Am I an Alcoholic?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Am I an Alcoholic?
I am 25 years old. I started drinking in my mid to late teens. Throughout High School I was a dorky, chubby kid who didn't have any friends. I spent a lot of time by myself in my room. Never had a girl friend, or went to my prom. I was depressed. My family life was excellent though and I cannot say anything bad about that.
After a few years of working out when I was finally getting out of High School I kind of made a turn around. I lost a ton of weight and started caring about my looks. Before you knew it my confidence sky rocketed. I had gained a few friends and we started going out to clubs...
From there I started to binge drink heavily before going into clubs since I was under 21 and this became a habit of something that went on 2-3 nights a week.
Over the next few years......
-One night I drank so much and decided to drive home I totaled my car. But the cops let me go with out a DUI because I was honest with them. (very lucky)
One night in a club a girl was mad at me for some reason and hit me from behind. I turned around and slapped her hard enough to get kicked out.
I started going to my friends frat parties at a local university and one night led to me getting thrown out after having disputes that led to spitting on people and I had to be restrained.
I was at a club at the beach one time and got so drunk I got thrown out and was blocking the door way. The cops told me to move at which point I told them "F U"... This led to me throwing a punch at a cop and being charged with 3rd degree assault and a felony.
On another occasion I drank a lot and one of my girl friends "friends" had said something that started an argument and it got to the point that I tried pushing her and was told to leave. After being restrained I was not let back into my girl friends house.
Another incident on new years I was upset over something my cousin did (which was kind of wrong) but anyway it was bottled up inside of me and I drank so much that when he told me to "stop drinking" I got confrontational and pushed him. This led to a verbal assault and me not being welcome into my aunt's vacation house.
Another incident was at a recent bachelor party in which I got so drunk I cannot remember too much but it led to me being outside of the bar with another member of the bachelor party and me throwing a punch at him.
On another incident on christmas I drank so much that somehow I ended up at my fiances house yelling "i dont even love you and dont want to marry you" in front of her parents and essentially ruined christmas.
I am probably forgetting a few incidents...
But anyway, I don't drink every night. I am a weekend drinker and work 46 hours a week and go to college full-time. Sometimes I drink and have a great time and don't harm anyone. Sometimes once every few months these things happen...
My question is am I an alcoholic? I do have a problem. I understand that much.
After a few years of working out when I was finally getting out of High School I kind of made a turn around. I lost a ton of weight and started caring about my looks. Before you knew it my confidence sky rocketed. I had gained a few friends and we started going out to clubs...
From there I started to binge drink heavily before going into clubs since I was under 21 and this became a habit of something that went on 2-3 nights a week.
Over the next few years......
-One night I drank so much and decided to drive home I totaled my car. But the cops let me go with out a DUI because I was honest with them. (very lucky)
One night in a club a girl was mad at me for some reason and hit me from behind. I turned around and slapped her hard enough to get kicked out.
I started going to my friends frat parties at a local university and one night led to me getting thrown out after having disputes that led to spitting on people and I had to be restrained.
I was at a club at the beach one time and got so drunk I got thrown out and was blocking the door way. The cops told me to move at which point I told them "F U"... This led to me throwing a punch at a cop and being charged with 3rd degree assault and a felony.
On another occasion I drank a lot and one of my girl friends "friends" had said something that started an argument and it got to the point that I tried pushing her and was told to leave. After being restrained I was not let back into my girl friends house.
Another incident on new years I was upset over something my cousin did (which was kind of wrong) but anyway it was bottled up inside of me and I drank so much that when he told me to "stop drinking" I got confrontational and pushed him. This led to a verbal assault and me not being welcome into my aunt's vacation house.
Another incident was at a recent bachelor party in which I got so drunk I cannot remember too much but it led to me being outside of the bar with another member of the bachelor party and me throwing a punch at him.
On another incident on christmas I drank so much that somehow I ended up at my fiances house yelling "i dont even love you and dont want to marry you" in front of her parents and essentially ruined christmas.
I am probably forgetting a few incidents...
But anyway, I don't drink every night. I am a weekend drinker and work 46 hours a week and go to college full-time. Sometimes I drink and have a great time and don't harm anyone. Sometimes once every few months these things happen...
My question is am I an alcoholic? I do have a problem. I understand that much.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
We cannot answer that question. While it definitely sounds like you have problems when you drink, that, in and of itself does not mean you are an alcoholic. Can you go for a period of time...say 3 months and not drink without any problems? You might try that and see how difficult it is.
