pregnant and trying
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NB canada
Posts: 57
I was 20 when I got pregnant with my son..it was not on purpose, and I drank for the first three months VERY heavily without realizing I was pregnant. I then chose to ignore all the signs I was pregnant ( DENIAL) and continue to drink for another month. Then I was visibly pregnant and had to stop.
I cannot tell how you much self loathing I have for that, and how terrifying my pregnancy and childbirth were because of this.
However, I was open with my doctor..so that they could monitor and assess him properly while he was young, rather than always wonder what.
FAS is VERY real. There are times now that I still look at my 11 year old and wonder if some of his facial features are because of that, or the fact that his social skills aren't where they should be. According to his pediatrician, it is not, but I don't always believe it, when I allow myself to think about it.
However, he is also one of the kindest, calmest children I've ever encountered, and get's straight A's in school...he is a wonderful child.
I am lucky, pure and simple. HE is lucky, I guess, that my choices didn't set him up for extra burdens and challenges.
The way FAS was explained to me, and what I learned while on Maternity ( I'm a nurse) is that it's not the amount you drink, per say, it's what was forming while you drinking alcohol...for example, baby's brain is growing developing a key part, you go and drink the growth process is affected. This is very simplified, but it's like playing russian roulette, and the more you drink, the more chance you have of causing damage.
Your pregnancy could very well be what I believe mine was meant to be...a gift so that I could see what I was doing and correct my ways. God gave me a perfect boy..despite what I had done, and I STILL chose to drink after a brief respite while he was young. I have more self loathing for that than I do for drinking while he was pregnant.
I do not judge you , I understand. But you do need to stop. Even though baby has mostly grown at this point, there is still a lot of active brain development going on, and also, you do not want to go into pre term labour at 32 weeks...that is much too early and could set up a whole other slew of problems.
Sending you positive pregnancy vibes...babies are wonderful...conratulations mama, and hopefully you get to enjoy the final two months with a peaceful mind!
I cannot tell how you much self loathing I have for that, and how terrifying my pregnancy and childbirth were because of this.
However, I was open with my doctor..so that they could monitor and assess him properly while he was young, rather than always wonder what.
FAS is VERY real. There are times now that I still look at my 11 year old and wonder if some of his facial features are because of that, or the fact that his social skills aren't where they should be. According to his pediatrician, it is not, but I don't always believe it, when I allow myself to think about it.
However, he is also one of the kindest, calmest children I've ever encountered, and get's straight A's in school...he is a wonderful child.
I am lucky, pure and simple. HE is lucky, I guess, that my choices didn't set him up for extra burdens and challenges.
The way FAS was explained to me, and what I learned while on Maternity ( I'm a nurse) is that it's not the amount you drink, per say, it's what was forming while you drinking alcohol...for example, baby's brain is growing developing a key part, you go and drink the growth process is affected. This is very simplified, but it's like playing russian roulette, and the more you drink, the more chance you have of causing damage.
Your pregnancy could very well be what I believe mine was meant to be...a gift so that I could see what I was doing and correct my ways. God gave me a perfect boy..despite what I had done, and I STILL chose to drink after a brief respite while he was young. I have more self loathing for that than I do for drinking while he was pregnant.
I do not judge you , I understand. But you do need to stop. Even though baby has mostly grown at this point, there is still a lot of active brain development going on, and also, you do not want to go into pre term labour at 32 weeks...that is much too early and could set up a whole other slew of problems.
Sending you positive pregnancy vibes...babies are wonderful...conratulations mama, and hopefully you get to enjoy the final two months with a peaceful mind!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 445
Michelle, calling yourself a failure is just feeding the self-hatred that often triggers our drinking in the first place. You have come here and are reaching out for help, that's success.
I understand why others are sharing their experiences of FAS. We need to be made aware of the consequences of our actions. But... you have a choice what to do with this information. Acknowledge it, then make a conscious effort to prevent anymore damage being done. Or wallow in guilt and, more than likely, turn to the bottle to deal with it. What choice are you going to make? I agree with the other posters who said talk to your doctor and look into spending the remainder of your pregnancy in rehab where both you and your dear baby will be safe. You both deserve better than this.
M
I understand why others are sharing their experiences of FAS. We need to be made aware of the consequences of our actions. But... you have a choice what to do with this information. Acknowledge it, then make a conscious effort to prevent anymore damage being done. Or wallow in guilt and, more than likely, turn to the bottle to deal with it. What choice are you going to make? I agree with the other posters who said talk to your doctor and look into spending the remainder of your pregnancy in rehab where both you and your dear baby will be safe. You both deserve better than this.
M
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Here's a link to information about FAS. It may help you decide whether to to quit during pregnancy or not. If you can't do it on your own I suggest going to AA, a program that, through its fellowship, gives enormous support. Remember: you don't HAVE to drink. I certainly understand your fears but it's not too late to do something about it.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
When pregnant alcoholics come here they usually post and then don't come back. It worries me a lot. I hope you stick around.
