PaperDolls

I have no desire to take a drink but I may go insane ...... ugh.

My fiance is headed to court tomorrow .... non-payment of child support. He truly wants to take care of his obligations and he's willing to suffer consequences for his lack of support in the past. He's trying to get his life together.

At any rate, the lawyer we've retained who has been willing to accept smaller payments which is awesome! is freaking me out. He's not returning phone calls and isn't keeping us informed of what's going on, what's next, what to expect ..... I'm scared to death that he's going to jail and that'll be it. I'll be sitting at home pregnant without him. Don't get me wrong, I know I can make it if I have to but damn .....

So this morning I told Fiance that I want to call the lawyer and give him a piece of my mind. He immediately got defensive and acted like I'm being unreasonable. I spoke with the lawyer 2 weeks ago to confirm the next court date and time and then said "you'll be in contact with fiance so we know what to expect ..." He said "Oh yes, of course". Court is tomorrow and he hasn't called and hasn't returned phone calls. What sort of business man is this? I feel like we're in a vulnerable position and being taken advantage of or at least not being treated like we should.

When someone I'm paying for a service says they'll do something, I expect them to so what they say. I suppose this is where expectations get you but really? I'm sure I'm not being unreasonable.

Fiance is scared too and keeps giving him the benefit of the doubt. I think he doesn't know what else to do.

So here I sit, angry and scared with no idea of what will happen tomorrow. I know my fears are turning into anger but I just don't know what else to do.

I'm trying to pray for sanity and serenity and acceptance of whatever happens tomorrow.

suki44883

Your attorney has a fiduciary duty to keep you updated on what is going on with your case. He can be sanctioned by the State Bar or even have his license revoked for not doing so. No, you are not being unreasonable. If it were me, I would either call again and keep calling every hour, or actually go down to his office and not leave until I got some answers.

PaperDolls

Thanks suki -- part of what's keeping me from getting more involved is that this is not my case, it's my fiance's. I'm trying not to get too involved and ask him to do things, like call him every hour without sounding like a nag. It's not my responsibility to do it for him. I am however, to the point of irate at the attorney. May be some of my anger is because of the lack of action on fiances part. I don't know.

I think fiance is sort of paralyzed by the fear of going to jail.

LotusBlossom

We dumped an attorney in the past for what you described for a previous court case. Turned out to be the best thing we ever did. And ESPECIALLY in a criminal case, that is something I would NOT eff around with! My thoughts are with you and your fiance. This major dose of cortisol and stress is something the developing baby in your womb do NOT need!!

suki44883

Maybe, but it seems to me like that would give him even more reason to want to talk to the attorney. After all, the attorney is the only one who knows what to expect. You're right though, it's not your job to get that involved.

freethinking

A lot of lawyers are like this actually - sad but true.

On a side note, I've had a couple of friends who've had their ex's thrown in jail for non-payment of child support. I hope that his lawyer can prove that he cannot pay the child support?

PaperDolls

I just spoke with a lawyer and AA friend. He told me I'm not being unreasonable at all. He gave me a better idea of what to expect and I'm much less fearful.

I just want to get all of this behind us so we can move on. I know the stress isn't good for the baby. I can't help it.

PaperDolls

Less fear but I'm still angry!

LotusBlossom

I'm sorry - that came off as preachy and I didn't mean to be. . Good luck PaperDolls. I'm like in super-hormone protective mode right now and you just happened to fall in my cross hairs. No offense intended!! :x.

PaperDolls

No offense taken lotus.

Dee74

I don't know from lawyerin' PD...but I hope all goes well and you get this sorted out

D

Anna

PD, I agree you are being very reasonable with your expectation. It's frustrating to be paying someone to do a job they are not doing properly. And, of course, it's scary. It's too late to change lawyers at this point, so I wish you guys good luck tomorrow. Let us know how things turn out.

PaperDolls

It just occurred to me that fiance is scared to make demands on the lawyer for fear that the lawyer will just say "Do it yourself."

Fiance is jumping to conclusions -- a few weeks ago, after many unreturned phone calls, I told him he should call everyday and tell him it's not acceptable. He said, Well, he probably wants money. I told him the lawyer should pick the damn phone up and say that. It's common sense.

Basically, I know we should find a different attorney but we can't afford it. As my aa/lawyer friend said, you get what you pay for.

This thing dragging out forever is killing me. I've come close several times to a full-on panic attack. I haven't had that happen since before I quit drinking.

bubblehead

What you are describing is pretty common with attorneys. This is why I always ask around to others with similar situations to find out which ones they have used successfully.
Not that I believe your fiance is going to jail but you do need to start documenting every time you have attempted to talk to this attorney, every time he has done what he is supposed to, etc. Many states offer relief if a conviction was due to ineffective counsel.

ForeverDecember

Sorry I can't help with any advice, just throwing in my support. Sending good thoughts your way, hope you get through with all your nerves in tact.

Lionne

I can#t give you any advice PD but I'll join the people who wish you that all goes well and that you and your fiance can move on soon from this issue. Don't beat you up too much over the stress/pregnancy thing. Sending you positive thoughts your way

BullDog777

That may be true, but I receintly read somewhere that a large majority of criminal defense attorneys are so overburdened with cases, they spend an average of 15-30 minutes per case, in whole, outside the court room.

I really hope that's not true, but if it is, that's freakin' scary.

wow04

There have been days I haven't heard from my lawyer. I chalk it up as to him being busy. He always meets with me 30 minutes before court and we go over what to expect. I am not sure if it is the same with you or not.

I also don't know what state you are in. I have taken my ex to court so many times for non payment of child support. He hasn't spent one day in jail, for non payment. The judge always gives him time to start making a payment. I do know one time we had to go to court once a month for 6 months just to make sure he was paying. Guess what? After that 6 months he quit paying.

Being full of fear and anger isn't helping the situation. Do what is best for you and that baby!

PaperDolls

Bad news.

They arrested him. We're in a different county so they'll be transporting him I guess on Monday.

I had a full-on panic attack and went to the doctor.

I'm planning on retaining a lawyer, with the help of my atty/aa friend so this can get taken care of with everyone's best interest in mind.

I'm not doing well.

I find myself wishing I wasn't pregnant. This isn't how this is supposed to be.
I've also thought, if I wasn't pregnant right now, I'd go get wasted drunk.

Hopefully the meds they gave me will knock me out.

Anna

Gosh, I'm sorry that this happened PD.

As hard as it is, try to focus on yourself and your baby. You need to take care of yourself for your sake and for your baby's sake.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, PD.