nvrbeentospain

You know, I think I agree. I'm currently on a personal growth kick. Alcohol was definitely a problem for me and something that's good to be rid of, but there's so much more going on than just that. And the so much more isn't some spiritual void or something that's specifically unique to alcoholics or other addicts. I'm just not into using my relationship with alcohol as some core thing about me.

Sudz No More

All great points being made everyone thanks. My main thought behind this post was mostly that many people focus too much on what it will take those first few days. After a few weeks many people start forgetting how important those early days were and the next thing you know they are back at it.

After two years of trying I still get moments where my mind wanders to it. I am stronger now to think past it but I'm not sure if I'll ever be completely rid of the thoughts.

Again, I just wanted to stress to newcomers that it is more than those first few days and you need to have a plan how you are going to cope in the future.

Zencat

Yup...Not drinking feels like liberation to me. As that is a freeing and light existence compared to the heavy hand addiction held on me.

Terminally Unique

Insistence on a program is in itself necessarily a projection. I prefer to believe in people, not programs. Though perhaps not the ideal route for everyone, people can be quite successful without a program.

Threshold

This is something I fear and wonder about. My "childhood" was such that I never had a chance to find out what "normal" was, and it's not a case of going back to anything. There is nothing to go back to.

Some days I just don't know if I want to go on, not with recovery, but with life at all. I don't feel like there is any point. I feel like I don't know how to live, and it feels awfully late in the game to try to learn.

I know there IS hope, that people with my sort of history not only get clean, but find meaning and purpose and joy. I try to believe that what has happened in their lives is possible for me as well. But so many days I just don't care.

Yes, I am on meds for depression, just saw my dr today.

NYCDoglvr

After 20 years I still don't drink TODAY. I have no idea what I'll do next week, month year and it would be self-sabotaging to declare I'll never drink again. How do I know that?

Pigtails

I think it all depends on the individual person's mindset. When I thought "one day at a time" or "I won't drink today," to me it felt like I was giving myself permission to drink in the future, and my brain kept screaming "WHEN?"

When I realized that it was a simple matter of not being able to drink any more, ever, if I wanted a happy life, it all felt a lot easier for me. Now I tell myself I'm not going to drink again, ever. There's no way to know if this is true or not but it helps me keep my resolve and my eye on the big picture. Then again, I've never been a one-day-at-a-time type person, which has its benefits and drawbacks.

With all of that being said, it obviously starts with a Day 1 and for some people like me, quite a few Day 1s and sometimes something really jarring happening before it really clicks. I don't know how that could be de-emphasized because that is where everything starts.

onlythetruth

I am entirely comfortable saying I'll never do certain things again. Like smoke, starve myself on purpose, sleep with my ex-husband, and drink. In no way is it self-sabotaging for me to declare that I will never again do such things. It is the simple, unvarnished truth.

ForeverDecember

I'm early in the recovery, so thinking in the terms of "Will never do this again" makes me a bit scared still, and so I don't think like that. Similarly, I don't keep track of how many days sober I am. I do know the date, but I don't keep a tally (eg X days sober), and I'll be making no effort to remember the date. Knowing that I've done X days made me start thinking "Hey good work, you're not an alcoholic after all!" in the past, so I don't want to risk it this time around.

gr8ful42day

I am also very early in recovery. This thread is full of great thoughts.

I like working a program because I love the support, relating, understanding, stories, hope and strength. BUT, at the same time, I have been reading other things the last few days and there is, not sure how to explain.....more hope for me now that I have read some other ideas and I know I can make the decision to never drink again. For me, the 1 day at a time is good for some, but knowing I DO have control over this gives me more hope. I lose control when I drink. I can decide never to pick up that glass of alcohol again. Period. Too easy, for me, to relapse when I can't make up my mind for what my future is going to be. Don't know if I am making a lick of sense.

The biggest thing for me in my journey to recovery is NEVER to forget the pain I have caused myself, family, friends and others because of drinking. I have to remember why I decided to get on this road to being sober forever. I can't forget that drinking has consequences that I no longer want in my life. I want to forget, but I can never let that be an option or I will surely fail. I have had too many day 1's. I am done!

Thank you all for posting and sharing what is 'working' for you. I have learned so much here, more every day, and am sure there is much more to learn.

slimjim30

I agree with the original post in this thread. A lot of what I read here is about the first week and relapses. I purposely avoided this forum until I had a few weeks under my belt for exactly that reason. It's so hard to watch people struggle with that time and also keep my spirits high.
Don't take me the wrong way. I applaud their strength, just for me watching that while I was also in the depths of hell was so hard.
Now that I'm closing in on two months (and going strong) I want to be a bit more active here, and hopefully can encourage those people in very early sobriety to look past the very intense pain of the first few weeks. You can all do it if you want it enough.

