, joy, and sense of purpose is awesome.

Lovetodrink....some ppl just grow out of those feelings you're having. Others need more - they need real recovery - core recovery.

It's available and it's way better than you imagine it is.
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:22 PM
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should i just ask a random person to sponsor me if i go tonight then? i dont want to go through this for weeks or months...uggh
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:25 PM
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actually lovetodrink I think most of us get into recovery not entirely sure the party is over - I know I did.

Even tho I'd nearly killed myself with my drinking, I came here to SR still not sure hat I wanted or what I was going to do.

Thankfully I listened to the part of me that that said 'this is ridiculous - you have to stop this'

I figured my drinking life wasn't working, I may as well try recovery

It is hard - I felt like I didn't belong in my skin anymore - that's why I think supports important....why not try a meeting - you might find the support of a group is better than sitting at home, bored and feeling antsy and unhappy

D
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:49 PM
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i plan to, its just that all the meetings around here start at 8pm, theres only 3 tonight...and i get off at 3pm every day. so you can see that the 5 hours i have to wait every night is like torture...a battle of will.
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by lovetodrink View Post
should i just ask a random person to sponsor me if i go tonight then?
Sounds like a good idea to me.

What I sacrificed not by not drinking was a few nights out that I "thought" were going to be fun. While I never went in and out of AA, I hear lots of people say that AA kinda pisses in your drinks. Excellent chance it's not going to be the fun you think it will, if you pick up tonight.

As for going weeks or months like this, it really is a small sacrifice for the life you'll gain in the long run. Instant gratification, IE goin out and getting wasted, has a gargantuan price over the course of time. I've seen so many people go in and out and in and out (forr decades) and wind up in all kinds of crazy trouble and illness, when if they just put up with a little uncomfortablilty in the beginning, they could have grown past. There's a life without alcohol that's far more exciting than one with. Do youself a favor and give it everything you've got. Getting a sponsor sounds like a great start.

Also, if you go out tonight, you're just going to find yourself in this spot again somewhere down the line. Might as well face it now, and grow past it.
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:37 PM
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So, you have been sober a week? Then, you realized you have a problem. I think your alcoholic mind is telling you, "It's Friday!! Time to get tore up!"
I could never understand this mentality because when I drank, every night was FRIDAY!! I now know I'll never have a "TGIF happy hour" or "It's 5pm some where, like Japan!" for the rest of my life. I had to write THE END on that life chapter last week.

It's your choice but won't it drive you even more "nuts" when you wake up tommorow hung over?You'll know you failed your 8th day and now you gotta start from scratch?
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Old 02-24-2012, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by lovetodrink View Post
i plan to, its just that all the meetings around here start at 8pm, theres only 3 tonight...and i get off at 3pm every day. so you can see that the 5 hours i have to wait every night is like torture...a battle of will.
i've been there - watching the clock, waiting + waiting til it's time to go to a meeting . . . i HATE waiting - for ANYthing!

what really helped me was to get some SOBER people in my life. start collecting phone numbers every time you go to a meeting - (same sex only!) CALL those people when you're waiting! even if you don't really know them, they wouldn't have given you their number if they didn't want you to call. REALLY. I PROMISE.

don't know what to say? what i used to say is "Hi it's Blue. i have no idea what to say but i'm practising using my phone list." People DO understand that. alot of us have been there. it starts the conversation. conversations are GOOD.

asking someone to be your temporary sponsor is a FANTASTIC idea! the more input + support you can get, the better!


Hang in there! it gets different.
Blue

ps - "going out for coffee" with someone is an awesome way to burn up those extra hours as well - and i hate coffee!
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:34 AM
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Originally Posted by lovetodrink View Post
hi

Ive been sober a week now and id like to say its been awesome but its been quite the opposite. each day i get more and more thirsty to go out, to drink, to have fun. I'm miserable at meetings and am just going nuts about this whole thing.

is it possible to embrace AA fully if the party isn't over for you? Ive had lots of problems but i still have tons of fun and laughs when i go out. i may spend the rest of the weekend depressed and in bed, shaking, feeling like I'm dying. but its worth it to me somehow..

i dunno, i have a meeting in 4 and a half hours and all i can think about is heading to the bar, getting some coke and going nuts...

ahhhhhh


I keep in your mind that there are medications that you can take to help with your jump start to sobriety. There are meds that will help with the cravings and meds that will make you sick if you do drink.

Can you talk to your doctor and see if he/she thinks this is something that will help?

Having said that, if you don't really want to stop, even the meds won't work. All you would have to do is not take them, right?