Binge drinkers don't drink every day or even every week. Some can go months without even thinking about drinking alcohol. Alcoholism isn't determined by how often you drink or even necessarily how much you drink. It has to do with how alcohol affects you when you do drink.
Binge drinkers don't drink every day or even every week. Some can go months without even thinking about drinking alcohol. Alcoholism isn't determined by how often you drink or even necessarily how much you drink. It has to do with how alcohol affects you when you do drink.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Alcoholism isn't determined by how often you drink or even necessarily how much you drink. It has to do with how alcohol affects you when you do drink.
I'm just trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Nobody I know has the problems I have from drinking. But it's not like I come home every day and crack open a 40 and kick back and start boozing.
Just confused.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Alcohol affects people in different ways. An alcoholic does not process alcohol the way a non-alcoholic does. Also, please know that alcoholism is progressive. It never gets better on its own. Why not do an experiment of no drinking for 6 months? See how you do. If you are an alcoholic, your willpower will not keep you from drinking. If you can do it and have no problem not drinking, then it could be that you are just a hard drinker and haven't yet become dependent on alcohol.
Whatever the outcome, it sounds like you do get into trouble when you drink and you have been extremely lucky not to have gotten a DUI. If you do continue drinking, PLEASE do not drive afterward. There are innocent people out there who are injured or killed every day by drunk drivers.
Whatever the outcome, it sounds like you do get into trouble when you drink and you have been extremely lucky not to have gotten a DUI. If you do continue drinking, PLEASE do not drive afterward. There are innocent people out there who are injured or killed every day by drunk drivers.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((aj))) - welcome to SR!! I agree with ((Suki)) - we can't tell you if you're an alcoholic, and binge drinkers can go for a while and not drink.
The problem with alcohol and most other things is that we go from "a problem with" to "addiction or alcholism" and we never know if/when we're going to cross that line.
I think it's good that you are aware you have a problem, and are here. I wish I'd done it when I was your age.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
The problem with alcohol and most other things is that we go from "a problem with" to "addiction or alcholism" and we never know if/when we're going to cross that line.
I think it's good that you are aware you have a problem, and are here. I wish I'd done it when I was your age.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
a southern belle
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: tennessee
Posts: 265
i am a firm believer in the saying...."if you have to ask...you probably are" although, i would not assume to tell you that you are. i think there is a little something in you that knows you have a problem. i will tell you this. "normal" drinkers do not drink to the point of violence, confrontation, and anger. "normal" drinkers do not contemplate their next drink(s). "normal" people are responsible with their drinking and do not drive while doing so...or at least limit their drinks to an acceptable level. "normal" drinkers do not drink to the point of "ruining christmas" or wedding parties. are you an alcoholic....do you have a problem?.....you tell me. good luck....mags
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
Thank you kindly for your responses. I am well aware I have some sort of problem and to answer your question I do not drive anymore after consuming. But I quit drinking anyway. Today marks 1 week sober for me. I've tried stopping before but then thought to myself "well maybe I can control myself" I went a month then decided I could have a few beers. It lasted for a little while. Then I got comfortable and started pounding 12-15 beers...
That's how it went. But after dissapointing my parents, family, and friends with my most recent incident I realize I am now 25 years old and it is not excusable anymore. I find the hardest part is that alcohol is in your face everywhere you turn. Every social event or function alcohol is there. That's the biggest problem. It revolves around alcohol. To me that is the most difficult part of dealing with it. Especially when my fiance still likes to have a few drinks. (which she has every right to) since she doesnt have my problems.
That's how it went. But after dissapointing my parents, family, and friends with my most recent incident I realize I am now 25 years old and it is not excusable anymore. I find the hardest part is that alcohol is in your face everywhere you turn. Every social event or function alcohol is there. That's the biggest problem. It revolves around alcohol. To me that is the most difficult part of dealing with it. Especially when my fiance still likes to have a few drinks. (which she has every right to) since she doesnt have my problems.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome to SR - we're so glad you're here.
Unpredictable and dangerous things sometimes happen when you drink. That's enough of a reason to quit, so you're doing the right thing. When I was your age I couldn't imagine stopping, so I tried to control the amounts I drank. That was a colossal fail, since I went on to drink for many more years. My life became chaos. I wish I had done what you're doing - taken a cold, hard look at what alcohol was doing to me. My life wouldn't have turned into a living hell.
I hope you'll continue reading and posting here - you many not get the answer to your question, but you'll learn so much.
Unpredictable and dangerous things sometimes happen when you drink. That's enough of a reason to quit, so you're doing the right thing. When I was your age I couldn't imagine stopping, so I tried to control the amounts I drank. That was a colossal fail, since I went on to drink for many more years. My life became chaos. I wish I had done what you're doing - taken a cold, hard look at what alcohol was doing to me. My life wouldn't have turned into a living hell.
