dawnrunner

Sunday, if and when you decide to quit, you will be astonished at how great you feel when that cloud of guilt and shame and paranoia starts to lift away, and you realize it was brought to you by alcohol.

It's like walking out of prison. It IS walking out of prison.

RunnerMD2be

Hey Sunday,

I know where you are mentally. I've been there before. I'm on my 3rd (or 4th) attempt. Maybe I wasn't really ready before, maybe just the wrong time. Its taken me to realize that I am in the end-stage of this disease. Not End stage liver disease or physical end-stage, but mentally and emotionally, I am in the End Stage about to go off of a cliff. My higher power is pretty fed up with me.


I knew I wanted to get sober, I just didn't want to THEN. So many days I felt like going to a meeting, but couldn't bring myself to do it.

You really have to be ready. Sometimes you only get one chance, one mental chance to realize you need to take action. Hopefully that comes soon for you.

Best of luck

sunday

my goodness, such good people who replied to my topic.....is there anyone out there that is still in the midst of drinking, not ready to commit? i'm drinking a beer as i write, yet something is slowly changing....by now, i would have had quite a few, this is my first, yet not my last!
sr is keeping me a bit grounded as to what i am doing, making me think more and more!

thanks for that!!!

sunday

I don't have a dog to walk, and surely do not want to walk alone, i don't have a gym to go to, my health insurance does not take on "a drunk as i am", very fearful of going to an AA meeting by myself, yet i am by myself, the only support is right here!
As a way to keep myself busy is peeling potatoes......sounds insane....yet when i make anything out of that....casseroles, etc.....i do not focus on beer, or i'll peel apples and make another pie.....i've noticed that i do not think of drinking while doing this!
My point is, it is a diversion, yet how many nights can i do this? a few nights a week!
anyone want a great apple pie, or homeade scalloped potatoes?
This is insane, yet, i finally know that i'm a big time drinker.....never said it to myself before........i just hated myself in the A.M. wondering what i watched on TV last nite.. i now throw a note in a hidden place of what time i went to bed!
I'm always totally shocked that it is usually near midnite....then, i fight to stay asleep!
this is not fun.....i'm exhausted!
Noticed a lot of people have a bad time getting sleep, that is one thing with me....i can consume alot of beer...wake up 4 or 5 hours later...my system is filled with anxiety
yes, been taking sleeping pills for years with drinking, i will never up the mg. of my sleep pill.....I wake up hopefully not in the midst of nite.........and can function the next day!
Yet the guilt of my pattern is non-forgiving......i'm very much alone on all of this.
I have a lot on my plate also......so to speak...it's a stressful life i'm living and people depend on me every day. weird...i don't let them down. yet i feel like a piece of sh#t deep down inside...(beer # 4)

Dee74

Hi sunday

I found to get out of the cycle I had to make changes - it was terrifying to think about, but there's a lot of support here. You're not alone

By reading here or posting everyday, SR not only helped me quit, it's helped me stay quit


D

Mariano

Sorry, my english is not very good.

I eventually concluded that drinking was just not worthwhile. I wasted many years in hangovers, drinking nights, and the resulting anxiety, insomnia, etc.

Once I had the first one, I couldn't stop till I was hammered. So the only solution was to stop drinking completely. Now I am 5 months sober and feeling better than ever. I wonder why I used to drink... I can't understand that. Life is much better without drinking. What shame that I needed so many years to understand that.

Please, drop that beer. You wont regret

Anna

I think that's what alcoholism does - it isolates us and takes away our souls. Then we continue in the same vicious cycle because we don't know where to turn.

Doing something like cooking and baking to distract yourself is a good idea. But, I think that recovery involves looking at the underlying causes of our addiction and that's hard to do, but it's how we can become free.

You are not alone!

SOBARweasel

You know what I've never said before?

"Boy, I wish I didn't get so sober last night"

Yes, I'm trying to be funny but it's true

sunday

i did it again....i just hate this part........yet i have somewhere to go...it will get better because i can type my thoughts out..........kelley...i'll get back to ya...i just do not know how,,yes terrified, yes, yes, yes.....amen to another given day of for one day in my life of being aware of my problem......it has to make a difference and it is
i wish i could be one of the winners! tonite, i did everything to not go back into this, yet, i did...i honestly hate going to bed.....i do....so i will take my seroquel before the witching hour and pray for a bed that i can sleep in....i think it's pure guilt and add the beer....doing this for years to no avail....

Dee74

You keep coming back here Sunday - you may not like it right now, but I think you know what you need to do...

