A Sober Recluse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
A Sober Recluse
Hi Friends;
I have been sober since I decided to stop the craziness, which was Novemeber of 2010. I have preferred to keep to myself rather than be
in the company of others and have been told in AA meetings that isolation
is part of the alcoholics problem. I have a hard time with this concept and
was wondering if you all could provide some insight. My thought is that if
isolation is a problem then it should be dealt with, but I enjoy my alone time
and find that too much exposure to others causes me to become irritated. I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances. I gain some insight by listening to people in meetings talk about their "experience, strength and hope" and I like it when people stick to the "what we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now" but it is few and far between. I find a lot of good sobriety here on this site tho!! Suggestions?
I have been sober since I decided to stop the craziness, which was Novemeber of 2010. I have preferred to keep to myself rather than be
in the company of others and have been told in AA meetings that isolation
is part of the alcoholics problem. I have a hard time with this concept and
was wondering if you all could provide some insight. My thought is that if
isolation is a problem then it should be dealt with, but I enjoy my alone time
and find that too much exposure to others causes me to become irritated. I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances. I gain some insight by listening to people in meetings talk about their "experience, strength and hope" and I like it when people stick to the "what we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now" but it is few and far between. I find a lot of good sobriety here on this site tho!! Suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
It's OK to be a loner. I am, too. I really applaud your new lifestyle -- holy crap! it is so amazing that you have chosen a better, sober life. God bless you.
Do what is right for you. Embrace isolation if that works for you. And know that I'm here, another person who prefers alone-ness sometimes.
Do what is right for you. Embrace isolation if that works for you. And know that I'm here, another person who prefers alone-ness sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
hi oh2xhale, I am a loner too. But I made myself get out. Walk the dog, engage with people at the park, at the store, attending church. I am very comfortable being alone but I do love the community I feel a part of now. When I walk down the road in the neighborhood, people wave and say "hi". They act pleased to see me and it is nice. I do think isolation is bad for sobriety. Life is more interesting when you mix it up some. I'm 2 years sober and more comfortable socially than I was when drinking. The websites have improved my conversation skills and it carries over to real life now. I suggest getting out. It expands my life. So I think it is worth a try pal. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
I have finally accepted that I will never be a "social butterfly". But, sometimes if I am alone too much...not good...so I go to yoga class sometimes, lectures, etc., where people are "like minded". My main thing is sobriety, so if going somewhere could derail my sobriety, I don't go there...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 112
Hi oh2xhale, I think that you need to do what you need to do for your sobriety. I have one small issue with what you posted though:
"I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances."
I have seen a lot of people working AA that start to believe that they are better than the newcomer and that is a VERY slippery slope. I know at one point I really needed someone to listen to me. Isolation is great to get to know your self so that you can grow, but AA is there to help you get over alcoholism and then take on life as it is and not stay isolated. The statement made about people irritating you causes me to believe that again "you" know better and "they" have no clue. It takes many different types to make up this world and each have a different perception on life. In my experience I have embraced some of these "irritating" people and have either found that they did have a good/interesting perspective and I learned from them or I gained some patience. I just worry that sometimes isolation is the solution to controlling all of your situations, because if you interact with no one then there is no one to "ruin" your plan. I just wish you happiness in your sobriety
as that is what I ultimately strive for each day. I hope this helps.
-Kyle
"I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances."
I have seen a lot of people working AA that start to believe that they are better than the newcomer and that is a VERY slippery slope. I know at one point I really needed someone to listen to me. Isolation is great to get to know your self so that you can grow, but AA is there to help you get over alcoholism and then take on life as it is and not stay isolated. The statement made about people irritating you causes me to believe that again "you" know better and "they" have no clue. It takes many different types to make up this world and each have a different perception on life. In my experience I have embraced some of these "irritating" people and have either found that they did have a good/interesting perspective and I learned from them or I gained some patience. I just worry that sometimes isolation is the solution to controlling all of your situations, because if you interact with no one then there is no one to "ruin" your plan. I just wish you happiness in your sobriety
as that is what I ultimately strive for each day. I hope this helps.-Kyle
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Being a loner is OK - isolating is not. As a confirmed former hippie that's gone to the dork-side I deal with zeros and ones (binary) much better than I deal with live people. It's easy to sit back in my chair and type out what I consider good advice in regards to getting sobriety, but not so easy when I'm at a meeting.
To me though, I don't like to be ruled by what I call, my shortcomings and/or fears, in this case fear of people or the judgements they might make. So I try to take in meetings at least once a week, to listen and tell others there how I may or may not have dealt with a particular topic. You never know when your words are helping someone. A man that had been trying for several years to get sober had his 'awakening' when he was stumbling home drunk one day and his 3 year old said "Dad you stink".
The right words at the right time by the right person. Only God knows what combination this will come in.
To me though, I don't like to be ruled by what I call, my shortcomings and/or fears, in this case fear of people or the judgements they might make. So I try to take in meetings at least once a week, to listen and tell others there how I may or may not have dealt with a particular topic. You never know when your words are helping someone. A man that had been trying for several years to get sober had his 'awakening' when he was stumbling home drunk one day and his 3 year old said "Dad you stink".
