ForeverDecember

There are plenty of other systems and methods for sobriety that don't include AA, if that's not your thing, just make sure you find one that suits you


Thank you for your post! Very well written, and graphic enough that I had to skip forward on the part about waking up with cement mouth. Ick, I don't miss that!

Your story will resonate with many in here, myself included. I was always relieved when I woke up in pyjamas and in my own bed (as opposed to flat on the floor in front of the heater, or in my computer chair after posting a multitude of youtube comments). And the amount of times I'd gone to bed and left food cooking in the oven, or the bar heater on in my study. Luckily my partner worked late so came home after I passed out and was able to turn everything off before the house burnt down!

It's great having a reminder like this thread, it'll make you cringe when you read back on it, and that's the whole point I guess

Stay strong, grats on 4 days

jude4774

Wow same here, those memories...the race to the fridge for the cold water that quenched a thirst like no other, until, unlike some, I would sneak out of bed slowly and so quietly to quench the other thirst, vodka, a few good swiggs and sneak back into bed, just to make it until morning, until one day I could not even get enough down to help through the withdrawals, or would run out and wonder how I was going to make it until the liquor store opened or would literally go CRAZY looking for a hidden bottle....I would say no to the lunacy, until the next time. and the next...I can happily say that after 10 years(my first rehab) to now(4 rehabs, er, detox,interventions,,))and almost 1 1/2 years sobriety now, I am very grateful and proud to be sober. Getting that monkey off my back, and those horrible hangovers!! I was beat down..to my knees, not now not ever again, one day at a time. Thanks for listening.

Sunny27

Hi again... yes, it really is a loop. I remember waking up mornings swearing that was IT - I have to address this serious problem - only to be in the same place two days later... getting into the shower with my balance all over the place, desperately praying I had Nurofen Plus somewhere (paracetamol was never enough for the pounding headache).

I got used to feeling that way. In my 2nd week sober I was waking up wondering why there was no headache.

I feel blessed that I found this place, that I acknowledged to myself I have a problem and that I know it is possible to heal and live without the 'crutch' that bought me nothing but despair.

Good luck to you. Keep posting and stay positive because you can do this.

Sunny xx

instant

BND
There is a way out of the torment. I thought I would never break free, but I am over 8 months sober, and life is so much better. Funnily enough I have felt more relaxed and at peace, than when drinking.

Mint

Reading your story ran shivers up my spine,
been there myself soooo many times. I woke
this morning, after another night of crazy dreams,
and it took me a while to realize no I did not drink
last night. Wow what a relief! Even though I am
going through a period of not sleeping so much
right now, it is all worth it. I never want to feel
like that again, the anxiety, the downright fear...
For me it was always worse the second and third
day.
Hang in there, you can do this!!
It is is all worth it.

BrandNewDay11

Its funny you said "2 days later". I never, ever want to drink the day after a binge, but magically, on the 2nd day, it's all a distant memory and the craving comes back. It's day 5 for for me and I'm feeling so much stronger thanks to you guys.

CarolD

Glad you shared with us...welcome...

cbcedd

BND -

First, you are an excellent writer! What talent! Second, I can't begin to tell you how much that story resonated with me. The confusion upon waking up....trying to put bits and pieces of the night together....dreading how I will feel when I start to really wake up...One of my pillars in staying sober, which is around a month and a half now, is to keep those feelings in my head. As long as I remember how I felt on nights and mornings like those, I know that drinking is no longer an option for me. Best of luck on your journey.

keithurbanfan

Like so many others have said, I could have written that story myself. You described it perfectly. Congrats on day 5! You can do this! Post and read here often!

TheOjibway84

That was a VERY powerful post you put here. It reminded me of my drinking pattern 5 months ago and how important it is to me to be sober each day. I'd sometimes find half empty mixed drinks sitting on my desk the next day, or spilled booze on the floor of my rented bedroom and the room would smell bad. I had to literally clean my room one night during a major hangover because I somehow managed to vomit and miss my garbage bucket and there was dried vomit on the floor... thank god it was not carpet.

The binge drinking was my bad habit too and I did and said alot of things while in blackouts that it was scary to wake up the next morning not remembering a thing. I have a friend whose friends with my old drinking friend and asked how he has been doing out of consideration and he's doing better once again. He would drink with me everytime and things got bad between us when drunk. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

Your story was powerful As I said. These past 5 months being sober has been great. Met someone I care for very much whom I wouldn't want to see that ugly side of me. I can wake up refreshed instead of dry mouth and pounding headaches. Or getting up and downing more hard liquor to "diminish" the hangover and get redrunk again. I was so sick in the head I assumed if I drank more the hangover would go away... But then I'd drink all day and binge for a few days and the withdrawal was far worse then a hangover. So glad I don't deal with that anymore. I am thankful for help from aa and my higher power and family and friends. thank god right?

mwstylee

I wonder if this is common amongst alkies. I frequently had dreams of drinking a giant glass of refreshing cold water at least a few times every week. It's like my subconscious is trying to tell me to wake up because I've drank literal poison and dehydrated the hell out of myself. The mind is a really powerful thing!