Eviza

I completely agree with you! And I am glad that somebody else thinks like me about it. I just thought maybe I didn't have the right to think this way, because it was not me that suffered to quit drinking. It is my husband (Sudz No More). I don't feel that he made that decision to finally quit once and forever and that is why he thinks that to quit drinking is a monumental task he will fight for the rest of his life.

ru12

I don't know . . . I like to focus on the new people. When I came here I was a mess. Some kind people took the time to write on a thread I started. To me that was amazing that someone actually cared enough about me to respond to me. I was feeling pretty worthless at the time as you might have guessed.

Of course there is life after the first few weeks. And one must prepare for that life. Perhaps trying one of the many programs out there that can help them deal with life sober. But if they don't get through that first week, if there aren't people telling them that they will begin to feel much better soon; that not being able to sleep, and sweating and jittery et al. is typical. I think some will just cave-in and drink to end the temporary uncomfortable feeling of withdrawal. I needed to hear from real people that it will get better if I just stick it out a little longer.

Anyway, I glad people took time and said all that to me. I'm sober now. And thanks!

Eviza

I am not an alcoholic. (I am not even addicted to anything and I do my best to stay away from everything that can be addictive). But my husband is…
I am new at this forum but I have read many posts through my husband’s account. He himself (Sudz No More) had written many great and inspirational posts when he is not drunk. He has been trying to quit drinking for about 2 years now. There are times when he does very well, but there are times when nothing can stop him from going to the store and buying beer.
We met on-line about 11 years ago and have been married for over 8 years now. The fact that I am from a different country didn’t give us the opportunity to know everything about each other. I didn’t know that he was an Alcoholic, and he didn’t know that I have grown to hate Alcohol. (I was still a child when my mother was attacked and almost killed by her own brother and cousin on a night when both of them got too drunk and invaded our house.)
I am torn between the love I have for my husband and the hate I have for the alcohol. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it. The alcohol kills not only my husband. It kills me too slowly but surely. Sometimes I feel like a bird in a cage – hopeless and helpless, because I am not sure that my husband really wants to quit drinking… Sometimes I feel like an injured animal and become angry at him because I think that he doesn’t care and doesn’t think about me when he decides to drink.
I don’t know what to do anymore… I need help and advice from people that have dealt with the alcohol problem successfully. If you can, please help!

Lenina

Eviza,

for me and I think many other recovering alcoholics, the hardest part is really finding the way to want to quit. The Addiction is very strong. it keeps us sick. it overrides all common sense and logic. Like Terminally Unique, I use Rational Recovery. AA is a good program, it helped me a lot. But I don't have to struggle today. I do have to acknowledge my dedication to abstention every day.

love from Lenina

Jfanagle

When I decided to quit is was because I had lost the life I had planned for myself. I knew without a doubt that death was the inevitable result of my continuing to drink. I went to AA because I knew a business associate I admired who went there. Attending AA was definitive for me in that I had finally faced the fact that I was not me anymore and I wanted myself back.

I still occasionally attend AA meetings and have never failed to leave one without feeling better and enlightened about the problems of alcoholism and alcoholics. As I am often reminded that when I drank I would tell myself, "I have to quit doing this!" I have never left an AA meeting and said that.

I consider myself a member of the fellowship of AA but I also agree with much of what I have read about Rational Recovery and enjoy the writings of Terminally Unique. It has been almost 13 years since my last drink and while I don't worry about drinking again and really don't say to myself, "one day at a time." I simply accept the fact that I can't drink. My wife does, and most of my business associates and personal acquaintances do, but I can't. I know I won't because I know where drinking leads and I don't want to go there.

Point being, in my mind there is only drinking and not drinking. The first year was difficult at various times, but after I began to feel better and liked myself a whole bunch more it has not been difficult. In my opinion when you want to stop you will. If you can't stop drinking then you don't want to.

However one finds their way outside of the bottle, it will occur when other things and people matter more to you than your own selfish wants do. I really believe it is just that simple.

Just my experience,

Jon

MycoolFitz

Everyone starts at day one, no way around it. Like a babies first breath. Where else do we start?

laurie6781

(((((Eviza)))))

Please check out our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. There is some great Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H) there that might help you with your dilemma:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

J M H O

Love and hugs,

CarolD

Eviza....sorry to know of this situation....

Thanks for letting us know that you want help.
When dealing with loved ones who kept drinking
I found the program of Al anon extremely useful.

Blessings to you and your family

Boleo

I am not one of those people who can manage my sobriety ODAAT. I tried it dozens of times with only short-term results.

My real goal is to stay spiritually fit ODAAT. I can do that buy simply leading a Principle driven life. One where logic and reason do not trump my commitment to keep all my commitments. Specially the one to lead a Principle driven life.

So how do I know if and when I am spiritually fit? Simple, when I feel the POMJSOP (Peace Of Mind, Joy & Sense Of Purpose) that keeps thoughts of drinking out of my head.

This is something I do ODAAT by generating as much good Karma as I possibly can and waiting patiently for it to come back to me. It works surprisingly well so long as I do it every day and detach from the outcome.