TheMaster

I have noticed, lately, that when I drink, I turn into a real douchebag, if I am around others or online.

And I will say some really vile things without the slightest provocation...

I have been on the wagon, before and always seem to fall off it. It just seems fun again, so you start back. But lately, I have discovered that I simply CANNOT drink around other people.

And I have gone to great lengths to avoid it, like removing my wireless adapter from the computer, taking it to work, and leaving it for the weekend (drinking time)...

How do you get to THIS??? I feel rotten, now.

bozboz

So...now that you've realized alcohol makes you a "d.b.", do you plan on changing?
I am like you...I would drunk dial, text, drive, facebook, etc... I hurt SO many people, soooo many.
I am a HORRIBLE drunk, but I am a good person.
You make a choice, and that choice is up to you.

TheMaster

Yeah, I need to change... I wish I didn't like it so much.

I just don't understand where the nastiness comes from. It used to be just laughs with the occasional screw-up.

Now, it's so bad that I literally cannot drink and talk to people.

chebella

I´m a horrible drunk too..... And fell off the wagon.
I start funny and overactive. But then I turn nasty... and text or phone people.
afterwards I feel stupid and ashamed. Also paranoia, like everyone knows I am a drunk and they take about me LOL.

It aint easy..

TheMaster

Yes, I feel that way, also... About a month ago, I lost my temper, after a 5th, and caused the woman I was with to go running out of the house.

Then, last night I said some pretty vile things on facebook to another woman I know. Both incidents, I had completely no control over myself. I have drank for 20+ years and very seldom behaved this disgracefully...

This is what really sealed the deal that I can't control myself, anymore.

Tuesday24

I can relate. I was a horrible, nasty drunk. With a little time and perspective behind me, I think it had to do with how truly miserable I was. I did not think or feel that way at the time mind you. I was a true Jekyll and Hyde. With a lot of courage and faith, I removed alcohol from my life. Don't get me wrong, I still get angry at times but I will never allow myself to treat another human being like that again.
Best wishes to you.

eJoshua

Yeah, I started turning into a real monster when I drank. People used to talk about how much fun I was to get drunk with, but when it stopped being fun for me it stopped being fun for everyone around me.

Nothing you can do except get sober and hope you haven't damaged all your friendships beyond repair.

Hopeworks

Technically speaking the alcohol is affecting your brain and damaging it... if you saw imaging pictures of what is going on when you saturate your brain cells you would seriously consider giving it up.

Some people are more susceptible to the damaging effects and psychological changes that alcohol causes... my father was the meanest drunk that ever drew breath. Positively cruel to both man and beast in words and actions ... great guy who loved us sober.

One day he ran over my pet poodle and to keep us from taking it to the vet he threw the car in reverse and ran back over it a few more times to make sure he killed it dead while it screamed.

He loved that dog sober. He was a pure psycho drunk however. And you don't even want to know about the times he would shoot over our heads and we could hear the bullets whiz by. Good thing he was a great shot even when falling down drunk or I wouldn't be posting.

It's progressive .... it will get worse if you don't stop.

dawnie24

Think we've all done stuff like that n been idiots online I kbow I have god knows how many time I've gone on ***** chat on microphone and started givin abuse I've even. done it on facebook sayin I'm gonna smash someones face in lol n that they are a slag etc (which is true)

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism is progressive, the reason you notice life is getting worse when you drink. And, while you drink, it will continue to spiral out of control. Some people can stay sober on their own but I wasn't one of them. Needed the support of other alcoholics in AA.

GregMan

As has been mentioned, alcoholism is a progressive illness. But on top of that, the damage to your brain is also progressive. Years of abuse change the way your brain functions, essentially turning a healthy mind into an "alcoholic mind". This is true both physiologically and psychologically. As your brain becomes "wetter", your behavior will also continue to change (for the worse).

The good news? After about a year, your brain will have replaced almost every last cell... All of those chemically altered "Addict" brain cells that screamed "lets party!" will be gone. And after around ten years, your brain will have basically healed itself completely. Assuming you do not have cirrhosis, your liver will also more or less heal itself over the years. Good luck, friend

Dee74

Like others have said, alcoholism is progressive.
For much of my drinking career, I was a happy drunk....that changed by the end.

Looking back, I was a deeply unhappy man living a deeply unhappy life.
Change your life TM

D

Pinkcuda

When people express their concern that they might lose their friends if they quit drinking it's like they never take into account the friends lost while they were.

vinnietoo

Hello!!!!

