Non Alcoholics not welcome at AA?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 8
Non Alcoholics not welcome at AA?
I just had a conversation with my sister in law about attending an AA meeting with her (she is in recovery - I have never drank) and her quick and harsh reply caught me off guard. She said that most people don't like non alcoholics EVER coming to meetings - even the open ones. I was a little surprised by this and wanted to get some other opinions. Thanks for sharing your insight.
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
It sounds like she doesn't want you to go. Personally, I avoided open AA meetings myself - I always felt more comfortable sharing when only other alcoholics were in the room, and I never liked celebration meetings.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
Each AA "group" is going to have a different perspective on this. By policy (term loosely used) it is perfectly acceptable for persons who do not have desire to stop drinking to attend open AA meetings. Often spouse's will attend these meetings, sometimes other family members, etc. Some AA's are naturally hesistant to discuss anything they consider personal in front of others who may not be able to relate? So, yes, some groups may very well be uncomfortable with non-members attending open meetings, even though it is allowed. Or, she may be uncomfortable with you attending the meeting with her because she feels that you may not understand/relate to anything that she may feel compelled to share.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I think it was kind of you to take an interest, assuming it is out of family solidarity and good will.
But perhaps an Al-Anon meeting, which is for friends and family of addicts, would be a better first step.
Good luck to you and best wishes to her in recovery.
But perhaps an Al-Anon meeting, which is for friends and family of addicts, would be a better first step.
Good luck to you and best wishes to her in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: owensboro, ky
Posts: 7
You could find an open speaker meeting and go without her, this would give you an idea of why she may not want you to go. Later in her revovery she might be thrilled for you to go to a meeting with her.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
I go to AA meetings all the time -- open ones, as I am not an alcoholic. Around here (western NY) most people don't seem to have a problem with it. And actually, I also attend meetings whenever/wherever I travel, either with my partner (who is a recovered alcoholic) or by myself, and I've never had a problem anywhere.
I do know some AAs who are uncomfortable with family members being at meetings simply because most people in recovery are used to having meetings being a place where they feel very safe to share honestly and freely, and, unfortunately, a lot of people in recovery have grown up in family situations where speaking openly and honestly was strongly discouraged, if not outright dangerous...so, having family members who are not in recovery at a meeting can be uncomfortable for such folks.
Anyways, if you really want to check it out, I'd encourage you to do so...but it might be better if you went to a meeting that your SiL does not attend.
freya
I do know some AAs who are uncomfortable with family members being at meetings simply because most people in recovery are used to having meetings being a place where they feel very safe to share honestly and freely, and, unfortunately, a lot of people in recovery have grown up in family situations where speaking openly and honestly was strongly discouraged, if not outright dangerous...so, having family members who are not in recovery at a meeting can be uncomfortable for such folks.
Anyways, if you really want to check it out, I'd encourage you to do so...but it might be better if you went to a meeting that your SiL does not attend.
freya
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 128
I'm not clear on why you want to go. In my own home group, closed meetings are only for people who feel they have a problem with alcohol, and open meetings may also be attended by people with other addictions who feel they need more regular support, as there are far more AA meetings than NA ones. But non alcoholics, in our group, are asked not to share.
Family members don't usually show up at any of our meetings unless it's a birthday meeting, or some sort of celebration, or maybe someone in support of a first timer. But no one would object to that at any open meeting.
I think each group does its own group conscience on this question. You can probably learn a lot by visiting different groups during open meetings, if you feel you want to go for the purposes of your own support.
Family members don't usually show up at any of our meetings unless it's a birthday meeting, or some sort of celebration, or maybe someone in support of a first timer. But no one would object to that at any open meeting.
I think each group does its own group conscience on this question. You can probably learn a lot by visiting different groups during open meetings, if you feel you want to go for the purposes of your own support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
As already stated there are open and closed AA meetings. In open meetings there are both those who identify themselves as being alcoholics along with others who may not. Closed meetings are limited to only those who identify as alcoholics.
