Justfor1

The times I relapsed I never said "just 2 drinks". I was a staggering homeless panhandler when I drank & drugged. I simply never believed that I would be able to get through a day or even 1 hour sober. I felt like I was so powerless that I simply gave up and shut down. If someone said too me that I was getting too cocky about sobriety I would take it as a compliment. I felt like I was the biggest piece of crap on this planet for many years. That includes when I attended the many treatment centers, halfway houses, AA meetings ect... I don't feel that way today and it's a miracle.

yeahgr8

I am happy saying that i am a recovered alcoholic, well on SR and in AA meetings...the subject doesn't ever come up in other places but for the record recovered alcoholic:-)

Terminally Unique

That depends... what would happen if a bottle of whiskey suddenly washed ashore?

F355

Congrats on your few months, JF1. I'm on my ninth day and I feel better than ever!!!!

Dee74

congratulations on your continued sobriety and outlook J41

life is good and we're both not drinking
D

Terminally Unique

It's good that you posted this, because there's quite a few people who believe that it can't be done, that it is just too difficult, etc, etc.

If Justfor1 can do it, what's your excuse?

Justfor1

Thanks, terminal unique. I would tell anyone who is homeless in Chicago during winter their first priority should be finding a safe shelter. I was always pretty good at "playing the system"
but it got tiring. I was always planning and scamming for money to booze/drug with. Of course I wasn't always a "low bottom" drunk. At one point I was able to keep a job and go to college. Sadly, the disease progressed to the point where I became the stereotypical alcoholic. I drank cheap Vodka out of a paper brown bag and lurked an alleys. I never in a million years think booze/drugs took me where it did. But it did. Thats the power of alcoholism I guess.

SteppingItUp

"We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." - Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous






SIU
Recovered (not cured) Alcoholic

24hrsAday

Just you have been around a while and i have listened to some of your struggles (here at SR) i am glad to see you doing better!

Justfor1

Thanks 24hrsday. Looking back at 2011 I was sober nearly 95% of the days. It was progress for me. I hope to be 100% sober for 2012.

laurie6781

(((((Justfor1)))))

Cured????? Not bloody likely! However ................................... you can keep your alcoholism in REMISSION for the rest of your life

"we have a daily reprieve dependent on our fit spiritual condition."

This is going to require a LOT OF VERY HARD WORK ON YOUR PART and RIGOROUS HONESTY working the 12 steps, and THEN ............................. learning how to LIVE those 12 steps on a daily basis.

Of course, it is doable! Many on here are doing it! You can too. I suspect in some ways, from what I have read of your posts, you are very much as I was .............. a 'self will run riot individual' and thus will probably need a sponsor like the one I had until she died. She and her hubby both, held me to 'what I thought' were some 'pretty tough standards.' But in actuality were EXACTLY what I needed.

They literally DEMANDED 'accountability' from me 24/7. Was it hard? Damn right it was, but boy it sure set in practice some things that I STILL do to this day over 30 years later.

Yep, getting a car again, getting your license back, can be 'short term' rewards, but are really just peripherals to the REAL REWARDS of CONTINUOUS SOBRIETY.

So, buckle down, make sure you have a sponsor that 'pizzes you off sometimes' (it will be the 'truths' you are not ready to hear), follow directions to the best of your ability and remember the H O W of AA is

Honesty

Openmindedness

Willingness

Love and hugs,

laurie6781

Actually the word is

contingent

not

dependent

on our fit spiritual condition.

But I guess by using 'dependent' I didn't have to 'site' the Big Book.

So I 'paraphrased. Sorry.

Love and hugs,

BlueMoon

words words words words

Far be it from me to tell anyone else what is right or wrong – just what has worked for me for 20 years.
I get my words from the Big Book – I won’t bother quoting it – y’all know how to read.

My Higher Power has blessed me with a few INCURABLE medical conditions. WHY? I don’t know. When I need to know, HP will tell me.

I have: Alcoholism. Hypothyroidism. Kidney Disease. I am Bi-polar. I have something called “MGUS” which may turn into Blood Cancer at any time, they check me every 3 months..

NONE of these is CURABLE.
NONE.
HOWEVER, with due diligence and the right treatments, they MAY go into remission.
With my HP’s help and guidance, I get by on a daily basis.

I don’t have ANY of them “beat”.
I have a healthy RESPECT for each and every single one of them and what they can do to me –
which is KILL me.

Blue

DayTrader

lol......kinda nit-picking but also making a point.....

it's not contingent, dependant, or any of those things on our fit spiritual condition. It's contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. I thought the two were one in the same........until I heard a Don Major open talk. (it's a talk he did here locally that I submitted to XA but hasn't been published on their site yet) where he discusses this "mistake" that he made too.

Long story short, sometimes we ARE just not all that spiritually connected. Some days we can wake up and the thoughts are just ON us....we can pray a prayer a dozen times and it just won't sink in.......we can call our sponsor and say/get nothing.......we can go to a meeting and be so distracted that we don't learn a thing......we can meet with our sponsees and feel like we're a million miles away....we're not so spiritually fit, SOME days.

Our daily reprieve, however, is contingent upon the MAINTENANCE.... that we prayed, that we called our sponsor, that we went to a meeting, that we tried to help others along the way........that's the maintenance......and that's what we get our daily reprieve from - the practicing of the program. He suggests that sometimes, we can't change the feeling of our spiritual condition.....and on those days it would seem we'd be in mortal danger of getting drunk. On the other hand, the maintenance is something we DO have control over......and if we'll do the maintenance.......even in spite of it feeling like it's doing anything.....we'll get that daily reprieve just fine-thank you.