Quit beating yourself up! And stop drinking. The rest will take care of it's self.

Best to you and all,
Vince

Zencat

Alcohol takes me to another plain of existence where I say and do as I please. The reality is what I say/do wile drunk is absolute rubbish and I become the fool wile doing it.

Thank goodness that can end when I commit to ending it the sober way.

TheMaster

Well, tonight it booze-free, anyway... Just pondering this craziness.

Chloe03

Well that explains a lot!!! At the end, I could never figure out why I went from a mellow, happy drunk to a nasty, out of control booze hound! And this was happening even when I only had 2-3 glasses of wine. OMG- I was running around with a 100 proof brain!

ACOAHappyNow

Thank you for your honesty and for this thread. I grew up wondering why my father grew increasingly more nasty and bitter and cynical and just sickening and mean, with each drinking year. Wondering why the way he thought, made no sense at all to me. Wondering if I was crazy or if it was him.

The only part I still don't understand, is why he would deny that he did anything bad when drinking. I guess it's part of denial maybe? I don't know. But he'd listen to everyone tell him what he did, and he'd either deny it outright (most often), or minimize it, saying "everyone has problems" as if beating his wife and children was normal. He never even once admitted, "yeah, I did that, and I'm sorry I did that, it was wrong." Never, not once. And every wife (he's on wife 6) said, "I hate that he never admits when he does something wrong." So it's not just me noticing he always denies and minimizes. That part of it is still something I wonder about and don't fully understand. I guess he thinks if he doesn't admit it, he won't have to pay the price for his behavior? But the thing is, he does end up paying the price anyway, in terms of broken relationships, getting arrested, etc. Soooo??? I don't know....I still don't understand why he denies that he does bad things when drinking.

TheOjibway84

So any relate to this as well. Drinking with friends in the beginning was fun. Then as years went on I was starting to turn ugly when drunk. Heck 4 months ago a friend and I were hanging then he didn't want to hang anymore and it was 8pm in the night and I was like "the night is just starting!" Then he left the bar and I finished more drinks and went to go get him and I bust through his screen window in a shared accomendation house to get him to come back and we were both drunk as hell and we fought in his room because he thought i lost it and was trying to rob him. So he beat me to a pulp and i was taken to the hospital after police were called and he wanted to charge me but because he was very drunk they let me off with no record or charge. it was very bad where I even still got up the next day bruised in the mouth area and still... went to go to the liquor store and buy a crap load of booze and guess what? Headed back to his place to say sorry about the window and I'd pay for a new screen and he was happy to see me and said sorry and we did a friend hug and then continued to drink the day away in celebration of rekindling our friendship and dropping what happened the night before. I was very ill in the head with alcohol, despite forgiveness his landlord didn't want me there anymore on the property and of course me being controlled by alcohol was thinking he was the bad person. when in reality he was only doing what was best for his house hold and my friend.

As in how to get out of this. its a choice you must make for yourself whether you want to quit or not, it's hard of course. Especially if you have done it for years. Luckily I've only been drinking for 5 years and I haven't had any withdrawals after stopping the booze. I feel great and I am 3 months sober now There are many ways to stop and only you can decide how you want to go about it. Me. No alcohol in the house and only spending time with my friend who doens't drink and never wants to drink (Not my doing lol) I also go to AA and come here to SR.com I also started doing service work in my group and feel like I've reached a new step. I am very grateful for everything and everyone around me. Good luck on figuring how you want to go about this

TheOjibway84

Sounds just like my father. He's a great man and he's been trying to stay sober as well. With everything that happened to me while drinking when I lived on my own and causing so much worry and pain to my mother my brother and I have recently found out he's secretly drinking again. We've noticed the change in him recently again and didn't know what was going on, when he drank he was mean and short fused and always made my mother cry because he said nasty things or got mad at her when she wanted him to do something for her while she worked that day (he's retired). One night just last week she was staying home sick from work and needed him to pick me up from work and he got all mad because he was doing things for her all day so he yelled and said some mean things that my mother wouldn't say when she came to pick me up from work, she told me this one the way home and started crying. But anyway. Just your father mine doesn't apologize for anything he does. Sometimes it does bug me even in my program but I know I can't change him for who he is and I know I can't make him stop drinking. I have to focus on my program alone. Just thought that hit home when you mentioned your father.