t4help

Got in a fight with the wife on Friday. Was drunk. Ended up pushing her. She aksed me to leave. I did. The next morning when talking, she told me she called the police. She stated that she just wanted to get information and did not want to press charges. That is simply not possible in a DV case. Next thing she knew, she got a knock at the door and it was the police. She told them to leave, but they said they couldn't. They came in and took her statement and such. They told her, she would get a call from the detective, and I would ge a letter in the mail. Now, she doesn't want anything to do with the case, since we are in counceling and I am attending Domestic Violence and anger management classes. However, it is not as easy as calling and saying you want the charges dropped. I do not face jail time, but may be able to do a plea in abeyence, and just get off with classes and a fine. The only bad thing, I will have a record for the rest of my life.

Has anyone had experience with this before? We are both hoping we can get the charges dropped and that we can work to fix our problems, but avoid the courts and such.

smacked

Well.. regardless of her pressing charges or not, assaulting someone is illegal, and the state is pressing charges instead. Happens all the time.

Glad you're getting the help you need.

nandm

Welcome to SR.

I do not have any real experience to share with you on the subject but I am sure someone will be along shortly with some to share.

SixStringZen

I don't think anyone here will advise you on how to get out of a domestic violence charge...but, if alcohol is the root of the problem, and it sounds like it may be, and if you want to stop, you're in a great place...

Anna

I agree that you're not likely to find anyone here who will advise you on how to get out of your Domestic Violence charge. Violence in a relationship is unacceptable and you are paying the price.

I hope you continue to get the help you need.

Justfor1

My advise is too always speak to a lawyer regarding criminal law. Many times the first consultation is free or a low fee and you can get a better idea of the charge against you. It does sound like booze is at the root of your problem.

CarolD

I'm glad you are already getting help about some of your issues.
You might want to figure out how to quit drinking too...and that we can help with.

When my drunk husband punched me....the next morning I packed up and left him...cleaning out our bank accounts on my way out of town.
Never regretted my action....

Welcome...

Impurrfect

I'm glad you're attending DV classes and anger management, but hope this is a consequence that spurs you to seek recovery for your alcohol issue.

I'd talk to a lawyer, find out what you're facing and go from there.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Toronto68

Well, this is tantamount to being in a Nanny State, which I am not that fond of. I would sooner have it legal for you to get shot if you cross the wife with violence again than to have the state intervene with classes and what it sees fit.

Either way, it sounds like an incentive to getting straightened out.

Kjell

Hi T4-

It sounds like alcohol may be a big problem for you, but that you've also got anger issues as well.

Let us know if you'd like help in getting and staying sober.

In the meantime, I'd keep my hands to myself (said with kindness).

Kjell~

billsaintjames

Let's remember that this person is sick. Their addiction, among other unknowns, likely had a lot to do with the fact that they assaulted their partner. I drove drunk dozens of times, which is much worse than hitting someone. I sure as hell would hate to be judged by my worst day(s).

A high percentage of us (including myself) have been on the receiving end of of abuse in our lives. But let's not let our personal history get in the way of this. I certainly don't think suggesting this person gets shot is helping anyone's recovery.

TheJungianThing

I dig your post bill but don't think anyone was suggesting anyone get shot at this point.

Toronto68 was simply expressing a political opinion on the ever increasing presence of government and law enforcement in our lives.

This drunk, was an angry drunk. I don't know that I was in the minority either. That's why the information from the third step through the fourth step in the BB really grabbed me and continue to grab me.

Resentment, anger, and fear.

In the late 90's my wife was scared I might get physical with her, I didn't although I was verbally abusive when she got between me and my drinking. She called the cops once and hung up the phone. They called back.

I have family "on the job". The reason domestic issues are so scary is because there is so much emotion involved it can get out of control very quickly. Cops, who just want to go home at the end of their shift, arrest people to control the situation. In the old days it wasn't that way.

Recounting a tale from an uncle who was a cop, they'd get called by a wife, they'd show up to arrest the man, then the wife would start beating on the cops.

Anger. From the movie "South Central", only three things a man can do with it. Take it out on others and wind up dead or in prison, take it out on themselves and wind up dead or insane, or ...

Change.