He also goes into a long discussion about how FEELING spiritually fit is of no spiritual value what-so-ever, how acting spiritually usually FEELS crumby, and so on......

if anyone wants the recording, lemme know and I'll post it up on megaupload and post a link. It's one of my favorite open talks ever. It's also one of those talks where you have to listen to the first 20 minutes of it about a half-dozen times before it all sinks in. lol

BlueMoon

Quote:

He also goes into a long discussion about how FEELING spiritually fit is of no spiritual value what-so-ever, how acting spiritually usually FEELS crumby, and so on......

funny how that works isn't it?

Blue

Raindance

I don't get the stranded Island analogy. Sure, if I was somewhere with no access to alcohol, i'd still be an alcoholic, and a mighty pissed off one if I was still an active drinker.

If that person accepted that there was no alcohol and could be happier without it, then he'd be recovering, if he sat there and stewed about it, he'd be a dry drunk.

So, it doesn't really matter where you are. I'm at work, there's no booze here, i'm still an alcoholic, but one that no longer wants to drink.

laurie6781

You know, having to 'learn' about what 'spiritually fit' meant was a real chore for this alcoholic.

I had no clue, I had a LOT to CHANGE about me and I was PIZZED!!!!

So, I started small, I did things like

do something nice for someone else and DON'T tell a soul including the person (sheesh was that one hard) but over time it became almost 2nd nature.

Letting someone in ahead of me in line, that only had a few 'items' at the grocery store. I couldn't see how that was going to help, but I did it, still do. Lo and behold somewhere down the line, I had stopped at Ralph's after work to pick up 2 items, and someone let me ahead of them. Light bulb moment. What goes around does come around.

Slowly, I understood, that 'doing the next 'right' thing for ALL not just me, was a part of LIVING A SPIRITUAL WAY OF LIFE.

It doesn't happen magically. It doesn't happen over night. I am still learning after over 30+ years of continuous recovery.

But .................................. slowly and surely as we continue to STRIVE for that life and CHANGE ourselves, it does happen!!!!! And WE get to see the 'REWARDS' in our own lives.

Living a 'spiritual' way of life is SO MANY THINGS that we slowly change:

Becoming more aware of our surroundings.

Taking care of our 'very small' piece of the universe (nature, our land, the land around us, giving back to nature, etc)

Being thoughtful, kind, and considerate of all who cross our path and treating them as we ourselves wish to be treated.

Being 'understanding' of that cashier who has been on her/his feet all day and is a bit grumpy, giving them a 'sincere' smile and thank you and going on our way

Being understanding at the end of the day about 'traffic' and going ahead and letting that fellow driver in the line from a gas station or mini mall or whatever.

Just being the BEST person I/we can be each day.

That is all a part of 'living a spiritual way of life."

Just being a thoughtful, kind and considerate person is a good start on the journey ........ and that take a lot of hard work to start to change I/us as we have been 'self will run riot' for so long.

Remember, 'recovery' is NOT a goal, 'recovery' is a journey.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

DayTrader

It's funny Laurie......how all the things you posted have made SUCH A MASSIVE difference in my life, in the quality of my sobriety, and in my overall happiness:

do something nice for someone else and DON'T tell a soul including the person (sheesh was that one hard)

Living a 'spiritual' way of life is SO MANY THINGS that we slowly change:

Becoming more aware of our surroundings.

Taking care of our 'very small' piece of the universe (nature, our land, the land around us, giving back to nature, etc)

Being thoughtful, kind, and considerate of all who cross our path and treating them as we ourselves wish to be treated.

Being 'understanding' of that cashier who has been on her/his feet all day and is a bit grumpy, giving them a 'sincere' smile and thank you and going on our way

Being understanding at the end of the day about 'traffic' and going ahead and letting that fellow driver in the line from a gas station or mini mall or whatever.

Just being the BEST person I/we can be each day.

That is all a part of 'living a spiritual way of life."

It made exactly ZERO sense to me, initially, how those things would help me overcome my drinking problem and/or alcoholism. I half-thought it was just a group of religious do-gooders trying to sucker me into the fold.

I wasn't a willing participant either. I fought every "suggestion," every step, everyONE.... Somewhere along the way though, that defiance started to go away. God's grace? It's the best I can come up with because, like I said, I didn't WANT to do any of that stuff....I just, out of nowhere, got some undeserved willingness.

And boy oh boy.....what a difference once I started practicing this "spiritual life." I'm a good alkie (or a bad one..lol) and you give me something that makes me feel good and I want a whoooooole lot more of it. Once that fuse of recovery was lit, I was off and running. I couldn't GET enough recovery - lol.

It's a wonderful life.....one I likely never would have tried had I NOT become alcoholic. ........hence the reference to "I'm grateful I'm an alcoholic."

NYCDoglvr

Yes, congratulations! A very big accomplishment for any addict.

When a diabetic takes his/her medicine and is symptom free, that person is still diabetic. I take my "medicine" daily by not drinking but I'm still an alcoholic. It doesn't matter what you call it, only what you do.

Charon

[QUOTE=soberlicious;3229143Then I can just spend my time pondering other unanswerable questions like "what is the meaning of life?" LOL[/QUOTE]

Meaning??? - it has a meaning? Gee, I hope not. At least not just one.