LifeBlows

When I'm drinking I don't miss not having any kind of social outlet at all. I haven't had any money to do anything that I like. I haven't been to a movie or bought a book in months. I haven't been to the gym in months either. Much as I hated going I miss having the option to go.

Can I say how much I hate living like this?
Yesterday I was cleaning my room and bathroom and it just reminded me of the big cleaning that I used to do on Saturdays. I want my apartment back. I want to have the money to go to the grocery store and buy fancy cheeses and weird veggies so that I can try new recipes. I want my life back.

I am so grateful to my brother for feeding and housing me for this last year and half but I want my life back. The life where I could pay my bills on time for the most part. The life where I could go out and watch a movie and had money for hobbies.

Beebizzy

(((LB))) hello,

I can relate to so much in your post. Thanks for sharing it.

Remind me how long you have been sober...?

Alcohol isolates us, and we don't really care about social contact - at least I didn't. The only contact I wanted was with vodka and god love anyone who got in the way of that.

Not having money sucks - I'm in the same situation. Been sober for up on 4 weeks now and I still wouldn't even contemplate the things you mention: cinema, gym etc. I also can't focus on reading right now. And I've not seen anyone in 4 weeks except my doctors and my bf - also don't feel much up to launching into the social scene yet (I need to create a whole new one) but am having dinner with a friend on Wednesday.

What I'm trying to do is start very simply, re-building the blocks of my life. I try to walk in the park every day (free), and make an effort to cook and eat healthy things (fruit & veg - inexpensive) and drink water (initial small investment in a water filter and after that free).

I'm finding even these rather simple, mundane things give me a sense of accomplishment. They weren't present before.

Don't tell me about apartment cleaning... One of the 'projects' I have going on at the moment is to sort out my sadly-neglected place. I also used to clean religiously - that all fell by the wayside ages ago. Now it's like chipping at an iceberg with a toothpick, trying to make a dent in this place. But again, it gives me a sense of satisfaction and progress (as well as being free and exercise-y - that is, if you find the hoover as much of a challenge as I do LOL :-)).

I also want my 'normal' old life back, but 17 years of vodka-drinking is not reversed in 4 weeks. So I am starting with little things that give me pleasure - though they may not sound terribly exciting.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do not be too hard on yourself or expect too much too soon - you know? I'm not too sure of your history, but regardless, start with the small stuff as you are doing, and the rest will take of itself in due course. Baby steps. Your life will come back to you if you don't drink and take a few simple, inexpensive steps.

You're doing great honestly - don't despair. I have zero experience of this yet, but I have faith that I can re-build my life bit-by-bit.

Oh and one other thing I find helpful and motivating is to calculate how much I sepnt on booze & accessories (mixers & hangover cures :-( ) per day and set that money aside. Again, it is concrete proof of progression. It's small now but it will grow :-)

Also - I get an almost child-like kick out of just not drinking. Revel in that, if you have it too. It's gold and great for the old attitude/mental health thing.

Hope this helps - go easy on yourself LB.

BB

sampar

hey Lifeblows

Well done on stepping into soberity!!!! You have reminded me how hard early soberity is for all of us. I too felt like you did. Just remember you cant rebuilt a life time of drinking in such a short space of time, you are only getting to know a new YOU, dont dwell on your past but look forward to rebuilding your life, its all ahead of you now a future,better than it ever was.
We all have struggles but leaving the drink down will help , the loss of the past & guilt of the past have to be left behind of it will bring you down. Just for today do something positive, slow it down, you cleaned the batroom good job, it will all add up in time!!
I'm in AA, going to meetings got me out , i met people who showed me how to rebuild & life again. In the end of my drinking i had islated my self to drinking at home , didnt have a social life (didnt want one ) . Getting out of my own space & listening to people that had gone before me through this journey gave me the hope that hey maybe i can do this!!
If you do nothing today, but stay sober thats a major achievement for an alcoholic!!! Give ure self some credit , put down the stick & pick up a feather ....................One day at a time & it will all come together. As beebizzy said get out , go for a walk , visit the library, maybe do some volunteering work at an animal shelter. Just be good to you because YOU'RE WORTH IT !!!!!