Good luck changing bro, (original poster).

Zencat

Welcome to SoberRecovery t4help

As you probably know drinking and violence occur together all to often, even to the meekest of people when they get enough drink in them. So I hope you have a plan for quitting alcohol to reduce the chances of this ever happening again.

To answer your question, I do know of criminal expungement. I linked the "Basics on Criminal Expungement" from a MN court system page.

billsaintjames

If people want to express their political opinions, be my guest. Unfortunately, there is no question that violence was suggested by the poster, even if it was hypothetical. I don't care if someone is using that as part of a diatribe against what they consider to be a disagreeable level of government intervention, it's just not appropriate here (ironically in a topic where people are condemning violence) and definitely isn't conducive to anyone's recovery.

Impurrfect

From what I know happens in GA, the state started pressing charges because too often the abused partner would drop the charges, and they would later find her in worse shape or dead.

You know what you have to work on...the anger, the alcohol, and only you can make those changes. Whether or not she wants to drop the charges, the states aren't so willing.

Hoping this is your bottom to give you the incentive to work harder on these things. I have a friend who's son and daughter were drinking (neither of them alcolhilcs), got into a verbal argument, she tried to leave in her car. He jumped on the roof of the car, to try to stop her, she hit the brakes, and he was dead when he hit the ground. It wasn't intentional, merely a bryproduct of their drinking and arguing. Just something to think about.

Hugs are so prayers,

Amy

Jim529

My first post, and such a sensitive issue. I'm no lawyer, but EVERYONE is entitled to a vigorous defense. Get one if you have to borrow to do it. The court appointed attorneys are part of the system and will not work for your best interests.

I believe what others have stated. The state may try to take over the prosecution if your wife decides not to cooperate, but I don't think they will if you have an aggressive attorney who insists on a trial. Also, in the world of spousal abuse, a first push, if that's what it was, is (forgive me victims) not much.

Also, as you know, if you plead guilty, classes and AA meetings will probably be ordered. But most importantly, and you may not have thought of the ramifications of this yet, there could be years of probation. Push again, and go to jail. Just be accused of pushing again, and go to jail.

You think you can get this expunged eventually, but make sure your Constitutional right to own a gun (I've never owned one) is not taken away forever (it's routine depending on the DV charge). If you don't get it expunged, you will also be denied employment by many should you need another job.

My belief is that a lawyers job is not to just get the guilty off, but to get the accused the best possible outcome, including dropping the charges.

That's why you should have already talked to one by now. I believe you are also remorseful and posted here for a reason. Quit drinking today (easy for me to say) so you can properly handle not only your life and marriage, but the pending legal issue as well. This is the perfect time to go into a downward spiral you may never forget.

I wish you and your wife the best.

Wish me luck in return. Today is my first day on the wagon, after losing my job and binge drinking for months afterwards. Probably the only reason I would be crazy enough to weigh in on this thread.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. This seems like a wonderful community.

topspin

Hey Jim,
Welcome to SR !

I wholeheartily agree about this being" a wonderful community"

just wanted to add, I don't know anything about DV, ......hate bullies , drunk or sober.

Anyway, was wondering if you have any kind of recovery plan ?

I stumbled on SR last April (of 2010) and this site really saved my *ss. Keep us posted on how your first week is going !?!

And T, .....hope it all works out for the best. Sobriety changes everything.

Jim529

Thanks for the welcome topspin. Plan? Sort of...First don't drink. Then quit smoking in a couple or three weeks. Start eating right, which means Trader Joe's shopping for me instead of the drug store.Get my motorcycle battery Tuesday and take a few rides. Start working out, at least running and calisthenics.

I will be here a lot I think too. Prefer it to meetings. I did that years ago for a bit, and while I got something out of it, it was not my thing. I never opened my mouth at meetings, and look at me now! I think I have Under the Influence around here somewhere, I read it years ago. Yeah, and vitamins.

But hey let's not hijack t4help's thread. Don't want a reputation my first day. Thanks again.

MrDavid

MrDavid

Amen...Alcohol is never the solution even though it masquerades around as one. A good program thats's based on action not reaction is your best bet. We suggest you take action now, before it becomes unrepairable the next time.