You have to be ready.
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:58 AM
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Originally Posted by lovetodrink View Post
hi

ive been sober a week now and id like to say its been awesome but its been quite the opposite. each day i get more and more thirsty to go out, to drink, to have fun. im miserable at meetings and am just going nuts about this whole thing.

is it possible to embrace AA fully if the party isnt over for you? ive had lots of problems but i still have tons of fun and laughs when i go out. i may spend the rest of the weekend depressed and in bed, shaking, feeling like im dying. but its worth it to me somehow..

i dunno, i have a meeting in 4 and a half hours and all i can think about is heading to the bar, gettin some coke and going nuts...

ahhhhhh
In a nutshell, what you're feeling (the burden of reality) is why alcoholics drink when they've decided not to. You really don't want to be sick, but you're willing to pay that price (you've minimized it in your mind) for the relief alcohol brings only to those with alcoholism.

You're pretty screwed unless you find a better and longer lasting answer to living life without a drink than alcohol. Until you do you'll always eventually return to it no matter if you choose or decide otherwise.

I know you didn't want that to be so the rest of your lifetime, but some things are what they are.

There are ways out that you won't like much to participate in, but your mind may open with further time spent suffering. Hopefully you'll get reasonable before too many more years and adventures.
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Old 02-25-2012, 04:14 AM
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Go to the gym or sign up for a sports league. I played tennis growing up and was active in sports. When I spent 20 years partying all that went to the wayside. I became overweight, out of shape and always felt bad about myself. I started getting tremors and throwing up frequently and my blood pressure started going through the roof. I would turn down offers to play a game in the afternoon knowing it would interfere with my cocktails...to the point all I did was drink. I went to a doctor who told me I needed to stop or I would die. After a DUI and being thrown out of the house by my wife and screwing up my job, I came to the decision it is not worth it. I now have found the gym again and play tennis in the evenings and all those health problems have disappeared. I am in shape and feel good about myself. There is nothing good about drinking...I never want to go back to that lifestyle again...it is not worth it.
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Old 02-25-2012, 04:28 AM
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Go to the gym or sign up for a sports league. I played tennis growing up and was active in sports. When I spent 20 years partying all that went to the wayside. I became overweight, out of shape and always felt bad about myself. I started getting tremors and throwing up frequently and my blood pressure started going through the roof. I would turn down offers to play a game in the afternoon knowing it would interfere with my cocktails...to the point all I did was drink. I went to a doctor who told me I needed to stop or I would die. After a DUI and being thrown out of the house by my wife and screwing up my job, I came to the decision it is not worth it. I now have found the gym again and play tennis in the evenings and all those health problems have disappeared. I am in shape and feel good about myself. There is nothing good about drinking...I never want to go back to that lifestyle again...it is not worth it.
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Old 02-25-2012, 09:32 AM
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is it possible to embrace AA fully if the party isnt over for you? ive had lots of problems but i still have tons of fun and laughs when i go out. i may spend the rest of the weekend depressed and in bed, shaking, feeling like im dying. but its worth it to me somehow..i dunno, i have a meeting in 4 and a half hours and all i can think about is heading to the bar, gettin some coke and going nuts...
Of course you want to drink, you're an alcoholic. I couldn't get sober on my own. The fellowship of AA was enormous support and helped me get through early sobriety, which can be awful. AA says "the ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking" I learned that feelings aren't facts -- just because I wanted to party didn't mean I had to do it. Trust me, this will pass the longer you stay away from alcohol. If you can decide to not drink TODAY you'll get through this. So a meeting today sounds like a great idea.
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Old 02-25-2012, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
actually lovetodrink I think most of us get into recovery not entirely sure the party is over - I know I did.

Even tho I'd nearly killed myself with my drinking, I came here to SR still not sure hat I wanted or what I was going to do.

Thankfully I listened to the part of me that that said 'this is ridiculous - you have to stop this'

D
Same kinda thing here, lovetodrink. I knew I didn't want to die drunk, and at the same time I stupidly really wanted that next drink. I was too far gone to call what I was doing at my end days a "party" -- nonetheless I was not convinced about my not drinking until I had some real life changing experiences with abstinence happening. My only other experiences were simply useless stop overs between drinks, and back to drinking I would go. I had to change out my alcoholc thinking to make honest sense of my abstinence. Until that understanding came, I was hopelessly ambivalent towards my alcoholic drinking addiction.
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by lovetodrink View Post
should i just ask a random person to sponsor me if i go tonight then? i dont want to go through this for weeks or months...uggh
The relief and solution is in the steps. I say ask away!!! Start those steps!
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:43 PM
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I think detoxification takes months whereas withdrawal takes a week or so. I now see that my thinking and emotional reactions were corrupted by alcohol and took a long time to heal.

I find thinking of sobriety as an adventure in uncharted territory really helps.
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