I hope you'll continue reading and posting here - you many not get the answer to your question, but you'll learn so much.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((aj)) though crack is my DOC (drug of choice), I've always admired recovering alcoholics because, as you say, it's everywhere. I always wondered how they did it. However, I've since realized crack is everywhere, too. These days, I say "thank you that is NOT me" when I see someone out on the streets..I can spot them a mile away.
It took me a while to GET to that feeling, but it does happen. I used to drink like a fish when I was your age. Now? I see the "drunk and disorderly" and I just think "OMG, that was ME!". We can have the best intentions, but if we get drunk or high enough? All those intentions fly out the window.
Oh, and way to go on one week!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It took me a while to GET to that feeling, but it does happen. I used to drink like a fish when I was your age. Now? I see the "drunk and disorderly" and I just think "OMG, that was ME!". We can have the best intentions, but if we get drunk or high enough? All those intentions fly out the window.
Oh, and way to go on one week!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I wrestled a lot with the question of was or was I for years - and meanwhile I kept drinking....
I think it's often more useful to ask a simpler question - is my drinkign causeing me trouble - if so, what am I going to do about it?
good to have you with us aj2586
D
I think it's often more useful to ask a simpler question - is my drinkign causeing me trouble - if so, what am I going to do about it?
good to have you with us aj2586
D
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by aj2586
My question is am I an alcoholic? I do have a problem. I understand that much.
I am not asking about the results from drinking, but rather the drinking, in and of itself. You need not respond to me, but chew on that. If drinking turns you into a sociopath with no concern for right or wrong, is not drinking, in and of itself, wrong, in the moral sense? Put more bluntly, given your history of drinking, is it right or wrong for you to ever drink again?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I agree: what matters is that when you drink, your personality changes, and you frequently end up hurting yourself and others. Drunk or sober, we're defined by our actions. Do you want to be that guy anymore?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: London, The UK
Posts: 104
hm, aj, you caser sounds familiar to me....
I didn't experience the exact same situations as you....but the level of "damage" that alcohol was doing to me was basically the same.
However, I continued drinking and one day I found myself a full blown alcoholic.
I didn't experience the exact same situations as you....but the level of "damage" that alcohol was doing to me was basically the same.
However, I continued drinking and one day I found myself a full blown alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I agree about the label being irrelevant.
Just from what you wrote, you are a person who drinks to excess and hurts people - a lot of people, and ones you truly love.
That is all you need to think about. Congratulations on being sober now and best wishes for a sane and healthy future, with friends and family who feel safe in your presence.
Just from what you wrote, you are a person who drinks to excess and hurts people - a lot of people, and ones you truly love.
That is all you need to think about. Congratulations on being sober now and best wishes for a sane and healthy future, with friends and family who feel safe in your presence.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
I've also alienated people and gotten into trouble through binge drinking (one evening in the drunk tank, some fights, embarrassments, alienating others, deep depression). I don't get the shakes and my withdrawls are mostly psychological (ocassions for spilling my guts, screwing up at work, sinking into self pitty, contemplating suicide, heavily leaning on others, etc.) I will no longer put myself in the line of fire. Imagine if you got charged with assault for that club incident? You would have that on your profile for years and would have to explain that to all potential employers. And assault isn't a DUI. Not by a long shot.
It sounds like you basically have the choice between screwing up your life and not, and that's not really a choice. It's a matter of self-preservation.
It sounds like you basically have the choice between screwing up your life and not, and that's not really a choice. It's a matter of self-preservation.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
The short answer is, " I'm a real alcoholic, that's why I don't drink".
What then is a real alcoholic?
As mentioned, the way my body deals with alcohol in any form,
( beer,wine,spirits and some cooking perhaps) is different than moderate or hard drinkers.
What's a moderate drinker? They are those that crack open a bottle of wine, pour some in a glass and sip on that for hours, then put the cork back on till their next birthday, engagement,marriage or divorce etc.
A hard drinker, if they are told to stop or quit, they are able to enable that function or thought process to stop or quit.
But the real alcoholic, has an obsession with alcohol( usually the obsession to try once more and "handle it"), succumbs to that obsession, and then develops a craving for more alcohol due to the way it's digested.
It has nothing to do with the drama, that drama is when things are out of control because we drank more alcohol after the first drink.
Naturally the bottle of wine becomes the second bottle, the third and so on.
The human brain can only take so much, and as the physical craving increases, and the brain is drowning, we make a mess of things.