I have never been to a closed meeting as my group has all open meetings. Plenty of our members have brought in people with them for support, as have I. We occasionally will have students in medical fields who are required to attend a few meetings to see what they are like. Furthermore, we also have people who are there by court order who don't necessarily believe they have a problem.
Having said all that, it is very possible that your S.I.L. doesn't want you there at HER meeting due to not wanting you to hear what she is sharing about. As someone who has a husband, sister-in-law, and father-in-law in recovery attending the same group as I do in addition to a daughter who is studying to be a drug abuse counselor and who has been in meetings with me on and off for over 7 years, I can relate if your S.I.L. is trying to maintain her privacy. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, it can be very difficult to share the things you may need to if you are more focused on trying to filter what you say and how you say it. .
You say you are not an alcoholic so I have to wonder what your reason is for wanting to go with your S.I.L. but I kindly suggest that you not insist on attending a meeting with her (since it seems like that is not something she wants) but instead find another group to attend or even check out an Alanon meeting. This will allow her to be able to go to her meeting in comfort knowing that whatever she shares, it will be with people who understand where she is coming from.
Hope this helps,
Kellye
I have never been to a closed meeting as my group has all open meetings. Plenty of our members have brought in people with them for support, as have I. We occasionally will have students in medical fields who are required to attend a few meetings to see what they are like. Furthermore, we also have people who are there by court order who don't necessarily believe they have a problem.
Having said all that, it is very possible that your S.I.L. doesn't want you there at HER meeting due to not wanting you to hear what she is sharing about. As someone who has a husband, sister-in-law, and father-in-law in recovery attending the same group as I do in addition to a daughter who is studying to be a drug abuse counselor and who has been in meetings with me on and off for over 7 years, I can relate if your S.I.L. is trying to maintain her privacy. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, it can be very difficult to share the things you may need to if you are more focused on trying to filter what you say and how you say it. .
You say you are not an alcoholic so I have to wonder what your reason is for wanting to go with your S.I.L. but I kindly suggest that you not insist on attending a meeting with her (since it seems like that is not something she wants) but instead find another group to attend or even check out an Alanon meeting. This will allow her to be able to go to her meeting in comfort knowing that whatever she shares, it will be with people who understand where she is coming from.
Hope this helps,
Kellye
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I would guess it depends on the Group Conscience, as suggested. I attend open and closed meetings and we have had "visitors" at both meetings. These particular meetings are not "group therapy" type meetings, we stick to speaking in a general way and then relate our speaking with the steps of recovery.
Allow your sister to have her program. I never asked my family to get high with me (drinking or using other substances). How are your Al Anon meetings? Have you asked her to come to those? What does the Group Conscience there suggest?
Just another opinion.
Allow your sister to have her program. I never asked my family to get high with me (drinking or using other substances). How are your Al Anon meetings? Have you asked her to come to those? What does the Group Conscience there suggest?
Just another opinion.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
We frequently have one husband of an AA in particular who comes often. There is a practical reason for this- her eyesight prohibits her from driving. He is there often enough that it feels like he is "one of us". I have always treated visitors as if they are not, as in- I know why I am there and it's not really my business why any single other person is in the room if it's not a closed meeting.
Further, unless I am chairing a closed meeting, I'm not certain it's my role to say anything about why a particular person is there or not. If the preamble for the closed meeting is read, then it is up to each individual to decide whether they belong or not.
Further, unless I am chairing a closed meeting, I'm not certain it's my role to say anything about why a particular person is there or not. If the preamble for the closed meeting is read, then it is up to each individual to decide whether they belong or not.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
I have always been told at my open meetings that anyone at all is allowed to attend. I think everyone else is right that perhaps your sister just doesnt want you to go with her, she might not feel comfortable with you there. Just go to a different meeting on your own and check it out! 
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