That makes you a winner in my book

D

sunday

i just drink beer all the time in the evening...i wish i could go to an AA meeting, it will not happen soon..........another night of beers..i can drink a lot because i have built up a tolerance to the max....tonite, welll another nite of this and not making food or mopping the floor for the 3rd time, i will listen to some music and have that one more drink.......quietly go up to bed, stare at the ceiling fan and my hopefully, non-thoughts, meaning, i hope it all keeps me to sleep in tomorrow...so the afternoon will be productive.
dang...that one more drink...........

sunday

drunk again and in denial...........possibly my 9 or 10th beer! yikes......yet i am..i can't turn the page..i am not looking for an audience, i am just wondering what i do what i cannot stop! it's too darn early in the evening....i'm not out there drinking and driving, i'm not fighting with anyone, i'm not drinking the hard liquor......i do not want sayings that will make me strong ...no kind of that......even though it is great, i guess i'm lost and have to break out somehow..run down the street like amy whinehouse??? (sp)
oooh what to do, what to do? i cannot believe this happened to me! Until i got onto sr.
thanks.... now i can say what i wanted to say a long time ago

Beebizzy

Hi Sunday,

It sounds to me like the decision is already made and you know it's the right one. You wouldn't be here posting otherwise and there would not be this angst. Don't torture yourself with equivocating - there's nothing worse.

Take the leap! The water's good here... :-)

Good luck,
BB

Mad4Chaos

I thought I rarely had any side effects from a previous nights consumption. I just got up the next day & went about my business feeling what I thought was fine. I went a little over 2 months without drinking before I had some beers. It took me almost 4 days to get back to feeling what was truly normal physically for me. That stuff really is poison. The right thing to do is often the hardest thing to do. It's been said in this thread already, you're here because you want to to stop. Most of us have already taken that step, we know how hard it is. When you don't know where to start, just start where you are.

Brian

doggonecarl

Sunday, drinking doesn't seem to be worth the anguish and guilt it is causing you. What about quitting are you afraid of? And please don't say failure because as long as you are drinking you are failing. Quitting--even the repeated attempts at trying to quit--is winning.

Good luck.

Today Is All I Have

Please don't be fearful of going into an AA meeting. No one will make you speak, you can just go and watch, listen. You may be surprised at the honesty that goes on. If you don't "feel it" go the next day to another one or at another time.
For a 1 hour investment you may find it worth it.

luvswhiskey

hi sunday, you asked if anyone else was still in the midst of drinking & not ready to commit...me!! drinking whiskey as i type. i start drinking everyday about 1:00 & maintain a state of comfortably numb until late night. things in my life have & are slipping, but i like that feeling of ahhhh...i fear the physical damage i'm doing more than anything, i wake up every morning & break out in a sweat thinking about it & vow to do better that day but don't.

sunday

what am i afraid of? a total void in the evening.........also, i don't drive at night, vision thing, and of course, laying in bed all night while others sleep.....this has happened before, the next day or early dawn was worse than waking up a bit in the fog......how does one define drunk? vs. the usual nightly "buzz?" Some nights i'm so clear when i go to bed, other nites, i have to put a sticky in my purse of what time it is before retiring.

I suppose all of you had built up a tolerance per say to your fav. drink.......years ago it was a few beers and pow, i was wasted........today, it's quite a different thing......3 is just a cocktail.......i do so much appreciate all of your kind words, it's gonna get to me and i'm just gonna do a complete turnaround......
i'm my own worst enemy at this time, and i'm getting ready for a beer.....just writing it sounds scary to me, i'm looking at my own words, geeeeeeez, it's scary, really scary.
tx!

Fandy

I think you might want to schedule an appointment with your doctor and be perfectly honest about your alcohol intake.

everyone has a different bottom...I wouldn't wish mine on anyone either. But I can tell you that the booze/beer is affecting your ability to function, it is affecting your ability to sleep (not pass out) and you probably drink more than you admit, even to yourself.

you have to ask yourself what kind of life do you want to have? Mine is a lot more easier to manage sober than drinking 8-10 glasses of wine a night.

keep posting and reading here, you'll find a lot of support and there is always someone to talk to.

LaFemme

Hey Sunday! Keep posting. It will help you.

By the time I quit I neve really felt drunk, but I was. I could tell from all the bumps and bruises in the morning.

Yup, I was scared of the evening void as well. I'm single which means my void is huge. It's still there, but the funny thing is I'm not scared of it any more. Instead it gives me a chance to clean house...emotionally as well as physically. Which is not something I would have wanted to hear 15 months ago. Remarkably, it is wonderful.

I'm pulling for you.

Hugs!