And drink again next week to forget the mess we made, and the cycle begins all over again. So we 2 messes to deal with, till we drink again, and it multiplies.
Can you stop the craving for more alcohol after the first drink?
If you can answer that honestly to yourself, then what you do afterwards is admitting that you cannot stop the craving. Actually look in the mirror, smile and say some like, "no I cannot stop drinking once I put alcohol in my system"
What causes the craving? it goes back to the beginning, it's the way the body deals with alcohol, and it cannot be fixed, it's physical. ( Liver and Pancreas does not produce enough enzymes to break down the alcohol, according to medical studies and science.)
I know that now, did not know that before and they knew about it back in the 1930's.
Ok,
Obsession.
It's how we react to the thought of a drink, do I obsess over it?
I can't stop the thought, but I surely have had the obsession removed.
How?
Well, keep coming back here and go to a few AA meetings, sit and listen and help other suffering alcoholics that ask for help.
How do you help another suffering alcoholic or potential alcoholic?
By sharing the experiences you have in recovery.
Sorry it was meant to be a short answer, but..., I'm a grateful alcoholic, that's why I don't drink alcohol.
What then is a real alcoholic?
As mentioned, the way my body deals with alcohol in any form,
( beer,wine,spirits and some cooking perhaps) is different than moderate or hard drinkers.
What's a moderate drinker? They are those that crack open a bottle of wine, pour some in a glass and sip on that for hours, then put the cork back on till their next birthday, engagement,marriage or divorce etc.
A hard drinker, if they are told to stop or quit, they are able to enable that function or thought process to stop or quit.
But the real alcoholic, has an obsession with alcohol( usually the obsession to try once more and "handle it"), succumbs to that obsession, and then develops a craving for more alcohol due to the way it's digested.
It has nothing to do with the drama, that drama is when things are out of control because we drank more alcohol after the first drink.
Naturally the bottle of wine becomes the second bottle, the third and so on.
The human brain can only take so much, and as the physical craving increases, and the brain is drowning, we make a mess of things.
And drink again next week to forget the mess we made, and the cycle begins all over again. So we 2 messes to deal with, till we drink again, and it multiplies.
Can you stop the craving for more alcohol after the first drink?
If you can answer that honestly to yourself, then what you do afterwards is admitting that you cannot stop the craving. Actually look in the mirror, smile and say some like, "no I cannot stop drinking once I put alcohol in my system"
What causes the craving? it goes back to the beginning, it's the way the body deals with alcohol, and it cannot be fixed, it's physical. ( Liver and Pancreas does not produce enough enzymes to break down the alcohol, according to medical studies and science.)
I know that now, did not know that before and they knew about it back in the 1930's.
Ok,
Obsession.
It's how we react to the thought of a drink, do I obsess over it?
I can't stop the thought, but I surely have had the obsession removed.
How?
Well, keep coming back here and go to a few AA meetings, sit and listen and help other suffering alcoholics that ask for help.
How do you help another suffering alcoholic or potential alcoholic?
By sharing the experiences you have in recovery.
Sorry it was meant to be a short answer, but..., I'm a grateful alcoholic, that's why I don't drink alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Posts: 37
Lots of good responces here. first off welcome to SR glad to have you aboard.
I get asked this question alot it seems by newcomers and as others have stated its not really about the label per say. if activity X is causeing problems in your life, then you should do something about it whatever the activity is. I'm glad to read that you have stopped for now. i think alot of people here can relate to quiting and then going back
as that seems to be the first step in the discovery process. i was always told during that time that if i could have just drank 2 i would have. also i thought it might be worth pointing out that your story is VERY similar, to many of the stories of ours it seems to be missing the "and then my wife left, or and then i got laid off so i...." so i think its really worth checking out some information and reading some stories. It seems to be a slippery slope and since you admit that there may be some issues, it would really be worth exploreing it, if even to know what could happen if you continue the same behavior. I will say that your description dosnt sound to me like classical addictive behaivor. The old joke that old timers use in meetings "i'm allergic to alcohol, everytime i drink i brake out in handcuffs" its not that they had to drink for some type of hidden root problem its that they had to admit that "why would they continue a behavior that ends badly for them" why would they roll the dice on weather this time everythings great or this time they need to be in court on the 14th. to persue that path it seems to be a pretty clear cut answer
hope these observations help a little best of luck with this
I get asked this question alot it seems by newcomers and as others have stated its not really about the label per say. if activity X is causeing problems in your life, then you should do something about it whatever the activity is. I'm glad to read that you have stopped for now. i think alot of people here can relate to quiting and then going back
as that seems to be the first step in the discovery process. i was always told during that time that if i could have just drank 2 i would have. also i thought it might be worth pointing out that your story is VERY similar, to many of the stories of ours it seems to be missing the "and then my wife left, or and then i got laid off so i...." so i think its really worth checking out some information and reading some stories. It seems to be a slippery slope and since you admit that there may be some issues, it would really be worth exploreing it, if even to know what could happen if you continue the same behavior. I will say that your description dosnt sound to me like classical addictive behaivor. The old joke that old timers use in meetings "i'm allergic to alcohol, everytime i drink i brake out in handcuffs" its not that they had to drink for some type of hidden root problem its that they had to admit that "why would they continue a behavior that ends badly for them" why would they roll the dice on weather this time everythings great or this time they need to be in court on the 14th. to persue that path it seems to be a pretty clear cut answer
hope these observations help a little best of luck with this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
Thank you all very much for your insightful responses. I am in debt to your graces.
