24hrsinaday

Okay, I need help?

Background… Sixty days ago I had to go to rehab. When I tried to quit drinking just by myself my blood pressure would rocket to like 155+ over 95+ and stay there even with benzos prescribed by my doctor. No one in my life other than my gf had a clue I was drinking big time for a long time. I’m in great shape, work, never drink and drive, no legal stuff just really high bp when I attempted to quit under the care of my family doctor, she thinks I was holding water and physiologically having a panic attack, on the inside. I was sweating a bunch too. I went to a fantastic rehab far away from home, I was suppose to stay 4 weeks they released me at 18 days because I did well and had no real mental health issues other than light depression not needing medication. So the last 7 wks out of rehab, I have improved everyday, got a sponsor and attended an AA meetings daily.

Everything in my life is better than it was 2 months ago, finances, job, relationships, gf with everybody. I feel better and am more productive. I’m on step 7 with my sponsor.

Problem…. Today is my 60 day birthday. I don’t like AA meetings. They stress me out. I live in a super large city and have tried meeting at 8 locations. The only time I have cravings or get stressed in sobriety is driving to AA meetings and after them, not every time but say 75% of the time. People in my home group, meeting I frequent before work are relapsing ( at least 3 regulars, one with time) I cant deal with hearing them share. My sponsor says I’m doing well and that if I keep going my attitude will change. But I’m afraid that if I keep going I will relapse. I have so much going on that has nothing to do with drinking, work outs, new church, new friends etc… I don’t want to go to AA tonight to get my 60 day chip. I really don’t want go to anymore AA meetings period. I need advice? Like is the way I’m feeling normal, what to tell my sponsor, can you work the program without aa meeting etc…? Please help thanks everyone.

CastingDilemmas

Stay strong, you have to live your life in a way that you feel is best for you. If you truly believe that AA exposes you to more temptation then maybe that is not the path to quitting for you.

Happy birthday and best of luck to you!

Ethos23

24:

I tried a AA for a while and had the same issues. It seemed more like a trigger for me than a mechanism to grow in my sobriety. I decided to go it alone. Exercise has a really centering and caming effect on me. I set some long- medium- and short-term goals for myself and I have been chipping away at them for aboout 50 days now. You stated that you are in great shape, so I assume that you also work out and such. Do you think this would help you. I know that after a great workout, I don't feel like drinking at all. Mentally, I have no emotions to hide from or to try to stuff down, and physically I feel clean from the inside out and I don't want to wreck that feeling with alcohol. That first drink going into my system would be like stirring up a calm stream into a murky muddy mess.

I hope this helps.

24hrsinaday

Yes, I exercise twice daily. I just make my evenings low intensity, walking, cycling slowly, etc. I run and lift weight 6 morning a week.

Dee74

Hi 24hrs
Congrats on 60 days.

I think anything that forces us to think about our addiction is likely to be uncomfortable, whether it's AA, counselling, rehab or even SR.

Not everybody does AA, and not everyone finds it useful. I'm not an AAer myself.
But what would you do instead?

D

24hrsinaday

I found a new chruch my gf and I love attending twice a week
I quit watching sports on tv, trigger... I go to at least one ball game a week now
I work out
I watch less tv
my gf and go on dates now instead of partys and dance clubs
ps(my gf is cool with sobriety and quit herself, she was a light weight no more than 4 drinks in a row ever)
I voulnteer teachin new immegrants how to read and write
I read books
I spend more time with realatives
I made new friends who dont use
I hang out with coworkers never did that much they dont use or only ever have a drink or two, I was a closet drinker
I went to therapy and saw a shrink after rehab, my shrink says my only DSM 4 able problem is being an alcholic. My next appt with her is in OCT for a follow up
I take campral
the list could go on

Thanks for the feed back
Im encouragaged that others have challenges with aa as well

CarolD

Well done on your progres....

I've never considered dropping out of AA.... for 22 years it's been vital to my well being in so many ways.
People come and go all the time for various reasons. I am glad when I hear they are still sober...

Of course AA is not the only way to continue to win over alcohol....I sure hope you keep going forward.

all my best

susanlauren

You have improved every day for the last seven weeks out of rehab? And what you have been doing is working with a sponsor, going to AA meetings and working the steps? If what you are doing has been helping you, why would you stop doing it? If the meetings you are currently attending are depressing you, why not find some new meetings with a more positive message and atmosphere? If you have access to multiple meetings in a large city, why not try some you haven't tried before? Susan

wellwisher

I hear what you're saying, 24, and as a matter of fact, I experienced something pretty similar to what you describe.

This is just my opinion, but I think I can try to explain what happened to me as I progressed in my recovery (especially early recovery).

When I first went to AA (long before I achieved lasting sobriety), I couldn't stand the people and focused on the GOD issue - it kept me out of the rooms for years. I finally had to go back after checking in to a 90 day inpatient facility that was AA based. Back in the day, there weren't many other sobriety options other than rehab and AA that I knew of. Seems to be many more choices today.

All I knew was that I had enough of the life, and was willing to try anything to stay sober. It's what I had to do.

