TheEnd

I remember in treatment, the therapist said "Look to the right and look to the left, most of these people won't be here a year from now". At the time I didn't believe it, everyone was so motivated about their new found sobriety, that you couldn't envision anyone ever going back out.

I have been out of treatment for 3 months now, and I have been keeping in touch with many of the people that I met in treatment. Many of them have relapsed multiple times, are in other treatment centers, or still out in the grips of their addiction.

As sad as it sounds, hearing about their relapses keeps me sober, because I don't want to be where they are. I don't want to be in that terrible place where death seems like a rational idea.

AlwaysGrowing

TheEnd
This is so true,,, but also there are many success stories you will find along the way. I sobered up around the same time with another friend. Well just hours after talking to him at a Saturday meeting he took a pistol to his mouth and left behind a wife and 5 year old son. I think about that now 25-ish young kid. That is one thing that kept me sober. They say some must die for others to live.. Well, I understand that. Sad,, but very true.
AG

CarolD

When I started AA in '84 ..it was often said....

"Look at the person on your left and the one on your right they will not last long enough for you to be friends"

Another voice would counter with...."I'm 100% AA recoverd by useing God and living in the AA Steps"

I plan to continue to follow the second voice....

Terminally Unique

Gotta agree with CarolD here - (I know, rare!) - that "look to your left, look to your right" stuff always made me say some things that I won't repeat.

There is no need to spread more hopelessness.

TwelveSteps

I relapsed multiple times at first... it took me a year in AA to get 90 days sober... Glad I could help!!

GG

JimE

I heard basically the same thing in treatment back in '87. Some do relapse and some don't. I did till I was ready to go to any lengths. Congrats on 3 months!

TheEnd

6 months, I've been out of treatment for 3, was in for 3

JimE

Oh sorry, congrats on 6 months!

Reset

This will probably come across the wrong way but coming here and reading about relapses has indeed helped me a lot, because it serves as a negative example and a warning. Not that I have anything against people who relapse - we're all human- but reading the stories about it and reading about how much tougher it is to quit a second and third time has really made me think about how I don't want to experience that.

So while I'm sorry that others have gone through what sounds like a horrible experience, it does keep me sober like the thread title says.

Beanfrost

I did my share of helping others by relapsing.
I pray those days are over for good. I learned to have enough faith to get through a day, so far I've gotten through 8 years worth of days, all in a row.


Today I'm able to take what I can when I see others relapse. It always happens long before they drink, and I am reminded to look to my inventory for the signs and symptoms.

SixStringZen

Others die so that we can live, they say....I find no joy in other's relapse, but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't motivate me to stay sober....

Supercrew

The only relapse that ever affected me was my own. Yes, other people relapsing can be used as a reminder, but until you decide you are staying sober for yourself it will only be a stop gap IMO.

stugotz

Thats it in a nutshell folks.

One thing I heard that I will never forget... "If you plan on stayin sober you better buy a suit, cause cause your gonna be going to some funerals"

eJoshua

Other people's relapses remind me of where I could be were it not for the grace of God. They make me mindful of my own mindset and help me remember to be vigilant.

onlythetruth

I would caution those of you who are saying "some must die so that others may live" NEVER to say this at a funeral.

I have been at the funerals of several suicides, and have heard people say these things in the family's presence. This is always extremely hurtful.

I must also comment that over 13 years of relapse-free, contented abstinence from alcohol I have never felt a moment of gratitude for someone else's pain, relapse or suicide.

yeahgr8

Glad that is working for you in early sobriety and giving you time to get some work done to recover:-)

On a side note I've always had to laugh when some people with long term abstinence say "they drunk so i don't have to" as that, to me, is some really ****** up version of sobriety!

Terminally Unique

Thanks, OTT. I was about to comment on "some must die so that we may live" myself. I have also heard "They could not, or would not, see our way of life. Rarely have we seen a person fail..." right after a suicide, which is also hurtful.

Terminally Unique

If a therapist in treatment told me that, I would tell them "So, you are saying that your treatment doesn't work very well? Why, precisely, should I pay you all this money for it, then?"

Mark75

The only thing hearing about relapses does for me is make me realize how powerful alcoholism and addiction is... I've seen some relapse who have lost everything they were working for... careers, spouses.... lives.

I still don't get it, why? It's scary.

Kellye C

In my time in sobriety I have seen many relapses both in the rooms and on here. I have heard more times than I can count about looking to the left and right of you and some won't make it. Then they have laughed and told the other one "Well, I hope it's you!" I've been to many funerals and after every single one of them I have heard someone say that some must die so that others can live.

I will just add one more thing. When young in sobriety and people were relapsing a lot (including my sponsor who drank herself to death) I became very scared and hopeless. My mindset became "why bother trying - if everybody relapses then I'm screwed."

There was another quote I kept hearing around this same time that helped me into this mindset and it was people justifying relapses by saying that "Relapses are a part of recovery." Fortunately I found people on here and at my group that called Bullsh*t on that. Relapse is NOT a prerequisite to recovery. There are people who get it the first time.

I think that is what saved my butt during that very hard time so I wanted to share it here in case it helps someone else.

Hugs,
Kellye

P.S. I'm not knocking anyone who has relapsed, just saying that don't assume that you will because so many other do.