It feels great to wake up Sunday morning without a hangover. It's been a while. I feel alive and it feels great. I just wonder since almost everything revolves around drinking... How do I handle situations... Like my fiance may want to go out to a bar with friends. How do I handle this. I don't want to be in a bar with everyone basically just drinking and standing around. It's boring for me without a drink. Then I am looked at as boring and I'm not as "fun" anymore. But I will not drink anymore. I'm not asking how do I overcome this because I will overcome it. I won't drink. But just like how do you best deal with it?
What kind of activities take place on your weekends to engage in fun?
Thank you all.
It feels great to wake up Sunday morning without a hangover. It's been a while. I feel alive and it feels great. I just wonder since almost everything revolves around drinking... How do I handle situations... Like my fiance may want to go out to a bar with friends. How do I handle this. I don't want to be in a bar with everyone basically just drinking and standing around. It's boring for me without a drink. Then I am looked at as boring and I'm not as "fun" anymore. But I will not drink anymore. I'm not asking how do I overcome this because I will overcome it. I won't drink. But just like how do you best deal with it?
What kind of activities take place on your weekends to engage in fun?
Thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I call myself an alcoholic because, while I can abstain from alcohol, when I pick up my first drink I have no control over how much I drink, going into blackouts, acting out. A non alcoholic can decide to have two drinks with no problem. Non alcoholics don't go over the limit and drive.
And hey, you're in a forum where drugs and alcohol addiction is the topic. Sounds like you're ready to "decide" whether you are or not and deal with it.
And hey, you're in a forum where drugs and alcohol addiction is the topic. Sounds like you're ready to "decide" whether you are or not and deal with it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
How to have fun when sober:
Well, first of all I might have a talk with the fiancee and be completely frank. It's hard to believe she would not be 100% onboard with helping you out in any way she can, given what you said about yelling on her lawn at Christmas.
For me, there was a time when I needed to stay away from other people's drinking. You might want to do this too. If she agrees to join you in a vacation from drinking, more power to her and you. That would be a time when you don't go to clubs or bars, but to movies, restaurants, athletic events, plays, concerts, family visits, etc.
Then after awhile, you will know that being your own true sober self is actually far, FAR more interesting than being drunk: you understand people when they are talking to you, you don't get paranoid or into a rage, you remember your conversations and who you've met, where you parked, what you promised to do etc., you recall the plot of the movie you watched and can discuss it at breakfast, you adhere to commitments you've made and people are happy to see you, on and on. It's a whole new world with depth of experience you haven't possibly had for awhile.
Come back and read your original post any time you start thinking that the only way to have fun is to drink or drug. There is not much fun described there.
Well, first of all I might have a talk with the fiancee and be completely frank. It's hard to believe she would not be 100% onboard with helping you out in any way she can, given what you said about yelling on her lawn at Christmas.
For me, there was a time when I needed to stay away from other people's drinking. You might want to do this too. If she agrees to join you in a vacation from drinking, more power to her and you. That would be a time when you don't go to clubs or bars, but to movies, restaurants, athletic events, plays, concerts, family visits, etc.
Then after awhile, you will know that being your own true sober self is actually far, FAR more interesting than being drunk: you understand people when they are talking to you, you don't get paranoid or into a rage, you remember your conversations and who you've met, where you parked, what you promised to do etc., you recall the plot of the movie you watched and can discuss it at breakfast, you adhere to commitments you've made and people are happy to see you, on and on. It's a whole new world with depth of experience you haven't possibly had for awhile.
Come back and read your original post any time you start thinking that the only way to have fun is to drink or drug. There is not much fun described there.
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