Drinking in pregnancy is an awful thing. You already know that. I worry even more though about what will happen after you have the baby. If you can't hold it together in pregnancy you'll surely go right off the rails after the baby. That I have a lot of experience with
I have a baby again now and it's my first sober infancy and it's night/day from the other two.
Whatever you're doing is not enough. You may be thinking 'the damage is done' and that you might as well keep drinking but that's the alcoholic talking.
What are you going to do to save your life? Your marriage? Keep custody of your children? This is serious stuff.
Drinking in pregnancy is an awful thing. You already know that. I worry even more though about what will happen after you have the baby. If you can't hold it together in pregnancy you'll surely go right off the rails after the baby. That I have a lot of experience with
I have a baby again now and it's my first sober infancy and it's night/day from the other two. Whatever you're doing is not enough. You may be thinking 'the damage is done' and that you might as well keep drinking but that's the alcoholic talking.
What are you going to do to save your life? Your marriage? Keep custody of your children? This is serious stuff.
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
If you know that you have very sincerely vowed each and every time not to drink again during this pregnancy, but then ended up doing it again anyway, you REALLY NEED TO GET INTO AN INPATIENT PROGRAM where it is impossible for you to drink. As well meaning as you are, it would be a huge gamble to trust that left to your own devices you will not drink again during this pregnancy....especially if AA is already in the picture.
Don't think about it, JUST DO IT. Get to a doctor and tell him you have already drank while pregnant and need to get into an inpatient rehab because you are not 100% sure if you can keep yourself from drinking again.
DO NOT DRINK OVER THIS. Don't think about it, just pick up the phone and get some help. Start by making an appointment asap to see a doctor.
Don't think about it, JUST DO IT. Get to a doctor and tell him you have already drank while pregnant and need to get into an inpatient rehab because you are not 100% sure if you can keep yourself from drinking again.
DO NOT DRINK OVER THIS. Don't think about it, just pick up the phone and get some help. Start by making an appointment asap to see a doctor.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 119
I am the mother of a child who is FAS. I understand your fears and your concerns. The best thing you can do right now is to take the advice of the suki and go to your DR. Be as honest as honest is. Your Doctors need to know what they are dealing with so that a proper birth plan can be put in to place for when your child is born.
If you want to message me, please feel free to do so. I have been in your shoes and I know how hard and frightening it is
Much love
Mish
If you want to message me, please feel free to do so. I have been in your shoes and I know how hard and frightening it is
Much love
Mish
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 12
me too
When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had the hardest time quitting. I found out at 4 weeks but I didn't stop completely until 20 weeks. I didn't binge drink but I would have a shot or glass of wine every now and then. I justified it by reading about people who didn't know they were pregnant the whole time and drank and everything turned out fine. It was a nightmare everyday I was looking online at the chances of my baby having FAS, it consumed me but still I had a hard time quitting. I was a nervous wreck all throughout my pregnancy and once the baby was born I just kept staring at him checking for the "features". No one knew I drank when I was pregnant and they still don't. Thank God my baby turned out fine and I pray yours does as well. It is so easy to judge people but it is a real struggle. Try to stay strong!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Please do whatever it takes to stop drinking today and for the rest of your pregnancy. Do it for the sake of your child. Talk to your dr as others have said, so that he/she can be prepared at the birth, if problems occur. You can't change what you have done so far, but you definitely have control over what you do today and for the rest of your pregnancy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 31
First off "Congratulations on your pregnancy" What a special time in your life.
I drank while I was pregnant. I would drink two glasses of Wine every Saturday night. And believe me I would count down the days and hours till Saturday. I couldn't help myself...after I had my Daughter I hated myself...she was born small (5lbs 10oz) small face, healthy thank God butttt small. I would look at her and wonder "are you small because I drank? I would hold her and cry wondering WHAT did I do. My Daughter is now, 4 and is smart, above average skills still small but, taller now...whew, Thank God!!! Please, please, don't beat yourself up. You made a HUGE step by coming here. You are NOT a failure. Talk to someone if you don't want to go to a meeting.
I drank while I was pregnant. I would drink two glasses of Wine every Saturday night. And believe me I would count down the days and hours till Saturday. I couldn't help myself...after I had my Daughter I hated myself...she was born small (5lbs 10oz) small face, healthy thank God butttt small. I would look at her and wonder "are you small because I drank? I would hold her and cry wondering WHAT did I do. My Daughter is now, 4 and is smart, above average skills still small but, taller now...whew, Thank God!!! Please, please, don't beat yourself up. You made a HUGE step by coming here. You are NOT a failure. Talk to someone if you don't want to go to a meeting.
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