Joybot

You leave the house and everyone immediately thinks you're going for a drink?

I get annoyed when I go out for some other purpose and they all think I'm going for a drink. On one hand, it's counter productive of them to not trust me, on the other, it makes me DO want to get a drink because why would I want to get pounced on for going out to buy vitamins and juice??

least

Why prove them right?

ForeverDecember

Hrm... I found it more annoying that I DID always leave the house for a drink. "Hey, I'm just going to run over to mum's place to grab some stuff for dinner, be back in half an hour"... *drives to pub, comes home smashed 5 hours later*

If you're anything like I was it's going to take time to build the trust back up. We did bad things when we drank, and I believe we deserve to know we did those things and just how much it affected our loved ones. Sure, it sucks to feel like scum because they are incorrectly suspicious that you're going out for a drink... but imagine how much it sucks for them to have to think those suspicions and go through the negative, destructive feelings associated with them, about someone they love (you). That can't be fun for them, it must be heartbreaking to not be able to trust your family.

Our situations might be different, but I know 100% that I caused a lot of pain, a lot. If I feel bad or cranky in a situation like that I know I'm only just scratching the surface of how much suffering my loved ones had to feel.

Don't let the negative emotions get you down... they worry cause they care, not because they're keeping score. Be happy that they care about you - there are too many in this forum who didn't have people to look out for them when they quit

instant

Cut them some slack, they are worried about you. I found I am still having to earn back trust. I now accept it was me who destroyed it. I am thankful they are still around and care about me.

My alcoholic voice did not like being dictated to, by anyone................. under any circumstances..........................ever. Then I called him on it.

NYCDoglvr

When we get sober we have to earn the trust of friends and family members. It's a process. Stay sober a while and they will stop.

flutter

I destroyed the trust in my relationships, and my actions over some solid recovery time have helped me earn it back. I wouldn't feel annoyed, seeing as how I pretty much taught 'them' that that's what I do (did), and just have to let my recovery speak for itself moving forward.

MadamX

I know the feeling. I went to play the lottery last night which is at the liquor store by my house and my boyfriend made an excuse to come with me. I know he came to make sure I dont buy anything to drink, but I also know he did it because he cares. It can be discouraging but in time you will gain the trust back as will I. Stay positive.

zxcirce

Sure it is annoying, but I can't fault the people in my life for reacting the way they do precisely because my past behavior has trained them to behave that way.

99 times out of a hundred I lied and snuck around. How can I fault someone for assuming the 100th time will be the same thing?

Time will bring back the trust, nothing else, I believe.

ddrayer

I find myself generally getting angry about any lack of trust on anything. Then I try to take a step back and realize I've earned that lack of faith just like I will eventually earn their trust.

aasharon90

I have no control over what others think
or say about me. All i can do is be honest
and trusting with myself, my actions and
in all my affairs.

I have to live with myself every minute of
everyday and as long as I keep my side of
the street clean, so to speak, then im in
good shape.

I can live happy, joyous and free in my life
and around others if i choose to.

Zebra1275

You can turn this around and actually have some gratitude that there is someone in your life who cares whether you are sober or not.

Fenicfox

I am in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic so I hope I am not out of place commenting, for me it was not so much trust but fear. When I thought (god please don't have him going out to get a fifth) it wasn't always so much about him drinking as fear that our life would return to the way it was before recovery started. Unfortunately for me just when I stopped thinking that was where he was going, he went there.

TheEnd

If they're worried about you, it just means they care. So take it as a good thing and don't think about it too much. It's just something that they are going to have to work through. If you continue to be sober and do the right thing, they won't be worrying about you so much.

Jay1980

I destroyed my trust with all of my friends and family. There's no reason for them not to be worried. I've lied so many times, some of which I don't even remember telling, and it's going to take a very long time to get that trust back. I'm determined to do it though.

eJoshua

Yes it is annoying, but we've given them that right.

BackToSquareOne

If you really think about it, as an alcoholic you violate everyones trust again and again. You do it with your family, friends, employer etc. You function at maybe 50% of your true capacity because your hung over half the time. Why would you think that "trust" would be magically restored because you're making another run at quitting. It doesn't work that way, trust is earned based on past behavior and not easily restored.

AcceptingChange

yeah, that definately was annoying. when we'd go to parties, i noticed my wife starting to say "now, we're both going to keep it to two drinks, right?". And i'd be annoyed, and say "sure". Sometimes i would stick with two, sometimes i wouldn't.
when i think about it, two things come to mind. First, me getting wasted is embarrassing for her. Second, i'm lucky to have someone who cares. Worse than having people making comments and watching out for you is to have no one in your life who cares.

onlythetruth

Well if you did go for a drink the last 1,000 times you left the house, can you really blame people for thinking you're doing so the 1,001st time?

Of course they are going to think that. You get to prove them wrong, and trust me if you do that, even for a much shorter time than you drank, they will start to trust you.

theaocp

People are going to think what they're going to think. I take pride in knowing ... truly knowing ... that I haven't been drinking. As others have stated, over time, trust builds, but it won't come immediately. Patience is the key. Good luck and enjoy sobriety.

dawnrunner

You can defuse this somewhat buy inviting them to come with you.