ForeverDecember

There are a few threads on Chrissy and the social expectation to drink, here's another, bit of a twist.

I have recently started a new job and the big boss said "I'll see you at the bar for a drink later". I thought "Good - this is a bonding time, a way to impress the boss by having social time not just work time. Bad - is he going to be offended when I am not drinking? Will he badger me, in a good-natured, oblivious way "Go on have a drink, my shout". He's seen me drinking before so I can't say I don't do it....

I actually had a plan formed to tell the bar tender to make me lemon, lime and soda water (no bitters, just in case - early days for me), and then if my new boss asked to buy me a drink just to tell him "The bar tenders know my drink", if questioned directly to say it's vodka lime and lemon.

Hellllllo???!!!

Took me a minute (actually an hour of plotting, thinking pros and cons) before I realised I had totally slipped back into "Alcohol brain" thinking, being sneaky, making schemes, and lying. Isn't that what I've been working so hard to get away from!!!???

I ended up declining the invitation - he's a busy guy, and I'm a good worker. I'll let my 9-5 activities impress him, and leave my after hours my own.

Dee74

Thats a really well-considered, smart decision FD

awesome!
D

SomethingBetter

I think you made a good decision

dawnrunner

Well done on recognizing the old thinking pattern!!

awesomeame

As a rule I don't spend time with ppl from work outside of work hours...you already spend most of your week with those ppl, why see more of them? You're not there to make friends, keep your personal and work life separate!

In the past when I didn't want to drink (so I could drive home and THEN drink by myself/in secret) I'd just say something like "no thanks, I think I've reached my quota for this week" or something to that effect. It seems to get a chuckle and ppl left me alone after that

Matt

recycle

ForeverD, probably a good call, not going to the bar with the new boss. Let him get to know you.

It is too bad, that political correctness campaigns have not caught up with being pressured to drink. "No thanks, I don't drink." is most that ever need be said, and "No thanks." should really be enough 99% of the time. (Wow, there is a major rant brewing in my brain over this topic, I am gong to stop here...)

miamifella

Why not just say you want seltzer with a lime? I have never heard of anyone ever being offended by someone drinking a non-alcoholic beverage IRL. But it is a fear that alcoholics and addicts seem to have--I think it is just the addiction talking.

I used to socialize with people after work and in a group of any 10 people there are always 2 or 3 who are drinking non-alcoholic beverages. No one notices or cares.

If they do notice they will assume one of three things: 1) you are an alcoholic in recovery 2) you are on medication or 3) you just do not want to drink. No one will assume that you are stuck up or hate being with them.

eJoshua

Well done! Thanks for the post, that was very insightful.

ForeverDecember

Thanks all

Not possible in a small town I'm afraid. If I did that I'd suddenly be single and without parents!

Miami you're right Which is why I posted this - I realised that it was addict thinking except this time it was about NOT drinking, when before I plotted and schemed so I could drink.

betterlate

I agree that drinkers over-estimate how much others notice if they are drinking. I used to think the same thing, and would worry about what my drinking friends would say when they found out I stopped. I told one of them while I was at his house and he was drinking at his party! He didn't care, nor did the other friend when we had lunch together a month later. Both friends actually seemed pleased, which shows what an ******* I was when I was drunk. Even my drinking friends were happy to hear I'd stopped.

ForeverDecember

Absolutely... I have been thinking about this more though, and there's probably a good reason. I don't know about you, but when I did go out I was always drinking, and therefore attracted a drinking crowd - my "friends" were either alcoholics themselves or enablers.

I can't count the amount of times my "friends" have talked me into drinking when I've tried to have a quiet night, with constant "why aren't you drinking?" Have a drink for God's sake." "Here I bought you a drink"

Misery loves company, my "friends" didn't like me sober. Lucky I don't see them any more

bmwcycle

I am glad that you are happy with the outcome. But are you not selling your boss short or making up his mind for him.

You are making the assumption that he will think something is "wrong" or "strange" with you not drinking.

I made the same assumption when I was drinking in order to continue to justify the drinking.

Depending on your position I am not sure what if any impact you not socializing with your boss will have on your success in your future at this job. I know that in my line of work going out for drinks after work is an important part of the business. I do not drink at these meetings anymore at first it was awkward but after a while no one seems to notice including me, I am more attentive to the business at hand than my drinking.

Best of luck and wishing you sober success in all your endeavors..

Anna

Yay, I love your conclusion!

Just when you were beginning to obsess with talking to the bar-tender, you 'got it'. I think a big part of recovery is training our brains to work in a healthy way, and you did just that!

Justfor1

Surprisingly, many people today do not like to take no to the answer & insist that you have a drink. Some people really don't think about the alcoholism thing & may not realize that they are be making folks uncomfortable.

Dee74

It's a free country last time I looked J41.
I'd put daylight between myself and anyone like that in my life

D