LifeBlows

Thanks so much for the encouragement. Setting aside that money every day is a brilliant idea. Thanks also for reminding me that progress comes in small steps.

LaFemme

I hear you. I also don't have money for much of anything...so I have been looking for free things to do. Tomorrow night I am attending a lecture at the local museum. It will get me out of the house in the evening...meet new people...and I'm pretty sure there won't be any booze

luvswhiskey

i think part of why i drink because i don't have a social life

ReadyAndAble

I don't know, luvswhiskey. Maybe it's a chicken and the egg thing, but I didn't have much of a social life because I drank.

LB, you're taking the biggest, most important step right now. Nothing small about it. And you're doing awesome! So just stay focused and give it time. I bet the longer you're sober, the more other things will start to fall into place.

luvswhiskey

i'm an introvert & haven't had friends or a social life for years before i started drinking, so i don't know??

luvswhiskey

don't think it's a chicken & egg thing w/ me :/ may be that i realize i need & want friends & more people in my life?? so i numb myself w/ alcohol??

CarolD

I found many new sober friends when I connected to my local AA....the meetings are free ...if you don't have money to add a donation ...no one cares.

After the meeting...some sit and visit ...some go home..others go drink coffee in a diner.
If you don't have money for coffee...say so...and someone will pay for yours.

If you can't drive...call another member...that is how I get around to meetings.

You never have to be alone as an AA member.. if you don't want to be.

AA is not a social network ...but it's sure full of sober social people who are learning how to live without alcohol..and have fun...
We are people who understand and are willing to share with you about how to find your way.

CarolD

luvswhiskey.......Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum

I do hope you will soon quit drinking. Alcohol damages so many things that prevents one from living a full and healthy life.

luvswhiskey

thanks carol, i'm happy to have found this...hope to make the commitment to quit

Mariano

Yes, that is very common. It has been a problem also for me. It is important to build some social network. You may work in that. AA is a good option.
Do you like sports, for example? Or perhaps you would like to get involved in volunteering? Or simply try to talk with people, with your neighbours, etc. I know it may be difficult if you are shy, but it gets better if you try it.

LifeBlows

Hey luvs, I understand what you are saying. I too didn't have much of a social life before I started drinking. I often wonder if I would have teetertottered into alcoholism if I had had strong social support. I guess now that we are in this situation and there is obviously no turning back the clock, you just have to deal. i.e. if you drink because you have no one to hang out with then make finding people to hang out with your priority. Much as I don't want to use AA as a social outlet its easier to make friends there than anywhere else.
As we get older and people have established social circles it gets harder and harder to make friends if you don't have any. Sometimes I long for the days of kindergarten where you could just walk up to someone and say, "Can you be my friend?"

luvswhiskey

yes, actually have thought AA may be a way to meet some people and maybe make some friends. actually just looked up meetings in my city.

LaFemme

Hi luvs, welcome to SR...being lonely sucks, I hope you go to AA and meet some nice people. You also might want to consider some coaching ortherapy if you have a real problem with shyness

Endofthetunnel

Hi Everyone.

I've been sober four months now. I used to be confined to my house as well.

I still can't get over how the smallest things can seem so wonderful and new.
The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, and I listen to socialize now without a sense of contempt or fear for the other person.

I just went to a discussion group the other day, socializing, you know? It felt like a totally new experience after 6-8 years of heavy drinking and near-total social isolation. I rarely attended social gatherings sober, if at all.

But again, I like what others have said about considering how much you were spending on the alcohol. I used to complain too that "I don't have money to go out." Well, just save the amount you were spending on liquor and see how much you have at the end of the month.

I was blowing at least $18 a week on a bottle of vodka. Multiply that times four for a month. That's a nice little chunk of change to spend out with friends enjoying sobriety!