The right words at the right time by the right person. Only God knows what combination this will come in.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 43
I to consider myself a loner, Though I interact with people that share a common interest,
I was corrected years ago in a meeting someone was talking about the big deal in there life and to me it seemed senseless really a small issue.... I spoke out about the Big deal and after the meeting my sponsor explained to me that, that It was their big deal not mine and maybe I was quick to judge... Made me think, I also have came to believe that in the meeting there's always a miracle may not be mine but something someone else says may clue or save someone else's life. So I watch for the miracle and enjoy the ride these days,,, More to be revealed...
Yes I enjoy being alone but also I check myself and make sure I am not hiding... Thanks for the comments ...
I was corrected years ago in a meeting someone was talking about the big deal in there life and to me it seemed senseless really a small issue.... I spoke out about the Big deal and after the meeting my sponsor explained to me that, that It was their big deal not mine and maybe I was quick to judge... Made me think, I also have came to believe that in the meeting there's always a miracle may not be mine but something someone else says may clue or save someone else's life. So I watch for the miracle and enjoy the ride these days,,, More to be revealed...
Yes I enjoy being alone but also I check myself and make sure I am not hiding... Thanks for the comments ...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i was told some time ago( in recovery) i am an introvert and that aint good.. had no clue what one was. did a lil research and found out, yup, i am. i go to meetings, go out here and there, help others in recovery and in the world, but still need to get my alone time. i'm good with it.
"I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances."
our primary prupose is to stay sober and help others recover from alcoholism, so why not ask yer HP to give ya the strength,courage, and wisdom to help those sicker than you with a solution? you'll get out of meetings what ya put into em.
"I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances."
our primary prupose is to stay sober and help others recover from alcoholism, so why not ask yer HP to give ya the strength,courage, and wisdom to help those sicker than you with a solution? you'll get out of meetings what ya put into em.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmmm...
this has 0 to do with recovery...but my son and I were laughing today over
the fact half of our family are intrverts and the others are extroverted.
None are drinkers.
Sooo...we always have an audience as we natter on...
this has 0 to do with recovery...but my son and I were laughing today over
the fact half of our family are intrverts and the others are extroverted.
None are drinkers.
Sooo...we always have an audience as we natter on...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
this is an interesting post I'm a longer too I have little need for friends. Having been screwed so many times i'm done. I have very littler tolerance left for peoples mistakes or petty conversations. I have a difficult time relating to anyone really. I like being anti social etc.. Its interesting to hear this is a common trait among us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 144
First of all congrats on your sober time, You have worked very hard at it without a doubt. The best advice is to mix it up, Life is such a spectacle and can be pleasant/unpleasant with or without company at times. Life is and has been good for you to remain so courageous and strong, Keep ya eye on the prize 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by afewpeople
"I dont like aimless, pointless, wandering conversations or the monologue of some to go on and on about their pathetic circumstances."
I dont know where to go with this but those are my feelings.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
only alcoholics try to treat loneliness with isolation.
being a loner is what many alcoholics are or do. the steps of AA help a person to learn their patterns of behavior and can help change this....yeah, we are all unique and no one else understands....
AA isn't for everyone, but if you want your life to take on a new quality, the steps can help you with that. Sometimes when I'm at a meeting, the things that I see are just a reflection of how I am feeling.
I love koala bears. I had an extensive collection of all kinds of stuffed koala bears. Koala bears hate people. I hated people.
I still like koala bears, but I don't identify as well today.
being a loner is what many alcoholics are or do. the steps of AA help a person to learn their patterns of behavior and can help change this....yeah, we are all unique and no one else understands....
AA isn't for everyone, but if you want your life to take on a new quality, the steps can help you with that. Sometimes when I'm at a meeting, the things that I see are just a reflection of how I am feeling.
I love koala bears. I had an extensive collection of all kinds of stuffed koala bears. Koala bears hate people. I hated people.
I still like koala bears, but I don't identify as well today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
This is fascinating. A long while back, I was in another discussion here about loners and being "apart" from the rest of society.
I am starting to think that it's not because of being alcoholics that we isolate... it's more like, once you start addressing your addiction, you are so sick of the lying, posing, posturing, faking, etc. that you just don't want to be part of the phoniness of most people.
Maybe we're not even so much loners as we have become very, very selective about who to engage with.
I am starting to think that it's not because of being alcoholics that we isolate... it's more like, once you start addressing your addiction, you are so sick of the lying, posing, posturing, faking, etc. that you just don't want to be part of the phoniness of most people.
Maybe we're not even so much loners as we have become very, very selective about who to engage with.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
Originally Posted by SamanthaIam 
This is fascinating. A long while back, I was in another discussion here about loners and being "apart" from the rest of society.
I am starting to think that it's not because of being alcoholics that we isolate... it's more like, once you start addressing your addiction, you are so sick of the lying, posing, posturing, faking, etc. that you just don't want to be part of the phoniness of most people.
Maybe we're not even so much loners as we have become very, very selective about who to engage with.
I am starting to think that it's not because of being alcoholics that we isolate... it's more like, once you start addressing your addiction, you are so sick of the lying, posing, posturing, faking, etc. that you just don't want to be part of the phoniness of most people.
Maybe we're not even so much loners as we have become very, very selective about who to engage with.
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