Alcoholic42911

First....A little bit of a backstory since I'm new to this forum so please bear with me:

....I'm 26 years old. I've used drugs (sober from drugs basically since August 2006 with a VERY brief one day relapse a couple summers ago) and alcohol in one way or another since I was 14. Except for the occasional night where I may have taken it a bit too far, I kept my drinking under control (i.e. it never had any power over my life and my decision making). The alcohol abuse truly began after I kicked drugs in August of 2006. I literally went on a 6-week drinking binge where I would slam 15 beers in 90 minutes each day. This finally came to a head when I lost control of my temper one night and sliced my hand with something (I still have the scar). That was my "bottom" (or so i thought). I stopped drinking for months after that point and kept it under control for the most part (barring the occasional night out with friends every once in a while).

Fast-forward to June of 2008...this is where I officially left alcohol abuse and entered the early stages of alcoholism. From that point until May of 2009 I was binge drinking nearly every day (with a few brief stretches of sobriety in between). After a medical scare, I was able to clean myself and cut out the binging, though I was still drinking nearly everyday (my excuse was i needed it as a mood stabilizer). In August of 2009, I relapsed on drugs one night and had a horrifying experience that resulted in a deep bout of depression and anxiety that wouldn't relent. After 2 months of putting up with unexpected mood swings and dysphoria, I went back to the bottle and this time I hit it harder than ever. I was able to document that I got drunk everyday until May of 2010. I was able to stop with some determination but that only lasted until June when I upped my intake by nearly double. This again came to a head when Iwas rushed to the hospital in October 2010 for a alcohol-related illness. I spent the night in Intensive Care. This, I thought, would be my wake-up call. And it was....for a while. My family began to closely monitor my behavior so I then found myself smuggling alcohol and doing my best to hide my drinking. Earlier this year (January), I resumed the binging once again which lead ultimately lead to the development of an irregular heartbeat that followed me around even when I was sober. This still did not stop my behavior. I continued my drinking until 88 days ago when I had enough and stopped cold turkey. This resulted in a terrifying episode of alcohol withdrawal which led me to the hospital once again.

Fast-forward to today....I'm 88 days sober and my health problems have gone away (i still have a bit of a problem with short term memory but it'll probably take some time to get that back to 100%). This is the longest I've gone without being intoxicated in a VERY long time and I feel great! Except for the occasional fleeting thought here and there (like "one drink wouldn't KILL you, ya know?"), I've stayed resolute in my determination to never go back to my previous life. However, I've begun to have nostalgia moments again. You know...you'll hear a song that you liked when you were drunk and it automatically takes you back to that moment, except your mind glamourizes not only the song but the alcohol as well. I've had these moments over the past few days and yesterday saw me at my weakest. Had there been a 20 dollar bill in front of me, I don't know what I would have done (BTW, my girlfriend handles my cash and finances because I don't trust myself).

Do you guys have any advice for combating the feelings of alcohol nostalgia???

CarolD

Welcome....:
you certainly are wise to keep moving forward with a new healthy future to come.

do you have a plan in mind on how to procede?

I found connecting to my local AA meetings were useful have improved my life.
It gave me a new circle of friends who understodd and were supportive of my efforts.

Justfor1

To answer your question, I try to remember where the bottle will eventually lead me. I remember living with family and sneaking booze into the house also. I nearly burned down the house when I was cooking & passed out drunk. I also relate to stopping the drug use and just drinking. I tried everything & eventually it led me to jails and institutions over & over.

NYCDoglvr

I had nostalgia for an ice-cold Foster's beer and that's in my 20th year of sobriety. I went to an AA meeting, shared about it and never thought about it again. Personally, I couldn't get sober on my own.

doggonecarl

I would suggest the next time you feel "nostalgic" about drinking, read this post. I think you did a pretty good job explaining why there is no reason to be nostalgic about alcohol.

Reset

Yeah I try to remember all of the negative things that resulted from my drinking. Anything from depression to being an ass around my kids to spending $400-$500 a month on it.

Then I think about all of the positives that have resulted from my quitting.