MustStop

I know the dreams of drinking water all too well, then you wake up and stumble around to find some. I was always ahead of the game if I had thought to leave a glass or bottle of water beside the bed. I also sleep walked to use the washroom at night and woke up with a broken toe once by stubbing it somewhere.

The worst would be if I stayed over at a friends house, going to bed in the spare room but waking up on the couch with no blankets? Wondering if I urinated all over their bathroom or something.

And the drunken posting on FB and websites was an addiction (and so was deleting everything the next morning feeling like a total idiot). Then going into work hungover and secretly wondering if people are beginning to notice your demons. Speaking of erratic diarrhea, I remember not drinking coffee at home because that would make a not so enjoyable ride to work if it decided to go. So, even groggier driving to work coffee-less to avoid that and drink coffee / use restroom at work. Such a nasty and viscous cycle.

I am so glad its all over now.

BrandNewDay11

Oh yeah. On bad hangover days I couldn't stomach coffee at all because of the heartburn and nausea. Such a cruel twist to be in that exhausted state & not be able to drink coffee. And such a relief choosing not to put ourselves in that position ever again!

BrandNewDay11

I realized something these past few days since I posted this story. Many of you have commented on how they related to the shame, regret, self-hatred and of course the physical misery of the morning after (thank you everyone for your kind comments and acceptance of me). The crazy thing is, this story doesn't even cover the fallout of some of those forgotten things during blackout drinking.

The hurt in my husbands eyes on mornings where I've asked "Did we do it last night?" (I learned quickly to stop asking and follow the clues).

Not having clean clothes in the morning because I forgot to switch the laundry to the dryer.

One morning recently I remembered the nurse from my doctor's office calling the night before while I was absolutely plastered. I clearly recalled trying to disguise my drunkenness and speak clearly, without much success. I could hear myself struggling to get the words out but still sounding like I had a handful of marbles in my mouth. Unfortunately, that's all I remembered about the phone call. I had no recollection of the reason for her call, or the content of our conversation. NONE. There I was at 4am, lying in bed with my colossial hangover, wondering how I was going to get out of that one. I actually considered calling back the next day and tell her I'd had a dental procedure the day before and was still recovering from the anesthesia when we spoke.

Oh there are so many other fallouts and consequences from my drinking...these are just the tip of the iceberg. Remembering and admitting these incidents is hard. But I NEED to remember them, because pretending I don't is what leads me right back.

7 days sober today and feeling AWESOME!!!

NewBeginning010

Way to go Brandnewday

bmwcycle

Congrats on the 7 days!! Well done.

Recently while backing up my pictures and videos from my lap-top and getting ready to put them on the "cloud" for no other reason than I can, I came across a video my wife had taken of me about three years before after I got home from drinking and playing poker with my friends.

I was a pathetic drunken loser that could not muster the words together to defend myself for driving my dumb ass home on the tape. All the feelings of the guilt, depression and remorse came back in full force. Talk about a shame spiral, for a moment I had the empty felling in the pit of my stomach that used to reside with me all of the time. Like when an half an hour after you run out of blow at 6:30 in the it sinks in that their is no more and you really need to have so more.

All these feelings subsided in a few moments and I was thankful that I do not drink and will not have to have any new feelings like that for a long time to come as long as I stay the course and continue not to drink.

I saved the video, to show my kids one day, when they are old enough, when they ask why I stopped drinking and hope they learn from my actions.

I do not miss the hangover and all the happy horsesh*t that came along with it.



I have no regrets though, I am embarrassed at my toleration of my own behavior and not proud of some of the things I have done, but do not regret what I have done or who I have now become.

sorry to ramble on,

Gforce23

Found your post when I searched "Binge Drinking." I could have written that myself, to a T. I especially relate to your description of the next day. It's awful, plain and simple. The screwed up part for me is, that because I'm a binge drinker and not a daily drinker, and that I can and do have a beer or two with my husband during the week with no problem (it's the social drinking that gets me.) My mind is constantly tricking me into thinking that everything is O.K a few days later... and so it starts again. I KNOW how you feel. Awful!

MythOfSisyphus

The story is different but the shame is the same. That's the main emotion I remember from drinking- shame. Shame from the drunk e-mailing, the lack of memory of what I did the night before, shame at my inability to control it.

rubbersoul

I relate to this so much. You describe SO well the physical symptoms I never fully verbalized. Especially about the first drinks of water, I would be dying of thirst but it was so hard to get the water down. Also the whole body soreness (and shakes), that was me all day until supper time when I was ready for more wine. Very good post, thank you.

NevarCiots

I have never read a late night restless experience written like that before. So familiar and articulate. I hate the calling exes drunk. Again. Parts of our drinking problems. Really thank you for sharing that long ago!