Service, Unity and Recovery
As others have said...think through the drink. You are already doing the next sober thing by posting your fears and worries. My life without alcohol is not perfect, nor is it free from the kinds of worries that remind me to work a little harder on my Steps, but it is so much better than the paralyzing fear of active alcoholism and drug abuse. My solution is meetings, helping the next alcoholic and prayer. Do you have a service position at your home group? How about volunteering to be a 'greeter' at the door, or helping to set-up before or cleaning up after? That sort of service is great and needed and kept me sober when the wolf was at the door...
ADAAT,
John