I'm An Alcoholic & I'm Ashamed!
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by Justfor1 
Thank you artsoul. I've been there and anot sure if i'm allowed back? I want to go to a good rehab like Hazleton or one of those fancy places. They have better facilities and I think I need one of those. I don't want a state funded place. The police told me they are tired of me & are no longer going to tolerate me???
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I have found an old prescription from my detox in Feb. that has a few pills left. I'm a detox pro and think i can space them out to detox. The table that i stumbled into was very expensive & my mom is still angry. I am obviously a very chronic alcoholic/addict. I drink because of my mental illness and I don't feel a typical rehab would address both issues.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Any knowledgeable psych doctor won't even attempt to analyze and treat your 'mental illness(es)' until your body is clean of toxins, so ...................................... go to the Salvation Army and see if they can get you into their rehab.
And maybe this time, leave your 'judgmental mind' out of it. If you go back and read all your old posts about AA you will see ................................. to you they 'just weren't doing it "your way" and you were so busy looking at others, you were not focused on the only person that you can help ...............YOU.
JF1, I do not honestly know what will work for you, maybe you do need a good long time on the streets. I had to take this to the MAX. I lived on the streets my last 1 1/2 years of drinking and using. Then again, I did DIE. So I really don't want to wish that on even my worst enemy. However, some of us are a he!! of a lot more stubborn than others and do have to take this affliction to the MAX.
I will also tell you that I was 9 years into recovery before I was finally diagnosed for my mental issues. No those 9 years were certainly not Utopia, but they were still a lot better than the last 12 years or so of my practicing my affliction, so I struggled.
When I hit recovery I had STOPPED making any excuses at all, I was READY for help, and lots of it. Now, I didn't always like (boy is that an understatement) what I was being TOLD to do, and did much of it 'kicking and screaming' but I DID IT. Why? Because the memory of my own death was still very up front in my brain.
But, you know what? That memory is STILL there. Anytime, over these last 30+ years, if even a 'fleeting' thought of 'a drink' crosses my brain, the next thought that appears is that of my ER chart from the hospital which I have a copy of and kept. That 'thought' of a drink or drinks is GONE in a heartbeat.
Sounds to me like your 'choices' are narrowing very quickly. Either your mom will or will not throw you out, depends on if she has reached 'her bottom.' Then you have the choice of THE STREETS, A HOMELESS SHELTER, OR SALVATION ARMY.
The time has come Jf1 to make a decision.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
And maybe this time, leave your 'judgmental mind' out of it. If you go back and read all your old posts about AA you will see ................................. to you they 'just weren't doing it "your way" and you were so busy looking at others, you were not focused on the only person that you can help ...............YOU.
JF1, I do not honestly know what will work for you, maybe you do need a good long time on the streets. I had to take this to the MAX. I lived on the streets my last 1 1/2 years of drinking and using. Then again, I did DIE. So I really don't want to wish that on even my worst enemy. However, some of us are a he!! of a lot more stubborn than others and do have to take this affliction to the MAX.
I will also tell you that I was 9 years into recovery before I was finally diagnosed for my mental issues. No those 9 years were certainly not Utopia, but they were still a lot better than the last 12 years or so of my practicing my affliction, so I struggled.
When I hit recovery I had STOPPED making any excuses at all, I was READY for help, and lots of it. Now, I didn't always like (boy is that an understatement) what I was being TOLD to do, and did much of it 'kicking and screaming' but I DID IT. Why? Because the memory of my own death was still very up front in my brain.
But, you know what? That memory is STILL there. Anytime, over these last 30+ years, if even a 'fleeting' thought of 'a drink' crosses my brain, the next thought that appears is that of my ER chart from the hospital which I have a copy of and kept. That 'thought' of a drink or drinks is GONE in a heartbeat.
Sounds to me like your 'choices' are narrowing very quickly. Either your mom will or will not throw you out, depends on if she has reached 'her bottom.' Then you have the choice of THE STREETS, A HOMELESS SHELTER, OR SALVATION ARMY.
The time has come Jf1 to make a decision.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I want to go to a good rehab like Hazleton or one of those fancy places. They have better facilities and I think I need one of those. I don't want a state funded place. The police told me they are tired of me & are no longer going to tolerate me???
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I have found an old prescription from my detox in Feb. that has a few pills left. I'm a detox pro and think i can space them out to detox. The table that i stumbled into was very expensive & my mom is still angry. I am obviously a very chronic alcoholic/addict. I drink because of my mental illness and I don't feel a typical rehab would address both issues.
Listen, it's up to you.
There is assistance available to you for both the addiction problems and the mental health issues. You can use them or you can not use them.
People are not going to keep bailing us out because they can't afford it emotionally or financially. In the end it is up to us whether we want to live the best life we can or toss in the towel.
It's crappy dice to keep trying to bring others down with us.
I am on the verge of giving up too, and I've thrown offers of help away based on just the same sort of things you are saying here. So I truly know how you feel. Life shouldn't BE like this, I've tried everything and nothing fixes me, etc etc.
If you are looking for permission to give up, you have it, but I expect that like me you come here looking for hope. It's available if you want it. There are days I don't log on here because I don't want to be reminded that there is hope, I'd rather fish for reasons to give up.
No matter what kind of rehab program or do it yourself program etc you get into, YOU are the most important factor...do you want to recover or not? No program is going to work for you if you don't really want to get better,
I wish there was some comfy free program somewhere that would take care of me because I do have mental illness and life is scary and difficult etc. But there isn't. I am going to have to work and work hard on a continuing basis. No one can do it for me.
This forum is about recovery. You are here looking for answers, so it appears that today, life and recovery are your goals. Mine too...grumble grumble.
I suggest we both listen to what the good people here say, no matter how much it hurts,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi Just,
I can't really add much to what has been said. I just want to tell you my truth, and that is life is so much better on this side of sobriety. I'm not in daily pain, I am not a slave to my drinking. I know it seems hard/impossible to even imagine not drinking, but it so much easier being sober than being a drunk. Do whatever you must to get and stay sober. You have intrinsic worth by simply being human.
Again, the easier choice is to not drink. Your problems won't magically disappear, but you will be able to rationally deal with them. Don't let alcohol take away anything else from you, because it will if you let it.
I can't really add much to what has been said. I just want to tell you my truth, and that is life is so much better on this side of sobriety. I'm not in daily pain, I am not a slave to my drinking. I know it seems hard/impossible to even imagine not drinking, but it so much easier being sober than being a drunk. Do whatever you must to get and stay sober. You have intrinsic worth by simply being human.
Again, the easier choice is to not drink. Your problems won't magically disappear, but you will be able to rationally deal with them. Don't let alcohol take away anything else from you, because it will if you let it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm so very sorry about the terrible place you're in and recognize it from when I drank daily. I'll pass along something I was told in early sobriety: you don't have to drink. AA will always be there if you want help getting sober. God bless....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
Posts: 38
Sounds like you've been having a brutal time as of late, sorry to hear. First things first though, get the vodka out of your body, get the detox over with. I know several people who have made the Salvation Army their temporary home during hard times, its a great place to let things settle into place a little and get a little sober time in. YOU CAN DO IT... Worry about recovery/counseling once your through the dark period. It will only get better!
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