When I first sincerely attempted AA recovery, I identified with a lot of the stories that I heard, but as time went on, I too, got tired of hearing the "drunkalogs". I think it was because I already believed I was powerless over alcohol and had come to believe that "a power greater than myself" (for me GOD was Good Orderly Direction) could help me beat it.

I steered away from the open meetings for quite some time, because they made me "thirsty". I stopped attending the closed meetings that seemed to be nothing but a series of drunkalogs. I was past the stage of being powerless. I became involved in focused meetings - step meetings and Big Book meetings. It helped me immensely until I got past the "thirsty" stage.

I think what I'm trying to say is that rather than give up on a recovery program, try to assess what YOU need and pull that out of the program.

I'm sure I'll be banged over the head with someone's Big Book, because I've seen it happen on these boards, but I believe that you can "take what you like, and leave the rest" when it comes to AA. For me, that was to stop listening to the drunkalogs for a while, and to find focused recovery. I kept working on my steps with my sponsor, obtained sobriety, and it was then when I found I could be of help to other suffering alcoholics. I was a pretty sick puppy before doing the stepwork

Recovery lies within the stepwork. That's where you can't skimp on the work.

In any case, I hope you choose to continue in some type of treatment plan. If you still get "thirsty" and look to your early release from rehab as a clean bill of health, you may be setting yourself up for relapse. Not saying it is a definate outcome; not questioning your ability to stay sober on your own; just saying that I've seen it before from many who have struggled with this addiction.

It's the "thirsty" you have to watch out for.

I am eternally grateful to AA for my seventeen years of sobriety and share many of the sentiments of those who have found sobriety in the fellowship. I would love to shout that gratitude from the rooftops, but I have found that it is better to speak softly of it, so that others can hear the message. Shouting hasn't helped me very much in my life, other than to put the person I'm shouting at on the defensive.

Thank you for posting and being real.

jamdls

I too found going to AA meetings to be very stressful and discouraging with all the relapsing going on but I liked the basics/principles of AA so I came up with my own program following a modified version of the 12 steps and not going to meetings and it's been working for me for almost 4 yrs now. When I stopped going to meetings (after maybe a month) I promised myself that if I couldn't suceed on my own I'd give meetings another try so far I'm good w/o the meetings.

wellwisher

In re-reading my post, I should clarify what I meant when I said "recovery relies on doing the step work".

What I should have said is that when working the AA model for recovery, that working the steps are critical for success.

I also fully acknowledge that there are other ways of getting sober outside of AA.

My hope is that everyone finds their way to sobriety - it is so worth it.

keithj

Based on your post alone, I would seriously consider if I had a firm grip on Step 1. Take a 2nd look at Dr.'s Opinion and the first 44 pages and see if that has been thorough. Long term, it may do you more good than you think it will to have another look at it.

Taking5

What kind of meetings are you going to? I have found open discussion meetings to be more susseptible to getting off track. It is easier for them to get caught up in the individuals in the rooms rather than the AA message. For this reason, big book or step study meetings are my favorite types of meetings.

checkmate1

60 days is a great effort. You said everything is going good in your life. Always keep that in mind when you are thinking of relapse. My BP was all over the place for years on the booze too. Tomorrow will be 12 weeks for me and things are getting better and better. Sometimes I get down but it outweighs the horrible life I was living.

gravity

Honestly? You sound like you are rationalizing that you don't need help and can quit on your own. It must have been pretty bad if you needed to go to treatment.

It took me three months before I was comfortable in meetings. 3 1/2 years sober now.

Nirvana1

First, beware of advice from any new comer. This is coming from someone with 7 months sober so make sure to be critical of what I say as well.

In recovery, it is very easy to find what you want to hear and avoid what you need to hear. There are new comers all the time who come in, find the one reason why they are different, and then go back out. The kicker is we usually don't hear all of the horror stories from those who don't like AA, are different, or can do it themselves after a little time under their belt. Were probably lucky to hear a fraction of how bad it really is for the alcoholics who go back out and continue drinking.

You have 60 days and a lot of support right now. What happens if you lose your job? Break up with your girlfriend? You need to have a foundation built up for the unexpected - either good or bad. You need to learn why you can't pick up a drink no matter what. Without some sort of support you will end up relying on your own alcoholic mind to get you out of jams. We all know what our alcoholic minds want, right?

My suggestion would be to go find different meetings. If you are in a large city there are all different types of meetings. Professional, young persons, mixed, and everything in between.

Also, if you are going to the meeting, sitting in the back, and leaving right when the bell rings, you're not getting everything out of AA that you can. You need to talk with people outside your sponsor who understand what you are going through. Go to coffee, meet others for dinner, and just hangout after the meetings and get to know people that you like. It works wonders.

A lot will happen between this 60 day mark and the REST OF YOUR LIFE. AA is there to help you never pick up a drink again. We all know what will happen if we pick up again.

Yes, it's true you only need to not drink just for today. But if you don't work a program and have support, you're going to make getting through tomorrow a whole lot harder.