MsJax

One thing I've done that I first read about on this site was to write down some of the horrible feelings & events from when I was a drunk. Wrecks, sickness, putting myself & others in danger. Write it down, it was painful to even put it to paper. I also have talked in length with a trusted person who I can count on to 'call me on my bs' if I start fantasizing about the drinking days. I have just over 4 months now & I'm thankful. Congratulations on your sober time!

Muunray

Nostalgia-that was then....This is Now.

newwings

doggonecarl, could you please post the link again if you would, it's not working.

Thanks.

Alcoholic42911

Thanks everybody for the wisdom and advice. I already knew in my heart everything you guys have told me but sometimes I just need a bit of a reminder from people who've been through similar circumstances. I feel better today. I'm thinking about attending some meetings here and there (have never been to AA before...nor any substance abuse support group).

sugarbear1

My disease wants me dead and often attempts to play games inside my head.

I must remember that the last drink and the last accessory (illegal substance) didn't work, my disease is progressive and never sleeps and if I drink again, I will be WORSE off than I was during that last drink!

Play the negative "tape" over in your mind and realize that nothing gets better with a drink or drug!

Keep up the great work, one day at a time! Peace and Love

Eddiebuckle

I second Carols recommendation about AA - when I get those thoughts or start to feel squirrelly, I go to a meeting. Having a group of friends who understand what its like is invaluable.

Additionally, it helps that I still vividly remember by bottom. I know that if I pick up "a drink" - it won't be just "a drink" - it will be the start of my journey back to that place and beyond. If you vividly remember your worst drinking moments, make the connection between the first drink and that place. Because to drink will bring you there and worst faster than you can imagine.

instant

Have you read any of the Big Book? it is free online

stacylove

One night, my friend and I drank milk shots and acted drunk, and as corny as it sounds we had a great time! All I can tell you is NEVER go back, you will regret it, no one ever feels good about a relapse, it hurts so bad. Memories are just that memories, remember the good times as a time in your life that has passed, now you must think of new clean and sober ways to create good memories

Good luck to you,
<3 Stacylove

ElvisInASkirt

This is made of win.

jdcm1965

As others have said...think through the drink. You are already doing the next sober thing by posting your fears and worries. My life without alcohol is not perfect, nor is it free from the kinds of worries that remind me to work a little harder on my Steps, but it is so much better than the paralyzing fear of active alcoholism and drug abuse. My solution is meetings, helping the next alcoholic and prayer. Do you have a service position at your home group? How about volunteering to be a 'greeter' at the door, or helping to set-up before or cleaning up after? That sort of service is great and needed and kept me sober when the wolf was at the door...
ADAAT,
John

Alcoholic42911

Another thing that has helped me stay strong is the fact that I fear going through withdrawal again. I've relapsed several times (probably more) on alcohol with relatively few withdrawal symptoms (I've been EXTREMELY lucky). However, when I quit cold-turkey in April, I got DT's. No seizures---thankfully---but nonetheless it was a frightening experience that I want to avoid at all costs.

There's also something else that I want to mention as it was brought up in the "Amy Winehouse/withdrawal death?" thread....There seems to be a prevailing wisdom that the window for alcohol withdrawal is 24-48 hours. This belief is nonsense and it can be extremely dangerous to buy into it. I was struck with DT's a full 5 days after my last drop of alcohol. Prior to that, I had a massive panic attack around the 36 hour mark but nothing else except some moderate agitation. I thought I was in the clear after that...boy, was I wrong.

Spawn

Play the tape to the end.

Gwizz

I would hate to my body through alcohol abuse again I know that for sure, 4 years of my life was ruined.
But its nice looking back on how you beat the addiction and pulling through the other side, and finally getting a new lease of life is a buzz you will never get from booze.

Impurrfect

My DOC (drug of choice) was crack, and I vividly remember how awful my relapse was. I also started, at the very start, saying "not an option..next" when I had the "good memories", with "next" meaning to distract myself. It sounds simple, but over time, as soon as a thought would come up, my mind would be replaying the relapse/feelings and I'd already be distracting myself.

Whether it's through meetings, SR, therapy, or something else, I do believe that you need the support of someone who understands addiction/alcoholism. SR has been a huge part of my recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy